Chapter 12: The End As We Know It
A/N: Okay, guys, last chapter. The randomness will hopefully reappear, as it seems to have deserted us sometime in the last ten chapters. To Vega, who is doing an MST of this story: Go find some decent fodder, at least. This stuff isn't worth MSTing. It's like Mystery Science Hell, it is. Anyway, there's a sequel coming soon, so don't miss it if you're some kind of creepy die-hard fan. I hope it will be much better than this one. The chapter that's up now is barely relevant anymore, as I've decided to change the story quite a bit. Anyway, it's gonna be based on the dreaded, dreaded real-world Legomance. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of this godforsaken show.
Another Author's Note: I hate ff.net with every fiber of my being. I'm relocating to soupfiction.net VERY soon, so if you guys want to read my crap, go there. The staff is polite, courteous, and personable, not like the inconsiderate robots here at ff.net. Check it out! There's a few little flaws, but mostly it's okay. The thing I look for most is the helpfulness and attitude of the staff. Meaning, they actually answer your questions.
Harry looked up at the sky. He had heard Fred saying something about 'all- knowingness' and 'MST box', but he really didn't believe that he was in another fic. The fics seemed to come and go, and most of them were alternate-universe-type things, so he really didn't have to worry. But still, revenge was rather hard to come by in fics, because the author was watching and authors usually wanted to make him fall in love or something. But there really didn't seem to be an author; if there was, HE'D be the star and not those useless supporting characters. Harry began to foam slightly at the mouth, and he began to pant. He wanted revenge, and he was going to get it. He loped through the hallways of the castle-
"Blimey, he looks mad," said George, as they watched the giant TV in the MST box, in the author's realm. "Yeah, I really didn't think of him when I started this thing. Didn't think he'd actually want revenge. He's useless." "Yeah, you got that right." "Really." The author looked at the wandering, rabid Harry. "You know, I betcha I could send him to, like, the Super Bowl or something. Lemme try." She opened a drawer below the TV and took out a small keyboard, onto which she typed, 'He loped through the hallways of the castle, and suddenly was at the Super Bowl.' "Lame, but it'll do......oh, crap." The screen had flickered and showed Harry standing, puzzled, on a green hill, no, it was mountains, next to a large grey stone structure. It appeared to be about to rain. "Dammit. In what way does 'Macchu Picchu' sound like 'Super Bowl'? Need to get this thing fixed." She fiddled with the keyboard, punching buttons and typing things in. "Crap again. It looks like Chevy's going to the kitchen, and that can't be good.....here, someone send Chevy away while I go get another bowl of popcorn." The author tossed the keyboard to Oliver, who tapped, 'Chevy then becomes an amazing Quidditch player, discovers she can do magic with the best of them and is more powerful than Harry Potter himself, and decides to stay at Hogwarts and play on the Quidditch team. She Disapparates and goes to wherever it is she came from to collect her luggage and say goodbye to her parents.' Chevy disappeared from the screen. "You just don't ever give it up, do you Oliver?"
"And it's your fault that we're in such a pickle, because if I hadn't been wasting time hunting vampires I would have been able to fix the plan." "Oh, yes, and you could probably also stop all the wars, and live forever, and sing like freakin'-ass Mariah Carey, because you're PERFECT and can do everything." "You know what I meant, you carnivorous slut!" "Yeah, and you meant that you think you're all that and more! I'm getting out of here, if you can do all this yourself." "Fine! Go! You're useless anyway!" And Belwyn spat at Hermione, turned on her heel, and left. In the hall, she met a peculiar girl. She was entirely two-dimensional, and had on a little dress like Shirley Temple wore and great big eyes. "Please, could you tell me where I might find a guy, about so tall, light hair? Really cute, too." Whenever she spoke, a little shower of pink cotton candy floated to the ground. Belwyn, thinking she meant Tobey, pointed her into the West Tower room. "Yeah, he's tied up in there." The anime girl thanked her and skipped inside.
