Author's Note:
Again, sorry for the slow update. I'm really lazy...
This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you.
Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction.
CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'.
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[TV-14 FVLN]
Last time on Tekkaman Z!
Thanks to Vegita, Trunks has to take Miyuki to the gay bar 'Blue Oyster' instead of Goten! After Miyuki's initial gripes with the menu, the strangely straight couple enjoyed their meals, leaving a jealous, broken Goten to cry in the darkness!
Miyuki's happiness is not long lived, for Lance and Sword attack! Why is Trunks in the bathroom when he is needed the most? Luckily, Blade and Saber step in to save the day—but end up needing to be saved themselves! Luckily, Mac's X-tra Strength Laxatives kick in just in time, taking Lance down for the count! Two more dragonballs found, two to go!
Meanwhile, Jamison slyly sneaks into Tina's room to rapidly recover his precious Playboy, but things quickly go wrong when the titillating Tina walks out of the shower!
Jamison: I...can't...hold onto it...any...longer...
Maggie: "Wait till everyone hears about this!"
Will Jamison be arrested for pedophilia, or worse, be ridiculed by his fellow Space Knights? Will Aki and Takaya ever reconcile their differences? Will the gang find another dragonball and/or meet Lance and Sword? Will Miyuki have even less time left? We'll find out, today, on...
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-[
Tekkaman Z]-
Episode 11: Virgin-Vagary
By: Kajitani-Eizan
Setting: Day 2, about 7:00 AM, the Blue Earth.
Miyuki Meter: 32.5 hours remaining. [========|========|========]
Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567
"Dragon Radar," said Shinya, holding the device up to his eyes. "Give me sight beyond sight!"
A cricket chirped. Ringo stomped on it.
"It doesn't work like that, Shinya," said Takaya, walking into the room. "Try hitting the button on the top."
"Ah, thanks... Yep, the dragonball is still in that city over there," he said, gesturing.
"Yeah!" shouted Takaya.
"What the...?" said Ringo, sitting up straight. He peered at the console in front of him. "No way... It's an enemy Tekkaman!"
"What?" asked Shinya. "We just beat those two up last night! It can't be..."
"It's a green Tekkaman," said Ringo.
"Axe!" shouted Takaya. "God damn it, he's still alive?! He'll die this time!"
"This is the last straw!" yelled Shinya, slamming his fists down on the console. "Every time I start to work on my Outlaw Star fic, some stupid battle involving the fate of the Earth has to come and interrupt me! That's it! I'm not going!"
"But Shinya—"
"No! I'm not going, and that's final! You're doing this solo!"
"Fine, then," returned Takaya. "Be like that! Tek-setta!"
Aki watched Takaya fly outside and transform into Tekkaman Blade. Be careful...jerk.
"Wait," said Blade, "so did I Voltekker you into oblivion five or six times now?"
"I think it was seven," replied Gunnar. "Wanna see my fatal wound?"
"Let me guess...it's amazing what they can do with molecularized bodies these days," said Blade.
"Yep. Well, do you know what time it is, Blade?"
"Yeah, it's about seven AM."
"Well then, it's time to say...um...it's time for a... VOL-TEKKA!"
"Pegas," said Blade, boredly staring up at the green-white crystal beam. "Haikoutou Vol-tekka!"
"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH..."
Blade watched Gunnar sail off into outer space, his body disintegrating along the way. "Well, that should shut him up for another five episodes."
"Gunnar's still alive?" asked Miyuki. "Wow, Fritz never had this much endurance when he and Hun Rii—never mind."
***
Whistling a happy tune, Lieutenant Melders strolled down the hall, papers in hand. He reminisced about the previous night; the sheer joy that he had experienced when he had rid himself of his persistent, not-so-secret admirer still coursed through his veins. He even went as far as to hug Reiko in greeting, causing her to blush.
Now all that's left is to deliver these papers to Galt-sama, he thought, arriving at the general's office. That's odd...he's not here. But these papers are time-critical; I must deliver them at once! I better check his room.
He retraced his steps and walked over to the General's suite. The door was unlocked.
