"Dad!" Sydney blurted out and her heart dropped into her stomach. As she hugged her father, she tried not to show her disappointment that he wasn't the person she had been hoping it would be. "What are you doing here?"
Jack returned her embrace with a fleeting kiss on the cheek before barging into the apartment. He spied her zipped-up overnight bag sitting on the floor next to the couch and turned around to face his daughter. "And why are you packing up and hightailing it out of town?"
"Dad, have you been watching those old Westerns on AMC again?" Sydney wisecracked as she closed the front door. "You sound exactly like one of those deputies who are always trying to tell the sheriff to stick around and have it out with the bad guys."
"Don't mock me, Sydney." Jack ordered her, a stern expression on his face. But she saw his lips twitch and she knew he was trying not to look amused. "Now what's this I hear about you leaving town before the wedding?"
"How on earth did you find out?" She demanded to know. "I just decided a few hours ago." She narrowed her eyes at her father. "Did you talk to Will?"
He gave her a bland look. "I arrived back in town early this morning and I tried calling you on your cell phone, but it kept going into your voicemail."
"Sorry, I've gotten into the habit of turning it off when I'm not using it." She apologized. "It's one of the rules at school that all cell phones must be off when class is in session. I'm sure you can see how distracting it would be to have everyone's cell phone going off in the middle of a lecture." Sydney was aware she was babbling and her father knew it, too, judging by the half-smile on his face.
"Be that as it may, since I couldn't reach you, I called Will instead and he told me you were at his apartment."
"Well, you're lucky you caught me." She flashed him a nervous smile. "I was just getting ready to leave."
"That's what I heard." Her father turned a penetrating glance on her.
God, she'd forgotten how good her father was at making people squirm. She was practically jumping out of her skin. "So why were you looking for me?" She put on a pleasant face.
"Why aren't you going to the wedding?" He countered.
Sydney gave a little snort. "Dad, it's hardly my idea of a good time to go watch Vaughn getting married to another woman. Even I'm not that much of a masochist."
"Did you talk to him?" He pressed her. "Did you tell him how you feel about him?"
She gave Jack a strange look. Even though her relationship with her father was better than it had ever been, it still took some getting used to when he wanted to delve into personal issues with her.
"I talked to him until I was blue in the face." An involuntary blush rose to her cheeks as she thought about how they had done a lot more than just talk. "Nothing I said seemed to make any difference to him."
"So that's it? You're just giving up?" Her father gave her an exasperated look, which irked her for some reason. Did he have even the foggiest idea of what she'd been through in the past few days? None of the feelings of anger or fear or frustration she'd had the misfortune to bear during her years as a spy could even begin to hold a candle to the heart-wrenching anguish she was experiencing whenever she thought of the man she loved beyond all reason marrying another woman.
"What do you want me to do, Dad?" Her voice rose slightly. "Storm the church? Body slam the bridesmaids? Get off a good roundhouse kick on the bride?" Actually, she wouldn't mind taking a shot at that last one.
Jack's mouth quirked. "I didn't have anything quite so drastic in mind, but I also can't believe you're throwing in the towel before the fight is over." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Vaughn's not married yet. You still have time."
Sydney began to feel vaguely suspicious towards her father. "Why are you egging me on like this?"
"Is that what I'm doing?" Jack queried, putting on what he thought was an innocent face. "I thought I was being a supportive father."
"No, you're being a pushy father and while I know you're not above trying to manipulate me into doing what you want, I'm having a hard time figuring out why you're pushing me in such an unlikely direction." She gave him a speculative look.
"Unlikely for whom?" Her father asked. "You? I know you want Vaughn back in your life. Isn't that the reason you came back to L.A.?"
"Yes, of course that's why." She said urgently. "I told you that the last time we talked when you told me I had to take back control of my life. You said I should try to make my dreams come true."
"I did say that." He nodded. "And I'm doing everything in my power to make sure that happens."
That's when it hit her. Who was the one person in her life who had never left her? Who was the one person who had always looked out for her and protected her with no regard to his own personal limits or boundaries? It was the very same person who was now pushing her towards the only man whom he could trust to take care of his little girl just as capably as he had, with an unwavering resolve and a deeply ingrained sense of love in his heart.
"You sent me the invitation." She uttered softly.
Jack didn't bother to deny it. In fact, he looked rather smug. "Guilty as charged." Her father confessed.
Sydney was in shock. "B-but why?" She stammered out.
