Making Memories White

Written for Ryoma's 2002 Christmas Contest

I hated what was happening. I hated it more than anything else at the time. The adults were so happy about it and the little kids were mystified, but there was no joy in the change in our city for me, and most of those people who were my age at the time. Some were terrified. Others were just sad. Me, I hated it like nothing else. For instance, if you hate someone, you can forget about hating them as long as you don't see them. If you hate a dress, you don't hate it as long as you don't have to wear it, but this hate was ever present, even when I was somewhat away from it.

I hated the cold...

And the world's "eternal summer" was finally coming to an end...

Just in time for Christmas.

Now don't get me wrong. Let it not be said that Asuka Langley Sohryu hates Christmas. Who doesn't like eating good food and getting presents? I'm all for that, though I had been thinking about what my first Christmas in Japan would be like. Probably shitty, since no one around here is Christian. I can't even really say that I follow any religion, but if an area does, and you live in it, you get the benefit of the holidays. Besides, my grandparents, when they were still alive, were big into the whole religion and Christmas thing. My parents were scientists and they didn't have time for that, though they always made an attempt to humor the elders. It was nice, but Christmas was always a time to get a new bike, or something along those lines, and test it out as soon as the wrapping paper was off.

How could I even come close to that feeling with this forecast of snow on the line? Ever since the last Angel, the temperatures had been dropping slowly. At first, it was a relief from the heat. The stifling midday was then pleasant and I enjoyed being forced to eat lunch outside at school because I wasn't actually sweating until kingdom come from once. Then it dipped down some more as the calendar changed to November. Now it was bad enough to the point where our school had sent in an order for "winter" uniforms. Misato turned on the heat in the apartment. Some people in the city were even without heat, due to the fact that some stupid and cheap-ass contractors had built apartment complexes with no heating at all. Idiots. As much as I didn't want the summer weather to end, I knew it wouldn't last forever. Nothing ever does anyway.

So this put me in the front seat of Misato's car on the way to the local department store, with my man-stealing guardian driving, and my idiot roommate Shinji in the back. We had steeled ourselves against the climate change for a while, relying on layers and such to beat the cold, but we were finally giving in to necessity, and the outrageous prices people were charging. It's amazing what companies can get away with when a population is in need of something, and also disturbing. Did I mention sad? Well, I just mentioned it.

I guess I can only say that me and Shinji were against this whole cold business. Misato seemed too damn happy about it. I almost wanted to smack her some times. Every time that the TV, radio, or even the newspaper would tell of even the tiniest tenth of a degree change for the negative, temperature-wise, she'd get this smirk on her face that just demanded smacking. Of course, I feared having to clean her room for punishment, or else I wouldn't have fought the urge. She remembered winter and snow and all that crap, the likes of which no one else in her household had even seen. Well, we'd seen it in pictures. Snow was one thing I was curious about enough to welcome. I wanted to see why all the adults were grinning like idiots over the prospect of it.

Misato parked, almost entirely in-between the lines for once, and we got out of the car, into the damnable cold. My body was soon racked with shivers just from adjusting from the artificial warmth of the car to the bleak cold of the world. Misato had been telling me that I shouldn't complain, because 13 degrees Centigrade wasn't even cold at all. She claimed that "real" cold came when it got around zero. I didn't even want to think about that, because supposedly, it was going to happen. I maintained that this was a fluke in the weather and that it would get warm again before the New Year, though the odds were stacked against me, and I really didn't think that. I hoped it, but I knew that the earth was probably returning to its normal cycle. Hardly normal to me, since I'd never lived in a time when there were seasons. I wished Tokyo-3 was closer the equator. It wouldn't get cold there.

My shaking subsided as we entered yet another artificially heated place. The first thing I noticed about heating is that it makes the air smell different, just a bit. I don't know how to describe other than to compare it to one of those hot winds that we used to get on really scorching days. You know, the kind that seems to carry its own heat, different from the rest of the air around you. It smells like that, dusty, stuffy, and foreign, but it's better than freezing.

Misato and I automatically strolled to the ladies section. Shinji followed, until he realized what he could've gotten himself into. Last time we all went shopping together and he followed us, Misato had gone on one of her teasing frenzies and I had joined in. I know I had fun, a hell of a lot of fun, but the little idiot was beat red by the time he bolted out of the lingerie section. He strayed off on his own. At least the boy can learn.

I spied some cute stuff right off the bat, though I have to admit that the prices were just abominable. "Maybe I could get to like this winter thing..." I admitted to Misato.

I looked up to receive her response, but all I saw was that stupid grin. Oh well, I figured, let her have her fun. I was getting new clothes, which made up for some of my intense hatred of her smirk and the weather that brought it on. I browsed for a while and got a good armload of stuff. I love getting new clothes, but I love planning when I'm going to give them their first test drive more. I already had an idea for the black turtleneck. That was going to be reserved from Saturday night when Hikari and I were supposed to go to see that new movie with a few other girls.

I deposited my load in our cart and an idea came to me, even better than planning out the various premiers of my new clothes. My mischievous brain decided that now was a good time to prey on Shinji's stupidity. I just had to agree with it, so I wandered over to the young men's section of the large store to find the idiot having a staring contest will a fleece pullover. I think the pullover was winning. They were probably going for best out of three, but two seconds of that was enough for me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, startling him.

"Uh...uh...still looking. These clothes don't look very comfortable," he told me in his stupid little voice. I wondered if it would ever change. Probably not until he turned 80...at the rate he was growing up.

"What are you talking about? Clothes are clothes. They're the same as what you normally wear. The only difference is that they're made of heavier fabrics and the have long sleeves," I informed him, sounding rather peeved. He did piss me off, though. He could be so weird some times.

"I don't really like long sleeves. They make me itch and they get in the way."

I sighed. "Well you're gonna have to buy something, idiot. Do have anything picked out at all?"

"...No..."

I sighed again, this time with good reason. "You know what you are, Shinji? Hopeless, that's what you are." I quickly scanned over a few racks. "I mean, what would you do if you were on your own? You can't even pick out clothes!"

I looked up, hoping he'd take a bite at my line, but he didn't even meet my gaze. His head was pointed towards the floor as he took my verbal punches. One day...you'll stand up for yourself...stupid boy...

I picked out a nice cotton shirt. It was one of those that was half-way buttoned down things and was navy blue with green stripes and a white collar. I believe I heard the style being advertised as a "rugby" shirt. It fit him, enough. "What about this?" I inquired, shoving it practically under his nose.

"Sure..." he responded, but he could've just as well said nothing at all. I handed it over to him but then he said, "This is too big, Asuka."

"What do you mean?" I had grabbed a large.

"It's too big."

God, I knew the boy was a stick, but he wore a medium? Man, and he even looked tiny in that. Baggy clothes were the style, at least for guys, so most other boys his age probably wore larges or even extra-larges, but Shinji was just as thin as a freaking rail. I took back my large and grabbed him the desired size, thrusting it into his arms again with fake annoyance, but I really just wanted to feed him right then. He was such a little boy...

