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Ch. 17: Confessions of a Cereal Killer

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Lorelai Gilmore had not gotten what she wanted.

This wasn't something new. But it wasn't something she was used to either. Especially when it came to the subject of Luke.  If she really thought about it, it might even be a first.

And as far as firsts went, it sucked.

Her first impulse was to avoid the diner completely. But then her nervous system reacted badly to that, and she knew that after already spending a summer avoiding the diner, her nervous system would not take kindly to another dry spell. She had images of tiny nerve cells tying her down like Gulliver and demanding Luke's coffee, torturing her until her whole body short circuited.

Her second impulse was to go to the diner and pretend like nothing happened. Only that was what she'd tried to do after kissing Luke, and that hadn't worked out well either.

Her third impulse, and by now, it couldn't even be a called an impulse so much as a last resort, was to accept her fate.  This was the decision she went with. She could accept it, but she didn't have to like it.

So as she set her empty coffee mug down on the table, it's loud clink like some kind of cheesy authoritative gavel making her decision final, she tried to just be happy for Luke. After all, his social life had a history of being fairly non-existent, and the bottom line was that he was her friend. If nothing else.

Still, the last week had been rotten. More rotten than the apple she found in the back of her fridge the other day.  More rotten than a body pulled out of the East River after it's been there for a month. More rotten than the foul, black lump that George Lucas called a heart.

Lorelai's self-pitying wallow was interrupted by the inherent cause of her self-pitying wallow.

Jay slid into the empty seat at the table. "Hey, Lorelai."

Lorelai faked a smile, but noticed the nervousness on Jay's face was definitely real. "What's up?"

"I need to talk to you," Jay said, and from her voice Lorelai could tell it was important.

Great, Luke had probably proposed or Jay was carrying his love child. Lorelai nodded a little nervously. "Okay."

"Let's go somewhere a little more private. It's like a cornfield in here." Jay looked around the diner, where Patty and Babette happened to be sitting a few tables away.

Lorelai got up and followed Jay out the door, trying to ignore her own nervousness. Maybe some humor would ease it. "Are you planning to make a move on me?"

"Actually, I was hoping to ask you for Rory's hand in marriage," Jay joked back. "Don't worry," she assured Lorelai, "it's nothing bad."

The square was nearly empty. "Promise?" Lorelai hoped her secret Luke kissing was still a secret and Jay wasn't out for revenge, Brooklyn-style. Which was pretty much a baseball bat.

Lorelai immediately and, hopefully, surreptitiously looked for a bulge in Jay's coat. The woman was, after all, the softball coach. Which meant easy access to blunt instruments for whacking no good, boyfriend kissing tarts.

"Cross my heart."

Lorelai breathed a sigh of relief when Jay didn't pull out a bat.

They sat in the gazebo. Jay played with the ends of her hair and Lorelai waited quite impatiently for her to say what she wanted to say.

Finally, she dropped her hair and looked up. "I'm going to break up with Luke."

Lorelai tried not to let her excitement show. "What? Why? And why are you telling me? Shouldn't you, you know, tell him first?"

"If this were a normal break-up, maybe. But it's not."

"Is it one of those intricate, planned things like a T.V. marriage proposal? Only in reverse, of course, since it's a break up."

"No. He's a great guy," she started.

"The best," Lorelai couldn't help but add. Which was the truth; what other guy would have done what he'd done. Even if it hadn't been to her advantage, Lorelai still gave him credit for that.

Jay smiled a little sadly. "He is. And there haven't been any major problems between us."

Lorelai realized that Jay definitely did not know about the kissing. She let out the breath she'd been holding, but curiosity found its way in. "Then I must again ask, 'why?'"

"Well, we do have so much in common, it's almost creepy. It's like I'm dating myself, only with a penis."

Lorelai knew that mental image would be with her for a while. "But there's more?"

Jay nodded. "Oh, a whole bunch more." There was a pause, then in a rushed voice she confessed, "I've kind of developed feelings for someone else."

Lorelai's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" She hadn't heard any gossip at all; Jay must be super discreet to keep a secret that big in a town like Stars Hollow.

Jay gave her a sheepish smile. "It took me a while to realize it, and once I did I felt so horrible. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like maybe this was how things should be."

"Why?" Lorelai was thoroughly confused. "And more importantly, who?"