"There isn't anything I wouldn't do to ensure your happiness, Sydney." Jack said solemnly, feeling an uncharacteristic wave of emotion sweep through him. "That's what a father is supposed to do and while I know I'm starting rather late in life, maybe I'm trying to make up for lost time." He looked at his daughter. "May I have a cup of coffee?"
Sydney was momentarily taken aback by the odd placement of his request, but then remembered her manners. "Of course, I'm sorry. I should have offered you some earlier." She busied herself by going into the kitchen to grab two clean mugs out of Will's dishwasher and after pouring the coffee, she joined her father at the dining room table.
"Thank you." Jack wrapped his large hands around the stoneware mug. "It wasn't as easy as it might have looked, you know." He admitted. "I had a devil of a time breaking into the computer files of Alice's printer. Who would have thought anyone would safeguard the wording on a wedding invitation?" Her father gave a grimace as he took a large gulp of his coffee.
"I'm surprised at you, Dad." She hid a grin behind her cup. "With all your experience breaking into some of the most sophisticated computer systems all over the world, a simple little print shop almost does you in?"
"Maybe I'm losing my touch." He bantered back at her.
"Oh, no, not you." Sydney shook her head in denial. "Not the great Jack Bristow."
Jack allowed himself a smile. "Oh, by the way, the invitation I sent to you is not exactly the same card stock Alice and Vaughn used for their real invitations." He gave her a supercilious look. "Hers was a lot cheaper and distinctly lacking in taste."
Sydney laughed out loud. "Oh, Dad!" She was so touched she could cry. Jack Bristow might never win the award for Father of the Year, but he loved his daughter more than anything and he gave her ample proof of that, time and time again.
"So why didn't you just tell me that Vaughn was getting married? Why the elaborate mystery?"
"I thought it would be a more discreet way of meddling in your life." He admitted. "I know how resistant you can be when I tell you to do something. There have been times when you mistake my helpful suggestions for uncompromising commands and you wind up fighting me when we're supposed to be on the same side." Her father looked at her with a pointed expression.
"That was only when we were working together." Sydney rolled her eyes. "In this case, I would have followed your orders to the letter." She peered closely at her father. "You know, it's kind of freaky how surprisingly okay you're being about all of this."
"Are you referring to you and Vaughn being together?" Jack inquired with a raised eyebrow. "Sydney, he and I haven't butted heads for awhile now. The man has my respect, both as an agent and as a prospective son-in-law." He said in a rare teasing moment for father and daughter.
Sydney colored slightly. "Dad, that is so not going to happen."
"I'm very surprised to hear that you were unable to make any headway with him." Her father commented. "Vaughn was always so…responsive to you."
"Things have changed." Sydney lamented and then met her father's gaze. "I-I told him about last summer." She said quietly. "He said that he understood and that he could forgive me for my behavior, but there are other issues, trust being one of them." She bit her lip. "Vaughn's having a hard time believing that I won't hurt him again."
"I know how he feels." Jack thought briefly of his former wife, Irina Derevko.
Sydney stared at her father. "Are you comparing what Mom did to you to what I did to Vaughn?" She asked, feeling a bit hurt.
"No, Sydney, of course not." Jack hastened to reassure her. "You're nothing like…her. Irina was able to separate her emotions from her job. Whatever feelings she may have had for me never deterred her from her task at hand, which was to betray me and my country."
"But with you, your feelings were always tied in to your work." Her father placed his hand over hers. "There was a reason you always threw yourself headfirst into whatever challenge Sloane posed to you. There was a bit of desperation involved, but also determination and perseverance."
"Because I couldn't wait until it was finally over." Her voice broke. "Vaughn was supposed to be waiting for me on the other side. He was my future and my hope..." Sydney let out a little sob.
It was a well-known fact that Jack Bristow's only real weakness (if you could call it that at all) was rooted in the feelings of love he held for his daughter and it was no great surprise to him that he wanted to reach out and comfort her. "Sydney, are you sure there is nothing else you can say or do to make Vaughn change his mind?"
"Dad, I cut my heart out and I gave it to him on a silver platter. He knows how I feel about him." A lone tear trickled down her cheek. "I love him so much, but maybe that's not enough. He wants assurances that I can't give and I want…" Sydney broke off momentarily. "I just want to know that he's with me because he wants to be." She finished softly.
"Oh, Sydney," Jack got up out of his chair and enveloped his daughter into a big bear hug. Sydney sniffled on her father's shoulder just like she used to do when she was a child. It never failed to make her feel better, whether she was nursing a skinned knee or some bruised feelings or a broken heart.
