Disclaimer: I don't not own Charmed or the Gilligan's Island theme song. Etc.
A/N to the Readers:
*Bravo Buffy_Angelus Bravo thanks a lot!
*Thanks for reviewing me Drama Queen, buddy. ;)
Important A/N: For the sake of this song Leo has a middle name coincidently its Gilligan! Piper is the female version of the skipper, because she knows how to steer her own boat. She is the one in charge and is the glue of the whole posse. Leo "Gilligan" Wyatt is Piper's Bitch. Cole is the millionaire because he's a bum and the source, so his ass could afford it. He has a bum wife, Phoebenator. Paige is the movie star in disguise; the assistant social worker is a cover up. Darryl is the Professor on his days of from being a detective. Darryl brought along his little sister Whitney "Mary Ann" Morris. The Furry ones are secretly hidden in one of Paige's empty art equipment cases.
Setting: After Cole becomes the source and we hit the climax of the Cole/Phoebe crapfest of season four.
The Furry Ones staring in:
Cry Me A River
Piper and Paige planed a family trip to take a cruise on the Pacific. They planed to set sail on a part of the Pacific called Cry Me A River. This part is known for its reputation of being THE place to dispose a body. Paige, Korn and Kit being the little devils they are plan to give Phoebe the ol' push of the boat. Kit convinced both Paige and Korn it was best because she wanted to know if Phoebe would float or sink to the bottom. The other reason is Kit is still a bit upset that Phoebe loves her hair cut.
SO without further a due:
***
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful trip.
That started from this tropic port,
aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man,
the skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour, a three hour tour………
***
Five minutes into to the cruise Cole and Phoebe could no longer resist each other so they went below deck to take care of 'business'. Leo's steering the boat after listening to the Skipper's (Piper) directions. Meanwhile Paige, Piper Darryl and Whitney were playing a game of poker whilst swapping their "Phoebe Moment" stories. Incase you don't know what a 'Phoebe moment' is; well it's when you do something stupid or answer a question stupidly.
"So my favorite 'Phoebe moment' is when I accidentally ran headfirst into that street light. I mean man, I didn't see it coming," says Paige only to continue "but I was drunk at the time."
"Ah yes Paige I fully understand and you were also in college right," question Piper. Piper looked at her cards and was happy to have full house.
"Yep."
"I remember my college years, all too well"
"Really Piper what were you like in college," both Darryl and Paige questions.
"Well-" suddenly there's a BOOM soon followed by the downpour of rain. The tinny ship is rocking violently as the wind picks up speed. Piper pushes Leo out of the way and takes control to steer the boat to safety.
Quickly Piper gives orders to the rest of the people except to Phoebe and Cole whom are below deck. Paige went to the fury ones to see how they were holding up. Korn and Kat were about to kill each other and Kit was trying desperately to stop them. Korn had Kat in a headlock and kept asking Kat to say "monkey's uncle." Korn puts an end to her hold on Kat when Paige asks:
"Why are you two fighting in the middle of the storm?"
"That's what I said Paige but they wouldn't listen to me."
"I'm fighting with Kat because she used me porn mag to take a leak on. You have no idea how hard it's to find Felix naked these days!"
"Korn, Felix was always naked. Kat why did you use Korn um reading material?"
"I didn't mean to but it was there and I was there and I really needed to go. I'm sorry Korn." *Heart warming isn't it? *
"Bull shit you always say you're sorry," exclaims Korn.
"Look you guys will handle this later when we're not in the middle of the storm," says Paige. Then she closes the case and takes it with her.
Then there was an explosion followed by Piper yelling to others "Hold on to something!"
***
The weather started getting rough,
the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
the Minnow would be lost; the Minnow would be lost.
The ship took ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,
with Gilligan, the Skipper too,
the Millionaire, and his Wife,
the Movie Star, the Professor and Mary Ann,
here on Gilligan's Isle.
***
After being tossed on to land the better of the posse huddle together.
"Why are we naming it Gilligan's Island," Paige asks.
"Because Leo Gilligan Wyatt here, stepped on the land first to make sure there weren't any people eating animals. How else are we suppose to know the island is safe with out having my monkey boy here check it out."