I got him off to a start with two more shirts and let him do the rest. I don't think he really cared for anything that either of us picked out, but at least he got his damn clothes. Honestly, I'd never seen someone, even a guy, so apathetic when it came to shopping as Shinji was. Maybe it was just one of his little moods. I tell ya, that kid is weird, but at least he does what he's told.

So that day we all got outfitted for the new season. I was contented with my new warm ski jacket and various sweaters and jeans, Misato was just smirking all the way, and Shinji just went with the flow. Whatever...at least necessity was fulfilled and some store-owner's pockets were lined. I was almost afraid that Section 2 would be waiting for us when we got home so they could cut up Misato's NERV card. I guess clothing for herself and two out of humanity's three saviors would pass by easily in the company expense arena, but I have no idea how even a powerful organization like NERV could pay for more than one of those shopping trips.

-T-T-T-

The next day in class, the cold frenzy grew even more. The topic of today's lecture was not the Second Impact, and the false truths the teacher told us about it, but we were now talking over procedures for "snow days". I guess any kind of change was good when it came to that crazy old teacher we had for home room, but I can't tell you that I was overjoyed. Well, maybe I was. Supposedly, this snow thing could get bad enough to the point where it blocked transportation and we couldn't get to school, so we'd have to get the day off. It was nice to hear, but in a way like missing school because of an Angel attack. Then again, missing school is always great, but I think the power of this oncoming foe in my life was starting to get to me.

If snow could make adults smile like any village idiot and stop traffic, what else could it do? Not that I was that naive, but still. My curiosity grew with every word I heard about it and I guess my burning hatred subsided a little. However, once the teacher announced that the snow was predicted to fall within the time frame of our 3-week break that we received after second semester was over, it kinda ruined the whole snow day factor. I hate that crap people pull about, "This will probably never happen, but just in case..." I've almost never had to use anything I learned "just in case", so what's the point?

Snow and I were back to square one by lunch time. Thank God someone had the decency to let us eat inside. We were always told to go outside for lunch when it was warm, but now all the students of Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High crammed into the cafeteria to escape the dreaded cold. We never really had to go outside before, or so Ayanami and Shinji claim, but over time, it just became expected. The teachers usually had the cafeteria to themselves after all the kids were done buying lunch and I think they liked it that way. Now they retreated to their little lounge to be away from our noise. I don't blame them. After the first week of inside lunch, I wanted to kill off the entire 6th grade class. Little punks...

Oh yeah, another thing about that damn inside lunch; we had to sit with our classes. I didn't mind for the first 2 minutes of that, since I would just sit with Hikari anyway, but the stooges just had to plop down across the table from us and it stuck that way. You know, like in college where you get to choose your seat, you'll always, or almost always, sit in the one you sat in the first day, as will everyone else. It's just the way it works, even if the guy you sat next to was a total jerk. That's when you just hope he skips class a lot. With this grand arrangement, guess who I got stuck sitting across from? The invincible idiot himself. Oh well, at least I didn't have to go searching too far for my lunch. What really made me sick was how Hikari ogled Touji as he put away more food than humanly possible in the most disgusting ways. It was almost enough to make me lose my appetite some times...almost. I gotta hand it to Shinji on one thing, though; he is a damn good cook.

"So what are you going to do over the break?" Touji asked Kensuke between mouthfuls.

"My dad's gonna take me to Old Osaka to check out some new cruisers!" Kensuke beamed. "It's gonna be so cool!"

"I'm gonna sleep 'til noon every day," the track suit-wearing boy announced with a rather foolish sense of pride. "I can figure the rest out from there..."

"I'm going to visit relatives," Hikari interjected, hoping to be accepted into their worthless conversation.

Touji, of course, couldn't take a hint if his very life depended on it, so he just ignored her. "What about you, Shinji?"

"I dunno..." the wealth of conversation replied.

No one bothered to ask me, but I figured it was a good time to butt in. "Don't you Japanese have anything like a holiday around here? Geez! In every other country in the world, your little break would be full of holidays, but not Japan. This place is full of crazy Buddhists and easily offended atheists! You guys don't even have those fake holidays, except for Valentines Day and that White Day crap you made up. What a joyless country..."

Well, I had to admit that kind of seemed to come from no where, but their conversation just got me on that track again. Christmas was so going to suck that year. Not even my showy step-mother was probably going to have enough thought to call and I'd be stuck watching the crap that is Japanese television and wishing I was back home...for once. Home for the holidays...never thought I'd agree with that term.

They all just kind of stared at me for a second. I had even managed to silence a good part of the lunch room, so it was just a little embarrassing.

"Asuka," Hikari tried to reason in a calming voice, "What are you getting all worked up over?"

"I think she's talking about all those Western holidays and stuff, like Christmas." Wow...I never expected such intelligence from Touji.

"Oh, I didn't know you celebrated anything like that..." Hikari almost sounded ashamed, even though it wasn't her fault.

Now I was just feeling stupid...

And Touji must've been able to smell that, or something. "So is the demon getting homesick? What's-a-matter Sohryu?" he interrogated with a sneer. "Do you miss your mama?"

That, right there, was crossing the line. The whole area of the lunch room laughed, well, aside from a smart few, Hikari, and, surprisingly enough, Shinji. That bastard! How dare he mention my mother and insult me like that. Cocky jock! I'll show him! He'll be crying for his mother before I even get warmed up...

My face must've been boiling red with anger, but I managed to calmly lift myself into a standing position so as to strike back at the guffawing goon across the table. He had no fucking right! He didn't even pay attention as I lifted one shaking fist to bear at his stupid face. Hikari just sat shocked at her crush's cruelty and everyone else was joining in the idiot's mirth. I brought my fist back, tightening every muscle to make my revenge as sweet as possible. My focus was deadly, and my target was already dead in my eyes. I let my perfect blow fly on course, only to have it stopped by one brave hand.

...Shinji's? The quiet boy's hand held my fist back from Touji's stupid face. I was too shocked to be angry. After all, how could a weakling like Shinji even hold me back? He whispered something, his face solemn and his expression unmoving. Almost like Ayanami's, but with a completely human depth she could never achieve. He repeated it again, over the laughter at my plight, and I heard it that time. "He's not worth it."

It seemed that, the colder it got outside, the more surprises Shinji gave me.

-T-T-T-

"Listen, stooge," I said once we were a safe distance away from the school, and freezing in the ever-dropping temperatures, "I don't need you to tell me what to do."

I had listened to him, despite my better instincts, and spent the better part of the day regretting it. The entire school would never let me live this down...

"I-I just don't see the point in punching Touji. You know he's gonna do it again."

I grunted under my breath. The great warrior was against violence now. "Ever hear of a thing called Psychology, Shinji? It tells us that people learn through reward and punishment, so won't Touji get it through his thick skull, eventually, that every time he insults me, another tooth gets knocked out? Maybe, just maybe, after he realizes that, then he'll stop?"

