When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : This is getting old. I own… um hm my last pack of cigarettes that's about it which of course means that Weiss belongs to someone who is not me. *sighs*

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), probably should be more warning but we'll leave it at this

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

Chapter 8. Please Talk To Me

The sun had barely peeked up behind the trees when they left the ranch to get the horses. Aya was sombre and didn't exactly know what to do. He would have to talk to Ken but how? It was very likely that Ken would just refuse to say a word to him at all. Aya sighed as he allowed his horse to follow Dez'. Just as much as he was scared of seeing his former lover he was… exited.
"Kate said she'd meet us with her girls," Hank said and glanced over his shoulder. " Kate's a sweetheart, you'll like her." Not very likely, Aya muttered inside.
"She'll tell you what to do once we get to the horses," Dez nodded and gave the redhead a strange look. "Is there something wrong?" Aya narrowed his eyes and shook his head.
"Just a bit sore after yesterday," he muttered and turned his face into complete blandness.
"Hm." It didn't take long before they saw a group of riders coming towards them. Hank rode up to a brown haired woman and smiled at her.
"Morning Kate. Ready to bring them down?" Kate was in her late twenties, rather tall and still managed to look almost fragile.
"Aren't I always ready Hank? We're just waiting for my son and Yuki. They had some problems with Star earlier," she smiled and nodded to the right. "Ah new boys?" Hank chuckled.
"Yepp. Boys this is Kate. Kate this is Omi, Yoji and Ran," the cowboy said and pointed to them one by one.
"Howdy," Kate greeted them and pushed her hat back slightly to get a better look at them.
"Ma!" They all turned around to look at a boy, around 10 years old, who came running towards them.
"Yeah Matt?"
"Star's lame," the child pouted as he stopped beside his mother. "Yuki's taking care of her and said he'd catch up with you in a few minutes.
"Sorry to hear that dear," Kate said and ruffled her son's hair. "But you know Yuki'll take good care of her."
"I know but it still sucks that I can't come," Matt pouted.
"I know, I know. Ah here's Yuki now." Aya stared as his former lover rode up to them. He looked healthy, tanned, strong and had his mask of smiles in place. For a brief moment their eyes meet and then Ken's face just shut down. Not a single emotion reflected in his face but his eyes looked hurt and had a touch of panic in them. "Are we ready to go then?" Kate asked and looked from Ken to Hank.
"Yeah," the latter nodded while the brunette just grunted. Kate talked to her son for a few moments and then they headed off.

They rode in pairs and some mean side of fate paired Aya up with Ken. The brunette didn't say a word and didn't look at Aya. They went on like that for about 20 minutes before the redhead had had enough.
"We need to talk," he said quietly in japanese and glanced at his former lover.
"Is that so?" Ken sighed and refused to look at him. "I thought I said all there was to say in my letter?"
"Maybe all you had to say Ken," Aya mumbled. "But that's not why we're here. Kritiker sent us." Brown eyes met his and for a moment shining with anxiety.
"Why?"
"Hattori. You're in danger again." Ken sighed deeply and chewed on his lip.
"I'm not your concern anymore Aya, just go back to Tokyo and leave me alone." the brunette said slowly with pleading in his voice.
"You'll always be my concern Ken," the redhead said so quietly he wasn't even sure Ken could hear him.
"I'm not Ken. Wasn't that what you said?" the brunette asked flatly and glared at the other man, but there was something in that voice, something that sounded like despair.
"You don't have to remind me of the things I've said to you Ken, I remember every single one of them and I'm sorry I said them."
"You always were good with words that hurt." Aya winced at that and turned his head to really look at his former lover. There was something in those brown eyes that gave him the strangest feeling.
"This isn't getting us anywhere," he sighed softly and tried to see what was underneath the facade in Ken's face.
"There is no us. I suggest you pack your things and go back to Tokyo again. If you don't I'll be forced to make you, you remember what happened the last time we fought, don't you?." Aya stared. So Ken remembered more now?
"Does the name Dean mean anything to you?" At that name the brunette shudder. "I'll take that as a yes. Manx thinks he's after all four of us and she can't find him back in Tokyo."
"But she said that if I just…" Ken cut off what he was about to say and rubbed his face.
"Hattori wants the information from that folder."
"But they know I don't have it! Fukunishi almost beat me to death when he realized I didn't. I still don't understand how I managed to get away from him," Ken sighed deeply and closed his eyes.
"You remember everything now, don't you?" Aya asked slowly and met his former lover's eyes.
"I… I… no." That was a lie, the redhead could see it in those brown eyes. But why lie about it?
"Ken, if you remember everything why didn't you come back to me, to us?" Aya asked and gave the brunette a long look. He didn't get an answer just a look that seemed to be filled with sadness and something more that he couldn't quite read. "We have to get you out of here."
"No Ran. Take Omi and Yoji and go back to Japan and don't worry about me," Ken sighed and shook his head. "Dean isn't really after me." Aya frowned. What was that suppose to mean?
"What? Ken please talk to me," he pleaded.
"You don't understand!" the brunette yelled and the whole line of riders stopped to stare at them. "Just go away, please." Ken was almost in tears as he turned his horse around and vanished in a cloud of dust. Aya stared after him in shock. What was all that about?
"Don't just sit there Fujimiya! Go after him!" With a sidelong glance at the lanky blonde Aya turned his horse and stormed after Ken.

