This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you.
Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction.
CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'.
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[TV-14 FVLN]
Last time on Tekkaman Z!
It seems that Lance has some pressure problems! The Ascendant Tekkaman trials, the long journey, the re-entry into Earth's atmosphere, and the attack by Earth's defense forces have all taken their toll on Lance! And he will stop at nothing to relieve his pressure!
*Lance tosses Roshi off the toilet and across the shop*
Meanwhile, the Space Knights hear about Lance's burglary and rush to the scene! Not surprisingly, they find that they must go through Lance to get the precious dragonball!
Blade and Saber: "VOL-TEKKA!"
Lance: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."
All right! Another dragonball found!
Meanwhile, General Galt, head of the Allied Military, has a little accident in the cafeteria! But no problem, he's got a brilliant plan up his sleeve!
Beverage owner: "Oh no! My coffee!"
Melders can't help but follow Galt to the infirmary, where he makes a startling revelation—'aishiteru' does not mean 'how's it going'!
Melders: "WHAT?!"
What will happen between Melders and Izumi? Will Aki and Takaya get together? Has Tina found out about Jamison's slacking on the job? And on a completely unrelated note, who was that brunette with 'Kisaragi-san'? We might find out today, on...
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Tekkaman Z]-
Episode 9: Dating Games
By: Kajitani Eizan
Setting: Day 2, about 5:30 PM, Omega's super-secret base on the far side of the moon.
Miyuki Meter: 46 hours remaining. [========|========|========]
Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567
"Lance," boomed Omega.
"Yes, sire," he replied, kneeling. He did not wish to look up and face his master's wrath.
"Let me ask you this," started Omega. "Why do you think I bestowed you with Ascendant powers? So that you can bake cookies more efficiently with your Voltekker?"
"Well, actually, that thought did come to mind—"
"WRONG!" boomed Omega. "I gave you Ascendant powers so that you could destroy the traitors Blade and Saber. So you could eliminate them. Wipe them off the face of the planet. Make them kick the proverbial bucket. 'Now I can kill them faster; thank you master,' you said. So, did you succeed?"
"Well...not entirely..."
"Not entirely?" queried Omega, incredulous. "In what way did you succeed?"
"Well, I did learn that I should never respond when I am told by the enemy that my shoe is untied."
Omega stared at Lance. "What...?! Weren't you smart enough to make sure that they were tied so that you would know for sure before the enemy tried to trick you with it?!"
"I will try harder next time," mumbled Lance.
"Anyway," boomed Omega, "I think you need a little more help. That's why I'm assigning you to Tekkaman Sword."
"Sword?" asked Lance. "Is she back from leading the buggers in electricity raids?"
"That's right," said a female voice from the shadows.
"Oh, and I will provide you with five new Tekkamen," continued Omega.
"Five?!" cried Lance.
"Yes," replied Omega. Suddenly, a soft pink light fell on five pods on the side of the chamber.
"Why don't you introduce yourselves..." intoned Omega.
"Tekkaman Stop Sign!"
"Tekkaman Yield!"
"Tekkaman Speed Limit!"
"Tekkaman U Turn!"
"Tekkaman Elm Street!"
The five Tekkaman flashed red eyes at Sword and Lance.
"So, what do you think, my sweet Tabasco sauce-covered plum cake?" asked Omega, looking at Sword for her opinion.
"...Dear, let me be frank," started Sword.
"What, my little strawberry-frosted buttercup?" replied Omega.
"Those are some of the stupidest names I've ever heard."
"Oh," replied Omega. "I'd better amend that, then."
He gestured with his hand. With agonized screams, the five Tekkaman dissolved into nothingness.
Sword and Lance stared.
"...Um, sire, couldn't you have just renamed them?" asked Lance.
"Shut up."
***
"Hey, Bakin," called Lieutenant Melders.
The object of Melders' beckon turned to face him. "Melders-kun?"
"There's something I would like to say," said Melders. The hallway was deserted—perfect. "And that is...aishiteru."
Lieutenant Izumi gasped. He stared into Melders' blue irises with his own brown eyes.
"I..." he whispered.
"Are you free tonight?" asked Melders.
"I...yes, I am," breathed Bakin. "Why?"
"Do you want to meet at this restaurant?" asked Melders, pointing to a spot on a map. "It'll be fun."
"Sure!" exclaimed Bakin. "Thank you, Melders-chan..."
With that, he turned to leave, a smile on his lips, and a glow in his cheeks.
***
Trunks checked his hair one more time. He had spent the last half-hour adjusting it until it was just right—just the way Goten liked it. He practiced his 'dreamy' pose in the mirror one more time and walked towards the front door.