"It's not that simple, Asuka. You know as well as I do he doesn't mean it, and he's a glutton for punishment. Just ignore him. He's only teasing you because he knows you'll react and make a scene."

I turned my head away and sighed. Shinji was obviously never going to learn. I small cloud of smoke dissipated in front of my eyes. I stopped and looked around. Where had it come from?

"Did you see that?" I asked Shinji, almost sounding panicked as I did.

"See what?"

Wait...did he just blow smoke at me, literally? I blew out some of my own air and it happened again. I laughed at myself, and the air around me clouded up again. Hey, give me a break, it was the first time I'd ever seen my breath.

Shinji caught unto my discovery and toyed with it himself. He laughed with me for a while, and then asked, "What is this, Asuka?"

"It's like condensation," I explained, almost more to myself than him. "You know when it's really hot out and you have a glass of water, and the outside gets wet? This is the opposite. Our breath is warmer than the air, so it must get cooled into little water droplets! This is so weird!"

Needless to say, the whole incident at school was forgotten in an instant.

-T-T-T-

By that evening, I had gotten this crazy idea in my head. Maybe it was just the cold getting to me, but I knew how to make my first Christmas in Japan great, or at least bring it into existence. I'd teach those idiots about it. Not the religious aspect, mind you, but just the fun stuff like the food, gifts, parties, and other such things. They could at least stomach that, I hoped.

I'd get everybody gifts, though I'd start small. After all, it was their first Christmas. That's special enough by itself...or at least I could use that as an excuse. I'd find a string or two of lights to decorate the patio, maybe a wreath, if I could even find one.

But it was just one of those schemes, you know, the kind you think of in grueling detail before you go to sleep. Those little plans that make you feel better, even though you do know that you'll never actually go through with them. I wanted to, I really did, but time and energy were limited resources, and I didn't have a lot of them to work with. The date was December 1st...

And my birthday was three days away. I would be fifteen. I tried not to think about it, though. It didn't matter. I didn't want anything, no presents, no attention, no party. Nobody had to know, except maybe the MAGI as they updated my personnel file. Misato's birthday was on the 8th, and we could make a big deal of that. She'd probably get piss drunk and make out with Kaji the whole night, but I didn't want to think about that either. Birthdays are stupid. They were a tradition I had learned to live without, unlike Christmas. I wondered, though, what made Christmas so important to me, since I didn't really care for the religious part of it. Maybe, maybe it was the memories. Those were good memories in what often times was a sea of bad. Birthdays had never been good, so why continue with them? Christmas, though, that was a chain I didn't want to break.

-T-T-T-

December 3rd...

"Hey, Asuka, what's wrong?" Hikari asked me as we walked to the lunch room.

"Nothing. I just don't feel like talking," I answered curtly.

"For an entire day?"

"I told you! Nothing's wrong!"

-T-T-T-

I woke up the next morning, and everything was the same. Not like I had expected anything to be different. My room was still small and cluttered, looking as if I had barely even unpacked, even though I'd been living there for a good deal of time. The blinds were drawn shut, letting only tiny wisps of grey morning light into my room that seemed blue-toned with the cold. I was fifteen years old today, but that was all. Nothing special. I didn't need anything like that. I wasn't a kid who needed to play little party games and blow out the candles on my cake. I didn't need anything like that, or anyone to do anything like that. I was fine on my own.

But I couldn't help but feel like there was something missing. At least no one could screw up today if they didn't know it was my birthday. I hadn't told anyone, though Misato might have known, and other people at NERV. Kaji did. I didn't care, though, whether they made a stink about it or not; it didn't matter to me.

I headed for the shower, hearing the faint sounds of Shinji making breakfast coming from the kitchen. Same as always. The house was dark, only dimly lit by the earlier morning light. The only light on was in the kitchen. The glow was warm and yellow compared to the blue of the rest of the apartment. I leaned up against the wall in the hallway, just listening for a while. It was too early for me to get in the shower anyway, and this day of all days needed to be routine. The Katsuragi residence finally felt like winter that morning. Dark and cold, yet with a strangely quiet peace. You feel safe on the streets in the winter time, and I felt safe, though empty.

I showered and put on my new winter uniform. It was the same as the other one, only made of thicker fabric with a long-sleeved shirt and less-revealing skirt. I made sure that I did nothing different with my make-up or hair. All the same as before. Nothing special. I didn't need it.

I strode towards the kitchen, observing that the apartment was lighter and warmer now, but still quiet. I wondered if Shinji knew. No, he's an idiot. He wouldn't know anything, even if it bit him right on the ass.

He was kind, though, in a stupid way, and he smiled as I came into the kitchen. "Good morning, Asuka," usually, it stopped there, but today he continued. "Did you look outside yet?" He sounded way too happy for my own good taste.

"What's outside?"

"Go and look!" he restrained himself from shouting.

Oh, now I had to see what was making the idiot so giddy. Probably some naked girl passed out in the building across from ours with her drapes wide open so everyone could see, but then again, why would that little pervert tell me to look at something like that? I went to the living room and pushed one of the vertical blinds out of my way. A tiny, fragile-looking layer of white fluff, probably no more than half a centimeter high, covered everything out on the balcony. The floor, the railings, and even the old lawn chairs had a little white dusting on them that I had never seen before.

The first time I saw snow was on my 15th birthday.

Shinji stumbled up behind me, grinning that stupid grin of Misato's all the sudden. I looked at him with what must've been shock. He chuckled, slightly, but not at me.

"See," he began, "It snowed last night. For the first time in almost sixteen years!"

I looked back at the wondrous white stuff and said, "Yeah, I guess it did..."

Only then did I too become a victim of that once hated grin. In nothing but uniform and an old pair of slippers, I opened the door and walked out to greet this stranger. It was cold and windy up there, five stories above the street, but I was too fascinated with the snow to care. I bent down and scooped up a handful. It was light and cold, but fluffy and fragile. Each individual flake helped to created a wondrous tiny structure in my hand, but it all melted away in a matter of moments. It was nothing but frozen rain, but to someone who to whom snow was merely a legend of the past, it was almost a miracle.

That was enough for me. I didn't feel so terribly empty while I fixated on the snow. I didn't feel anything. It was like a marvelous drug that had the power to banish everything I hated, if only for a little while, but I felt the cold again after a few minutes, and I knew I couldn't stay. Just as I had done a 180 with my opinion on snow, the sound of screeching brakes came from below, then crunching metal and shattering glass. I ran to the railing, nearly slipping on the slick surface, and Shinji, who I hadn't seen enter the balcony, followed me. In the parking lot below, two men's voices reverberated as they argued over a mild, but expensive crash. I guessed snow wasn't always great, but, hey, I didn't have to drive in it and I could learn to watch how and where I walked.

