Balamb Garden's Yuletide Vacation
Chapter 27
Friday, December the Twenty-second
The Ball of Doom
Rinoa had decorated the Grand Ballroom beautifully. Besides the glorious tall tree with its many, many, many ornaments and its blinking colored lights across the ceiling which spelled out Merry Solstice, the entire area resembled Laguna Land the world's most famous theme park. This recreational area was strangely enough located outside of Shumi Village, although of course when it came to money the Shumis appeared to have their large hands in everything.
The Ballroom was full of dancing couples comprised of SeeDs, guests, and upperclassmen and the rest of the crowd appeared to be enjoying themselves laughing, drinking punch, and talking with each other. Rinoa was wearing a black velvet mini dress, thigh high black velvet boots and matching evening gloves instead of the knit gauntlets she usually wore. The outfit was completed with a satin evening version of her usual duster and a tiara on top of her head. Selphie was rather frustrated that the dark-haired young woman's headpiece was larger than the Winter Festival Queen's crown.
Rinoa had spent the better part of an hour attempting to convince Squall to go out on the dance floor. Andrea was chatting with a male senior upperclassman named Smeegle who had a crush on her. Zell stood in one of the corners with Nicole. He was eating from a huge plate of hotdogs he had smuggled into the dance. Of course the main part of the dinner would be served in the Banquet Room later in the evening.
The Lone Chocobo had failed to arrive as of yet but the people present appeared to be just as happy with the canned rock and roll music Selphie was having piped onto the dance floor. The next thing on the agenda would be to crown Quistis as the Winter Festival Queen, but no one was certain where she was.
Selphie stormed across the dance floor, the crinolines holding out the skirt of her tiny yellow satin dress flouncing as she walked. She stopped at the entrance of the ballroom and tapped her perfectly polished Mary Jane on the marble floor as she peered into the dim hallway for a sign of Quistis. The green-eyed young woman felt quite put out when she discovered that Quistis had finally gotten bored with everything and gone for a walk, and had already dispatched several people to go search her out.
I can't believe she would do this to me after I've tried so hard. I realize she's under a lot of stress, but I wish she would just make up her damn mind one way or the other about Matt.
Two of the SeeDs who Selphie had sent out had just run up to her out of breath in apparent excitement. As her cell phone had just chirped its 'We Wish You a Merry Solstice' acknowledgement that it needed to be answered, Selphie held up her right hand as a warning for silence.
"Hello," Selphie shrilled. "Happy holidays! This is Selphie, how may I serve you? Oh? Oh, I see. That's very disappointing. I expect you to return our deposit in full. What?! No, I don't see your failure to get here because of a snowstorm as an act of Hyne. Why should we pay because you didn't buy any snow tires? Well, goodbye! You can expect to hear from me concerning this next week! Same to you, fella!"
Selphie was terribly sorry that you could no longer slam down a cell phone the way you used to be able to with an old fashioned telephone after an unsatisfactory conversation.
"Well, that's great," she declared sarcastically. "The Lone Chocobo can't get here because of the snow storm." Turning to the two SeeDs who had just approached her, the Winter Festival chairperson asked, "Yes, what is it? Did you locate Quistis?"
Danine, the young woman who was second in command of Rinoa's decorating sub-committee spoke in an tremulous voice, "No, but something horrible has happened."
Selphie noticed that Danine's eyes had protruded to an almost painful appearing degree. I wish Quisty had never pointed that out to me. Now it's all I notice when I look at her.
"Well, what is it?!" Selphie asked impatiently.
"All the food is gone!" Danine exclaimed.
"What?!" Selphie all but shouted, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," agreed Shana, "plus someone has taken all the presents!"
"OH-SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-BUMMER!" the brown-haired young woman shouted out. "Wah!" she began to cry.
Irvine hurried to her side; as well he should after having just finished returning to Selphie's good graces with a bang. "Sefie, what is it?"
"Wah! Someone..." -sniff- "...has...robbed...presents...food…"-sob.
"Oh my sweet ammo!" Irvine exclaimed. "What else can go wrong?"
The lights flickered once and then the Garden stood in total darkness.
"I wish you hadn't asked that question," commented Shana.
"Stop that you pervert!" protested Danine.
"It wasn't me, Selphie!" Irvine called out, not wanting to be blamed for something he hadn't done.
"Bob!" screeched Reba. "Put your clothes back on!"
"Wah!" Selphie continued to cry.
"Selphie, calm down," Rinoa entreated. "Squall will take care of it, won't you dear?"
There was only silence emanating from Squall's area. "Well?" Rinoa snapped impatiently.
"Huh, oh yeah. I'll take care of it," the commander assured them.
Pulling out his cell phone and turning it on, Squall hit the speed dial for Xu.
"Hello," he heard Xu answer.
"This is Squall. I need you to turn on the emergency generator."
"Yes sir."
"By the way, where are you? You sound close."
"I'm standing behind you," answered Xu with amusement in her voice.
"Oh great," the commander responded sarcastically.
"Bob, I'm not kidding around here," Reba spoke again. "Now put your clothes back on – right now!"
