Author's Note: Wow, thank you all for the reviews!!! I never thought I'd be a review junkie, but I am… Keep it up please!
Here's part three… there's a lot more dialogue in this part, because it's necessary that they talk at some point if this story is going to go anywhere. Also, what do you think about my alternating the point of view? I think when I wrote Monica's I just sort of spoke through her, so it was a lot easier than Chandler's, which is becoming a lot more of a challenge. Is the story still believable when I write as Chandler? Okay that's it, just wondering. Enjoy!
xoxo,
Madelyn.
disclaimer: I own nothing.
I spent the first five minutes of this morning trying to convince myself that what happened last night was a dream. After all, it did have a distinct dream-like quality, her yelling at me one second and us making out against the door the next. But every detail was so well accounted for; what she was wearing, how she was soaking wet, the way her blue eyes flashed at me, first in rage and then in passion… how she left. So, I argued with myself, it was a very real feeling dream. And then I put my robe on, the blue flannel one that she used to make fun of all the time. And it smelled like her. It had that distinct scent of her flowery shampoo, and that soap she uses, the minty one that I love so much. It had happened.
The phone rang at nine thirty, and I raced to it, hoping in vain that it was her. But it was just Joey, calling from whatever girl of the week's room he was in, telling me to he'd be home in a few hours.
It rang again at ten, and I moved slower, not allowing myself to hope again, because I'd spent the time in between the last phone call and this phone call ridiculously disappointed. It was Phoebe.
"Did you break up with Jenn last night?" came her indignant voice.
"Was that seriously last night? Seems like a week ago," I answered, pouring myself another cup of coffee.
"So you did, then?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry Phoebes… it just wasn't working."
"I thought you guys were doing really well!" she whined.
"I wasn't ready, I guess."
"Chandler, please tell me you didn't break up with Jenn because of Monica. Because if you say you did, I might have to go throw up my breakfast then come beat the shit out of you," Phoebe said, and I could practically see her rolling her eyes.
"Phoebe I really need to talk to you about something."
"What? Your stupid hang up on this woman who's been out of your life for almost a year? Your complete inability to see how great Jenn was for you? Your-"
"Phoebe, I called Monica last night and she came over and yelled at me and then we made out," I interrupted quickly.
"Be right over."
This is what I love about my friends.
I recounted the whole story to Phoebe.
"So she just ran out?" she asked when I finished.
"Pretty much."
"Without saying anything?"
"No, she said a lot of stuff."
"Pre make out or post?" Phoebe said pointedly.
"Mostly pre," I admitted. "She was pissed off at me for calling her. She said she was just starting to get her life back together and that I was an asshole for making her question all that." I felt myself start to grin in spite of the situation.
"Why are you smiling?" Phoebe asked incredulously.
"I don't know… it's just good to know she isn't over me, you know?"
"No. Nothing about this is good, Chandler. Don't you see what you did? You scared her! You're so used to being the one who freaks out you can't even see it when you're the source of the freak-out."
"You're making no sense, Phoebe," I said impatiently.
"Chandler. Calling her was a huge, colossal, gigantic mistake. I don't get you, it took you so long to get over her and you celebrate that by calling her?"
"Come on Phoebe… I was never over her. I was pretending, for you, for Joey and Mitch, for Jenn… and for me. But I never stopped loving her." I said quietly.
"So what does this mean?" she asked after a long pause.
"I don't know. I asked you to come over so you could help me figure this out, because I just don't get it Phoebe… one second she's yelling at me, the next we're kissing, then she's running away. I don't get it."
"Women," Phoebe snorted. We both start laughing.
"Seriously though… what should I do now?" I ask her.
"Nothing! You do absolutely nothing now, do you hear me?" she said sternly. "Chandler," she began more gently, "You know I like Monica a lot, right?"
"Sure."
"And I think the two of you had something really special. But you went and screwed it up, and you can't just call her up and think it's fixed."
