Letter to my love

by Nireths

Dear Syaoran, my dear cousin, my first and only love,

Every day I wondered how to say this, but I find it impossible, so I just decided to write you this letter, I guess I'm too coward to say it in person. When the elders send me to help you catch the Clow Cards I was so happy, I couldn't wait to be with you once again. I was there for you and with you, no matter what you said, I knew that you said those bad things as a cover for the real you, I know. Because I know you, we grew up together, I know everything about you, I first knew I loved you when you brought back my bird, remember, you went in the rain to get it for me. I will never forget that. I'm sorry if this paper is a little wet, I can't help but cry right now.

I was with you in anything that you wanted, Sakura who was first our rival doesn't know you like I know you. I was your fiancee too, we were to marry, but, they canceled it, they let you free. It's not fair, I thought that if we would have been married we would have been happy, but then again, you never liked me like I liked you, isn't that right??..

Day by day, Sakura would be nice to you until you started to be nice to her. You started saving her more often, so she wouldn't get hurt. She would smile at you and you would blush, I was jealous but you never noticed it, no one but Tomoyo did I guess. But still I lingered by your side, every time you two got together I would get in the middle, bothering both of you. All that so you would stay away from her and notice me, but you never did. I was a mere shadow for you, your shadow, because I was always behind you and behind Sakura too I realize now.

No matter how much I try to be happy for you and Sakura, I just can't. You were supposed to be with me, we could have been happy together, or at least I would have been, I guess I'm being inconsiderate. For so many years I had to retain myself to not hurt her, but I guess I was too weak, I'm sorry for what I have done, I hope she gets better. I'm sorry Syaoran, I didn't mean for any of this to happen, really, but I just loved you so much that I can't live without you. I heard Sakura was taken to the hospital this morning, I bet you are with her right now. My sight is getting blurry from all this crying, so I'll try to wrap this up soon.

I hope you can forgive me for what I have done and for I'm about to do Syaoran. Maybe one day, I do want you to know that I will always love you. And those so called accident against Sakura that she has been saved by you are my fault too. Ever since you two started to get affecting by each other I've been responsible for all those bad moments that actually got you together even more. I curse myself at being so weak and stupid as not realizing I was putting both of you together a lot more than you actually were. I witnessed your first kiss and I was there in all of your dates. I started to hate Sakura so much as to plot to kill her, which was a half success. I knew that if she died, I would get a chance at being with you, but I didn't count on being haunted by these thought. She hasn't died I know, I didn't finish my plan, I think she'll live, but then again, I'm comparing myself to her, I would survive, but Sakura is different. I also knew that if I were to kill her, I would kill part of you too. My stomach is tarting to hurt, my sight is getting blurry too, but it's not because I'm crying. You'll find out when you get home.

Once, I kissed you, you were in your room, and I kissed you, it felt so nice. But you pushed me away, confused, sleepy, angry. I know you told Sakura, I heard you say it. She comprehends you, if I were in her place, I wouldn't have reacted in the same way, I never do. Even when I show I'm fine, I'm actually burning with hate and jealousy. You know, when you chose to go back home and face the consequences of not bringing the Clow Cards wit you, I whined that should have taken them. But you didn't you chose her and accepted to het punished instead of getting the cards even if it was by force and bring them home. Ohh Syaoran, you don't know how much I wished that you had never met Sakura. Even now, when I'm feeling the same way she is feeling, I hate her, I HATE HER, who am I kidding. I'm lying to myself again, she was always nice to me, she considered me a friend since the beginning, even when I thought her as a simple rival. We became friends, at least on the outside, she became my number 1 rival. I don't get it Syaoran, I'm prettier than her, more skillful, smarter, I'm more than her. Did you just fall in love with her because she had magic???, think about it... I don't blame neither of you for this. I guess you two were meant to be together, I tried to accept that, but destiny is so unfair.

I'm burning up Syaoran, the same thing that Sakura felt a while ago, I poisoned her with an old recipe, of course I have the antidote, right here next to me. I don't know if I should take it or not. I took double what I gave to Sakura, it actually tasted good, like apple juice or something similar. Wei is knocking on my door, he can probably hear my agony, but I don't care. Only you can save me now Syaoran, only you, if you give me the antidote on time, only you.....

Your cousin and secret lover, Meiling....

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Short letter by Meiling, it turned out boring.....ok...I'll go back to Rejected in Life Now...that one is much better.... "'^_^'".....but please do review...