"It's not if your heart is beating or not, it's whether you have the heart
to accept it"
Daniel Quinn
Priest Dignitary Consultant
Just outside of Sunnydale
How do I feel? I don't know, everything's a blur, pain, excitement, and death all rolled into one. It's like my life has finally begun again. My heart may not be beating, but I'm alive, I can feel it. I'm finally alive, but I've killed so many. So many lives lost because of me, because I was an animal. Innocent people, losing their lives, not knowing I was going to be the one. The one who would kill their husbands, their wives, their mothers and fathers and even their children while they watched. Putting them through such agony, making them WANT to die before I finally killed them. I'm a monster. A Monster who deserves to die the way I've killed so many. How could I do such things and dance on their bloody bodies while I toasted my brandy? How can a man feel alive like I do, after having the memories I have?
The cab's stopping, it's time to finally go home.
I'm in the cab now, the cabby's smoking, and the smell's making me sick, I quickly try to wave the smoke away from my face with my hand. Doesn't do any good. But I still feel better, I'm out of those clothes, they were too binding and morbid.
"Where to?" the cabby asks me in a deep raspy voice.
"Um..16-1630 Revello Dr., please," I feel unsure of myself, as if I know the cabby could see right through me, to the monster I once had been.
"Don't be so bloody stupid," I whisper to myself.
Would she accept me? Would she finally love me? I don't know. I drop my head, to view my knickers. Well, one thing's for certain, I'd make a good impression. I have on my beige suit, the one I had worn the day I became a monster. I know it seems a bit.well, old, but I belong in the 18th century. I can't be modern, all I know is what I used to be. The car's slowing down, we must be here. I can feel my muscles tightening. What if she lowers me to a rank, arrogant pig like she always has?
I pay the cabby, and exit through the back door. Standing straight I size the house with my eyes, what if she's not home? Stop it, just bloody stop it. I can't be the pansy I was, that's what caused the pain and hurt, just do it.
Okay, I'm walking up the stairs now, I'm at the door. Just breathe, think clearly. I'm knocking on the door now. Now I can tell she's home. I hear voices, and I can hear the footsteps getting louder. The door opens.
Her face, her beautiful face, in total awe. I'm not certain if it was good or bad, but it doesn't really matter.
"Spike!" she managed to get out.
"Please Buffy," I replied, "Call me William.
Just outside of Sunnydale
How do I feel? I don't know, everything's a blur, pain, excitement, and death all rolled into one. It's like my life has finally begun again. My heart may not be beating, but I'm alive, I can feel it. I'm finally alive, but I've killed so many. So many lives lost because of me, because I was an animal. Innocent people, losing their lives, not knowing I was going to be the one. The one who would kill their husbands, their wives, their mothers and fathers and even their children while they watched. Putting them through such agony, making them WANT to die before I finally killed them. I'm a monster. A Monster who deserves to die the way I've killed so many. How could I do such things and dance on their bloody bodies while I toasted my brandy? How can a man feel alive like I do, after having the memories I have?
The cab's stopping, it's time to finally go home.
I'm in the cab now, the cabby's smoking, and the smell's making me sick, I quickly try to wave the smoke away from my face with my hand. Doesn't do any good. But I still feel better, I'm out of those clothes, they were too binding and morbid.
"Where to?" the cabby asks me in a deep raspy voice.
"Um..16-1630 Revello Dr., please," I feel unsure of myself, as if I know the cabby could see right through me, to the monster I once had been.
"Don't be so bloody stupid," I whisper to myself.
Would she accept me? Would she finally love me? I don't know. I drop my head, to view my knickers. Well, one thing's for certain, I'd make a good impression. I have on my beige suit, the one I had worn the day I became a monster. I know it seems a bit.well, old, but I belong in the 18th century. I can't be modern, all I know is what I used to be. The car's slowing down, we must be here. I can feel my muscles tightening. What if she lowers me to a rank, arrogant pig like she always has?
I pay the cabby, and exit through the back door. Standing straight I size the house with my eyes, what if she's not home? Stop it, just bloody stop it. I can't be the pansy I was, that's what caused the pain and hurt, just do it.
Okay, I'm walking up the stairs now, I'm at the door. Just breathe, think clearly. I'm knocking on the door now. Now I can tell she's home. I hear voices, and I can hear the footsteps getting louder. The door opens.
Her face, her beautiful face, in total awe. I'm not certain if it was good or bad, but it doesn't really matter.
"Spike!" she managed to get out.
"Please Buffy," I replied, "Call me William.