"Shit. This is......oh, shit." Flame turned towards the door, for she could hear a great whispering noise, like legions of a silent army marching forward. And all at once she knew what it was: hundreds of girls, coming to get a drink of pumpkin juice after they awoke from their dreams. "Anakin. Obi-Wan. I want you to get rid of that vat. Throw it in the lake. Use the Force. Whatever. I'm going to go batten down the doors." She limped over to the big metal doors and shoved tables, chairs, anything she could find in front of them. Anakin stared stupidly at Flame, thinking about how she was so different from Padme.....Padme.....a slow tear trickled down his cheek. "You two fix all this yourselves. I have a score to settle." He knew that he had to find that anime thing, and kill it. The whispering of six or seven hundred nightgowns grew louder, and now they could hear the voices, saying, "God, I'm thirsty", and "My, that was the best dream I've ever had", and such. Obi-Wan lifted the vat using the Force, and started to maneuver it across the floor, as Anakin dove out the window and leaped, catlike, across the roof to the west tower.
"Hey! Get away from him! Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione pointed her wand at Ron's assailant, but she easily evaded the assault. "Don't fool with me, you pitiful girl." "Why do you want him anyway? He never did a thing to you!" "You don't understand. I'm losing power. I spent it all, not knowing that I did so, and unless I get energy or something from somewhere, I could sleep for weeks, and by then my empire will have failed without a ruler....I need his energy." And Hermione saw that as she clasped her hands around Ron's throat, a faint bluish light was being absorbed into her palms. "You're evil." "No, not evil. Just a twisted girl with twisted dreams...." she shot a malicious grin at Hermione. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she cried suddenly, apparently trying to make Ron fly out of the Lady's grasp. "Oh, no you don't. If you keep doing that, we'll have to tie you up." And with that she hit Hermione with an immobilization spell, and bound her-
"That's very sci-fi, very Pokemon. Who writes this junk?" The former author shrugged. "Not me. Are those the only spells Hermione knows? That's all you ever hear her say." Oliver took the remote and flicked the TV back to ESPN. "Hey," protested Fred, "I was watching that!" "Well, it's not like anything good was happening."
up, and threw her to the floor. "Heh. Now we should return to business." At once she was interrupted by a horrible, ear-piercing noise. "SQUEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! IT'S TOBEY MAGUIRE!!! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Koname winced, and stared in terror at the creature approaching the threshold. All at once it was inside the room, busily working at the duct tape that Spidey was stuck to the wall with. "Oh, he's so kayoooooooooot!! Wherever did you find him?" "Um, he just kind of....appeared." "Wow! He's so KAWAII!!!!" Suddenly, there was an enormous crash- Anakin had jumped through a windowpane from the roof. He unsheathed his lightsaber, and, seething, cornered he creature as Koname looked on. "You. You killed my love." "I-I what? Oh, Anakin, you're so ka-" "Shut up while I kill you." And he drove the blade into her chest. Koname gasped, as did Legolas, who hadn't moved, and Ron, who was just getting air. The anime thing wailed, a heartrending, screeching cry, and fell silent. "Well, now that that's over, how may I be of service to you, my lovely?" He leered at Koname, who slapped him. "Feisty, are we?" "Get away from me." "Why, who's this? A little boy?" "Help, sir! She's gonna kill me!" "Are you sure something this lovely is capable of killing y-" Anakin crumpled as she knocked him on the back of the head, hard, with a paperweight. "Now, Ron, I don't like intruders, especially when I've got that" she gestured toward Legolas "in my room. So why don't you just cooperate, and everything'll be easier for the both of us. Don't worry about your little friends Spidey and that girl; they're next." One sinuous, pale hand found the back of Ron's neck, and squeezed.
Belwyn stormed down the hall, furious. She thumped down the stairs, and stopped short when she heard a crash and a piteous, screeching wail. "What the hell......" Belwyn, out of curiosity more than compassion, turned around and started back.
"Hey! Koname!" Koname looked up at her sister, poised in the doorframe. "What are you doing back here again? I thought you left." "Oh, come on. I came back to......to help you." "You did? Why?" "Because you're my sister, and because I hate them. All of them." "So, little sister, you've come to help. But how do I know you speak the truth? You did always dislike me." "Well, I dislike them more." "Makes sense. Get rid of Spidey there." "All......all right." Belwyn walked over to where he was tied. "Oh, God, help me....."