That must be Galt-sama, he thought, hearing muffled voices from one of the rooms. He walked over and opened the door.
Galt was in bed. Next to him was...
"Oh, Blade, yes!" cried out Galt, thrusting his backside against the armored front of Earth's savior, Tekkaman Blade.
"Tekno-power-blaster!" came Blade's voice from the built-in speaker of the mannequin. Galt moaned as a wet, squishy sound was heard.
"General...these papers...important..." managed Melders before passing out.
***
Omega stared into space, shocked. "Sword..." he trailed off.
"Yes, dear sire?" asked Sword, dutifully kneeling on the ground in front of her master.
"Dear...have you been..." started Omega. "Have you been cheating on me?"
"What!" blurted Sword, shocked. "I...I would never dream of such a—"
"Gunnar!" boomed Omega, glaring at a pod on his right. "It was with Gunnar, wasn't it?!"
Sword turned to a pod on her left, her heart skipping a beat. Gunnar had been missing for about twenty-five episodes, and everyone had thought him dead. She was filled with joy when a bugger brought his battered remains back home, where he could recover in a healing pod. But now...as he lay there...
"Sire, he may have survived Blade's Voltekker, but he's hurt..." said Sword. "There's no way that I could—"
"You...please leave," sobbed Omega, breaking down into tears. "Just leave; I want to be alone."
Nodding and swallowing hard, Sword turned and left the room.
"As for you," said Omega angrily to Gunnar, "I think I may need another Ascendant Tekkaman in the near future..."
***
Takaya stared into space, shocked. "EWWW!" he screamed.
"What?" asked Shinya, busily working on his Outlaw Star fic. Hmm...how should I get Gene to miraculously and completely unexpectedly escape the black hole...?
"...Nothing..." shuddered Takaya.
"We're here!" yelled Aki. "The dragonball is in this city!"
The Space Knights walked through the city towards the location of the dragonball until they came to a stop in front of a building.
"It's definitely in here," affirmed Takaya.
The group walked in, only to be handed a flyer.
"Look!" exclaimed Shinya, pointing at the picture on the piece of paper. "The prize for the Best Couple Contest is...the five-star dragonball! Plus a thousand bucks!"
"Great!" said Ringo. "So let's find out where they keep that thing and steal it, killing any people that might be in the way!"
Everyone glared at him.
"Or...we could enter the contest," he conceded, sighing.
Takaya and Aki looked at each other. "Um..." started Takaya.
"For Miyuki," she replied, reddening. She was still sore about the accusation that Takaya made and refused to repeal.
"Hmm, we should enter one more couple, just in case," said Shinya.
"Sure, I'll do it!" Ringo beamed, gazing slyly at Miyuki from the corner of his eye.
"Hmm, then it's decided," said Miyuki. "Takaya and Aki will enter as one team, while Ringo and Balzac will enter as the other."
***
Is that...? thought Trunks, his heart skipping a beat. He stopped his car and hopped out. Goten sat alone on the beach, staring out into the horizon, crying his eyes out.
"Goten-chan!" called Trunks. The object of his beckon started and turned his head.
"Trunks-chan..."
"I'm so sorry about last night," apologized Trunks, sitting down next to Goten and putting his arm around him. "Miyuki came over unexpectedly, and since Dad was home early, I had to—"
"Don't say any more," said Goten bitterly. "I saw you two in the Blue Oyster last night...I saw you two...kissing."
"Huh?" asked Trunks, confused. "We weren't kissing!"
"Don't deny the truth!" wailed Goten. "I saw...after Amaantu left...you just leaned over...and...and...and then you got up and left..."
Trunks thought back to the previous night. He had gotten up to go to the bathroom, of course...before that, they had ordered dessert. Then, Miyuki...
"Oh, that!" said Trunks. "No, I assure you, Goten-chan, Miyuki had something in her eye, and I only leaned over to see what it was."
"Re...really?" asked Goten, sniffling.