"What're you kids looking at--Wait! Is that snow?!" Misato shouted from the living room and then sprang out to join them. Her seasoned step into the white stuff yielded no slip or slide, but only a graceful stance. She smiled, looking down at her feet, then up at the cloudy sky, and then...

She laughed like a child...

A child that hid within a woman that had longed to play in the snow again. I didn't understand that then, but I knew she was happy, and even with the incident raging below us, I think, that for one little moment, we were all happy. That's a rare thing for a household like ours was.

-T-T-T-

We slipped and slid our way to school that day, since the snow had become a thin layer of gray slush when the sun came up and out from behind the clouds. I knew it wouldn't last forever, though I wasn't thrilled to see it leave. The city was in a panic of sorts, with all the train delays and car wrecks. Me and Shinji were late to school, but that was actually the most normal thing about that morning. Everyone was whispering about the newfound wonder as we walked in. The teacher didn't even punish us, and Hikari didn't make me promise not to be late again. So far, it was a great day.

The rest of the proceeded as normal. Boring lessons, crammed cafeteria, crammed gym, more boring lessons, and out into the cold we went. I wanted it to snow again, but the glaring sun would have none of that. Shinji was quiet as usual, walking just barely behind me and to my left, but there was one change to what would've been an all too usual afternoon: He was smiling.

Winter isn't a bad season at all.

We reached the promising warmth of the apartment like always and stepped on in. Normally, Misato would've been at work, but I heard noises, and not those that would be made by a penguin, coming from the kitchen. I wonderful new smell was in the air and I tried to identify it while I took off my coat and shoes. Shinji, being as strange as he was that day, rushed to do so himself and ran into the kitchen. I could hear them talking, but not what they were saying. I hoped they weren't going to pull anything on me...

I walked into the kitchen, suspicious of the guardian and roommate I had trusted not to care. Three steaming mugs sat on the low table, along with three simple red boxes. Despite my entire day's worth of psyching myself into thinking that I didn't need anyone or anything, especially on my birthday, I smiled. The snow had gotten the better of me.

Shinji smiled back.

Misato then proclaimed, "What? You think we'd just pass up your birthday? C'mon Asuka! We've had to stand living with you for nearly half a year now, so you think by now that we would've gotten to like you, or at least gotten used to you. I don't think you want anything like this, but you're getting it, and that's an order!"

Shinji laughed softly. "Happy birthday."

I sat down as Misato beckoned me to, and she then shoved the two hot mugs in front of me and Shinji. "I wanna know what you guys think of this. When I was a kid, I always used to drink this stuff when it was cold out."

"What is it?" I asked, looking at frothy brown substance before me that couldn't have been coffee.

"It's hot chocolate! Now drink up!"

Like I said, Misato thrived in this climate, almost too much. I lifted the mug to my lips, grateful for it's heat, but fearing another one of my guardian's concoctions that could be considered a type of bio weapon. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the warm, spiced-up chocolate milk. It warmed me from the inside out, and didn't give the unpleasant after-taste that coffee did. I couldn't really complain.

Misato, seeing that on my face, was ecstatic. As long as Shinji and I weren't hacking and gagging, it was a success for her. "So you like it?"

"It's very good," my fellow Eva pilot concurred softly.

"I used to drink hot chocolate all the time when I was a kid and it was cold out, especially after I'd been outside for a while. I figured you could use it." Misato was beaming.

She picked up her own mug and we all sipped quietly for a moment.

Then Misato's patience ran out. That had only taken about ten seconds. "Enough of that already. Open your presents!" She gestured to the various sizes of red-wrapped boxes, "That one is from me, the little one is Shinji's, and Kaji dropped that last one off in my office the other day."

I figured that Kaji wouldn't be there for my birthday. Even as a friend of my family back in Germany , he never came to my parties. Always busy with something...doing...well, whatever it is that he actually does for a living.

I grabbed Misato's present first, out of restraint. I wanted to see what exactly the idiot had gotten me, and I wanted to see how much money Kaji had spent on me, but I reserved those two for later. Misato had gotten me a nice scarf, hat, and gloves set, all in a red pattern. Very cute. She has surprisingly good taste, when it comes to other people that is.

Kaji's was the next one I picked, and I hoped it wasn't some cheap souvenir. I had gotten enough of those from him already. His was a big box, about the size of a cake box. Inside was like a care package from home. All of the things from Germany I loved that I couldn't get in Tokyo-3. Chocolates, beauty products, magazines, and many other little things. I was surprised at his thoughtfulness. Normally, he didn't like to indulge my girlish interest in him, but I guess I had been good that year.

Then there was Shinji's little box. Not very deep and no bigger than my hand span, I was curious to see what he had in there. Too big for jewelry, too small for much else. I tore open the packaging to reveal three simple trinkets that covered a tiny envelope. After picking one of the little things up and holding it by the string attached, I saw what it was. A brilliant crystal Christmas ornament, in the shape of an intricate snowflake. The second one was two gilded silver holly leaves with two miniature red soft glass balls for berries. The last one was a little super-deformed Unit 02.

Now I was intrigued. I looked over at him for a second. He was smiling sheepishly, still waiting for me to get to the envelope. I pulled out of the little box, still silent, and opened it with my nails. Inside was the pink copy of an order for a Christmas tree. A small one, mind you, but much larger than I'd ever thought I'd get for my first Christmas in Japan . The grower was a little ways outside of the city, not too far for Misato to go over and pick it up when she had time.

I was shocked, simply shocked. I didn't think that he took much of what I ranted about seriously. I could see it now, the look in his eyes when he told me it wasn't worth punching Touji in his ugly face. That look was pacifying, but it also held inspiration. I hadn't even thought that the boy listened to me, but here he was, trying to give me Christmas away from home. Whether it was out of pity, the need to shut me up, or a real consideration for what I wanted, I didn't care. It was the smartest and kindest thing he'd ever done.

He chuckled as I stared at him, my mouth gaping. "Are you all right, Asuka?"

"Yeah, yeah," I tried to put on my mask again, but I figured that could wait. "Thank you, Shinji. This really means a lot to me."

"Don't thank me," I could see him blush a little, nervous kid that he is. "I came up with the idea, but Misato helped me find all of it and said it was okay."

She grinned with him and nodded in affirmation.

"It's the best idea you've ever had, Shinji. You crazy Japanese are going to have the best Christmas you've ever known!" I proclaimed. I almost wanted to hug him, but, you know. It's Shinji. Don't want him to get any ideas. Or was it me that didn't want to get any ideas? Or maybe I needed to smack me head on the table.

No matter what the case, it looked like I would have a Christmas…

And any Christmas is better than no Christmas.

-T-T-T-

We cleared out of the kitchen to let Shinji get on with making dinner, which I got to request. My choice was a steak dinner with sautéed mushrooms, mashed potatoes, and mixed veggies. You know, real food, not that Japanese crap that's noting but fish and roughage. Misato assured me that desert was already planned out. I also made her promise me that no one else was coming over. I'll admit, it was nice to have a little party of sorts, but I didn't want anything more. Besides, I didn't think that anything could really top that afternoon anyway.

