CHAPTER 4: Bloodsucking Beauties, Violent Pyros, Etc., Etc.
(Subtitled: A Chapter In Which Nothing Significant Happens)
Hee. How're ya likin' it so far? I've decided to add in the Star Wars part later, I've got to find some significant signs of Star Wars Mary Sues. For awhile they were in existence, but they just kind of disappeared. The Femme Boy fics are the most fun, I must admit. Chapter 4: Here's the 'romance' part. Heh. Sort of. The twisted love triangle begins. Muahahahah.
"Wha' the bloody hell..............." The redhead looked up, flamethrower still in hand. Ron looked at her with adoration. She even used his favorite line. And her hair.it was nearly the same shade as his own, just a little more red and with green ends. The pink- robed figure stirred, blinked, looked around.and promptly fell back to the floor. (Hee, my own little SNL tribute- you know the skit where Jimmy Fallon is in dreadlocks and it's like a webcam-type thing in a college dorm? Well, Stoned Girl here is a rendition of Jimmy's best friend in that skit, portrayed by Horatio Sans.......TURKEYBONG! Muahahah) Ron, by this time, had gotten over his string problem and was basking in the irony of it- Harry gets all the attention, all the chicks, all the fun.but now it was Ron's turn. Suck it, Harry, Ron thought happily as the redheaded beauty rose from the floor, the blonde guy pointed deadly weapons at everyone, and the blonde, pink- enveloped and rather skinny figure on the floor rose to a sitting position and began to look lustily at the guy with the bow. Yup. A soap opera, right in his own common room. Imagine that.
Meanwhile, at the Three Broomsticks, Spiderman, Harry, Hermione, and Belwyn the Pallid Obsessive-Compulsive Handwasher were gurgling butterbeer and laughing about the good ol' days. Except every fifteen minutes, Belwyn would get up to wash her hands. When they were done and everyone had had a jolly time, they all returned, laughing and singing and being generally sickeningly happy and lighthearted. Harry approached the Fat Lady, who was gossiping with Violet. "Yeah, and it looks like the poor boy's head over heels in love, and she's got that weapon pointed at him, it's hysterical," Violet tittered. "Ugly whore." "EXCUSE ME, MISTER POTTER?!" "Uh, whoops, wrong password. That was last year's. Um, um, is it.......'I have three-'" "Thank you, that will be all, Mister Potter. It really isn't necessary." "Thanks." They walked right into chaos.
Neville was running around like a maniac, because that's pretty much what he does. Fred and George were egging on the person in the trenchcoat, with the flamethrower. Ron was standing quite motionless and swooning with a flamethrower at his head. Belwyn took one look at the blonde guy with the deadly weapon and fell in love. That smooth, creamy neck.........ahem. "Myyyy naaaaaame iiiiissss.........hey, whussmynameagin?" sang a pink-clad girl perched on the arm of the squashy couch, who promptly fell off when she saw people enter the room. In the midst of all this, there was a 'leer/glarefest' going on: Hermione was staring gooey-eyed at Spidey, who was grinning stupidly at Belwyn, who was looking lustily at Legolas, who was looking back at Belwyn thinking about the beauty he could create with his makeup kit out of the chalk-white vamp-looking girl. Pink Bathrobe was glaring as hatefully as her bleary eyes could muster at Belwyn and singing that her name was Candy (or Caaaaannnnndeeeeeee) while trying unsuccessfully to retrieve her stash of dope from Lavender Brown who was screaming that dope was bad and staring lovingly at Spiderman and trying simultaneously to make Hermione explode with her wand. Hermione, who had stopped staring long enough to cast some ineffective spells around and achieve nothing but making Neville float three inches off the ground, spraying Easy Cheese from her wand onto Candy, and making Legolas's pants disappear. (Muahahah. Thanks to whoever requested that via email.) Pandemonium abruptly halted when Professor McGonagall entered, looking miffed and stick-up-her-ass-ish. The trigger finger paused, the screamers stopped mid-shriek, the bong (hehe) stopped in midair, the rabid staring and spell-casting and swearing and leg-humping and web-shooting all hung in a Matrix-moment suspension. They all stopped and looked at the professor. Whose pissed expression changed when she got a gander of Legolas in his undies. The Evil Minion of Satan Glare was wiped clean off her face, and she turned herself into Heidi Klum and dove into the madness, being beaten almost to death by Belwyn, who then sucked out her blood. Pandemonium began again.