"Hey, George! Let's play God!" Fred typed in, "Spidey vanished, and appeared in the home of some fangirl." "Cool."
"Good girl. Say, where'd you send him?" "I-I don't know." Belwyn blinked in surprise. "Do you have a sink?" "Yeah, back through that door." "Thanks." She went into the bathroom and turned the water on full-blast. Legolas groaned; obviously Belwyn was going to be in there for awhile. He had to do something, and do it quickly. He had to take out Koname, but his awful movie-verse personality forbid him to shoot a lady. And he didn't have any weapons, anyway. Hermione was their last hope.....Konami's back was to the bed. He wrapped the sheet around himself and quietly crept over to where she was tied, and began untying the knots. Whatever drugs she had given him must have been awfully strong; his fingers were stumbling and his vision was blurry. Luckily the spell hadn't been strong and Hermione was partly conscious. But her wand was nowhere to be seen. "Look," she mouthed, and pointed at Koname. She was bent over, sucking the life out of Ron, and his wand was stuck in a pocket of her robe. Legolas went up to her from behind, and she jumped as he hugged her. "I do love you", he whispered sappily, and deftly snatched the wand and threw it to Hermione. "Catch!" She caught it, and said something: a jumble of spells, unintelligible, and threw the wand with all her might at Koname and then-
George, Fred, Oliver, and the non-author watched in awe as the screen depicted a giant explosion. "Whoa." "Wow." "Kaboom." "Cool." Whatever happened to Flame and Obi-Wan? I guess we'll never know. Whatever became of Ron and Hermione? We can only imagine. For in that moment, seconds after the explosion, Koname woke up.
Nami groaned. The alarm beside her buzzed, and she blindly whacked at it with her arm. It had all been a dream, the dream of this normal (well, relatively normal) high-school girl whose name was Koname (called Nami by her friends; her parents were into the whole meaningful-name thing: Koname means 'moonlight' in Polynesian, I think) . And so ends the Mary-Sue; misfits and all. For, in every Mary-Sue, the ending sucks, and loose ends are never tied.
A/N: Okay, guys, last chapter. The randomness will hopefully reappear, as it seems to have deserted us sometime in the last ten chapters. To Vega, who is doing an MST of this story: Go find some decent fodder, at least. This stuff isn't worth MSTing. It's like Mystery Science Hell, it is. Anyway, there's a sequel coming soon, so don't miss it if you're some kind of creepy die-hard fan. I hope it will be much better than this one. The chapter that's up now is barely relevant anymore, as I've decided to change the story quite a bit. Anyway, it's gonna be based on the dreaded, dreaded real-world Legomance. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of this godforsaken show.
Another Author's Note: I hate ff.net with every fiber of my being. I'm relocating to soupfiction.net VERY soon, so if you guys want to read my crap, go there. The staff is polite, courteous, and personable, not like the inconsiderate robots here at ff.net. Check it out! There's a few little flaws, but mostly it's okay. The thing I look for most is the helpfulness and attitude of the staff. Meaning, they actually answer your questions.
Harry looked up at the sky. He had heard Fred saying something about 'all- knowingness' and 'MST box', but he really didn't believe that he was in another fic. The fics seemed to come and go, and most of them were alternate-universe-type things, so he really didn't have to worry. But still, revenge was rather hard to come by in fics, because the author was watching and authors usually wanted to make him fall in love or something. But there really didn't seem to be an author; if there was, HE'D be the star and not those useless supporting characters. Harry began to foam slightly at the mouth, and he began to pant. He wanted revenge, and he was going to get it. He loped through the hallways of the castle-
"Blimey, he looks mad," said George, as they watched the giant TV in the MST box, in the author's realm. "Yeah, I really didn't think of him when I started this thing. Didn't think he'd actually want revenge. He's useless." "Yeah, you got that right." "Really." The author looked at the wandering, rabid Harry. "You know, I betcha I could send him to, like, the Super Bowl or something. Lemme try." She opened a drawer below the TV and took out a small keyboard, onto which she typed, 'He loped through the hallways of the castle, and suddenly was at the Super Bowl.' "Lame, but it'll do......oh, crap." The screen had flickered and showed Harry standing, puzzled, on a green hill, no, it was mountains, next to a large grey stone structure. It appeared to be about to rain. "Dammit. In what way does 'Macchu Picchu' sound like 'Super Bowl'? Need to get this thing fixed." She fiddled with the keyboard, punching buttons and typing things in. "Crap again. It looks like Chevy's going to the kitchen, and that can't be good.....here, someone send Chevy away while I go get another bowl of popcorn." The author tossed the keyboard to Oliver, who tapped, 'Chevy then becomes an amazing Quidditch player, discovers she can do magic with the best of them and is more powerful than Harry Potter himself, and decides to stay at Hogwarts and play on the Quidditch team. She Disapparates and goes to wherever it is she came from to collect her luggage and say goodbye to her parents.' Chevy disappeared from the screen. "You just don't ever give it up, do you Oliver?"
