Act II- The Chuck Norris Connectiom
Snake- Well...looks like this mystery will never be solved...Wait, I'm remembering something...I remember...someone watching me...a shadowy figure...but who?
Raiden- Snake, wait!
Snake- Raiden, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were in Easter Island trying to steal those giant head statues.
Raiden- No, I came back when I realized how large the statues are. I'm here to help you solve the mystery. I know what happened after you got out of the dumpster!
Snake- Really? What happened, I don't remember.
Raiden- Well...you got out of the dumpster and walked onto the street. Before I knew it, two men wearing Chuck Norris masks walk up behind you, and begin beating you up with these strange purple bats. I didn't want them to stop horribly beating you, so I stood in the shadows and watched.
Snake- So you were that mysterious figure!
Raiden- Yes, but wait! There's more. While you laid there, bleeding heavily on the ground, I walked over and found this on the ground. It's a matchbook, for a movie theatre.
Snake- Hmmm...I think I'd better pay them a visit.
The Dancing Hippo Theatre 9:21 A.M.
Snake- I'm Snake. I'm here to ask some questions.
Owner- Ask away.
Snake- Do you know Chuck Norris, or a man who has a Chuck Norris mask?
Owner- Hmmm...Well, I did see the movie Sidekicks, that had Chuck Norris in it. It blew horribly though.
Snake- You don't know him personally though?
Owner- Well...I got a note from his studio company about a week ago, he's making a movie called "Dune Buggie Bandits" and he wanted to know if my theatre would show it. I told him no, who'd pay to see a Chuck Norris movie.
Snake- I would.
Owner- Well, then you're an idiot.
Snake- Thanks.
Owner- Ummm...ok.
Enema Clinic 9:22 A.M.
Snake- With nothing left to lose, I decided to investigate the enema clinic for some clues.
Doctor- Who are you talking to?
Snake- The audience.
Doctor- What audience?
Snake- Never mind. I need to ask some questions.
Doctor- Ok, but hurry up. I have to give an enema to Mr. T in a few minutes.
Snake- Last Muesday, I was attacked in the alley outside this place. Did you notice anyone suspcious here? Someone like Chuck Norris.
Doctor- Hmmm...let me see...Chuck Norris wasn't here, I'd remember him because he's distinctly ugly. Muesday was a pretty busy night, I can't remember many clients that night. But Frisday, now that was a slow night.
Snake- Do you have the list of people that were here on Muesday?
Doctor- Sure, I'll go get it for you. I keep it locked up in a gigantic sock.
Mueday Guest Lists
Otacon 6:30 P.M.
Revolver Ocelot 7:15 P.M.
Otacon 8:00 P.M.
Bill Cosby 9:00 P.M.
ALF 9:45 P.M.
Biggie Bandit 10:15 P.M.
Dustin Diamond 10:35 P.M.
Otacon 11:00 P.M.
Colonel 11:02 P.M.
Snake- Thank you sir, this is very helpful.
Doctor- No problem. Here, have an enema bag. It's on the house.
Snake- Oh by the way, Are you sure Chuck Norris wasn't here? I mean, he might have used a fake name.
Doctor- Well, many celebrities do come here, and they always use fake names. But Chuck is a regular customer, I'd recognize him if he stopped by.
Snake- Ok, thanks.
Colonel's House 1:02 P.M.
Snake- Okay Colonel, I need some new info.
Colonel- Ok, what do you need.
Snake- You were at the Enema Clinic at 11:02, right?
Colonel- Yeah, around there.
Snake- That's about the same time I was attacked. I need to now, did you see anyone suspicous inside the clinic.
Colonel- Nothing noticeable, no.
Snake- How long were you there for?
Colonel- Let's see. I arrived at about 10:30, just as someone was leaving.
Snake- Did you see who was leaving?
Colonel- No, I didn't get a good look.
Snake- While you were in the clinic, did you notice something unusual?
Colonel- Yes, I did. While I was reading the newspaper, they talked about Burt Reynold's new movie. It really made me mad, because, I hate the guy. They said his new movie's about robbers or something, probaly just another Smokie and the Bandits rip-off....Wait!
Snake- What?
Colonel- I remember something. While I was waiting in the waiting room...I saw Dustin Diamond enter the bathroom. I don't think he came out!
Snake- Wait...Dustin Diamon...is that Screech from Saved by the Bell?
Colonel- Yes!
Snake- Let's roll!
Enema Clinic Bathroom, 2: 08 P.M.
Snake- Hmmm...Let's look for any clues...
Colonel- Ok.
Snake- You check the stalls, I check the garbage.
Colonel- Got ya.
Snake- Doo dee doo doo. Nothing in this garbage can but garbage. Who would've thought that.
Colonel- Yeah, the stalls are emp- OH MY GOD!
Snake- What?
Colonel- I FOUND SCREECH'S BODY! HE'S DEAD!
Snake- Let me see...Well, it looks like the die he way he lived. Sitting on the toilet.
Colonel- What should we do.
Snake- Well, since there's a large knife in his back, I think he was murdered. Let's search him, he must has something to do with this case.
Colonel- Hmmm...look at this! It's a napkin.
Snake- A napkin for a movie studio! I bet Screech was working there!
Colonel- Let's go stop by.
To be Continued....