"Where are you going, kid, dressed up like that?" asked Vegita.
"Wha?! Oh, hi, dad, you're home early," Trunks nervously stammered.
"Yeah, the car broke down, so I had to run back," replied Vegita. "I would have been home sooner, but that damn police officer gave me a ticket for jogging at twice the posted speed limit on the shoulder."
"Ouch, that sucks," replied Trunks. He continued on his way, hoping Vegita wouldn't question him further.
"So where are you going?" asked Vegita.
"Um...on a date," Trunks nervously replied.
"Really? With who?"
Oh, shit... thought Trunks.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
Double shit... he thought.
"Hmm...shouldn't you be the one to pick up your date?" asked Vegita. "...Whatever, go open the door."
Crap crap crap... thought Trunks as he opened the door.
"Hi, Trunks-chan!"
"What?! Miyuki? What are you doing here?"
"Well, I forgot my purse," she explained. "I was..."
A light bulb went off in Trunks' head.
"Hey, Miyuki, thanks for picking me up," he said, grabbing her arm and leading her out the door. "Sorry I lost my keys."
"What?" she asked, confused.
Vegita spent the next two seconds zooming around the house, looking for Miyuki's purse. Upon finding it, he zoomed back to the spot at which he was standing before and tossed Miyuki her purse, hoping that she didn't notice his momentary disappearance.
"Bye, Dad, I'll be back in a few!" he called to Vegita, shutting the door behind him.
"Where are we going, Trunks-chan?" He's soo dreamy...
"Out on a date, of course," replied Trunks, flashing her a forced smile. Damn, another date ruined...
It's all so sudden... thought Miyuki. But if it's with Trunks-chan, I don't mind!
The two got into Miyuki's car and drove off.
Suddenly, there was another ring of the doorbell.
Goddamn, who could it be now? thought Vegita as he opened the door.
"Huh?! Mr. Briefs!" exclaimed Goten. "Haha...how's it going?"
"Why are you here, and why are you carrying flowers in your hand?"
"Um...well, is Trunks here? I needed to talk to him."
"He just left on a date."
"What?!" blurted Goten. "But he was supposed to go on a date with me!" Oh, shit! "I mean, with—"
"Miyuki, I know," replied Vegita. "Is 'Mi' her nickname or something?"
Miyuki?! thought Goten. Trunks...please don't tell me that you love her more than...
"Oh, and by the way," said Vegita, "do you know why they planted those ugly, purple, bulbous trees all over the park? I can't believe my tax money is going towards this kind of crap..."
***
"Blue Earth craft! Hasshin!" cried Takaya.
"Will you stop being a grapefruit and tell us where the next dragonball is?" asked Ringo.
Takaya examined the Dragon Radar. "It seems to be in the middle of that horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega, that Miyuki pointed out in the last episode."
"Where is Miyuki, anyway?" asked Shinya.
"She said she left her purse at Bulma's house," replied Takaya. "It seemed natural to let her go and get it."
"Are you stupid?!" asked Shinya. "She saved our asses in the last two battles! We might lose the next one!"
"Anyway," interrupted Ringo, "let's go and attack that horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega, that Miyuki pointed out in the last episode. We might find the dragonball."
"Roger, Chief!"
Outside, the battle was not boding well for Earth. The fighter squad fighting with the buggers was taking some damage. Suddenly, one fighter got reckless and charged into the middle of a group of buggers. The buggers methodically sunk their claws into various parts of the jet, concentrating most on the cockpit, making it a bloody grave. The pilot's anguished cries of pain were drowned out by the battle roars of the buggers. He screamed again as his legs were shorn off, and again as he was gruesomely beheaded, and again as his heart was pierced, causing it to explode and send crimson blood splattering everywhere, and again as his lungs were ripped open, and again as his nose hairs were plucked, and—
"Okay, we get the picture," said Aki, more than slightly nauseated.
Suddenly, the buggers fired pink goo at the jet, igniting the large amount of fuel remaining and destroying the jet. The Space Knights shielded their eyes from the brilliance of the massive explosion.
"Squad leader, come in," called Aki over the comm system. "This is the Blue Earth."
"Watts here," replied Watts, former kid pilot of Diamond fighter during Operation Sunset. "Hey, don't you have two Tekkamen on board, along with a Soltekkaman suit?"
"Yep," replied Aki. "By the way, we're sorry about the loss of your man."
"Don't worry, he'll be okay," replied Watts. "He ejected. But he's hurt. Hurt badly."
"Right," replied Aki, rolling her eyes, "I'm sure he'll recover with some time in the hospital. By the way, did you see an orange ball around?"