Hee. How're ya likin' it so far? I've decided to add in the Star Wars part later, I've got to find some significant signs of Star Wars Mary Sues. For awhile they were in existence, but they just kind of disappeared. The Femme Boy fics are the most fun, I must admit. Chapter 4: Here's the 'romance' part. Heh. Sort of. The twisted love triangle begins. Muahahahah.
"Wha' the bloody hell..............." The redhead looked up, flamethrower still in hand. Ron looked at her with adoration. She even used his favorite line. And her hair.it was nearly the same shade as his own, just a little more red and with green ends. The pink- robed figure stirred, blinked, looked around.and promptly fell back to the floor. (Hee, my own little SNL tribute- you know the skit where Jimmy Fallon is in dreadlocks and it's like a webcam-type thing in a college dorm? Well, Stoned Girl here is a rendition of Jimmy's best friend in that skit, portrayed by Horatio Sans.......TURKEYBONG! Muahahah) Ron, by this time, had gotten over his string problem and was basking in the irony of it- Harry gets all the attention, all the chicks, all the fun.but now it was Ron's turn. Suck it, Harry, Ron thought happily as the redheaded beauty rose from the floor, the blonde guy pointed deadly weapons at everyone, and the blonde, pink- enveloped and rather skinny figure on the floor rose to a sitting position and began to look lustily at the guy with the bow. Yup. A soap opera, right in his own common room. Imagine that.
Meanwhile, at the Three Broomsticks, Spiderman, Harry, Hermione, and Belwyn the Pallid Obsessive-Compulsive Handwasher were gurgling butterbeer and laughing about the good ol' days. Except every fifteen minutes, Belwyn would get up to wash her hands. When they were done and everyone had had a jolly time, they all returned, laughing and singing and being generally sickeningly happy and lighthearted. Harry approached the Fat Lady, who was gossiping with Violet. "Yeah, and it looks like the poor boy's head over heels in love, and she's got that weapon pointed at him, it's hysterical," Violet tittered. "Ugly whore." "EXCUSE ME, MISTER POTTER?!" "Uh, whoops, wrong password. That was last year's. Um, um, is it.......'I have three-'" "Thank you, that will be all, Mister Potter. It really isn't necessary." "Thanks." They walked right into chaos.
Neville was running around like a maniac, because that's pretty much what he does. Fred and George were egging on the person in the trenchcoat, with the flamethrower. Ron was standing quite motionless and swooning with a flamethrower at his head. Belwyn took one look at the blonde guy with the deadly weapon and fell in love. That smooth, creamy neck.........ahem. "Myyyy naaaaaame iiiiissss.........hey, whussmynameagin?" sang a pink-clad girl perched on the arm of the squashy couch, who promptly fell off when she saw people enter the room. In the midst of all this, there was a 'leer/glarefest' going on: Hermione was staring gooey-eyed at Spidey, who was grinning stupidly at Belwyn, who was looking lustily at Legolas, who was looking back at Belwyn thinking about the beauty he could create with his makeup kit out of the chalk-white vamp-looking girl. Pink Bathrobe was glaring as hatefully as her bleary eyes could muster at Belwyn and singing that her name was Candy (or Caaaaannnnndeeeeeee) while trying unsuccessfully to retrieve her stash of dope from Lavender Brown who was screaming that dope was bad and staring lovingly at Spiderman and trying simultaneously to make Hermione explode with her wand. Hermione, who had stopped staring long enough to cast some ineffective spells around and achieve nothing but making Neville float three inches off the ground, spraying Easy Cheese from her wand onto Candy, and making Legolas's pants disappear. (Muahahah. Thanks to whoever requested that via email.) Pandemonium abruptly halted when Professor McGonagall entered, looking miffed and stick-up-her-ass-ish. The trigger finger paused, the screamers stopped mid-shriek, the bong (hehe) stopped in midair, the rabid staring and spell-casting and swearing and leg-humping and web-shooting all hung in a Matrix-moment suspension. They all stopped and looked at the professor. Whose pissed expression changed when she got a gander of Legolas in his undies. The Evil Minion of Satan Glare was wiped clean off her face, and she turned herself into Heidi Klum and dove into the madness, being beaten almost to death by Belwyn, who then sucked out her blood. Pandemonium began again.