Jay looked even more sheepish. "I'm not gonna tell you right now. You'll just laugh."

Lorelai smirked. "Why, is it Taylor?" She joked. "Oh wait, better yet, is it Kirk?"

The smile that had flittered onto Jay's face at the mention of Taylor completely disappeared at the mention of Kirk. Lorelai had one of those moments of sparkling clarity. "Oh my god," she whispered, "it is Kirk!"

"Please don't tell anyone right now," Jay pleaded. "I haven't told Luke or Kirk yet and I don't want them to find out prematurely."

Lorelai was still dumbstruck by the fact that Kirk was the object of Jay's affection. Of all the people in the world, it was Kirk! It was insane on so many levels. She tried to find words. "Yeah, um, okay. Your secret is safe," she finally said.

Jay looked relieved. "Thanks." She sighed. "Wow, it feels so good to get that out."

Lorelai barely heard her. She was still dwelling on the Kirk factoid. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "Kirk? Really?"

"I know. I guess he grew on me."

Lorelai tamped down the urge to add, 'like a fungus.' Instead, she shook her head. "Kirk over Luke. I never would have seen that coming."

"Of course you wouldn't."

Jay had said it almost teasingly. "What do you mean by that?" Lorelai asked.

Jay shrugged. "Just that when it comes to Luke, you've got blinders on. You're like one of those horses with uh, blinders on." She grimaced. "I didn't mean to call you a horse. I'm gonna shut up now."

"I see Luke perfectly fine," Lorelai lamely denied.

Jay fixed her with a knowing look. "I heard about Rachel. Do you know why she left him?"

Lorelai gave a slight shrug. "He didn't tell me. But it wasn't like she hadn't left him before."

Jay shook her head. "It was different that time. Luke knows why, and he didn't tell me, but I figured it out. I'm just surprised you haven't." She looked at Lorelai with an earnest expression. "Do you know why he ran into me the first time I met him?"

"Because he got in your way?"

"Well, yeah, but he got in my way because he didn't see me. And he didn't see me because he was staring at you." There was a wary look on Lorelai's face; Jay made her next revelation crystal clear. "Luke may love me, but not nearly as much as he loves you."

Lorelai choked. After she stopped coughing, she tried to find something to say to that. "I wouldn't be so certain, I mean, he didn't come out and say that.  Did he?" Luke had outright rejected her barely a week earlier. Lorelai was still feeling the sting.

"Well, no, not exactly."

"So this is all hypothetical.  Like black holes."

"Actually, they've found proof of black holes."

"Oh." Lorelai contemplated her next move. She could reveal her secret, and risk hurting Jay, who didn't deserve it. Or, she could go with a half truth. "Jay, I'm gonna tell you something.  And, I don't know, maybe you will pull out that baseball bat and clobber me with it, but I'm gonna do it anyway."

Jay looked confused. "What baseball bat?"

Lorelai waved her off. "Never mind. That's not the important thing. This is: I think you're wrong about Luke.  Actually, I know you're wrong because, last week, he told me I was too late."

"Too late for what? Was the diner closing?"

Damn blonde, Lorelai thought. "No, too late for me. I told him that I finally realized that he was more than a friend, and he told me that I was too late. That he was with you now, and that I would have to accept it and get over it.  Because he already got over me." Lorelai took a deep breath, trying to clear her lungs and her conscience and her depression in one fell swoop. "Right out of the horse's mouth, I guess you could say."

Jay just shook her head.  "Lorelai, I swear he's not over you. Rachel saw it, and I see it."

"Rachel left him because of me?" No wonder Luke had never told her.

"And I'm not stupid, I can see the way he looks at you. I must have asked him fifteen times before we started dating if there was anything going on between you two, and I didn't really believe him, but you didn't seem to think of him as more than a friend. So I thought that maybe there really wasn't anything going on. But once my eyes started wandering-"

"To Kirk." Lorelai had to say it again. Maybe if she said it a few more times she might start believing it.

"Yeah. Once they started wandering, I started noticing other things. Like how you've been looking at him the way he looks at you.  And I started to realize maybe everything was right, but just in the wrong places. "

Lorelai's surprise was fading into relief. Strangely enough, it seemed like everything could work out for the better. "No matter what, Luke is my friend, and I don't like to see him hurt. So if you do tell him you're breaking up with him, try to leave out the part that you're dumping him for Kirk. He might never recover from that."