I sat in front of the TV, on my third mug of hot chocolate. I swear, the stuff's addicting. However, despite my rather comfy and dormant outward appearance at the time, I had a plan in the works. Misato had to run out to the store to get something, probably more beer, and would be gone for fifteen minutes or so…just enough time for me to confront Shinji about his present. I wanted to know who had given him the hint. Surely, I had come to realize, he couldn't have thought it up on his own.

As soon as the door shut and the echo of the cold wind died, I bolted up and walked briskly to the kitchen. In my sights was my unsuspecting target, melting butter on a pan to cook my mushrooms. He was totally unaware of the impending attack. Target in the center, pull the trigger…just as easy as that.

"Hey Shinji!" I shouted, almost in his ear.

He jumped, almost splattering himself with molten butter. "W-w-what?!" he took a few deep breaths. "Geez! You scared me, Asuka."

I chose not to respond to that, only to take note that he was drooling over me again. I had on a tight fitting forest green sweater and jeans, nothing too special, but then again, this is Shinji we're talking about. He's easily impressed. "I need to ask you something."

He quickly threw on the mushrooms and turned back around to face me. "All right…" he responded weakly as the mushrooms crackled in the hot pan.

"Who told you to get me what you did?" I demanded bluntly.

"W-what do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. This might've just taken the whole night, at the pace he seemed to be thinking. "You idiot! Fess up! I know you couldn't have thought of that whole tree thing on your own. That's too creative for the likes of you."

"B-but Asuka!"

"No but's! Who told you? Was it Kaji?"

"N-no."

"Misato?"

"No…"

"Hikari?"

"She doesn't even know it's your birthday…"

"Then who told you?!" I was getting frustrated now. That little dimwit better have not been lying to me…

"No one."

All right, time for plan B. I leaned in closer, knowing that the blush on his face wasn't from the heat of the stove. "C'mon Shinji, you can tell me…"

"I said no one!" he almost backed up into the stove, which would've been just precious, but he realized what he was doing before he got too close. "I thought of it myself!"

"You're not fooling me—"

The little bastard cut me off. "I swear! I thought of it that day when you got mad because Touji made fun of you for missing the holidays you had at home. I-I never really had any holidays, because my family's atheist, and my teacher was too, but I had this aunt when I was little that was Christian, and she always invited us to come over for Christmas. We only came on year, when I was four…" he trailed off, noticing that he was babbling. He looked down at the tile, probably regretting what I still considered a kind act.

I believed him now. I could just picture him, a sad little kid, standing in a living room full of color and light, not knowing what it was all for. Hell, with a father like his, it was hard not to picture him like that…

Lost in my musing, I was suddenly alerted by his girlie screech. He quickly turned away from me and to the stove to save the mushrooms.

Now I felt guilty. I mean, the poor boy had gone through all that trouble trying to get me a great present, and I had been so nice about it at first, but I had to screw it up and go interrogator on him. He really had thought of it and really had tried to make me happy, but all I could do was just mess with him, while he tried to make me a nice dinner. Normally, Asuka Langley Sohryu doesn't let guilt get to her, but there are some cases that don't have to apply to that unspoken rule of thumb. Again, I blame it on the snow.

As Shinji laid the mushrooms on a little plate to cool, I swallowed hard and prepared myself do something I didn't do very often, especially to that dork's face. "Look…" I started off, almost stopping myself, but grasping the fact that it was the right thing to do, "I'm…sorry…about accusing you of bumming the idea off of someone else. I'm….really glad you went through with and I do appreciate it. And, if you want, I can show you how to have a real holiday. Christmas doesn't always have to do with religion, you know. I mean, that's how it got popular and all, but I think that it means different things to different people. It's just a time for tradition and fun, as far as I know, and if you want, I can teach you some of those traditions."

He sighed, clearing off the stove so he could start on the veggies. "They say," he started, his back still to me, "That winter is a time to remember the light and warmth of summer, but for people like us, who've never seen winter until now, what's there to do? I-it's just kind of weird."

"Then I guess we can start new traditions and mix them in with the old ones…" I pondered aloud.

He turned around to me, looking all fruity in his little apron and all, but on his face was a warm and welcoming smile. I think he picked it up from his aunt. It's that kind of smile that says, "I like what you're saying, how you look, and who you are. You're close to me." Were it not for the snow…I don't think I would've enjoyed that.

"I-I'd like that…"

I tell you, winter is a strange thing to give to those who've never tasted it before.

-T-T-T-

The next few days passed by uneventfully, as the sunless, chilly days of winter tend to do. No snow fell, nor was there a prospect for any in the next few weeks. It was still to warm, the news claimed. Something about freezing points and what not. No one at school found out about my birthday, or what had gone on that night. I almost felt guilty for leaving Hikari in the dark about it, since she was my best friend after all, but her present of simply passing over my day was good enough for me. I would tell her the date if she ever asked me, though. I think I grew up a little that night, and not just chronologically.

Faster than the ghosts your breath makes in the air could evaporate, Misato's 30th birthday was upon us. Shinji and I had made a deal on how to go about getting her gifts. We claimed to have a review session after school, but we were really going to take the train to the downtown shopping district to get her some nicer things. Even as we stepped on the train, we only had one problem: What exactly to get her.

"We could always just get her some fancy perfume or something," I suggested as I pushed through the crowded car to find a seat. "She'll go for that."

"But that's so impersonal..." Shinji objected. He gets in rare form when it comes to gift-giving, even going so far as to shoot down my ideas. I think that acknowledging the greatness of his birthday gift to me had given him a big head. Well, if he could use it to think of something, I would have no objections, maybe just a glare in his direction.

"Well, then what's your idea, smart ass?"

"T-this is going to sound really stupid..." he trailed off.

"What?"

"Before you came here," he began, barely audible as the train started to roar down the tracks, "I still did all of the chores and everything. One day, I was doing Misato's laundry, and I didn't check to see if she had anything in her coat pockets. She had left this bracelet in there, and it got broken in the wash. She didn't seem to upset about it to my face...she muttered something about "mistakes happen," and shrugged...but I could tell she was kind of sad about it. It was a charm bracelet."

"Only little kids wear those," I retorted.

"Yeah, well, I think she may have had it from when she was little."

Now this was intriguing, and good. Even if he was wrong, it would look thoughtful. "Oh, so like some kid of keepsake. I see what you're getting at."

"I know that, if that is true, I can't really replace it, but I can always get her a new one for new memories."

I couldn't help but smile. Shinji was so damn good at figuring out what to give people. I was always clueless in that area. "Shinji, that's actually a damn good idea. Why can't you be smart like this all the time? Then at least you could keep me entertained with something other than your stupidity."