"Nope, sorry," replied Watts. "I'm going to cut this communication now, lest the buggers defeat our entire squad as I chitchat. By the way, you did say that Tekkamen Blade and Saber were onboard, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, and a Soltekkaman suit, too. Well, okay, see you around, then," replied Aki.
She cut the communication link.
"Hmm...I think it would be a good idea to work on my Outlaw Star fic now..." said Shinya.
"No, we have to search for the dragonball, remember?" asked Takaya. "We had better tek-set, get out there, and search!"
Another jet plane exploded in brilliance.
"Man, that's gotta hurt," said Ringo.
***
"Where did you say Trunks went?" asked Goten nervously.
"He didn't tell me anything, that stupid boy. He just ran off with her. Kids these days..." Vegita trailed off. His mind wandered during the days of his own youth, when he was seduced by the stunning green-haired girl that was able to provide him with delicate pleasure beyond his wildest imaginations, touching him in just the right tender spots where he would shoot out in excitement just as she would open her—
"Well," said Goten loudly, clearing his throat, "I better be off now..."
"You still haven't told me why you've brought flowers," Vegita frowned.
"Oh, these, haha?" Goten blushed. "Well, Trunks wanted me to pick them up so that he could give them to Miyuki for their date."
"Well, either that idiot left early without them, or you're late," Vegita said, pausing. "Do I smell cologne?"
"Um...it must be the flowers," Goten said hurriedly, turning around. "See you, Mr. Briefs."
"Yeah," the man replied, closing the door. I wonder why that kid was dressed better than usual.
***
Ringo watched the Soltekkaman suit open. "It moved."
"Tek-setta!" cried Takaya as he generated his emerald crystal and swung it in an arc, ending with his arm over his head.
He generated the two halves of his lance, joined them, performed a pointless flip that landed him back onto Pegas, twirled his lance over his head, and finally posed with his lance held behind him. "Tekkaman...Blade!"
"Tek-setta!" cried Shinya as he generated his azure crystal and held it over his head in a fruity pose. "Tekkaman...Saber!"
"Z-tron! My strength!" cried Ringo. "Soltek-setta!"
Ringo jumped into the Soltekkaman suit and swung the gun around a few times. "Soltekkaman...Noaru!"
"Noaru?" wondered Aki. "What the hell kind of name is that?"
"Okay, men, let's get out there and search!" cried Blade.
The three looked around for a quarter of an hour amongst the swarm of buggers, to no avail. Meanwhile, Watts' squad was being slowly diminshed...until Watts himself was the only one left.
"No...my squad..." whispered Watts. Suddenly, a bugger shot pink goo at his jet plane. "Noooooooo—"
Suddenly, a blue bolt came out of nowhere and destroyed the offending goo.
"Wasn't me," said Noaru.
"My Voltekker isn't that color," said Blade.
"Do you really think that I would help that blowhard?" asked Saber.
"Allow me to introduce myself," said a mysterious voice. "I am...Soltekkaman Saint."
***
"What?" mumbled Vegita, picking up the phone.
"Hi, this is Antoine Fox from The Blue Oyster."
"Okay."
"Does a Mister Trunks Briefs live there?"
"Yeah," Vegita answered, reaching for a Tootsie Roll. "But he's not here."
"Well, he has a reservation at our restaurant-bar, and he's over a half-hour late. He left this phone number."
"Oh."
"Yes, well, if he doesn't come soon, I'll have to cancel his reservation of two people: he and—"
"Yes, he's probably on his way," Vegita replied, hanging up the phone. "The Blue Oyster? Never heard of that before."
***
"Hey, lads, I was wondering," said Mac, "how are we going to store these dragon's balls? I mean, they're round and slippery, and, well, ball-like."
"Hi, guys," said a blond-haired, clean-shaven man, "I'm Balzac."
Shinya started cracking up.
"Balzac St. Jacques...hey, what's so funny?"
"What kind...of dolt...has a name...like 'Balzac'?" managed Shinya between fits of laughter.
"Why you pale little bastard!" shouted Balzac. "Wait...aren't you the one who almost cut my legs off up on the Space Ring with your Voltekker?!"
"The doctors managed to save his legs," said Watts. "But they were hurt. Hurt badly."
"Man, I wish I had actually done it," said Shinya. "Oops! I mean, that was when the Radam were controlling me; why not let bygones be—"
"That's IT!" shouted Balzac, launching himself towards Shinya. Balzac let his fist fly, sending Shinya into the wall of the hangar bay.
"Balzac, you MONSTER!" yelled Takaya.
