Act IV: Thy Mystery hasth beenth Solved
Police Station, 9:40 AM
Snake- Hello everyone.
Colonel- Why did you all call us here Snake, we have to go start filming Metal Gear Solid 3 in an hour.
Snake- There will be no more filming. I'm going to arrest this "Cool Len" today.
Raiden- How? We don't know who he is.
Snake- On the contrary, we do. It's all so obvious Raiden.
Raiden- No, actually it isn't.
Snake- Well, then you're stupid. It was obvious to me.
Revolver Ocelot- Please explain it to us Snake, because it's obvious we're all inferior to your detective abilities.
Snake- Yes, you are all inferior. But since I feel sorry for you, let me explain. First of all, I think we all realize there are two people involved in the crime. What most of you don't realize, is that Burt Reynold's himself was one of these two men.
Raiden- Not really. It was actually pretty obvious.
Snake- Oh. Well, Burt Reynold's wasn't the mastermind behind this one, actually, he didn't really have anything to do. "Cool Len" approached Burt Reynolds and asked him if he wanted to help kill me. Burt, being the psycho he is, accepted. His job was to pretend to stab himself, put an apple pie on the ground, and then escape. I was supposed to look at this pie, and then I was supposed to be shot by the sniper.
Colonel- Wow, that's amazing Snake.
Snake- Oh, we better get this out of the way right now. Chief, arrest Colonel for attempted murder.
Chief- Ok Snake.
Colonel- What? What's going on, I didn't do anything!
Snake- Actually, you did. "Cool Len" is an anagram of the word Colonel, and a poor anagram at that. As soon as I saw the name, I knew it was yours.
Colonel- B-But, maybe someone else mixed up my name, to cast suspicion on me.
Snake- I don't think so Colonel. You told me you never missed an episode of the television show "Blame it on the Monkey." While investigating the hotel room, I discovered this TV Guide:
Tonight on SBC
============
The Radish Game 9:00-9:30 P.M.
Biography: Count Chocula 9:30-10:20 P.M.
Blame it on the Monkey! 10:20 P.M.- 11:00 P.M.
Chunky McChunkster Jr. 11:00 P.M.- 3:00 A.M.
The Burt Reynold's Show 3:00 A.M.- 4:00 A.M.
Blame it on the Monkey is on 10:20-11:00 P.M. If you recall, I told you all that it was 10:25 P.M when I saw Burt pretending to stab himself. But since Blame it on the Monkey was on, Colonel was too distracted watching it to shoot me. That's the only reason I'm still alive today.
Colonel- B-B-But...
Snake- And, one more thing. When I first told Colonel what happened, he let out this strange remark:
"I grabbed the flower pot off my head, and threw it at the sniper rifle. The figure in the window let out a strange howling that sounded like a dog, and he dropped the sniper rifle. I caught it, and ran away. I saved your life Snake."
Snake- Colonel says the sniper dropped the rifle, yet I found it in the hotel room under the bed. You lied to me about that so that I wouldn't suspect you, but in the end it just cast more suspicion on you.
Colonel-Grrrr....Damn you Snake! I thought I could kill you and make a good Metal Gear Solid Movie! All the ones you made sucked horribly! I managed to buy the rights to the movie under the name Cool Len, but I knew you'd still eventually find out, so I told Burt Reynolds to give Chuck Noris that letter. When you went to the garbage dump, I was supposed to shoot you, but that jerk Chuck Norris got in the way and I shot him instead.
Snake- Well, it looks like the bad guy was caught by the guy trying to catch him. How ironic.
Colonel- This isn't over Snake, you don't know how deep this thing runs!
Snake- What are you talking about?
Colonel- I'm just the pawn in their game, they're telling me what to do. With me in jail, they're just going to send more after you.
Snake- Who are they!?
Colonel- Ha. I will never tell you. Let's just say, you shouldn't trust anyone. Mwahahahahahaha.
Snake- Take him away.
Chief- Whatever.
Colonel- Hey, will my prison cell have a air hockey table in it?
Chief- No.
Colonel- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Snake- Hmmmm...that was bizarre. I wonder what this conspiracy is about? Colonel said someone's giving him orders, I wonder who? First, I'm attacked in an alleyway, then Colonel's ordered to snipe me? I bet you both of these attacks were from this mysterious mastermind! I'm getting close to cracking this conspiracy, but there's still more to be learned...
Trilogy to be Concluded in...