Ah ha! There it was: The Blush. Works every time. Now that's what amuses me. "I-I guess I just remember stupid things that come in handy for things like this."

"Weirdo..." I barely even meant it. I wondered if he could tell.

-T-T-T-

We selected a quality department store after getting off the train and headed over to the jewelry counter. Then there came that one great question when it comes to jewelry:

"Silver, or gold?" I asked aloud.

"Huh?"

"Should we get it in silver or gold. I'm thinking gold..."

He pondered the thought for a minute, obviously not being very into jewelry himself. He didn't even wear a watch. "A lot of her other things were gold...and I think the bracelet was, but I'm not exactly sure..."

"If it was from when she was a kid, it probably was just steel, but we should get her something nice now, so we're going with gold," I decided.

We scanned the cases briefly, then Shinji piped up. "Wait...we're buying this from both of us, right?"

"Yeah."

"So who should pay for it?"

That was a good question. Neither of us really had money, actually, just our NERV cards, which were just as good, anyway. I had to think of a plan, other than the obvious, yet cruel answer of letting him pay for it all. It's not like we were on a date...AGH! What a disgusting thought! I shook that from my head, and mostly from the pit of my stomach, which was threatening to make itself visible. "Okay, you can buy the bracelet and I'll buy the charms. We can get her four charms, just to start her off, and then, if we're ever stuck on what to give her again, we can always get more. It's the gift that keeps on giving."

Shinji laughed. He'd obviously never heard of the Jelly of the Month Club...

With the assistance, or rather, hindrance of some dumb blonde saleswoman, we picked out a bracelet and charms. I think Shinji was about to die as I picked out the last one. What can I say, I'm picky, and his part of this gift was already over with. I picked out a little sports car, a martini glass, a penguin, and a heart. That worked enough for her.

And the total...well...let's not go there. I'll just say that it pays to be a government employee.

-T-T-T-

We got home to a sign on the door. It read, "Misato's 30th Birthday Bash!"

My favorite part was the cross out.

Leave it to someone like Misato to throw their own birthday party, though. I can't say that I didn't expect it. There was only one problem. We needed to get by her without her seeing the present or its little bag. Time for another brilliant strategy, and one to fool a strategist. Hopefully, she was already drunk off her ass.

"All right, Shinji, here's what we're going to do," I began, looking over my shoulder and talking in a low, scheming voice. "You're going to go in first and distract them, and I'll run in after you and I see if I can't get this wrapped."

He nodded, but kept staring at me.

"Well! What are you waiting for?!" I roared, probably a little too loud for the level of secrecy I wanted.

"S-sor--"

"Don't even say it!"

"Yes ma'am."

He sauntered up to the door and went in, getting their attention with a big, "I'm home." I hid up against a bend in the outside hallway. Just as the door closed, and he had finished taking off his shoes, I opened it again and ran in...

...Only to be tripped by the birthday girl herself.

"Dammit! Why aren't you drunk yet!" I screamed as I tried to right myself before she could see anything. I figured that would distract her for a minute.

"Ah, ah...not so fast!" She grabbed my ankle and prevented all possible escape. "What'cha got there, Asuka?"

"You could at least let me wrap it..." I pleaded, now going for the pity plea.

"I would, but you two already missed presents, so I'm afraid it can't wait," she told me matter-of-factly.

I simply handed her the bag over my back, mostly out of embarrassment over lying flat on my face in front of a bunch of people and arguing.

I turned around to see her ugly face smirking back at me. Across the room, Shinji looked fearful of my wrath and my blame being put on him. At the low table, besides the mountain of beer cans and take out boxes, sat Ritsuko and Kaji. Uh oh. Kaji. Time to put on that sweet little innocent girl face. Love me. "Oh! Hi Kaji!"

"Hey Asuka," he responded with a wave, though I could just see him groan internally at my change in demeanor. "Why are you and Shinji so late."

I pointed to the bag Misato was eyeing in her hands.

He nodded and smiled.

"So what is it?" the Major asked, taunting me.

"Just open it..." I said through clenched teeth, letting the anger at her move seep back in.

She did, making a mess of the neat little boxing job the saleswoman had done. Her mischievous grin was gone in less than a second, once she laid eyes on the combination of charms and bracelet. She looked shocked, then reminiscent, then amused as she laughed at the charms. She looked up at the both of us. "How did you guys know?"

"Shinji told me about how he broke some old bracelet of yours and wanted to replace it," I summed up for her.

She smiled at him, though I didn't mind. Even though I had taken pains to pick out all the stuff, it was his idea. "That's really sweet..."

"I-I thought y-you'd like it...B-but it's from both of us. Asuka did most of the work," he reported through his stammer.

At least the boy knew how to give credit to someone. Misato hugged the both of us and then began fiddling with her bracelet.

The mission was a success.

-T-T-T-

The next day was Sunday, and after Misato recovered from her hangover, we went to pick up my tree. Misato turned the heat up all the way in her car, making it absolutely stifling, due to the fact that we were all decked out in our winter gear, but she was still freezing. Honestly, for someone that this wasn't the first winter for, she couldn't tolerate cold at all. The cool rush of air felt good as I hopped out of the passenger seat and onto the dirt road of the tree farm.

A grubby-looking guy in a flannel coat approached us. "What can I do for ya?" he asked.

Misato handed him the pink copy of the order that had been in my gift box. "We're here to pick this up."

He read it over and beckoned us through the rows of evergreen trees, finally stopping amongst the slightly smaller ones. "All right. It says here that you ordered a 1.75 meter Douglas Fur, so you can have any tree in these two rows," he told us, gesturing to our selection.

And there's where I went to work. It was my present, after all. As you can probably imagine, I'm damn picky when it comes to trees, and I was the only one there, maybe besides the old lumberjack-wannabe, who knew anything about them. Sturdy, healthy, and no holes...all the trees were nice, but I had to find that one that stood out from the rest. After about fifteen minutes of browsing, I came upon one that had the perfect shape. "This one!" I called out, pointing.

I could just smell Christmas in the air right about then. The guy was actually pretty nice and strapped my tree to Misato's car free of charge and threw in a stand, then bid us goodbye and good luck, after a lecture about proper tree care.

When we got home, we had Shinji haul the thing up into the elevator and then into the apartment, trailing needles everywhere. Hey, we had to put some meat on the kid somehow. It took all three of us to set it up and getting it looking decent. It had a nice cozy spot in the corner of the living room, just to the right of the balcony doors.

"Okay...now what?" Shinji asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Right then and there, I decided that this was going to be an expensive month.

-T-T-T-

After I told them about all the crap we had to buy to put on the tree, we came to a mutual decision about waiting until the evening to do it. I swear, though, that before Misato headed off to her room, she whispered menacingly to Shinji, "Next year, research more before you buy something so damn expensive..." I could've heard wrong, though, since I was just standing there, admiring my little tree. I was just barely taller than it.

I turned around to head off to my own room, only to find stupid Shinji staring at me again. "What are you looking at?!" I demanded, probably for the thousandth time since I'd met him.