When Sydney finally pulled away, Jack offered his handkerchief to her. She accepted it with a murmured thank you and dabbed at her eyes. "I'm sorry, Dad." She said apologetically.
Jack looked at her quizzically. "For what?"
"Well, you went to so much trouble and it was all for nothing." Sydney hung her head. "All of your efforts were wasted on me--"
"Don't ever say that, Sydney." Her father cut her off sternly. "Nothing I do for you is ever a waste of my time."
His comment made her look up and smile. "You know, I was just headed out on my way back to Santa Barbara. How long are you going to be in town?" She asked, praying that her father would give her the answer she wanted to hear.
"I can stay for as long you want me to."
Sydney beamed a little brighter at him. "Will you drive up for dinner tonight?" She gave him a hopeful look. "I'll cook."
Jack placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'll bring the wine."
"I'll see you at 7:30 then." Sydney smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Dad."
* * * * *
Sydney took her time driving back to Santa Barbara. As she traversed along the crowded highway, she tried not to notice the fact that it was a picture-perfect Southern California day; the usual haze of smog over the city had seemingly evaporated, leaving nothing but a clear blue sky, puffy white clouds and a blindingly bright sun. It bothered her a bit that someone as hateful as Alice could have such a beautiful day for her wedding, but then again, Sydney knew all about life not being fair.
By this time of the day, Francie was probably running around her kitchen like a madwoman, peeling potatoes for the vichyssoise and cracking open lobsters for the bisque while beef roasts sat on the counters waiting to be stuffed and salmon fillets chilled in the sub-zeros, already prepared to be lightly poached. Sydney had to grin as she pictured Weiss rehearsing in front of the mirror for the Best Man toast he would have to give at the reception and then her smile faded as she thought of Alice luxuriating her way through her mud facials and seaweed wraps while her toenails were being painted. Sydney didn't let herself think about what Vaughn might be doing at that moment. All she knew was that it didn't have anything to do with her.
It was almost three in the afternoon when Sydney finally hit the city limits of her adopted hometown, but before going home, she stopped off to pick up some items for dinner (she knew her refrigerator was severely lacking and it was a no-brainer that her father would balk at dining on canned soup and Wheat Thins). She made a quick detour to the wharf for a couple of freshly caught lobsters and then headed to the farmer's market for a few ears of sweet corn and a bag of baby red potatoes. Her last stop was to the bakery for a loaf of hot-out-of-the-oven French bread and a decadently rich chocolate-pecan tart (you could have knocked her over with a feather when Sydney found out her father had a sweet tooth for anything chocolate. Who would've thought?).
When she turned her car onto the road where she lived, a tiny smile tugged at the corners of Sydney's mouth. She was so glad to see her cozy little beach house again. It felt as if she'd been gone for four months instead of just four days and she was a little surprised to discover how much she missed the life she had made for herself in the year since she had left the CIA. L.A. had its charms--most notably, her friends and her father--but she realized she felt more at home here in Santa Barbara. It was a fresh start, a new beginning, without all of the reminders of the future she had wished for but would never have.
The house felt stuffy after being closed up for four days, so after putting her groceries away, Sydney took the time to go from room to room and open all of the windows. An invigorating ocean breeze soon swept through every corner of the house, clearing away the heavy stillness in the air and almost doing a good enough job with the ache in her heart.
With her father not due to arrive for another couple of hours, Sydney was able to catch up on her everyday mundane little chores. She emptied her overnight bag and put a load of laundry into the washer before vacuuming the rugs and making up the bed in the guest bedroom. Jack always spent the night when he came to dinner and Sydney hoped he wouldn't mind too much that he would be sleeping in the middle of her latest do-it-yourself project. Feeling slightly guilty that she'd just abandoned everything the moment she found out about Vaughn's wedding, Sydney made a promise to herself that she would try very hard to settle back into her normal routine. It was time to stop chasing after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and return to her real life, unappealing as it may have looked at that moment.
After soaking in a long hot bubble bath, Sydney headed down to the kitchen to start dinner. She had gone to the effort of dressing up a little bit in honor of her father's visit, choosing a simple yet flattering lacy black top held up by spaghetti straps and her favorite pair of jeans. She wore her hair down in the same style she always did, added a few dabs of perfume behind her ears and a black beaded choker around her neck.
At 7:27 pm, Sydney filled her large soup pot with water and set it to a low boil on the stove. She anticipated that her father would want to talk for a little while before eating and if she timed it exactly right, it would be time to steam the lobsters just as he was winding down. The potatoes were already done, dressed with a little butter and parsley, and the corn was shucked and ready to be grilled. She would warm the tart in the oven later on when they were ready for dessert.
