When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own nothing, not even the clothes on my body… *sniffles* If I did own Weiss Kreuz I probably would be able to buy my own clothes don't you think??? ^_^

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemonish (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual) and um hm I'm probably forgetting something here…

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts or letters, //Italic// are flashbacks in dreams and //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. Confusing isn't it? Sorry about that.

I've never suffered from loss of memory, at least not that I can remember *hardy har har* so I'm asking you to just play along with me in this story.

I have no one to read through my stuff so the bad spelling and grama is still in here. *sigh*

Oh and about pairings in this fic… I won't put up the pairing here just yet but you'll the picture in the next chapter *grins*

Anyway, on to the fic…

Chapter 1. Questions

He wiped the tears from his face and silently cursed the onions for causing them. With a huff he finished chopping the last one and put them in the casserole that simmered on the stove. Dinner would take care of itself for another 15 minutes or so which meant that all he could do was stare at the walls and think. As usual that thinking revolved around his past. The only problem was that instead of having some 20 years to remember he only had a year and a half. It happened every single time he wasn't busy enough. When his mind wasn't occupied it started dwelling on the fact that he had no idea who he was. If he just could remember who he was and where he came from.
"Are you in here?" a soft female voice called out.
"Yes, in the kitchen," he answered and turned around. A tall woman came in and smiled at him.
"Is that the famous Takayuki Stew I'm smelling," she grinned at him and kissed his cheek.
"Actually I've renamed it, it is now known as the famous Suzuki Stew," he smiled and tilted his head slightly. Takayuki, Yuki for short, Suzuki was his name, it said so in the letters, the only personal things he had had with him when he was found. But the name felt wrong just like everything else did. Even the woman standing so close to him felt wrong. "So where's Matt?" he asked when he managed to drag himself away from his brooding.
"You know my son, he's probably in the backyard tormenting that poor football of his," she chuckled. "Speaking of Matt, he brought Sean with him."
"Sean's always welcome in my house, unless the football comes in with him." No home could stay whole with a Sean and a football in it, that had been proven twice in Yuki's house.
"Yuki, is there something bothering you?"
"You know me Kate, always brooding over something," he smiled and gave her a hug. She might feel wrong but she was the only thing he had to cling to and she was his friend. About 18 months ago a hiker had found him unconscious on a small path up in the mountains. Except for a backpack filled with letters, a necklace and clothes he had had nothing with him. No wallet, no ID, no keys, no memories. Two months later they had released him from the hospital without having any idea of who he was or where he had come from. The letters they had found on him were written in Kanji and adressed to a Takayuki Suzuki. Among those letters they had also found a letter that hadn't been opened. Some guy from the police had compared the handwriting in that letter with his and since they matched it was obvious that he had written it. It was signed Yuki Suzuki so that's who he was. Except for his name the only things he knew was that he was about 23 and that he most likely had been born in Japan since he spoke american-english with an accent and japanese fluently. His life had probably been rather tough since his body had scars most of them looking like they came from fighting.
"Hello? Eath to Yuki."
"Sorry I did it again didn't I?" he smiled softly. "Call the boys I think dinner is almost done."

Yuki watched Kate and the two boys walk down the road from his house and sighed. He really tried to have a relationship with Kate but it just didn't work. A voice in his head kept on repeating that it was wrong to be with her, that there was someone else. But who? Where? When? As usual no answers only questions. With a deep sigh he walked back inside and pulled out the pendant attached to the necklace he had had in his backpack when he was found. The pendant was round and looked like a silver coin. Engraved on one side was a japanese sword; a katana, and a rose. The weapon and flower were crossed and intwined in them was the letter R. It meant nothing to him but at the same time it wasn't completely unfamilier. What did that damn R stand for? And why a rose and a katana? What did it mean? Yuki rubbed his face and sighed. It was driving him insane that he couldn't remember who he was. And then there were those letters. They didn't make any sence either. They spoke of cats and a whole lot of silly stuff that meant nothing. There had been no adress on the envelopes, no stamp and they were all signed Ono Akira. It just didn't add up, it never did. Tired and annoyed he headed for bed.

//"Don't forget who you are now," a deep but soft voice said.
"I won't I promise," he answered and smiled.
"And please come back to me," the voice sighed.
"You know I always come back to you koi," he mumbled and kissed the owner of the voice.
"Don't trust anyone, they're after you."//

Yuki stirred in his sleep as the familier dream ran through his head. It was always the same strange conversation between him and someone he couldn't see.

//"It's funny kitten, I always figured you'd be a better fighter than this," a male voice mocked him almost playfully.
"Shut up you bastard!" The man infront of him laughed.
"Now now kitten there's no need for calling me names. Tell me how is your precious lover? Still left in Tokyo, ne? It's a pity we can't play all three of us, don't you think?" He narrowed his eyes and growled.
"What do you want from me?" he spat out almost desperatly.
"I want you to scream in pain before you die!" the man snarled and suddenly all the playfullness in his voice was gone.
"Since I'm obviously going to die here, mind telling me where the hell I am and how I got here?"
"Not at all. I snatched you from that motel where you were hiding. It took some hard work to find you under that false name of yours but I always get what I want," the man smirked. "With a little help from the organization I brought you all the way to America. No one's going to find you here and your lover won't look for you. Everybody thinks your dead."
"Dead?" he asked with a trembling voice.
"Yes dead! I blew up the motel and well they had no reason to suspect you weren't there anymore. Don't worry though you will be dead soon enough but first I need that information."//

Yuki sat up and opened his eyes. That part wasn't one he had dreamt before. So he came from Tokyo? And the people he knew thought he was dead? Or was it just a dream and not memories? Tired he rubbed his face and sighed. What he really wanted to know was who the person he had called koi was. There was something about that voice that was so familier and yet he couldn't remember. A feeling in him told him that that person was a man. Maybe that was the reason why being with Kate felt so wrong? But if he was gay how come he wasn't attracted to other males? Again, so many questions and no answers. He left his bed and lit a cigarette. Taking a deep drag from his smoke he walked out from his bedroom and downstairs. He had to do something or he'd go nuts. Maybe going to Japan would trigger his memory? Standing in the kitchen he made up his mind. He had to go to Tokyo and see if he couldn't find a clue to who he was.

The speakers trembled when a deep voice informed travelers which gate they should go to. Yuki turned to Kate and smiled slightly.
"I should get going now," he said quietly.
"Promise to call me when you arrive," Kate sighed and met his eyes.
"Of course." For a moment he just looked at her. "Listen Kate, I'm sorry I…"
"Yuki there's nothing to be sorry about. I like you alot and even if we'll be just friend I still want to keep in touch," she smiled sadly. He answered her smile and hugged her tightly. Even if he couldn't love her as anything more than a friend she was an important part of his shattered life.
"I'll always keep in touch with you Kate," he promised and kissed her forehead. "You're important to me." She smiled again and squeezed his hand.
"Get going now sweetie or you'll miss your flight." Yuki said good bye and left her. He was nervous and had no idea what he would find in Japan, or if he'd find anything at all.

~TBC~

Sooo what do you think? Should I continue? And did you guess who Yuki really is???? To tell the truth I didn't even know who he was when I started this fic. *chuckles* But now I know. /Atsureki