"Nothing..."

No blush, no stutter...maybe he wasn't being a pervert for once. I had to admit, that little tree in the warm, well-lit living room was a nice sight.

-T-T-T-

I don't think one can easily imagine how hard it is to find the stuff you put on a Christmas tree in a country that's not familiar with the holiday. For three consecutive days, I searched every little shop I could find, but none of them had what I needed. Then, on the third day, I found it. The shop was nothing more than a little hole in the wall Christian book store. I figured, with the rarity of finding something like that in town, I could at least as the clerk if he knew of any place that could supply me with what I needed. However, when I entered, I was met with a sight for sore eyes.

The room was lit with nothing but the multi-colored lights of a tree that reached the ceiling of the little place. It was decked out in the old-fashioned way, with big lights, popcorn, red beads, and gaudy ornaments. Two other trees, though smaller in size, stood as well, though decorated in different styles and colors. On the shelves, rather than religious self-help books and devotionals, were packages of lights, garlands, ornaments...everything I needed.

I think, with all the crap I bought, the clerk was just as happy as I was after I left.

I ran home, loaded down with bags of decorations, my body shivering as its heat contrasted with the biting cold of the air. It was almost Christmas, tomorrow was the last day of school that year, and I was going home to decorate my tree.

As I came in the door, panting, Shinji poked his head out of the kitchen and greeted me with a funny look.

"What happened?" he asked, thinking I had run from something.

I gestured to the bags, still trying to catch my breath and get rid of my coat.

He stepped towards them tentatively and peeked in one. He pulled out a box of those shiny glass globe ornaments that I had gotten, in read of course, and pondered over them. "So you found the all stuff you wanted?"

I nodded, still grinning.

He smiled. "That's great! When do you want to put it up?"

"Now!" I demanded, though still sounding almost drugged in my euphoria.

"But Misato's not home yet," he protested. "Shouldn't we wait for her?"

I brought some of my purchases to the kitchen and began unload them. Shinji followed with the rest. "You idiot," I responded after admiring some garland, "Can't you see that we'll barely even be started by the time she gets here?"

Only then did he take in the number of items that were being strewn across the surfaces of his once clean kitchen. "I really hope those cards of ours don't have any sort of limit..." was all he could say.

"You're not the only one."

What he didn't know, though, was that he was the first person I was done Christmas shopping for, and he was going to love his gift.

-T-T-T-

"Hey Shinji," I began as I finished stringing the last line of white lights, "Should I have a Christmas party?"

He thought on it for a while, opening the box that the tree skirt was resting in. "I would like it, but I don't know about anyone else really. I mean, Misato would, just because it's a party, and maybe Kaji, but none of the kids at school would really like it. Rei wouldn't come...she never does."

Oh no, here we go again. The Rei bullshit. Time for a taunt. "What? Upset that your little girlfriend doesn't come to your parties?" That'd get him.

"She's not my girlfriend!"

I chuckled. The picture of the two of them on a date, just sitting there, starting awkwardly at one another, was enough to set me into a fit of laughter.

"I-I just feel sorry for her. I just don't think she has a lot of fun in her life."

He did have a point, but, "People like her don't put fun on their list of priorities," I told him. "So it's not like she cares."

"Maybe she doesn't even know what a party is..."

I laughed again. "She can't be that dense. C'mon. She probably just spends all her time staring out the window, like she does in class. Can't say that I'd like that kind of life, but whatever floats her boat..."

Shinji didn't say anything. He just kept at taking things out of their packages as I told him to, but after a short while, he said. "I don't think the kids at school would really enjoy it..."

"You're right," I conceded, then added, "Strangely enough. Nobody really gives a crap about holidays and old traditions around here."

We were silent for a while more. I got all the cords connected and plugged in the tree, only to turn around to see Shinji eyeing the tree skirt suspiciously.

"What is this thing?"

Now, that would've been funny enough by itself, but, the idiot that he is, Shinji had put it around his neck. I wished that I had a camera, but I did explain it to him, eventually. You see, I had to recover from laughing so hard I cried first.

-T-T-T-

The students of Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High were particularly antsy as the minutes until the last bell ticked by. You see, not only was it the last day of school for three whole weeks, it had been snowing steadily since that morning. It was the first measurable snowfall the city had seen in its short history, and we couldn't wait to get out and enjoy it.

I think Hikari even forget her whole bowing routine, but she may have tried to get the class to do it. I couldn't tell you. I was in the middle of the stampede out the door at the time. I rushed to my locker, threw on my coat and dove out of the doors and into the whitened world.

Snow, wonderful snow. Everything seemed somehow hushed, even though I was surrounded by screaming kids and noisy traffic. It was all serene and white. Pure again. The ground creaked beneath my feet as I shuffled through the ever-growing layer of snow. I saw some kids molding it with their hands, others threw and kicked it at each other.

Then I had the greatest idea I'd ever had. I picked up a handful of snow and molded it with the heat of my bare hands into a rough ball-shape. I quietly picked out my target. The stooges were only a short distance away. Touji was trying to catch snow on his tongue, so he didn't even notice when I hurled the ball of snow at him. He did, however, fall over, flat on his face, when it stuck him in the back of the head.

"Payback's a bitch, ain't it, stooge?" I screamed triumphantly.

"It's less of a bitch than you are, devil!" he retorted as he sprang to his feet, only to fall back down again in the slippery snow.

That, I decided, as the kids laughed at him and not me, was a good time to slide my way home.

-T-T-T-

I couldn't believe I had been shopping on Christmas Eve. Usually, I made a point of getting my shopping done early, but with no sales going on, my schedule was already greatly thrown off. The stores hadn't even been crowded! It was just, weird. Oh well, at least I had my own little sanctuary of tradition and rightness. Besides, maybe the snow kept the crowds away. It had been snowing like crazy ever since the day school let out. City crews had been re-learning the ideas of plowing and salting roads frantically, but there was no discontent among the citizens. Everyone was happy.

We were all grateful for things going back to normal, even if the normal we had known was begin destroyed by it. That first winter was comforting in a way, and there had been no Angels for at least two or three months.

When I got in, I ran to my room and managed to avoid the two people who were readying the apartment for the holiday. It was just going to be me, Misato, and Shinji again, though Kaji said he might drop by for an hour or so to ring in the holiday with us. No one else was getting anybody gifts, that I knew of, but I was glad to teach by example. That way, they'd learn. I think, though, that by that time, I had almost bored Misato and Shinji to death with my Christmas rantings, but they took it all in stride. Shinji had been up since early that morning, cooking from recipes I got my step-mom to e-mail me. She had even called me up that afternoon. Even if it was for show, it was nice to hear from someone back home and be wished a Frohe Weihnachten. I actually enjoyed the noises of the party going on behind the voices more than what she or my father had to say. I could hear my drunken uncle singing "Oh Tannenbaum!" I hummed it for the rest of the afternoon, even as I wrapped up the gifts.