"I know that, but-"
"But nothing. She loved you, and you broke her heart, and even if it meant that you broke your own heart in the process you need to give her time to re-adjust."
"I'm not the one who rushed anything! I didn't even tell her I wanted us to get back together until she came over and practically attacked me!"
Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah. I'm sure you put up a huge fight, too."
"Okay, fine, maybe I escalated things a little. But the fact remains that she came to see me-"
"To yell at you," Phoebe interjected.
"And she kissed me-"
"Overcome by confused emotions, no doubt," Phoebe pointed out.
"And she ran out on me." I finished.
"Exactly. So now you need to let her come to you."
I thought about that. "Okay, well, that makes a little bit of sense. But what if she doesn't-"
"She will," Phoebe smiled. "Trust me."
"Thanks Phoebe. For everything," I said, giving my best friend a hug.
"No problem. Just promise you'll listen to me and not do anything else that will potentially ruin you."
"Promise."
So then Joey and Mitch came in, and I had to go into the whole thing all over again, and get advice from a male perspective, which, honestly, I really did not need. Phoebe sat there arguing the female side of things and I basically let the three of the duke it out. Joey's position was that Monica was "hot", and apparantly I was not, so she automatically had the upper hand and was waiting for me to call her. Mitch argued that I had thrown my chances with her out the window because I hadn't ran after her. Phoebe considered them both morons, and was the only one who thought I stood half a chance with her after what had happened.
Truth be told, I was barely listening. My mind was with her, replaying the last night's scene over and over again in my head, trying to recreate the softness of her lips on mine, the urgency of her tongue as it tangled with my own, the smooth feeling of her skin under my hands as she let them roam her body.
I was jerked from my reverie, and my friends from their debate, by a hesitant knock on the door. Joey, being the closest, stood and answered it. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding when the door swung open to reveal Monica.
"Hey Joey," she said hesitantly. I could sense how unsure she was, knowing how close Joey and I were… she was obviously nervous about his feelings toward her now that we had broken up. Joey let her dangle for a moment before grinning and enveloping her in a huge bear hug.
"Hey Mon, long time no see. Come on in." She walked inside and Phoebe got up to give her a hug.
"Hey Monica, how've you been?" Phoebe asked with a slight smile that told her she knew exactly what had happened and was wondering how, in fact, she was planning on fixing this mess.
"Not bad, how about you?"
"Fine. Me and Mitch and Joey were just going out to lunch."
"I just ate br-" Joey started as Mitch elbowed him in the ribs.
"Yeah, sorry we can't stay, it was great to see you Monica," Mitch said, and the three of them hurried out of the apartment. It was just the two of us.
"So listen-" I started at the same time she began with "About last night-". We chuckled nervously, and she gave me a shy smile. "You go." I said, remembering Phoebe's advice.
"Okay. So here's the thing. I was really a huge jerk last night, and I understand if you hate me. I can't believe that I just ran out of here like that."
"I don't hate you. I'm confused, but I don't hate you."
"Yeah. I'm confused too. Chandler… I don't know why I came here last night, something made me, some force bigger and stronger than me. And once I got here, I just started talking, you know, and I didn't even know what I was saying. And then… and then there was the kiss."
"I think it was a little more than one kiss," I said quietly.
"Yeah… I'm really sorry about that. I know that I initiated it, and I take full responsibility for that," she said, staring at her shoes.
"I'm only sorry about the part when you left." She looked up at me quickly, her blue eyes surprised. I noticed how beautiful she looked, even with her hair causally piled on top of her head and wearing jeans and a white button down shirt. She was breathtaking.
"I've thought about this all night and all morning, and I think I can explain myself," she said confidantly, and it took all I had in me not to start laughing at her professional approach.
"By all means, go ahead."
