Balamb Garden's Yuletide Vacation

Chapter Nine

Saturday, December the Ninth

It was midmorning on a Saturday and that meant, cold weather or not, the Balamb Harbor Charity Flea Market was up and running at full tilt. It was a weekly tradition for most of the residents of the City of Balamb and the surrounding countryside to visit the flea market. There were usually also visitors from Timber, Dollet, and Trabia. After all the last two locations were a mere boat ride away. In fact, sometimes people traveled from as far away as Deling City if they were searching for a specific item that they had been unable to locate in Galbadia.

The 'charity' part of the Charity Flea Market was sometimes in question, but the local authorities always looked the other away because it generated so much revenue for their town and it's inhabitants. And not just in the area of the flea market itself, but also money spent on meals and lodging. This explained how it was possible that the Garden had a booth of its own usually manned by Brian, the most conceited SeeD at Garden.

There was also a brand new Garden-sponsored booth run by Nida, who had weaseled special dispensation out of Cid. In effect this meant that all he had to do was to pay Cid ten percent of his profits. Brian, one the other hand, turned all his proceeds into Cid and all he ever received in return was a good feeling for helping the Garden (although every once in a while he would meet a tender young thing who would be enamored with his being a SeeD).

Since it was the holiday season the Charity Flea Market was thronged with visitors searching for gifts for their special someones. Nida's booth in particular that morning was crowded with young women who were picking through masculine gift items, such as cologne and jewelry.

Suddenly Linnea exclaimed, "Say, isn't that my brand new night gown that I'm missing?" She stood holding a beautiful red velvet and lace gown in her hands.

"Oh no!" Nida protested. "I'm sure you're mistaken, my items come directly from bankrupt businesses." He reached out to take the merchandize back, but the young woman stepped back so Nida couldn't reach it.

"No, I'm certain this is mine," she replied firmly. "It has my name in it, right here – see?"

"Hey!" exclaimed Shana. "That's my polka-dotted Pokemon bra and panty set. There isn't another one of those within a thousand miles and mine is missing!"

"That's my bed lamp!" accused Reba. "It has a small chip on it at the base."

When the other young women, who included Brianna and Danine, began finding some of their 'lost' items, Nida exclaimed, "Okay, ladies! That's it for this morning. I have to close down for my spiritual time. Come back this afternoon." He managed to push them out of his small, tented area and closed off the flap without any more loss of merchandize than he had already experienced.

As the young women had remained clustered around outside his sales area, he hoped they became bored and moved on soon so he could reopen. Phew, he thought. Seifer will never believe this. What am I gonna tell him?

~*~

Quistis trailed behind Selphie at the flea market as she had on the their previous shopping occasion at Balamb Mall. The smaller more energetic SeeD whisked expertly in and out of the crowd, and Quistis was having difficulty keeping up with her friend. It seemed as if Selphie discovered something she just had to have at each booth they came to and then right after purchase it became Quistis' responsibility to carry.

After coming out of one shopping area before entering another, Quistis complained, "Selphie, could we stop for a moment and sit down and get something to drink? You're wearing me out." Before Selphie could respond Quistis' eyes opened wide and she exclaimed, "Oh MY!"

Selphie turned to observe Rinoa shopping with a group of her sycophants from her sub-committee. "Holy Shiva…" muttered Selphie, putting a hand to her mouth to hide her amused grin.

Rinoa was once again decked out in one of her mind-boggling holiday outfits. She was wearing a beautiful long red gown that had been altered to include a five-foot train of green velvet. Two rather large sleigh earrings dangled on each side of her face, and there was a holiday wreath on top of her head, complete with artificial candles that flickered almost realistically. That was bizarre enough, but Rinoa completed the outfit with a small holiday tree dangling from her nose.

"I didn't know Rinoa had her nose pierced," Selphie said, unable to keep the astonishment from her voice.

It was at that moment that the local terror of the neighborhood the eight-year-old male child known solely by the appellation of 'Big Bad Rascal' came walking by with his mother. Before anyone realized what was happening, Big Bad Rascal burst from his mother's side and disappeared under the train of Rinoa's gown.

The movement beneath Rinoa's gown resembled the passage of food along the body of a boa constrictor as 'Big Bad Rascal' made his way to where the train ended and her gown began. When he finally entered the secret place beneath Rinoa's gown, Rinoa began to gyrate and scream wildly making all who watched the scene wonder what exactly the little boy was doing.

The boy's mother was finally galvanized into action. She ran over and dove under the train. "You come out of there right now, young man!" she cried out.