"Good point Piper. Do any of you think it's odd that we have unknown island miles away from San Francisco?"
"Not really. Islands can form out of the water. Have you ever seen the Magic School Bus before," question the Professor AKA Darryl.
"No I haven't seen the children's show, sorry Darryl. Anyway where the hell is Cole and Phoebe?"
"Don't know but let's not jinx the moment of peace. I'm sure Cole and Phoebe are fine," states Piper.
***
So this is the tale of our castaways,
They're here for a long, long time.
They'll have to make the best of things,
it's an uphill climb.
***
To the other side of the island.
"Cole I don't want to stay here. I want to go home and wash my lovely hair."
"Shouldn't you be worried for your sisters and the rest of the group?"
"I ought to show some sort of concern for my siblings but I'll end up screwing them over... even more than I already do. Especially if they obtain a method to flee this area."
*Wait a minute Phoebe of all people just used what our dear 'special' calls "big people words." Something isn't right. Hold on. *
"Shouldn't you be worried for you sisters and the rest of the group?"
"Screw 'em," Phoebe says rather coldly. *Aw yes that's the Phoebe we all know and hate. *
***
The first mate and his skipper too,
will do their very best,
to make the others comfortable,
in the tropic island nest.
No phones, no lights, no motor cars,
not a single luxury.
Like Robinson Crusoe,
it's primitive as can be.
Well so this is Phoebe's version of hell! Not bad.
***
"Good point. Phoebe sweetie I want you to close you eyes ok." Phoebe not understanding a simple task sticks two fingers in her nose.
"Um here let me close your eyes." Cole puts his hand over Phoebe's eyes and shimmers out of there to the manor.
Outside the Manor. Phoebe (still with two fingers up her nose) and Cole climb up the stairs.
"Cole how'd we get to the outside of the manor?"
"The tooth fairy gave us a lift here."
"Really I want to meet her!"
***
So join us here each week my friend,
you're sure to get a smile.
From seven stranded Castaways,
Here on Gilligan's Isle.
Yeah Right. There's not enough continuity in the world to let them stay.
***
Back to Gilligan's Island.
"Leo can I talk to you for a sec. under the coconut tree?"
"Sure Piper." Leo follows Piper and in a hush tone ask her what's wrong.
"Leo I want to get out of here so orb us home."
"Piper we can't do that Darryl sister is here."
"Look use the memory dust ok. I can't stay here."
***
When Leo went after Piper, Paige took the opportunity to head the other way to use this time to talk to the Fury ones. Leaving Darryl and Whitney to use their cell phones to dispatch for help.
Once Paige is out of sight she opens the case and sees Korn in the right corner and Kat all mangled up in the left with Kit tending to her wounds.
"Kit what happened to Kat?"
"Kat had an ass kicking by Korn. I give Kat a day before she's good as new."
"You ok kitty;" Paige pets Kat on the head.
"Um Paige why are we here? Were the hell is special it's the perfect time to whack her."
"I don't know where phoebe is or why were still here. If you want I'll orb you home let just tell Piper-"
"About us!?"
"No Kit. I tell her about the orbing part. It' not like were going to stay here doing wacky and ridiculous things."
"Ok go but I have a feeling Piper beat you to the punch." Paige closes the case and heads back to the direction.
Soon she saw Piper and the very pitiful Leo. Appears to be Leo had a taste of Piper's mind.
"What's up Piper."
"Were going home. Leo is going to orb Whitney and me. You are going to orb Darryl."
"Wait a minute Piper what about Whitney? Do you think she'll tell our secret?"
"Leo going to dust her. Come on lets go."
"What about Phoebe?"
"Well according to Leo's radar the little runt found a way home."
"Piper I can't even begin to comprehend why Phoebe did that! Aren't you outrage?"
"I should be but I'm not going to waste my time anymore. Paige don't let Phoebe's actions get to you. You might pop a vein. So come on."
"Fine but I will not be held responsible for killing her," Paige says savoring her words, mainly the killing her part.
Watch next time as someone will gets whacked. Promise!