Jay took that to mean Lorelai was giving the break-up her blessing. She stood up. "I promise I'll go gentle on him. But you might want to stop by the diner tomorrow night after closing."

"What about Kirk?"

Jay started playing with her hair again. "I don't know; what if he doesn't like me?"

Lorelai fought back the laugh she was feeling. Kirk was so desperate he'd probably date Miss Patty if she let him. "Trust me, I think you would make his lifetime if you told him how you feel."

There was a spark in Jay's eye. "Really?" she asked, and Lorelai again was amazed at how smitten Jay seemed to be with Kirk. *Kirk*. She still couldn't believe that. She couldn't wait to get home and tell Rory.

"I guarantee it."

Jay impulsively hugged Lorelai. "So you'll be there for Luke? And you won't tell Kirk?"

"Yes on both accounts."

She watched Jay as she left the gazebo, then turned her gaze over to Luke's diner. She yelped when Jay jumped back up the stairs.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I was going for that whole dramatic thing. Y'know, where I rush back and say, 'Don't let him get away' or 'Don't waste this chance.' Maybe hum a few bars of Wham's 'Guilty Feet'."

Lorelai smiled. "I don't think we need any extra drama. And I hate that song."

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"Rory! Rory, Rory, RORY!" Lorelai screeched as she burst through the door and ran around the house looking for her daughter.

"What? Did something happen? Is it bad?" Rory asked, coming out of her room with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh my god, you are so not gonna believe it, hell I don't believe it myself, but you have to remember that I would never ever lie to you!" Lorelai said, her words so rushed Rory barely made them out.

Rory rolled her eyes. "Okay, so it sounds like its something good by the excited tone in your voice. Did you run into Bono?"

Lorelai gasped. "That would have been SO cool!"

"Okay, so nix on the Bono. Oh! I know, it was George Stephanopolous!"

Lorelai grimaced. "Hey, you're the one who had a crush on him not me."

"Fine! Just tell me!"

Lorelai grinned like a maniac and grabbed Rory's hands, jumping up and down. "Fonzie asked me to the prom!" she giggled in a high-pitched voice.

Rory groaned. "You are impossible! TELL ME!"

Lorelai stopped jumping, but her smile didn't fade. "Guess who pulls me aside to tell me that they're breaking up with Luke because they have feelings for someone else?"

"No!" Rory said, her eyes wide.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

Rory blinked. "Jay's really breaking up with him?"

Lorelai looked at her watch. "Not for another day or so, but yes."

"Wow." Rory shook her head. "Who's she got feelings for?"

"Sit down."

"Can't we skip the dramatics and get to the part where you tell me?"

"Fine but when you bruise your tailbone I'll say I told you so."

"Full gloating privileges are yours if you just tell me!"

Lorelai wiped the smile off her face and put her hands on Rory's shoulders. Serious confession time. "Jay's got the hots for Kirk. And not the one from the starship Enterprise."

"What? Why? What?" Rory stumbled. Lorelai caught her before she fell.

"Told you to sit down."

-end Ch. 17-

Hey, guess what? Yeah, the moment you've all been waiting for is coming in the next chapter. So I've got a few questions of you, the readers. Since (besides Luke and Lorelai) this story is for you.

1.) Should Luke and Lorelai make it into Luke's TEENY TINY bed, there are a few directions the story can go. Obviously, it's not gonna be smut b/c FF.net won't allow it, but I could either make it an R-rated scene, a la Body Heat, a PG-13 ish scene, like the Winona Ryder/Ethan Hawke tryst in Reality Bites (sorry I can't think of a better example) or I can cut away and just have IMPLICATIONS, like a 1940s movie.

Now, I may ignore suggestions entirely, as it depends upon the place I'm in while I'm writing, but if everyone is vehemently against a certain way (I don't think anyone wants to read 'Luke kissed Lorelai and then they went to his teeny tiny bed because he never did buy a new one, and you know what happened next…') I'll certainly keep that in mind.

Question 2) What is the meaning of life?

And finally, a statement of appreciation. I appreciate beyond the capacity to fully express myself how much so the comments and encouragement you guys have given me and this story. I've got an extra-special bonus for all of you at the end. Just hold on, b/c it'll be any moment now.