Sydney made a big deal out of setting the table with placemats and cloth napkins and her pretty ivy-patterned stoneware dishes. Perhaps it was silly to be so fussy when it was just a dinner with her father, but maybe she was trying to make a statement of sorts.
I carved out a new life for myself here. I have a job and a house and I've met some really nice people. I don't need Vaughn--or any man--to validate my self-worth. Sydney had the desperate need to convince herself that her existence could be just as rewarding and fulfilling whether or not she had a man in her life. She sincerely believed this to be true, of course, but she also knew that Vaughn wasn't just any man. He was the one great love of her life and it would be no small task to learn to live without him, if that were even possible.
Once the table was set and there was nothing left to do, Sydney went out onto the wraparound porch, an ice-filled glass of Evian water in her hand. The breeze from this afternoon had died down to practically nothing, so she lit a few scented candles, not wanting her father to come upon her sitting alone by herself in the dark. He would no doubt find something disturbing about that and rather than sit through a pep talk she didn't want to hear, she thought it prudent to head him off at the pass.
After settling into one of her comfy white wicker armchairs, Sydney's mood turned reflective as she stared out at the ocean. The sound of the waves crashing onto the beach was relaxing in an odd kind of way and she could feel her tenuous grip on her emotions slowly begin to slip away. Her thoughts ventured where they had no business going and inevitably landed at the doorstep of Vaughn.
He was an officially married man by now. If Sydney had to guess, it was probably about that time of the evening when Weiss would either be having the wedding guests rolling in the aisles or hiding their faces in shame as he told one of his highly questionable off-color jokes during his moment in the spotlight as Best Man. She could just picture the glares Alice would be shooting in his direction while Vaughn tried to cover up his laughter behind his napkin. It was almost a comical enough vision to make her wish she were there to see it. Yeah, right. Tell me another one, Syd.
Sydney let out a sigh filled with longing. How was she going to do this? She had no idea how she could make herself stop needing him or loving him or even lusting over him (obviously, yesterday's events had done nothing to quell her desire for him). Her hope that they would someday find a way to be together had sustained her for so many years; whenever things with Sloane and SD-6 would get to the point where they were seemingly too much to bear, she only had to think about Vaughn and what he did for her and what he meant to her and that would be enough to keep her going.
But now that dream was gone to her forever. Vaughn was no longer in her realm of possibilities and she had to accept it, no matter how much of a struggle that might be. And it will be a struggle, Sydney thought to herself with a sinking feeling in her heart.
Dreams didn't grow on trees; you couldn't just go out and pick yourself another one when the one you cherished just shriveled up and died.
Sydney wondered if making love with Vaughn made it that much more difficult to let go. She was experiencing mixed feelings about their encounter, not knowing if it had been a blessing or a curse. On the one hand, she would never regret it; touching him and kissing him and feeling the warmth of his body against hers had lifted her to a soaring pinnacle of rapturous bliss and the memory of their passion would serve to keep her warm at night when she was lonely and missing him.
But on the other hand, a memory couldn't smile at you in a way that made your knees go weak or call you on the phone just to tell you he missed you. A memory couldn't stroke your face or kiss your cheek or whisper "I love you." in your ear. Sydney's eyes began to well up as she thought about all the moments she would never have with Vaughn because they had both been too scared or too stubborn or too stupid to realize what they had.
The resonance of a car door slamming made a dent in the still night air. Sydney sat up alertly, hastily rubbing at her eyes to remove any traces that she'd been crying. As sharp-eyed as her father was, he would be able to tell instantly what she'd been doing before he arrived and so she was thankful that the glow from the candles provided only the dimmest of illumination. Hopefully by the time they went inside, her eyes would be bright and clear and erased of any revealing redness.
She listened intently for the sound of her father's heavy footsteps as they crunched up her gravel driveway. She could tell that his gait slowed when he hit the cement walkway, perhaps to admire the two bright and colorful flowerbeds she'd slaved over for an entire afternoon one day last month. Then she heard the first creak of him stepping onto the wooden floorboards of her porch and she called out a cheerful "Hi, Dad!"
There was a pause. "Hello, Sydney." said a voice in the darkness.
To be continued…
Author's Note: (Oh, now don't be too mad! I promise it's my last cliffhanger! (grin)) I know Jack probably wasn't the person a lot of you were expecting at the beginning of the chapter, but I had one last loose end to tie up or else you'd never know who sent the invitation. But never fear, Agent Boy Scout will not let you down. The final chapter will be up in a few days.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review.