"Okay, here I go. When I came here, I just wanted to yell at you, right? And I did that. But I didn't consider the fact that you might talk back. And the second I stopped talking, the second I was given a chance to really see you, you know? And I had nothing to distract me from hearing your voice and looking at you… and it was just too much, and I hadn't counted on… well, the feelings… coming back so intensly. And when I kissed you… I didn't know what I was doing, it was like I was sleepwalking. And then once we were kissing, it was like I was gone, you know? I wasn't myself. I was just completely focused on you, and us making out, and how… great it felt. I wasn't thinking about the consequences, and for that I'm sorry," she stopped to take a breath.
"Okay… but I still don't understand why you left."
"You said you loved me!" she blurted out, then covered her mouth with her hand. She took a deep breath. "Chandler, I wasn't expecting that, you caught me off guard… I mean, kissing was great and everything, but I wasn't ready for you to come out and say you wanted us to get back together. It scared me. It scared me back into reality, and I realized what I was doing was setting us both up for a big fall all over again," she finished. I took a step closer to her.
"Monica?"
"Yeah?" she asked, nervously aware of the closing distance between us.
"I'm not sorry you came over. And I'm definitely not sorry we kissed. But there are a lot of things I am sorry for. And honestly, I don't care whether or not you're ready to hear them, because they need to be said," I told her, taking another step towards her.
"Okay…"
"I'm sorry I let my own stupid commitment stuff become an issue in our relationship, because you are the one thing in my life I wasn't afraid of being committed to. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I let you down. And I'm sorry I let myself down," I took another step towards her. We were close enough to touch now. I cautiously took her hands in mine. "I'm sorry I lost you, I'm sorry we both had to suffer for the last few months. And I'm sorry that last night upset you." I looked directly into her eyes, which were misty with tears.
"Are you finished?" she asked.
"One more thing," I said, giving her absolutely no warning as I leaned in and captured her lips with mine. My heart stopped beating for the three seconds it took for her to respond and kiss me back, and the blood rushed through my veins with indescribable relief. She let me explore her mouth with my tongue and she ran her hands up and down my back, but when I started trailing little kisses from her neck to her collarbone, she resisted.
"Chandler… wait. Stop," she whispered as I sucked on her neck.
"What's wrong?" I asked, alarmed. "Don't even think about running out of here," I warned in a stupid nervous joke.
"I think… this is just moving a little too fast for me. Can we… slow down a little… talk this out?" she pleaded, her eyes filling with tears.
"Of course, hey, please, don't cry… come on, sit down. We'll talk."
"Okay…"
We sat down on the couch and no one said anything for what seemed like a really long time.
"Say something, please," I finally asked softly.
"I don't know what's happening here," she said, averting my glance. "I want it to be simple, I want for us to kiss and have time travel back ten months, but that can't happen."
"I know. But Monica, I can't waste another second of my life without you. I love you, okay? You know that, right?"
"Yes. I love you too, I never stopped… but we can't just jump back into this like nothing happened."
"So let's take it slow," I said. "Anything, as long as we're together."
"Together," she said with a smile. "I like that."
"Mon, I love you. I promise you, I'm never going to hurt you, ever again."
"I promise you I'll never run out when things get confusing," she said, taking my hand.
"So… am I allowed to kiss you?"
"Nope," she said as she stood up.
"No?" I asked, disappointed.
"Technically, this is before the first date, because we're starting over. And nice girls don't kiss on the first date," she said with an impish smile.
"Oh, I get it, nice girls just come banging on their ex-boyfriend's doors at two in the morning and make out with them against the wall."
"Shut up," she said, punching my arm. And the fact that we were joking around with eachother was the best feeling I can imagine.
"I might need help with this, you know. This whole taking it slow thing. I'm not sure where we are," I said softly, rubbing her arm. God, I had missed being this close to her.
"I'm going to be here to help you. For instance, I'm leaving now. And you'll call me later," she instructed.
"You got it," I said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
I have no idea what we are, but I've never felt happier.