Monologue

(Walking in talking on the Mobile phone in a frustrated voice.)
All right! All right! Look the next delivery should be there in about... (Swaps hand phone is in and looks at watch) ...In about an hour... Ok?...
(Puts hand on hip and look bemused) Rachael?... Rach?... Ra... Rach?... Rachael I've got...erm...chores to do! Bye!
(Pulls phone from ear and presses button then puts phone the phone into her pocket. Then, to the audience...)
Work, work, work, work, work. That's all I ever do! All work and no play make me a very boring girl. Oh! I'm Jamey by the way, (Holds out hand to audience as if to shake hands) Jamey Macgregor. And the manager of (Uses hands to 'frame' title) "Toys incorporated" (Put hands down by the side and frown turns to smile.) Not very flashy is it? I can't count the number of guys I've had laughing in my face on first dates.
(Points at audience.) Mind you, (Folds arms.) I worked for this job. I started out as one of those machine girls. Sewing up teddy bears trousers all day. (Sarcastically) How exciting can you get?
Those workers, though, think I just (Sit down) sit on my backside doing nothing. (Stand up) But I work hard for this company. Ok, so there are times when I've worked so hard I can't be bothered to do anything and I just sit down and close my eyes and daydream about what I might be doing now if I wasn't working here. I mean, for all you know, I could be a world famous actress. I could have the house, (Gesture to the right) the car, (Gesture to the left) the fame, (Flex muscles) the fortune, (Point into the air) the beautiful children, (Gesture down) and, of course, the gorgeous husband. (Put both hands on left hip. Then stop.)
But I'm not.
Or, I could be (Put a posh voice. Take a bow with elaborate hand waving) the Prime Minister. (Walk round in a circle swinging hips) Swaggering around making up new laws left, right and centre. (Stop and look at the audience.)
But I'm not. I'm the manager of "Toys incorporated."
(Frown) There was this one dream that I had which was totally weird. I was dictating a letter to my secretary when I heard this guy's voice inside my head (Put hands on head) going "Help! Help me!" and before I knew what was going on I was running down the street then I took off. And sometime between taking off and arriving at the scene I had changed into a pink suit with a big 'S' on the front. It was then that I realised that I was superwoman. And that guy's voice in my head? That was that actor. (Look confused and click fingers) Ooh, (Flap hands) what's his name? Oh, I've forgotten. But anyway, this crazed stalker was strangling him. So I rendered the stalker unconscious and...err (Grin and fidget with fingers)...had my way with the actor.
But seriously now, you know at work, everyone has those little (Make air quotes) "cliques". Well, I have one too. The Gossip group. Ok, so there are only (Hold up 2 fingers) two other people apart from me, but we're all best friends. Rachael, the girl I was talking to on the phone earlier, and Natalie, she works on the line. I've known Rachael since I was 9. Then she moved to the US, and at the age of 13 she moved back. But by then, I'd moved house and moved in next door to Natalie.
So when I got this job, naturally, I gave Natalie and Rachael jobs. Rachael is my P.A, which sounds very glamorous, but all she really does is sort out my schedule and read the e-mails from my sister in Hawaii. Natalie, however, didn't have sufficient qualifications, so I had to put her on the production line checking the bears. Or dressing them. Or something. I can't quite remember. But you'll never guess what. (Lean in and do a stage whisper) Natalie's got herself pregnant. At the Christmas party. The Dad's Matthew. I know, I couldn't believe it either.
(Flap hands round a lot) Just recently, we've had the Health and Safety inspectors in. They're threatening to shut us down. It's not my fault though. When the workers got their jobs, they signed a contract saying that they would keep their machines safe and in working order and they would not wear non-regulation clothing. E.g. hair down, high heels. And that's just the men.
Seriously now, their contract said that if they didn't report the faults with the machine or wear regulation uniform, then they'd run the risk of being sacked. Problem is, I don't like sacking people.
(Put hands by side and look stern) There was this girl I had to sack today though. Rachael. Not my Rachael. The Rachael who works on the line. God, she was so annoying. Always coming in late. Dressed up like she was going out on the tiles when she was coming to work. I just couldn't put up with it anymore. (Phone rings)
Ooh, that'll be my Rachael. She's expecting a delivery. (Pull phone out and press button the speak into it.) Hello Rach... Look, I said an hour about 5 minutes ago... well, phone the company not me. The number's in the drawer on that little twirly thing... Yeah... under 'P' for printed fabrics... ooh, erm, my Mum's just arrived. Bye! (Press button and put phone in pocket.)
Well, I'd better back to the factory, for all I know it could have fallen down. (Wave and walk off.)