Flipping his cell phone off, and putting it away, he turned around to face Xu. "Who's not at the dance who can turn on the generator?"
"I believe that Cid's not here."
Squall expressed his feelings concerning that in a large sigh. There was the sound of a match being struck and the smell of carbon filled the air. A momentary minute flare of fire was seen and then it disappeared.
"I don't know who's smoking what where," Selphie warned, recognizing the bitter-sweet scent of burning Gysahl greens, "but it better not be anywhere near that Solstice tree."
"I'll go do it," Squall said wearily feeling his way out of the ballroom.
"Bob, this is your last warning," Reba threatened, "Or I will rack you so hard you won't see them 'til next Solstice!"
A few minutes later the lights were returned and the crowd broke into excited cheering. The highly odious Bob was nowhere to be seen.
"There, I told you Squall could take care of it," Rinoa said proudly.
Selphie glanced around the huge room and immediately observed her worst fear concerning the dried out Solstice tree. There were several SeeDs attempting to hide behind it while smoking Gysahl greens. They were giggling insanely and not paying attention to anything or anybody.
"Hey!" Selphie shouted out. "Put that out right now!"
The time would arrive very shortly that the green-eyed SeeD would rue her choice of words. The startled SeeDs did the very first thing they could think of and that was to be shed of the evidence. They threw the Gysahl greens cigarette into the bucket that the Solstice tree was planted in assuming the water in the bucket would smother the burning spear. What they didn't realize was between the dehydration and Angelo's drinking from the bucket there was no moisture left and the tree was as dry as the Estharian Desert.
As soon as the burning coal from the Gysahl greens hit the dried up tree, it went up in a giant fireball and seconds later it was nothing but ashes! The three SeeDs jumped back quickly.
One of them exclaimed, "Wow! Look at that!"
"Yeah," another one agreed. "Trippy!"
"SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-BUMMER!" Selphie screamed. "Look what you've done to my tree!" she accused.
"Well, it was an ugly tree anyway," one of the SeeDs said in his defense.
"Haha! At least it's out of its misery."
"What did you say?" Selphie shouted.
"Selphie, calm down," Rinoa suggested.
"Calm down?! Calm down?! This is your fault! You and that damn dog!"
"My fault? How dare you!"
"Yes, your fault! If you had kept your dog from drinking all the water out of the bucket like I asked it wouldn't have been so dry and this wouldn't have happened."
"That tree was too darn big anyway, Selphie. And you know it," the young sorceress defended her dog. "There was no way you could keep it from becoming dried out."
Some modicum of control snapped within Selphie. "This entire festival has turned into the biggest bag over the face – punch in the head of all time." Selphie kicked out blindly at the ruined tree.
Rinoa jumped back while still attempting to calm her escalating friend. "Selphie," she said to no avail.
"Hee hee hee," Selphie giggled inappropriately. "If anyone wants to give me a Solstice gift, I want them to bring me the Winter Witch so I can tell her what a #%^&@*! (this was censured because of the PG-13 rating) she really is."
"Now Selphie, you don't really mean that. You're just upset," declared Rinoa.
"I do mean it!" Selphie cried out stamping her foot in frustration.
"I've done everything that I could humanly possibly do to provide a glorious Winter Festival for everybody and look what I get! A burnt tree, no food, no gifts, no rock and roll group, the Winter Festival Queen wandering off just before her coronation, and Seifer running amuck in the Garden!"
"Seifer? Did she say Seifer?" someone in the crowd murmured.
"Oh poor Selphie," Nicole said to Zell in a low voice. "She's obviously lost her mind. She thinks Seifer is alive."
Irvine approached his fuming girlfriend with some trepidation. "Sefie, calm down. I'll try to help you."
"Oh Irvy," she cooed throwing the cowboy off balance for the moment. "Do you really want to help me?"
"Of course."
"Then take that monstrosity out of that bucket and get me fresh water!" she screamed.
As Irvine scurried away actually glad to no longer be in the immediate vicinity of his temporarily insane girlfriend, Selphie turned to Rinoa. "You come with me," she ordered and grasped Rinoa by the hand.
Leading the young sorceress from the ballroom, the green-eyed young woman asked, "Do you know anything about operating a chain saw?"
"A chain saw?! Now wait a minute, Selphie. I don't think this is a good idea," Rinoa protested having a sudden vision of an out of control Selphie swinging a chain saw in a wide arc.
"I don't care what you think. I need to cut down another tree!"
"Well, a chain saw is very dangerous. You could easily get hurt or both of us for that matter. How about I just use Tonberry again?"
Selphie drew to a complete stop and stood thinking for a moment. "Ok," she finally agreed. "That'll work. Let's go!" Grasping Rinoa by the hand again, Selphie pulled her along quickly.
A few minutes later Rinoa stood shivering in the dark in the middle of a raging blizzard. "Selphie, at least we could have stopped and gotten our coats," the dark-haired woman complained.
"No time! No time!" Selphie squealed insanely. "Let's head into those woods by the Fire Cave."
"Selphie!" Rinoa exclaimed. "That forest has T-Rexaurs in it!"