Ken had turned off from the road and Aya had no idea where he was when he finally spotted the brunette's horse. He stopped and looked around. No sign of Ken but he couldn't have gone far. The redhead left his horse with Ken's and started looking. It didn't take long until he saw his former lover sitting beside a small brook.
"Ken?" he asked and came closer.
"Why can't you just go away?" Aya could hear that he was crying.
"You know I can't do that and I don't want to," the taller man answered quietly and sat down beside him.
"Why not? You don't even think I really am Ken," the brunette mumbled and refused to look at him.
"I know that's how I made it sound but I was and I am scared… I had already lost you once and I was afraid I'd lose you again, and I did just because I was stupid."
"That's not why I left, I told you why in that letter."
"Ken, I don't think you were telling the truth in that letter. I know you have your memory back, I can see it in your eyes so why are you insisting on staying here? I thought…" Aya didn't know how to express himself he couldn't just blurt out that he thought Ken loved him and wanted to be with him.
"You don't understand Ran, I can't go back again. It doesn't matter if I want to or not, I just can't," Ken answered sounding rather desperate.
"Why not?" Finally the brunette looked up.
"It's because of you. It was because of you I left, it's because of you I can't go back and it's because of you I have to get you to go back to Tokyo! Please Ran, just go back home. Don't stay here," Ken pleaded with so much hurt in his voice.
"I can't do that at least not without you explaining why," Aya said softly.
"If I explain will you leave me alone?" That question hurt so much but he needed to find out why.
"Hai."
"Okay, you have to go away because when Fukunishi brought me here I betrayed you and Weiss! Now will you leave me alone?" The brunette got up and walked away but Aya couldn't move. Ken had betrayed them? No, that couldn't be true. When he finally was able to stand up his former lover was nowhere to be seen. Aya shuddered. Something was seriously wrong with Ken and he couldn't grasp just what it was. His former lover was scared of something but what? Sighing deeply he went back to his horse and started walking back.

Aya didn't know exactly how to get back to the others and he didn't really care. His mind was completely focust on Ken. A very bad feeling had rooted itself in his mind and he knew that he had to talk to his former lover again. Somehow he had to make Ken tell him what was wrong. It took him about 10 minutes before he spotted the brunette again. He was slumped over in the saddle, hugging himself in the middle of the road. Without a word Aya walked up to him and pulled him down into his arms.
"Ken," he whispered and hugged the trembling body close. "Please talk to me Ken." The brunette hid his face against his shirt and didn't answer. "Please," the redhead pleaded again.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Ken cried but hugged Aya desperatly.
"I love you Ken I couldn't leave you alone even if I wanted to," the taller man murmured and stroke the brown hair slowly.
"But if you stay here they'll… Ran…" Aya lifted up his former lover's face and looked him in the eyes.
"Tell me what's going on Ken. I just want to help you." Shakingly the brunette pushed away from him.
"I told Fukunishi you had the folder. He forced me to, I just couldn't keep quiet," Ken said with shame. "He broke my fingers one by one and I just couldn't keep quiet, it hurt too much."
"Sch Ken, I don't blame you for that. Where's Fukunishi now?" The brunette looked up and twisted his hands.
"I don't know, he left the cabin after I told him about the folder and I never saw him again. When he left I managed to get out of the ropes and I just ran away but it was so dark and I was in so much pain and I couldn't see where I was going. I fell and woke up at the hospital and couldn't remember anything." Carefully Aya came closer and reached out to the brunette. Ken hesitated for a moment but then he more or less threw himself at the redhead.
"Calm down Ken," Aya mumbled and hugged him tightly. "We'll sort this out, I promise."
"After I got back to the house, that day when we argued in the kitchen, Manx came to talk to me. I couldn't remember her at first but I sort of knew who she was. She told me that the yakuza still wanted that information and that they were going to use me to force you to give it up. I couldn't let that happen because I knew you would give it to them and then they'd kill you." Aya closed his eyes. So that was why Ken had left so suddenly.
"You're right, I would have given them anything to keep you safe," the redhead agreed. Kritiker had been wrong when they concluded that Ken was the one who would be a danger due to their relationship.
"That mission you talked about, you know the one that Kritiker had used to try to get me removed?" Aya nodded. "I told Manx what really happened there. That you threw yourself between me and a bullet just to save me. I was so scared you'd die that I didn't even think about the target anymore. Maybe they were right? I am a danger during missions because I love you. I'd do anything to keep you safe even if that means getting myself killed," Ken sobbed.
"You're no more a danger than I am Ken," Aya said softly and caressed the brunette's cheek. "I'd do the same thing for you. I know our missions are important but… they're not half as important to me as you are. Without you I… I'm nothing." Ken met his eyes.
"That's why I left you Ran. I didn't want you to have to make a choice between saving me and betraying Weiss and Kritiker. If I wasn't around Hattori wouldn't have had any leverage but then you showed up here and…"
"I understand Ken. It's just that they followed you to the airport, they knew where you were going." The brunette shuddered. Aya was scared but he was with Ken, something he thought he'd never even get close to again. Now they just had to sort out the mess they were in…

~TBC~

Well it seems like Ran and Ken are getting somewhere ne? Please Atsureki let 'em stay together this time! Oh great I'm talking to myself now. *mutters* I'm going insane. Um I mean more insane *hehe*

And again thanks and glomps to all you lovely ppl who reviewed this crap *coughs* I mean fic. You are my muse *nods seriously*/Atsureki