Unfortunately by the time the young woman had extricated her son, Rinoa's train had been badly ripped. Once again, though, propriety was saved. Beneath her gown Rinoa wore a pair of knickers that were decorated with Happy on the back of one leg and Holidays on the other.

Rinoa began to keen in protest and Quistis grabbed Selphie by her upper arm. "Oh Hyne! If Rinoa Angel Wings here, we may never see her again!"

Luckily Rinoa was again able to utilize the anger management technique she had been taught so many years prior. It only took her seven times of counting backwards from ten to one until she lovingly gazed upon her tormenter and praised in a sugary sweet voice, "Such a cute little boy!" She turned to the other members of her shopping expedition who were all staring at her with wide eyes and chalky complexions that indicated their anxiety over Rinoa's possible reaction to the scene. "Come," she said dramatically, "Let us hire a cab and return to the Garden. We have much decorating left to do."

As Rinoa and her entourage left the immediate area headed for the taxicab stand, Quistis visibly relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief. That had just been too close, she thought.    

~*~

Irvine had everything laid out that he needed to accomplish his task, which would reunite him with his beloved Selphie. Irvine had decided that he had moped long enough. As soon as Zell came back from working out, Irvine was hoping he would be literally delivered to her arms. The young cowboy had already acquired a carton large enough so he could be 'mailed' to his girlfriend.

The sometime wannabe philanderer quickly went about his task of covering the box with festive holiday wrapping paper. Irvine then wrapped the box lid also. All Zell would have to do was deliver Irvine back into the good graces of his true love.

The longhaired man discovered he hadn't finished a moment too soon as Zell hurried into his room. "Okay Zell, I'll get in the box and you put the lid on and tie it shut with the ribbon." He pointed to the cart he'd borrowed from the mailroom. "Then push me down to Selphie's room."

Zell had perspiration dripping from him because of his intense physical workout. "Hey, give a minute!" the blond-haired warrior protested. "I need to take a quick shower."

"Okay," Irvine agreed, "but hurry up." Irvine's sense of hygiene had already been greatly offended and he wouldn't care to have Zell dripping copious amounts of sweat onto his gift box.

"Five minutes – tops," said Zell.

Zell was true to his promise as five minutes later he emerged from the steamy bathroom toweling himself off.  You know, he does have a nice body, Irvine thought. Whoa!!! What am I thinking? I have been away from Selphie for too long.

Observing the strange expression on his friend's face, Zell asked, "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," Irvine muttered while glancing away. "Just hurry up, will you?"

"Okay, okay."

A few minutes later Zell was completed outfitted once again. After Irvine climbed into the box, Zell placed the lid in place and appropriately wrapped it in ribbon and tied a passable bow on top. Zell began to push the parcel into the hallway but was soon stopped by several of his hand-to-hand combat students greeting him. Oh no! the presently boxed cowboy thought. He realized with a sinking heart how easily Zell could become distracted from the task at hand.

"Zell," one of the students said, "they're serving hot dogs right now in the cafeteria; first come, first serve."

"Yeah," another one agreed. "You better go right now or they'll all be gone."

"But I have to deliver this present to F-Dorm, hallway B, room 23 right away," Zell replied, the appeal for some help obvious in his tone.

"Oh, we can do that," the third student assured the blond-haired SeeD.

"Are you certain you can handle it?" Zell inquired. "This is very important."

"Certainly, sir," they assured him.

"Okay then, thanks a lot," Zell called out already running down the corridor.

The three students looked at each other with smug expressions, secure in the knowledge they were assured passable grades when Zell reported their helpfulness to Instructor Aki. One of them attempted to continue pushing the huge box, but being rather slight in nature was unable to budge the load. One of his buddies attempted to help, but instead of moving as intended the cart tilted and dumped its load to the floor. Irvine groaned in pain, but no one heard him.

"Good job!" said the third student said sarcastically.

The other two glared at their friend. "If you think you can do better," retorted the first, "be my guest." He gestured to the box.

 "Damn!" the third student complained when he defiantly tried to lift the box back onto the cart. "What's he got in here – bricks?"

I knew Zell would screw this up, Irvine thought miserably from within the present. Suddenly he heard a rather wispy voice that sounded vaguely familiar to him despite the strange tone say, "You fellows having a problem?"

"Yeah, we are, we're supposed to deliver this to F-Dorm, hallway B, room 23 and it's too heavy to carry."

The person who had spoken was a rather tall man wearing black frame glasses and appeared to have a large nose and black mustache. Leaning over the box, he read the label. It read To Selphie, from Irvine.

"Well, you're in luck, I can deliver this for you," the man asserted while bending over and easily replacing the package to the cart and effortlessly sliding it down the hallway. "Gee, thanks mister," one of the students said.