Trunks wiped Goten's tears away with his finger. "Really," he murmured, bringing his lips closer to Goten's. He drew Goten closer, staring into his deep chocolate-brown eyes, showing his love with his shining irises, and preparing to show his love with his lips, which drew ever tantalizingly closer—
"Hey, guys!" yelled Gohan, waving at the two from a distance. They quickly broke apart, blushing and staring out at the sea.
"So, what's up?" queried Videl, Gohan's loving wife.
"Oh, not much," replied Trunks nonchalantly, knowing that if Goten spoke, Gohan might be able to pick up that something was amiss. "Just having a man-to-man conversation. As...friends."
"Ah, I see," said Gohan. "Well, I actually have this message to deliver to you..."
***
"And now, let the Best Couple Contest begin!" yelled the announcer. "The first couple, Takaya Aiba and Aki Kisaragi, please come up!"
The two flashed smiles at the audience and tried to look cute together as they walked up the aisle.
"And now, Ringo Richards and Barbara St. Jacques!"
Ringo tried not to puke as he tried to pull away from Balzac. Unfortunately, the sets of handcuffs that bound them together proved too much for his meager machinations. Balzac was in worse condition, trying to look feminine while painfully aware of his unshaven jowls and hairy legs.
"You're doing fine, Barbara!" managed Aki between fits of laughter.
"Looking hot there, Saint!" joked Takaya, cracking up.
"Next, Cloud Strife and Yuffie Kisaragi, please come up!"
Takaya stared at the blond man with his young companion. Wait a second...
"And now, let's hear it for Dr. Cid and Aki Ross!"
"THEY'RE a couple?" asked a spectator, shocked. "That old man has white hair! He must be more senile than my grandaddy!"
White hair...? thought Takaya. No...
"And here's... Barrett Wallace and Tifa Lockhart!"
The busty brunette and the gun-toting gigas marched up the aisle, swearing at the third couple.
"Cloud, you jackass!" yelled Barrett. "How could you cheat on Tifa for Yuffie?!"
"Cheat on Tifa?!" screamed Yuffie. "You mean, how could he have cheated on me!"
"Hey, I'm not the only one to blame here!" yelled Cloud. "I know how you slept with Tifa, Yuffie!"
"What?!" said Barrett, a nosebleed developing from the thought of such a relationship. Man, and I was bored since Final Fantasy VII!
"You're not innocent in all this, Barrett!" yelled Cloud. "You slept with Yuffie, too, didn't you?"
"That's it!" yelled Tifa. "Get him!"
Tifa and Yuffie leapt onto Cloud, beating the crap out of him and each other. Barrett tried to pull them apart, but only got his black hair pulled in the process.
Takaya stared in shock as the pieces of the puzzle began to fall together. Memories floated through his mind—painful memories of thinking—no, feeling—that Aki was cheating on him, was being intimate with other guys—and women. 'Kisaragi-san' wasn't referring to Aki at all! he realized, staring at Yuffie, who was pulling on Cloud's spiky blond hair. And Jamison wasn't screwing the Aki I know—it was this shitty old man screwing the other Aki! Oh my God! What have I done to my sweet, sweet Aki-chan?!
"Both couples three and five are hereby disqualified for undue violence," announced the announcer.
"Aki," breathed Takaya, clasping her hands in his, "I'm so sorry for accusing you of cheating on me! It was all my fault! Please...will you forgive me?"
Aki stared at him. "Takaya...yes, I will. I love you!" She smiled at him, tears running down her eyes, before the two met in a long kiss.
"I love you, too, Aki..." he moaned between Frenches.
"Just one condition...please promise me that you'll never go off and spend a month with another girl on an island somewhere."
The audience cheered. The female members of the audience were split between Takaya and Ringo, and the male members felt themselves redden as they stared at the Akis.
"Ah, here's couple number six!" said the announcer. "Fritz von Braun and Hun Rii...I can't pronounce that!"
"What?!" cried out the Space Knights.
The green haired Radam sauntered up the aisle with his hands all over his black-haired partner, eliciting cheers from the crowd. They took their spot next to Takaya and Aki, who glared at them.
"Why are you here?!" rasped Takaya, glaring at the other couple.