Case #3: The Case of the Mysterious Mastermind
Police Station, 9:40 AM
Snake- Hello everyone.
Colonel- Why did you all call us here Snake, we have to go start filming Metal Gear Solid 3 in an hour.
Snake- There will be no more filming. I'm going to arrest this "Cool Len" today.
Raiden- How? We don't know who he is.
Snake- On the contrary, we do. It's all so obvious Raiden.
Raiden- No, actually it isn't.
Snake- Well, then you're stupid. It was obvious to me.
Revolver Ocelot- Please explain it to us Snake, because it's obvious we're all inferior to your detective abilities.
Snake- Yes, you are all inferior. But since I feel sorry for you, let me explain. First of all, I think we all realize there are two people involved in the crime. What most of you don't realize, is that Burt Reynold's himself was one of these two men.
Raiden- Not really. It was actually pretty obvious.
Snake- Oh. Well, Burt Reynold's wasn't the mastermind behind this one, actually, he didn't really have anything to do. "Cool Len" approached Burt Reynolds and asked him if he wanted to help kill me. Burt, being the psycho he is, accepted. His job was to pretend to stab himself, put an apple pie on the ground, and then escape. I was supposed to look at this pie, and then I was supposed to be shot by the sniper.
Colonel- Wow, that's amazing Snake.
Snake- Oh, we better get this out of the way right now. Chief, arrest Colonel for attempted murder.
Chief- Ok Snake.
Colonel- What? What's going on, I didn't do anything!
Snake- Actually, you did. "Cool Len" is an anagram of the word Colonel, and a poor anagram at that. As soon as I saw the name, I knew it was yours.
Colonel- B-But, maybe someone else mixed up my name, to cast suspicion on me.
Snake- I don't think so Colonel. You told me you never missed an episode of the television show "Blame it on the Monkey." While investigating the hotel room, I discovered this TV Guide:
Tonight on SBC
============
The Radish Game 9:00-9:30 P.M.
Biography: Count Chocula 9:30-10:20 P.M.
Blame it on the Monkey! 10:20 P.M.- 11:00 P.M.
Chunky McChunkster Jr. 11:00 P.M.- 3:00 A.M.
The Burt Reynold's Show 3:00 A.M.- 4:00 A.M.
Blame it on the Monkey is on 10:20-11:00 P.M. If you recall, I told you all that it was 10:25 P.M when I saw Burt pretending to stab himself. But since Blame it on the Monkey was on, Colonel was too distracted watching it to shoot me. That's the only reason I'm still alive today.
Colonel- B-B-But...
Snake- And, one more thing. When I first told Colonel what happened, he let out this strange remark:
"I grabbed the flower pot off my head, and threw it at the sniper rifle. The figure in the window let out a strange howling that sounded like a dog, and he dropped the sniper rifle. I caught it, and ran away. I saved your life Snake."
Snake- Colonel says the sniper dropped the rifle, yet I found it in the hotel room under the bed. You lied to me about that so that I wouldn't suspect you, but in the end it just cast more suspicion on you.
Colonel-Grrrr....Damn you Snake! I thought I could kill you and make a good Metal Gear Solid Movie! All the ones you made sucked horribly! I managed to buy the rights to the movie under the name Cool Len, but I knew you'd still eventually find out, so I told Burt Reynolds to give Chuck Noris that letter. When you went to the garbage dump, I was supposed to shoot you, but that jerk Chuck Norris got in the way and I shot him instead.
Snake- Well, it looks like the bad guy was caught by the guy trying to catch him. How ironic.
Colonel- This isn't over Snake, you don't know how deep this thing runs!
Snake- What are you talking about?
Colonel- I'm just the pawn in their game, they're telling me what to do. With me in jail, they're just going to send more after you.
Snake- Who are they!?
Colonel- Ha. I will never tell you. Let's just say, you shouldn't trust anyone. Mwahahahahahaha.
Snake- Take him away.
Chief- Whatever.
Colonel- Hey, will my prison cell have a air hockey table in it?
Chief- No.
Colonel- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Snake- Hmmmm...that was bizarre. I wonder what this conspiracy is about? Colonel said someone's giving him orders, I wonder who? First, I'm attacked in an alleyway, then Colonel's ordered to snipe me? I bet you both of these attacks were from this mysterious mastermind! I'm getting close to cracking this conspiracy, but there's still more to be learned...
Trilogy to be Concluded in...
Case #3: The Case of the Mysterious Mastermind