"And it's your fault that we're in such a pickle, because if I hadn't been wasting time hunting vampires I would have been able to fix the plan." "Oh, yes, and you could probably also stop all the wars, and live forever, and sing like freakin'-ass Mariah Carey, because you're PERFECT and can do everything." "You know what I meant, you carnivorous slut!" "Yeah, and you meant that you think you're all that and more! I'm getting out of here, if you can do all this yourself." "Fine! Go! You're useless anyway!" And Belwyn spat at Hermione, turned on her heel, and left. In the hall, she met a peculiar girl. She was entirely two-dimensional, and had on a little dress like Shirley Temple wore and great big eyes. "Please, could you tell me where I might find a guy, about so tall, light hair? Really cute, too." Whenever she spoke, a little shower of pink cotton candy floated to the ground. Belwyn, thinking she meant Tobey, pointed her into the West Tower room. "Yeah, he's tied up in there." The anime girl thanked her and skipped inside.
"Shit. This is......oh, shit." Flame turned towards the door, for she could hear a great whispering noise, like legions of a silent army marching forward. And all at once she knew what it was: hundreds of girls, coming to get a drink of pumpkin juice after they awoke from their dreams. "Anakin. Obi-Wan. I want you to get rid of that vat. Throw it in the lake. Use the Force. Whatever. I'm going to go batten down the doors." She limped over to the big metal doors and shoved tables, chairs, anything she could find in front of them. Anakin stared stupidly at Flame, thinking about how she was so different from Padme.....Padme.....a slow tear trickled down his cheek. "You two fix all this yourselves. I have a score to settle." He knew that he had to find that anime thing, and kill it. The whispering of six or seven hundred nightgowns grew louder, and now they could hear the voices, saying, "God, I'm thirsty", and "My, that was the best dream I've ever had", and such. Obi-Wan lifted the vat using the Force, and started to maneuver it across the floor, as Anakin dove out the window and leaped, catlike, across the roof to the west tower.
"Hey! Get away from him! Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione pointed her wand at Ron's assailant, but she easily evaded the assault. "Don't fool with me, you pitiful girl." "Why do you want him anyway? He never did a thing to you!" "You don't understand. I'm losing power. I spent it all, not knowing that I did so, and unless I get energy or something from somewhere, I could sleep for weeks, and by then my empire will have failed without a ruler....I need his energy." And Hermione saw that as she clasped her hands around Ron's throat, a faint bluish light was being absorbed into her palms. "You're evil." "No, not evil. Just a twisted girl with twisted dreams...." she shot a malicious grin at Hermione. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she cried suddenly, apparently trying to make Ron fly out of the Lady's grasp. "Oh, no you don't. If you keep doing that, we'll have to tie you up." And with that she hit Hermione with an immobilization spell, and bound her-
"That's very sci-fi, very Pokemon. Who writes this junk?" The former author shrugged. "Not me. Are those the only spells Hermione knows? That's all you ever hear her say." Oliver took the remote and flicked the TV back to ESPN. "Hey," protested Fred, "I was watching that!" "Well, it's not like anything good was happening."