"We needed the cash," replied Hun Rii, shrugging.
"Hmm," said Fritz, "couldn't we have just robbed a bank or something?"
"No," replied Takaya, gritting his teeth, "I meant, why is Gunnar here? I thought I killed you!"
"Oh, that," said Fritz, waving a hand dismissively.
"And now, for the judging," said the announcer.
All the teams tensed, for there was tremendous tension in the air. The outcome of the Couple Contest would decide Miyuki's fate—nay, it would decide the fate of the planet. Would Tekkaman Rapier live...or die?
"And the winner is...couple number..."
The three teams held their breaths. Dr. Cid starting wheezing from oxygen deprivation, forcing Dr. Ross to pat him on the back.
"Seven!"
All heads turned to the doorway, where a spotlight focused on...
"Trunks and Miyuki?!"
***
Jamison groaned yet again. He couldn't believe this was happening. He knew he should stop it, but just having her soft hands touch him was enough to soften his resolve, though they had an opposite effect on—
"Okay, that should do it!" squealed Tina. "Aww, Jamison-san, you look so cute!"
"Yeah, very," smirked Maggie, shoving Jamison into the hall. "Now go on, get out there! Show them your new look!"
Jamison sweatdropped at the amount of stares he was getting from surprised personnel. A few stifled giggles and chuckles.
"Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes, Maggie," said Tina. "Mine were too small, plus I don't have much makeup."
"No problem," replied Maggie with a smile, watching the Commander trying to balance himself on his high heels. "It was more than worth it for this..."
When Tina said she wanted something as payback yesterday, I didn't know it would be this bad...
***
"Here are your prizes," beamed the announcer at the couple, handing Miyuki the cash and dragonball. Trunks scratched his nose and headed for the bathroom, abdominal rumblings pressing him on.
"Why...you...we needed that cash!" growled Hun Rii. "Tek-setta!"
"It's time to party!" shouted Gunnar. "Flee for your lives! Ascendant Tek-setta!"
The audience fled as Gunnar and Sword brandished their weapons. Gunnar laughed as he switched his lance into bow form and shot a barrage of arrows at the judge's booth, destroying it.
"Enough of this!" cried Takaya, whipping out his crystal. "Tek—"
"Blade!" smirked Gunnar. "You might want to rethink that one."
Oh no! thought Takaya. Gunnar is somehow an Ascendant Tekkaman! Neither of us can tek-set! Shit, we're doomed!
"Let's see your Ascendant armor stop this!" shouted Ringo, detaching himself from Balzac. "Soltek-setta!"
"What?!"
"Soltekkaman...Noaru!"
"Hahaha...your pitiful Z-tron gun will not harm me," mocked Gunnar, taking several shots without flinching. "What if...I attack your friends over here? Goo jets!"
"No!" cried Noaru as Balzac, Aki, Takaya, and Miyuki became encased in noxious goo, eliciting screams of pain from them.
"They must be so nice and cozy; I envy them," chuckled Gunnar, suddenly flashing a crimson eye at Noaru. "Don't you?"
"How...dare...you...hurt my friends!" shouted Noaru. "RAAARRGGHHH!"
Gunnar and Sword shielded their eyes from the bright light that emanated from Noaru. When it finally diminished, they turned back—and gasped.
"Blastor Soltekkaman!" cried Sword.
"I'll send you to hell!" shouted Gunnar, charging up his Ascendant Voltekker.
"SOL-TEKKA!" shouted Noaru.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO..." moaned Gunnar as the blue beam cut through his Ascendant Voltekker and sent him flying to yet another region of the cosmos.
"No, Fritz!" shouted Sword. "That's it; you die! VOL-TEKKA!"
Noaru watched exhaustedly as the yellow beam approached him, his Soltekker having drained almost all of his energy, rendering him immobile. Guys...I'm sorry...
"Ringo!" shouted Takaya and Aki, stretching their hands up. "RINGO!"
Sword laughed in satisfaction as her Voltekker, finished with demolecularizing Noaru, continued on its way and destroyed the nearby Pokémon store.
"Ringo..." sobbed the Space Knights.