"I am NOT... I am NOT a monster!" Balzac yelled, grabbing his head and running towards Takaya in a mad rage.
Takaya swiped Ringo's gun and shot Balzac in the head.
"Man, I was waiting for a chance to do that."
***
"Wow, those Powerpuff Girls can sure pack a punch," commented Vegita. Finished with his evening movie, he began to flip through the channels.
"I guarantee that the Oreck XL will make your life easier...as a matter of fact, if it doesn't live up to—"
Click. Vegita changed the channel as he took another sip from his can of Miller Lite.
"News Flash! The recent explosion at the local nuclear power plant was, in fact, caused by a horde of Rad—"
Click.
"And it's Himura with the three pointer! Wow, Nick, I never expected him to make it in from there!"
"Ahh," said Vegita, "something worth watching...damn, another commercial break?!"
Click.
"Oh, I love you, Billy..."
"Me, too, Jimmy..."
"...What the fuck is this?" said Vegita, picking up the TV guide.
"Oh, Billy, you make my willy go silly..."
"Channel 73...WGAY?" Vegita muttered. "Who ordered this shit?"
"Double Dragon: Dirt Road will be back after these messages..."
Vegita raised the remote, ready to flip the channel. Suddenly...
"Are you looking for a great gay bar? A place to schmooze with the boys and enjoy our gay delicacies? Well, check out The Blue Oyster...it won't disappoint!"
"Blue Oyster?" mumbled Vegita. "Gay bar...? Wait...I've heard that name..."
"Don't miss out on an evening of jerking, joy, and juice!"
"Trunks..." Vegita frowned, scratching his head. "...Why would he take her there?"
***
"Jamison-san?" called Tina.
"What is it?" he replied. Wow, she's hot...
"I think you forgot this in my room," she replied, holding up Scientific American. She flipped through it, trying to find her picture again.
"Oh, thank you, Tina," said Jamison. Wait...isn't there an issue of Playboy in there...? Oh shit!
"Thank you," he repeated, swiping the magazine from her hands. "I just remembered that I have somewhere to be. It's very important."
"Really?" asked Tina, full of innocent curiosity. "During your break? What work do you have? Can I help?"
"Um...no," said Jamison. "Bye!"
He beat a hasty retreat back to a deserted section of the hallway, finally pausing to inspect his magazine.
Good, I don't think she saw the issue of Playboy... he thought, flipping through the pages to the issue of Playboy. Wait...shouldn't it be right about here...? What?! It's not here!
He flashbacked to when he was in Tina's room. He remembered dropping Scientific American...
Oh shit...it must have fallen out when I picked it up! he thought. That means...Playboy...with my name on it...with my drool on her Photoshopped picture...is in her room!
***
Blade sighed in relief. Things were going well so far; they managed to locate the dragonball—it had been sitting inside of a bugger's stomach. In order to prevent the accidental damage or destruction of the orange sphere of rounded rotundity, they had decided not to rip the bugger apart, but to knock it unconscious and give it laxatives to ease the removal of the ball.
"Unfortunately," said Mac, "there's two problems. First of all, we're a bit low on fuel, and the massive weight of this lad here," he said, gesturing to the unconscious bugger next to him, "is severely reducing our mileage. Second of all, those two evil Tekkamen are outside."
"Lance and Sword," said Takaya, looking out the window of the Blue Earth as it flew over the mountains.
"Okay, so we need someone to distract those two and get them away from the Blue Earth," said Ringo. "How about...Balzac?"
"What?!"
"All in favor, say 'Aye'."
"Aye," chorused the entire crew, except Balzac and Watts.
"Get out there, you wuss," barked Ringo. "Show those Tekkamen what your Z-tron gun can do. Or do I have to push you out?"
"Grr...I'll show you what I'm made of!" growled Balzac.
"Soltek-setta!" he cried, jumping into the Soltekkaman suit. "Soltekkaman...Saint!"
He blasted off, firing his gun at random buggers along the way.
"Good thinking, Ringo," nodded Aki, "but we still need to get rid of some more dead weight."
Screams of agony could be heard in the distance.
Everyone looked around, seeing mainly the huge bugger lying on the floor.
"Hmm..." mused Takaya. "We could carefully slice the bugger up, using the Dragon Radar to determine where we can safely make cuts. It would be a painstaking process, but—"
"Why go through all that trouble?" asked Shinya. "This'll be easier."
With that, he tossed Watts out of the Blue Earth, hearing him shriek as he plummeted.
"Hey, what was that for, lad?!" asked an angry Mac.
"Don't worry; he'll live," smirked Shinya. "But he'll be hurt. Hurt badly."
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To be continued
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End Chapter 9