"No problem," the man answered. Inside the carton Irvine thought, Thank Hyne, but I'm gonna kill that Zell when I see him.

The rather odd appearing young man gently deposited the box in front of room 23, then leaned over and ripped the greeting label off and stuffed it in his pocket. After he rapped on the door, the man walked quickly down the hallway, but not far enough that he didn't a good view of what was to happen next.

The door opened and three young women stood in the doorway. As they were all SeeDs, the young women were dressed in civvies since they were now officially off duty for the day.

"Hey look, Andrea, somebody has left you a package," Danine exclaimed excitedly.

"Who's it from?" the dark-haired young woman naturally asked.

"It doesn't say."

"What are you waiting for?" a young woman named Corinne asked. "Open it up."

Andrea tore into the job with relish and quickly tore off the ribbon and part of the paper before lifting the top. And out popped Irvine! It was a toss up who was more surprised – the young cowboy or the three female SeeDs.

"Oh what a great gift," gushed Danine, only halfway joking. "You are so lucky!"

Andrea began pulling Irvine from the carton while thinking, It's not Squall, but I think I may be able to make do...just this once.

As Irvine's continual bad luck would have it, he had been delivered, not to Selphie's hall, but instead to hallway C. And just at that exact moment, Selphie was walking by with Quistis when her eyes fell upon the totally reprehensible sight of Irvine allowing himself to be mauled by three pretty young women.

"Irvine Kinneas!" Selphie screeched.

Irvine froze as if hit by stop magic as did Andrea also, while Corinne and Danine continued to pull Irvine's long coat from his body. Andrea offered a sickly grin to Selphie since she desired to remain in her sponsor's good graces, but one look at the fury evident on Selphie's normally placid features explained to her it was far too late for that.

Selphie quickly turned away from the awful tableau that lay before her and stormed away down the corridor with Quistis following in her wake. Irvine cried out in vain. "Wait Selphie! It's not what it looks like." Oh why me? he thought piteously, Why me?

After Selphie and Quistis had passed by him and then off the hallway, the odd appearing and even odder sounding tall man chortled to himself and then stepped into the wall. He had one more bit of business to attend to before the night was through.

Seifer traveled quickly through the hidden passageways to hallway B. Standing inside the wall by the hidden door he waited until he heard the angry expostulations of Selphie and the more soothing and soft-spoken comments of Quistis. Seifer's hair stood on end when heard the raucous holiday good will whining of Rinoa as she joined the duo.

Hyne! The unholy three! he thought sardonically. The ex-knight pressed his ear up against the almost completely invisible crack of the door and listened carefully until he heard his three female nemeses enter Selphie's room. Seifer stepped out quickly into the hallway even though he had no way of knowing if anyone was watching or not, because if it was to be done...it had to be done quickly.

His luck held, as there was not one person loitering in the corridor. He supposed they were all inside their rooms dolling themselves up for the dinner hour. Mwahaha! he thought. You know I really have to quit doing that. I'm beginning to scare myself, it's no wonder I'm worrying Raijin and Fujin.

Seifer stepped quickly along down the corridor and stopped at the door to Selphie's room. He was carrying several long segments of rope he had left secured in the passageway earlier in the day. Once Seifer reached the door to 'the little messenger girl's' room, he tied one end of the rope to the doorknob and then stretched the rope across the hall. Seifer then tied the other end of the rope to the door of the room opposite of the Selphie's. Since the doors opened in, the occupants of the rooms would not be able to get out as long as the rope held. The ex-knight quickly set about his task of arranging rope on several other sets of doors. (Although many of the offices and rooms in the Garden now had the modern magnetic door pads, this particular corridor still held the older styles of doors and locks.)

 Seifer heard one of the doors in question attempting to be opened and he turned and ran up the hall on his tiptoes until he reached the entrance to the hidden passageway. After flipping on the fire alarm, he stood with his arms crossed to witness his latest destruction to the psyche of his victims.

As soon as the young women heard the fire alarm they attempted to exit their rooms quickly. He was delighted when he heard the first screams of the female SeeDs and upperclassmen when they discovered they couldn't exit their rooms, but Seifer was profoundly disappointed when he witnessed Selphie's door come flying out into the hall and slam down onto the floor. Apparently Rinoa had been able to utilize her sorceress magic and cast thundaga at the door, as it was still smoking from the electrical shock.

Damn her! Seifer thought as he ducked back inside the wall. I'll get her yet, although I have to admit between Commander Puberty and what she is doing to herself, there's not too much more I could do to her that would be worse.