Next time: Act III: Saved by the Hell Bell
Snake- Well...looks like this mystery will never be solved...Wait, I'm remembering something...I remember...someone watching me...a shadowy figure...but who?
Raiden- Snake, wait!
Snake- Raiden, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were in Easter Island trying to steal those giant head statues.
Raiden- No, I came back when I realized how large the statues are. I'm here to help you solve the mystery. I know what happened after you got out of the dumpster!
Snake- Really? What happened, I don't remember.
Raiden- Well...you got out of the dumpster and walked onto the street. Before I knew it, two men wearing Chuck Norris masks walk up behind you, and begin beating you up with these strange purple bats. I didn't want them to stop horribly beating you, so I stood in the shadows and watched.
Snake- So you were that mysterious figure!
Raiden- Yes, but wait! There's more. While you laid there, bleeding heavily on the ground, I walked over and found this on the ground. It's a matchbook, for a movie theatre.
Snake- Hmmm...I think I'd better pay them a visit.
The Dancing Hippo Theatre 9:21 A.M.
Snake- I'm Snake. I'm here to ask some questions.
Owner- Ask away.
Snake- Do you know Chuck Norris, or a man who has a Chuck Norris mask?
Owner- Hmmm...Well, I did see the movie Sidekicks, that had Chuck Norris in it. It blew horribly though.
Snake- You don't know him personally though?
Owner- Well...I got a note from his studio company about a week ago, he's making a movie called "Dune Buggie Bandits" and he wanted to know if my theatre would show it. I told him no, who'd pay to see a Chuck Norris movie.
Snake- I would.
Owner- Well, then you're an idiot.
Snake- Thanks.
Owner- Ummm...ok.
Enema Clinic 9:22 A.M.
Snake- With nothing left to lose, I decided to investigate the enema clinic for some clues.
Doctor- Who are you talking to?
Snake- The audience.
Doctor- What audience?
Snake- Never mind. I need to ask some questions.
Doctor- Ok, but hurry up. I have to give an enema to Mr. T in a few minutes.
Snake- Last Muesday, I was attacked in the alley outside this place. Did you notice anyone suspcious here? Someone like Chuck Norris.
Doctor- Hmmm...let me see...Chuck Norris wasn't here, I'd remember him because he's distinctly ugly. Muesday was a pretty busy night, I can't remember many clients that night. But Frisday, now that was a slow night.
Snake- Do you have the list of people that were here on Muesday?
Doctor- Sure, I'll go get it for you. I keep it locked up in a gigantic sock.
Mueday Guest Lists
Otacon 6:30 P.M.
Revolver Ocelot 7:15 P.M.
Otacon 8:00 P.M.
Bill Cosby 9:00 P.M.
ALF 9:45 P.M.
Biggie Bandit 10:15 P.M.
Dustin Diamond 10:35 P.M.
Otacon 11:00 P.M.
Colonel 11:02 P.M.
Snake- Thank you sir, this is very helpful.
Doctor- No problem. Here, have an enema bag. It's on the house.
Snake- Oh by the way, Are you sure Chuck Norris wasn't here? I mean, he might have used a fake name.
Doctor- Well, many celebrities do come here, and they always use fake names. But Chuck is a regular customer, I'd recognize him if he stopped by.
Snake- Ok, thanks.
Colonel's House 1:02 P.M.
Snake- Okay Colonel, I need some new info.
Colonel- Ok, what do you need.
Snake- You were at the Enema Clinic at 11:02, right?
Colonel- Yeah, around there.
Snake- That's about the same time I was attacked. I need to now, did you see anyone suspicous inside the clinic.
Colonel- Nothing noticeable, no.
Snake- How long were you there for?
Colonel- Let's see. I arrived at about 10:30, just as someone was leaving.
Snake- Did you see who was leaving?
Colonel- No, I didn't get a good look.
Snake- While you were in the clinic, did you notice something unusual?
Colonel- Yes, I did. While I was reading the newspaper, they talked about Burt Reynold's new movie. It really made me mad, because, I hate the guy. They said his new movie's about robbers or something, probaly just another Smokie and the Bandits rip-off....Wait!
Snake- What?
Colonel- I remember something. While I was waiting in the waiting room...I saw Dustin Diamond enter the bathroom. I don't think he came out!
Snake- Wait...Dustin Diamon...is that Screech from Saved by the Bell?
Colonel- Yes!
Snake- Let's roll!
Enema Clinic Bathroom, 2: 08 P.M.
Snake- Hmmm...Let's look for any clues...
Colonel- Ok.
Snake- You check the stalls, I check the garbage.
Colonel- Got ya.
Snake- Doo dee doo doo. Nothing in this garbage can but garbage. Who would've thought that.
Colonel- Yeah, the stalls are emp- OH MY GOD!
Snake- What?
Colonel- I FOUND SCREECH'S BODY! HE'S DEAD!
Snake- Let me see...Well, it looks like the die he way he lived. Sitting on the toilet.
Colonel- What should we do.
Snake- Well, since there's a large knife in his back, I think he was murdered. Let's search him, he must has something to do with this case.
Colonel- Hmmm...look at this! It's a napkin.
Snake- A napkin for a movie studio! I bet Screech was working there!
Colonel- Let's go stop by.
To be Continued....
Next time: Act III: Saved by the Hell Bell