"I won't let you get away with this! Tek-setta!" cried Takaya, tears streaming from his eyes.
"For Ringo-kun's honor!" cried Miyuki, water gushing out of her eyes. "Tek-setta!"
"Come and get me...if you dare," sneered Sword.
"I'm sure this will be a most interesting fight," smirked Lance, descending from the demolished ceiling. "Traitors."
***
"Unnh..." groaned Melders. "Where am I...?"
"You're safe and sound," smiled Reiko, running her fingers through his hair.
"Reiko...all I remember is, I saw something terrible...truly terrible..."
"Shh, don't worry, it's okay," whispered Reiko, silencing him with a finger on his lips. "I'm here; everything will be alright."
"Reiko-chan..." murmured Melders, faintly smiling.
"Melders-chan..."
"Please, call me Rick," whispered Melders, drawing her in closer.
A girl stood just outside the door, peering in through the crack between the door and the wall. Her hands were clenched with jealousy. The time that she had visited her brother Watts, former pilot of Diamond fighter, in the cafeteria when they were eating Bun Wraps, she couldn't help but stare at the table at which a blond German man and a woman sat. She had tried again and again to attract her love's attention, but it had never succeeded; she had just been continually ignored.
"I will win your heart," she whispered, "Reiko-chan."
***
"Do you really think you can win against such odds?" sneered Lance.
"This isn't looking good," muttered Blade. "We need a miracle now...a miracle..."
Suddenly, a blue bolt came out of nowhere, causing Lance to scream in pain as it connected with him.
"Eat my Spectrum Interference Gun!" yelled Jamison, shooting several more shots at him.
"Argh..." grunted Lance as he shook off the effects of the SIG. "That may be a powerful weapon...but it is nothing compared to the power of an Ascendant Tekkaman!"
"Um...Commander, wasn't that gun supposed to be in its earliest experimental stages?" asked Blade.
"Yes," he replied. "Why do you think I'm out of Z-tron? Oh no!"
Sword growled, rushing at Jamison. He gasped as she threw him towards the high ceiling of the club room. He saw the floor get farther and farther away; his backside soon hit the ceiling, and he proceeded to fall back down.
"No!" he yelled as he saw Sword fly straight up towards him with her lance pointed directly at his body. Before he even fell five feet from the ceiling, she drove her lance straight into his chest. The crunching sound of breaking ribs could be heard, and the tearing of organs was clearly audible as the lance ripped through Jamison and emerged out of his backside. Sword pushed his body up back against the ceiling, causing the part of the lance that emerged out of his backside to lodge into the metal above. She generated four small daggers, pinned Jamison's extremities to the ceiling, and watched the result of her work in pure satisfaction. Blade and Rapier silently witnessed all of this in disgust and gasped at the horrid sight of their leader's body, nailed to the metal above. Sword chuckled as she landed on the floor next to the Earth Tekkamen and looked up. The Commander's expression was one of pure terror, and his blood rained to ground.
"Jamison-san!" yelled Blade. "JAMISON-SAN!"
"First Ringo, now Jamison," sobbed Rapier. "When will this nightmare end?"
"Um...wasn't that a bit extreme?" asked Lance, nauseated by the scene.
"Hmm...haven't I seen this scene somewhere before?" muttered Briefs Alena, taking another sip of her drink.
***
Trunks smirked as he washed his hands in the bathroom. Painful screams and lascivious moans came from the stall all the way on the end, and he could guess what was going on in there.
Well, I'd better join Miyuki and the others again, he thought.
"Hey, you!" called the moaning voice from the stall. "Could you come here for a minute? My partner here wants to try a threesome."
"No, I don't! Please, save me from this rapist!" cried Watts.
"Don't worry, he's a bit of a masochist," continued Bakin. "He likes to pretend he doesn't want it, but he loves getting it from more than one person at a time."
I don't see why not... thought Trunks, unbuckling his belt.
***
"It's the end for you two," boomed Lance, standing in front of the trapped Tekkamen, lance raised. "Prepare to meet your—argh!"