I even helped out Shinji with the food, I was so excited. I thank Misato for not cooking, even. Really, I was in rare form that day. I think I confused the hell out of my roomies, or rather, my lack of complaining and insults did.

But I didn't have anything to complain about.

I had a Christmas tree. It was decked out in white lights, silver garland, gold beads, and various ornaments, the majority of which were red glass balls. A silver star topped it, and a gold-trimmed red tree skirt lay underneath it.

I had a good western meal on the way. A turkey, with stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and all the good stuff.

I had winter. The snow was nearly a meter high in some spots. We couldn't even open the patio door anymore without filling the living room with it. My drink of choice was now hot chocolate.

I had a little bit of happiness and I felt like a little kid again.

However, I realized, while boiling the potatoes, that I had broken a resolution I had made. Not a New Years resolution, mind you, but rather one for a lifetime. I had always said that I didn't need other people to be happy and that I never would. Well, there was only one person to really blame for this shower of happiness, and he was apologizing to me for having to ask what the word I had written was. I didn't blame him, since I can barely read my own kanji, but I did tell him to stop apologizing.

Shinji had brought this on. He had recognized my unhappiness over the lack of holidays in his country and he had given me one. He done more than just give me a Christmas tree. He gave me hope, really. I had promised that I would bring Christmas to Japan once, but I had never tried to fulfill that promise. He started me on it. He had gotten the ball rolling.

"I should thank him..." I thought aloud.

"What?"

"Nothing, idiot!"

-T-T-T-

Misato set the table, as that was the only thing she could really do in the kitchen, besides make hot chocolate, that didn't cause explosions or stomach aches. Shinji was frantically finishing up the cooking and I was making sure that everything was right. All was well, at least for the time being, and everyone seemed pretty happy. We were about to have dinner on Christmas Eve.

Shinji hoisted the turkey onto a platter and brought it to the table, making a wonderful centerpiece of meat. The setting was simple, just three people, but there were forks and knives, napkins and ceramic plates, and the food I loved. I couldn't help feeling at home, even if the table was low to the ground, it was still loaded with the western holiday's traditions.

We sat down, and I started something I had been rehearsing in my head all evening. "I know you guys don't hear this from me a lot, but thanks. I didn't think I'd be doing this, or that you'd go along with it, and I really appreciate the fact that you guys did all this for me." Not exactly eloquent, but what was I supposed to do, completely shatter my image? I think not.

"It's no problem, Asuka," Misato told me, gleaning over the turkey out of the corner of her eye as she smiled.

"You're welcome," Shinji replied, beaming like he'd never been thanked before.

"Well," Misato sounded almost edgy, "You guys have been working on this all day, so let's dig in!"

No need for the customary prayers of old. I can't say that I didn't miss them, but I was confused about religion and such, and I wanted to show them that holidays didn't have to be about much of anything having to do with religion. We ravenously served ourselves, or at least I did. I was too busy gorging to notice the others. Shinji had really outdone himself that time. The food was better than I remembered it being.

After the feasting died down a bit, and our mouths weren't full of nothing but food, we talked a bit. That's not something we normally did, just talk. Usually, I went off to my room or the living room as soon as I finished dinner. Misato went out to a bar or over to Kaji's. Shinji would also disappear to somewhere in the house. That's the thing with Christmas, though. You sit around with the people you know and talk. You do what you wouldn't normally do, if it weren't a holiday.

That's what the holidays are about...just breaking the routine, having fun, talking...that sort of thing.

Kaji did stop by for a little while. He scrounged through the leftovers that were still on the table and had a couple glasses of wine. Again, we just talked, though this time on the couches in the living room. He left late in the evening, and Misato decided to go to bed soon after that. It was pretty late, but I was used to another, unsung tradition of Christmas. I always stayed up late on Christmas Eve. As I a child, I hoped to catch a glimpse of Santa or his reindeer, and as I got older, it was just something my family did. I would stay up past midnight and brag to my older cousins about how well I was doing in college, or talk science with my uncles. Again, just talking, getting to know people over and over again.

I looked out the window, onto the half-empty parking lot of our building, covered in snow. It wasn't my front yard in Germany that accompanied the old stone house, but it worked well enough.

"C'mon Shinji," I ordered as Misato retired to her room, "Let's go outside."

"But it's almost midnight !" he protested.

"So? I wanna play in the snow. Another one of my stupid traditions. We have to go outside," I lied. It really wasn't, but I felt like it, and I knew he would respect that enough to tag along. I didn't want to look stupid, outside in the cold all by myself.

We put on our winter gear that now looking less than new. Winter had come to stay in Tokyo-3, at least until it was time for it to leave again. In a few months, the city would see its first real spring.

We went outside, tromping about in snow up to our knees. I struck up a snowball war that didn't last too long. Apparently, everyone was adopting my craze. Even Misato had hurled a few at my head, but more at Shinji's. We laughed and played, just like little kids.

Christmas always makes me feel like a little kid. I almost caught myself looking to the sky to see if I could spot a sleigh.

Eventually, the cold got to us, and I decided that we should go in, and that he should make me hot chocolate once we got there. On the way up, I looked at my watch. I was after midnight , and Christmas.

Now was as good as any time. I had really come to an understanding, or maybe I had just softened up, or melted like snow, but I realized something that December. I had people around me who really gave I damn about what I said and thought. They cared about me, and made me a part of their lives, even if I could be a little bitch to them. They gave me what I wanted and made me happy, and even though I tried to invent some reasons for my feisty attitude towards them, I knew it was wrong. I should give back occasionally. It wasn't right for me to just take and take from them.

Shinji had given me Christmas, and I had shown him a holiday in return, but I had decided that wasn't really enough. At first, my idea of a present for him was cynical at best, or down right devious. It was stupid of me to do what I always did, and on a holiday. Like I said, holidays are when you take time to do what you never do, and often should do. Now I took it seriously. If it led to anything, fine. If it didn't, fine. If he liked it, good. That was the point.

We reached the door way and he opened it, stepping inside first, then making room for me in the little entrance to the apartment. I took a deep breath, pushed the butterflies in my stomach down, and approached him. I looked at him, paralyzing him instantly with what must've been an unknown expression to him.

I took off my gloves, and gently slid my hands around his face, and pressed my lips to his.

He was shocked at first, I could tell, even if I wasn't holding his nose this time, but then he melted into it, as did I. There was a plus to this, I had to admit. I liked it. Here I was, kissing the boy I constantly deemed a loser in the wee hours of the morning. Our noses were cold as they rubbed against our hot cheeks, warm from blushing. I pulled back, almost regretting doing so.

"Merry Christmas, Shinji," I announced with a warm smile, "And thank you."

"B-but...wha?" he stammered, looking happy, but utterly confused.

I pointed to the small sprig of leaves that hung above the door we had just gone through and said simply, "Mistletoe."