up, and threw her to the floor. "Heh. Now we should return to business." At once she was interrupted by a horrible, ear-piercing noise. "SQUEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! IT'S TOBEY MAGUIRE!!! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Koname winced, and stared in terror at the creature approaching the threshold. All at once it was inside the room, busily working at the duct tape that Spidey was stuck to the wall with. "Oh, he's so kayoooooooooot!! Wherever did you find him?" "Um, he just kind of....appeared." "Wow! He's so KAWAII!!!!" Suddenly, there was an enormous crash- Anakin had jumped through a windowpane from the roof. He unsheathed his lightsaber, and, seething, cornered he creature as Koname looked on. "You. You killed my love." "I-I what? Oh, Anakin, you're so ka-" "Shut up while I kill you." And he drove the blade into her chest. Koname gasped, as did Legolas, who hadn't moved, and Ron, who was just getting air. The anime thing wailed, a heartrending, screeching cry, and fell silent. "Well, now that that's over, how may I be of service to you, my lovely?" He leered at Koname, who slapped him. "Feisty, are we?" "Get away from me." "Why, who's this? A little boy?" "Help, sir! She's gonna kill me!" "Are you sure something this lovely is capable of killing y-" Anakin crumpled as she knocked him on the back of the head, hard, with a paperweight. "Now, Ron, I don't like intruders, especially when I've got that" she gestured toward Legolas "in my room. So why don't you just cooperate, and everything'll be easier for the both of us. Don't worry about your little friends Spidey and that girl; they're next." One sinuous, pale hand found the back of Ron's neck, and squeezed.
Belwyn stormed down the hall, furious. She thumped down the stairs, and stopped short when she heard a crash and a piteous, screeching wail. "What the hell......" Belwyn, out of curiosity more than compassion, turned around and started back.
"Hey! Koname!" Koname looked up at her sister, poised in the doorframe. "What are you doing back here again? I thought you left." "Oh, come on. I came back to......to help you." "You did? Why?" "Because you're my sister, and because I hate them. All of them." "So, little sister, you've come to help. But how do I know you speak the truth? You did always dislike me." "Well, I dislike them more." "Makes sense. Get rid of Spidey there." "All......all right." Belwyn walked over to where he was tied. "Oh, God, help me....."
"Hey, George! Let's play God!" Fred typed in, "Spidey vanished, and appeared in the home of some fangirl." "Cool."
"Good girl. Say, where'd you send him?" "I-I don't know." Belwyn blinked in surprise. "Do you have a sink?" "Yeah, back through that door." "Thanks." She went into the bathroom and turned the water on full-blast. Legolas groaned; obviously Belwyn was going to be in there for awhile. He had to do something, and do it quickly. He had to take out Koname, but his awful movie-verse personality forbid him to shoot a lady. And he didn't have any weapons, anyway. Hermione was their last hope.....Konami's back was to the bed. He wrapped the sheet around himself and quietly crept over to where she was tied, and began untying the knots. Whatever drugs she had given him must have been awfully strong; his fingers were stumbling and his vision was blurry. Luckily the spell hadn't been strong and Hermione was partly conscious. But her wand was nowhere to be seen. "Look," she mouthed, and pointed at Koname. She was bent over, sucking the life out of Ron, and his wand was stuck in a pocket of her robe. Legolas went up to her from behind, and she jumped as he hugged her. "I do love you", he whispered sappily, and deftly snatched the wand and threw it to Hermione. "Catch!" She caught it, and said something: a jumble of spells, unintelligible, and threw the wand with all her might at Koname and then-
George, Fred, Oliver, and the non-author watched in awe as the screen depicted a giant explosion. "Whoa." "Wow." "Kaboom." "Cool." Whatever happened to Flame and Obi-Wan? I guess we'll never know. Whatever became of Ron and Hermione? We can only imagine. For in that moment, seconds after the explosion, Koname woke up.
Nami groaned. The alarm beside her buzzed, and she blindly whacked at it with her arm. It had all been a dream, the dream of this normal (well, relatively normal) high-school girl whose name was Koname (called Nami by her friends; her parents were into the whole meaningful-name thing: Koname means 'moonlight' in Polynesian, I think) . And so ends the Mary-Sue; misfits and all. For, in every Mary-Sue, the ending sucks, and loose ends are never tied.