Lance shifted forward slightly as he felt a Z-tron bolt smack into him from behind. Saint fired several more shots, hitting the Tekkaman and burning through the goo that trapped Blade and Rapier. Aki yowled as the bolt singed her hair, but rolled out of harm's way otherwise unhurt.
"That's it," growled Lance, turning to face Saint and charging up his Ascendant Voltekker, "This time you die!"
"Miyuki, now!" shouted Blade, opening up his Voltekker cells.
"ZERO VOL-TEKKA!"
Lance screamed in agony as the concentrated blast burned through his Ascendant armor and plowed into him, sending him careening across the room and into the wall, causing it to collapse onto him.
"Zero Voltekker..." gasped Sword. "A Voltekker fired at point-blank range, utilizing the user's full upper body strength...I can't believe it! It's not possible! No way!"
"You murderer," seethed Blade. "You're next! RAAAARRGH!"
Sword looked on in fear as Blade thrust out his chest and screamed like a madman. He leaned back and held his arms bent and to his sides in a 'power up' pose, causing a blue, glowing sphere to emerge from behind him.
I bet this is where that Blastor power Omega was talking about a few episodes back would come in handy, thought Blade.
"I'd better jet, and fast!" said Sword, flying out out the hole created by Noaru.
"You're not going anywhere, you bitch!" screamed Rapier, flying after her with rapier drawn.
"Someone, please respond!" shouted Tina, halting Rapier mid-flight.
"Tina?" said Blade, Rapier, Aki, and Saint, surprised. Blade walked over to the ever-growing puddle of blood on the floor, then looked up.
"Her voice is coming from the communicator on Jamison's belt," he said. Noting that the late Commander no longer had any use for it, he detached it from his belt, being careful not to get any blood on his armor or to let Tina see the state of her former leader. He also relieved Jamison of his wallet, watch, cell phone, and expensive visor, noting that he no longer had any use for these, either.
"What are you doing up there?" asked Saint. "Hurry it up!"
"Right!" said Blade, sheepishly retracting his armored hands from the Commander's pockets.
"Listen!" continued Tina when the four had regrouped. "We have an urgent problem! The Radam plants all over the world seem to have started moving!"
"Oh, SHIT!" yelled Rapier.
"What?"
"It's Radam's secret weapon," she said. "When the flowers bloom, they will start to capture people and turn them into Radam slaves...Tekkamen that serve Omega...just like those plants on the Argos."
"Like the plants on the Argos..." echoed Blade, horrified.
"Wait a second," started Saint, "if you knew how dangerous these plants are, shouldn't you have told us about them when we found you twelve episodes ago?"
"Um..." said Rapier sheepishly.
Everyone stared at her.
"Because of your stupidity," growled Saint, stepping menacingly closer, "we might have to deal with hundreds—nay, thousands more Tekkamen?!"
"Er..." she said. "My bad?"
***
Galt sighed as he reminisced about his experience with Blade earlier. He remembered with glee how good it felt when Blade Voltekkered straight into his tight, willing—
"Sir!" shouted an officer on the bridge. "You've got to see this!"
Galt stared at the screen in horror. Please, Blade, he prayed, deliver us from this latest threat to mankind...
***
Blade, Saint, Rapier, and Aki gasped as they saw their surroundings.
Radam flowers marched around the city, devouring people to be educated in the Tekka-system. Some jumped into the water and floated, in menacing rows, across the ocean to other areas. Everywhere, people were curled up in a fetal position, some screaming out in pain, some resting peacefully. Blade noted with a modicum of satisfaction that Dr. Cid had already been rejected.
"My God..." gasped Saint and Aki.
"The nightmare," said Blade gravely, looking up at the sky, "has begun."
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Next time on Tekkaman Z!
The final stage of the Radam invasion has begun! Is Earth doomed to be taken over by Radam? (Will Galt become straight?) Or can the power of Earth's heroes—and/or that of the dragonballs—save the planet? Wait...who is this new enemy? And why must he appear when the Earth is in its moment of true desperation? Find out next time, on the final episode of Tekkaman Z!
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End Chapter 11