Kiki stormed into the porch that doubled as a council room. Dresses bugged her immensely. The damned thing swished as she walked, swaying with her agitation.

"Laugh and die." She growled. Elrond jumped a foot in the air and landed, shaking.

"Please, Lady Kiki, have a seat. We eagerly await your tale." He said, cursed if he was going to show his fear. Kiki took the only available spot in the circle, scrunched between Legolas and Aragorn.

"You look nice Lady K…"Legolas said

"Later elf-boy. Much." She hissed

The council started, as it must, until Boromir said his poem.

"Seek for the Sword that was broken

In Imladris it dwells

There shall councils taken

Stronger than Morgul spells

There shall be shown a token

That doom is near at hand

For Isilder's Bane shall be woken

And the Halfling forth shall stand." he said

"Aw, sit-down, windbag. Over there is the future King of Gondor, he's got the Sword that was Broken, AKA Elendil's sword. You know the one that broke under him when he fell, good. Now, smart one, where are we?"

"Uh, Imladris? In a council?" He asked haughtily

"Right," Kiki's voice dripped with sarcasm "Hey Frodo, show him the ring." As Frodo produced the ring, she continued "Behold, Isilder's Bane. Ohh, ahh. Let's get this over with." She squirmed in the chair. The heathen dress was on her nerves.

Good Eru girl! How much do you know?" asked and utterly astonished Elrond

"From the time Gandalf picked Bilbo for a thief to the marriage of Aragorn and Arwen. Don't know much in the way of your past, I never read the Silmarillion (spelling?)." Elrond blinked a few times

"o_O, Ok… Will you please tell your tale?" he said

"Sure, where do you want me to start?" she responded

"Um, try from when you were born, I have a few questions about your past that need an answer."

"K. I was born in San Diego, California. Yes, that is a place. Once elves *did* live here, but they died out a long time ago. It's located on Earth, not Middle-Earth. There, this entire thing is a story, and everything ends happily, except for you Boromir. Anywho before I was born my father left my mom. She cared for me, but didn't have a lot of time. I learned how to do things at an early age, cook, clean, exc. When I was seven, my brother was born; I took care of him, cause she was working three jobs. My sister was born seven years later, I was fourteen. I had a lot of experience in keeping up with babies by then. Bobby was seven, and in school. I took care of Jenny for three years, when mom died. She was mutilated, butchered with a sword. I hunted down her killer, and that one will go raiding no more. I was reading the Fellowship of the Ring to my siblings, and this guy came in and shot at us. Uhh, he used a thing like the most compact crossbow you've ever seen, and the arrow is so small it looks like a sphere of metal. He should have killed us, but we came here. That is my story." Kiki was really out of breath

"What was your mother's name?" asked Elrond tentatively

"Eressëa, Eressëaiauana. But everyone called her Erin." Elrond paled

"Never before has the nameless one been spoken of in this hall since she left!" Exclaimed Legolas. Kiki glared at him.

Why is Kiki's mother called the 'nameless one'? Is 'Kiki' Kiki's full name? What's up with Jenny? Why does Kiki resemble Arwen? Is Bobby really as evil as his sister makes him look? All these questions and more answered. Now, Dear Reader, I've got a question for you to answer. This *IS* going to get Mary-Sue-ed, so who will Kiki fall in love with? Aragorn? Or Legolas? I'll tally up the votes in three days, no votes and I'll choose. If you're reading this and don't have an oppinion, tell me anyway.