And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.
Goodbye to You, Michelle Branch
2058
"Miss Grace? Miss Grace wake up," the insistent voice of Maria hauled her out of her dream. She was still laying in the middle of her parents' large bed in a fetal position. Her left arm was asleep and she felt a sharp pain in her neck from the awkward position. The photograph was still gripped against her chest.
"Whatsamatter?" she mumbled up at the woman, draping her hand over her face to block out the glare of the overhead light.
"Phone for you Miss Grace. It's Mr. Terry's mama."
Grace groaned as she sat up. She hadn't bothered to call Mary. "What time is it?"
"Seven." The woman's lower lip quavered, her eyes were wide with concern. "I been hearing the news. Can't be true, can it?" she asked timidly.
"I'm sorry, but it is. They're gone, all of them. Dead." She lowered her face to avoid any looks of pity and said, "I'll take the phone in here Maria. Thank you." She didn't raise her head until she heard the door close behind the nanny, then she reached over and picked up the extension on her mother's side of the bed. "Hello?"
"Grace my God! What the hell happened? I just got of the phone with the police!"
"I'm so sorry Mary, I was exhausted when I got home last night and I forgot to call you."
"Oh I'm not mad honey, just concerned, and, well, shocked. Are you doing okay?"
"Just a little crisp around the edges," she joked half-heartedly.
"Listen, I'm coming over. I'll be there in half an hour."
"Fine, see you then."
She dropped the phone back into the cradle and pushed herself off the bed. In the master bathroom she carefully pealed off the bandages from her head and arm. The skin was a harsh red, slightly blistered, but the cream the medic had applied last night was already working to heal the damage. She then stripped off the remains of her dress, balled it in her fists, and threw it into the wastebasket before stepping into the shower. She used her mother's shampoo and soap, closing her eyes as the steam brought their distinctive smells into her nostrils. Soon the water falling down her face mixed with her tears and she was sobbing uncontrollably against the tiled shower wall.
She pounded the wall with her fist, wailing in agony. "Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! I can't do this, I CAN'T! It's all my fault! Momma…Daddy…Bella…Oh God, I miss you so much. Why did I have to be left behind, why, oh why why why…? I'm so sorry." Her inarticulate cries of pain echoed throughout the large room.
Eventually she regained control and managed to finish showering, going through the motions without effort or feeling. From her mother's closet she chose a simple beige dress to wear. Unlike Isabella who'd inherited their father's large stature, Grace shared Mardi's petite build and had often borrowed her clothes. Once dressed, she brushed her hair back without bothering to dry it and went downstairs. "Maria?" she called out.
"In here Miss Grace."
She found the nanny tending to baby Bruce in the sunroom. She walked over and knelt down in front of him. "Hey, how ya doing big guy?"
"Mommy?" he asked hopefully, looking behind her.
"I'm sorry," she said sadly and picked up one of his stuffed toys. The doorbell chimed then and Maria got up to answer the call. A few minutes later Mary McGinnis walked into the room, looking as if she too had enjoyed a good cry recently. Grace rose to her feet.
"Oh Grace I'm so sorry," Mary said and gathered her into a hug. Then she pushed her away, gripping her shoulders. "Your parents were wonderful people, especially your father. He was one of a kind." Grace could only nod her head. Mary smiled down at the little boy. "Hi baby boy," she said reaching down to pick him up. "How would you like to come home with Grandma?"
"What?" Grace said quickly.
"Well honey, he can't stay here."
"Yes he can. I'll take care of him. I've just lost my entire family, you can't take him away from me too," she said, her voice desperate with emotion. "He's all I have left!"
Gently Mary said, "I was thinking you would both come with me."
"No! This is my home, our home. You can't do this to me, I won't let you. You have another son and his family. I don't have anyone else but him now!" Tears were falling and she was feeling sick to her stomach. She knew she was throwing a temper tantrum but she couldn't stop herself.
"Grace that's not fair." Mary paused to compose herself. "I know you're upset, and I don't want to argue with you. I'll leave him here for now. You have Maria to help you out. But you're still a child, you can't expect to raise a baby yourself."
"I'm not a child. I'll be eighteen in six months."
"Nonetheless, you'll soon discover that it's too much of a burden for you to take on, especially after everything that has happened." She gave the baby a kiss and set him back down onto his playmat. "Now, I hate to bring it up, but have you started making funeral arrangements yet?"
"Oh, I hadn't even thought of that."
"That's alright. I'll take care of everything."
"Well at least let me give you the name and number of my dad's accountant."
"That's not necessary."
"Yes it is," Grace said harshly and went into the study. A few minutes later she came back and handed Mary a slip of paper. "Here you go. If they give you any problems, just have them call me or something."
"Take care of yourself Grace. I talk to you again soon." Then she was gone and Grace heaved a sigh of relief.
"Maria, I'm going back to bed. I'll be in my parents' room." Running on only a few hours' sleep, she was so tired, so incredibly tired.
Upstairs, she stripped off her mother's dress and laid it carefully across the foot of the bed, and then slipped naked between the cool sheets, laying her head on the soft pillow that still held the scent of Mardi's perfume. Her chest constricted and she retched several sobbing breaths before the relief of sleep finally took her away again.