"Good, maybe it can help us chop down a tree!" She cackled without any real mirth in her voice and did a little insane dance before leading Rinoa forcibly into the forest.
"There!" Selphie pointed out the tree she desired. "I want that one!" she exclaimed, while running around it repeatedly.
"Okay, Selphie, calm down," Rinoa pleaded as she cast Tonberry.
This time the young sorceress made certain to allow for which way the wind was blowing and the direction that the GF would strike the tree from. As it fell safely away from them, Rinoa inquired somewhat sarcastically, "Have you given any thought as to how we're gonna lug this big tree out of here?"
Before Selphie could answer, the largest T-Rexaur either one of them had even seen stepped into the clearing.
"EKKK!" the black-haired woman screamed. "I knew it! I knew it!"
Selphie ordered, "Rinoa, grab the tree and help me pull it out of here!"
The young women discovered much to their surprise, that with the adrenaline coursing through their bodies from their fight or flight mechanism, it was mere child's play to move the tree out of the forest. Although it would appear strange to anyone watching that the T-Rexaur didn't follow them on to the plain, the young women realized that it was so. It was just one of the many inexplicable truisms of their existence.
"Now what are we going to do?" Rinoa whined unpleasantly.
"Well, for one thing," Selphie quipped, "if you don't knock it off, I'm gonna serve some cheese with that whine of yours."
"Hmmph!"
"Take your duster off and tie it onto the tree so we can pull it," the green-eyed young woman ordered.
"I will not! I'm not ruining my duster like that."
"Come on, Rinoa. You know you have a whole closet full of 'em."
"This one is special!" Rinoa thought for a moment. "And just what are you doing in my closet?" the young woman accused.
"Come on, Rinoa. You're begging the issue. Just do it so we can get in out of the cold!"
A few minutes later, a completely exhausted Selphie and Rinoa had managed somehow to pull the long tree up to the gates of the Garden. When the SeeDs and upperclassmen on duty recognized the commander's fiancée and the Winter Festival chairperson they were quick to volunteer their services in transporting the tree up to the ballroom.
Rinoa spent the time waiting for the tree to arrive by checking out all her aches and sprains making certain she had suffered no lasting damage in her travails with the tree. Finally the SeeDs appeared with it and Irvine helped them secure it in the bucket that had been newly filled with water.
"Well, just don't stand there everybody," Selphie directed. "Help me decorate it."
People salvaged whatever ornaments hadn't initially been destroyed in the tree burning and also took some down from other places, with Rinoa's permission of course, to help fill out the sparse decorations on the new Solstice tree.
When they had finished, Selphie stepped back and using her hands like a camera lens she peered through them and proclaimed, "Now that looks pretty darn good."
Everyone stood and admired the new tree while they complimented Selphie and Rinoa on what a fine job they had done. Nicole asked, "What's that sound? It's a funny squeaking sound."
As everyone fell silent, Zell laughed and responded, "You're hearing things."
"No, wait," Selphie declared. "I hear it too," the brown-haired young woman said, while moving aside some limbs and peering carefully into the bowels of the tree.
Suddenly a small white-faced capuchin monkey jumped out of the tree right onto Selphie's head!
"EKKK!" she screamed.
Irvine moved quickly and attempted to hit the monkey with his cowboy hat. Unfortunately the monkey had since moved and the young cowboy hit Selphie directly on her crown with it.
"OW!" she cried out. "What are you doing, Irvine? Trying to kill me?"
The monkey ran around the tree and then jumped back into it for protection. "It's that damn Mr. Monkey!" Squall called out.
"You suck! You suck!" the monkey cried.
"Mr. Monkey?" Nicole questioned. "Has Squall lost his mind again?"
"No," laughed Zell. "But you wouldn't believe it if I told you."
"Try me," his girlfriend invited.
"Well, it all started at Obel Lake, north of Timber," Zell began.
From within the tree, Mr. Monkey shouted at Squall. "Your Mom wears combat boots!"
"Nobody can talk about my mother that way, particularly some damn monkey," Squall muttered while drawing his gunblade.
"Squall, no!" Rinoa warned. When she realized his rage knew no reason and he was going to attack Mr. Monkey in the tree, she quickly cast a sleep spell.
But alas the dark-haired woman was not swift enough to stop Squall from attacking the monkey and the tree – BANG! BANG! SWISH! And the tree now lay in two separate pieces on the ballroom floor. Squall then fell sound asleep.
"OH NO!" caterwauled Selphie who fainted dead away.
That was the last note of the Winter Festival Ball. Angelo chased Mr. Monkey all over the Garden knocking down people and various decorations along the way before the monkey escaped out the front gates. Rinoa was certainly glad Selphie hadn't witnessed any of that because she realized she never would have heard the end of it. Selphie woke up thirty minutes later on a cot in the infirmary as likewise did Squall, except he was in his own bed cradling Lionheart in his arms. The dance was no more as it was discovered that when the lights had failed, someone had stolen all the CD's.
And thus ended mercifully what was known as ever hereafter as the Ball of Doom.