Chapter Four... 'Secrets'
At approximately midnight Luke woke up with a start. He sat up in bed, panting for breath and glanced around the room. Everything looked normal. He sighed and lay back down, knowing it had just been a horrible dream. It wasn't real. His mother hadn't really died... yet.
He sat back up again and shivered. It sure was getting colder at night in the castle. Knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep for awhile he slid out of bed and found his slippers on the floor. He wrapped his big blue dressing gown around himself and fumbled around looking for a book or something to do.
Then he remembered he'd left the novel he was half way through reading up in the Astronomy Tower from the night before. Sometimes he would creep out of the dormitory at night and into the Tower for a bit of peace. It was really refreshing up there. Just being alone and staring out at all the beautiful stars. It was what he felt like doing right that instant actually.
Slowly and carefully he tip toed out of the room and out of the Gryffindor Tower. Hoping he wouldn't run into Peeves or Mrs. Norris, he made his way through the empty corridors of Hogwarts and up to the Astronomy Tower, which luckily, was not too far away. Also hoping nobody had taken his book, he practically sprinted up the stone staircase and was relieved to see it lying on the window sill, completely untouched.
He reached out and picked it up.
"What are you doing here?" said a voice behind him. Luke jumped about fifty feet off the ground and spun around quickly.
"Holy... oh hi Michala," he said, seeing Michala sitting on the floor behind him. She too was dressed elegantly in her pyjamas and dressing gown, giant duck slippers were on her feet. She must have been staring out at the sky through the window and Luke had blocked it. He took a slight step to the right.
"Nice to have some company," she added, smiling.
He smiled back. Having company wasn't exactly what he had been planning but now that he was here... he sat down beside her.
"I didn't know you came up here," he began, looking out the window. The stars seemed brighter tonight. So dazzling and sparkling.
"I don't come up here very often," she replied. "But tonight... I just felt like it." She went all dreamy for a moment. "What brings you up here?" she asked, snapping out of it.
"Oh, I wanted my book," he explained, holding up 'A Flight to be Remembered, by Johnson Mackastarry'.
"Ah, I like that book," said Michala grinning in the moonlight. "But why did you want it now? At quarter past twelve," she looked at her wrist watch.
"Had a bad dream," he confessed.
It didn't feel that weird talking to Michala now. They were alone but it wasn't uncomfortable like it used to be. Luke had never really been close to Michala, he'd pretty much labelled her a talkative loudmouth from day one. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't really given her much of a chance to prove herself. He wished he had.
"Oh really?" she said. "I hate them. Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.
Surprisingly, Luke found that he did. "Yeah," he nodded, shocking even himself.
"Go on then," encouraged Michala.
"Well," he began. "It was about my mother. She's a muggle as you know and well... she's been diagnosed with cancer," he closed his eyes trying not to let the hurt of it escape.
"Oh Luke, I'm so sorry!" Michala gasped. Being a muggle-born herself, she understood perfectly well what Luke was talking about. "Is it..." she trailed off.
"Yes, it is fatal," said Luke. "She only has... about three months."
"Oh," Michala tried to find the right words, any words, but instead found herself completely speechless. "Oh."
"Anyway," Luke took a deep breath and continued. "I had this dream that she died and I was there by her side and the last thing she said was, 'I love you Luke and I want you to be happy. Promise me you'll be happy' and then she just closed her eyes and died. It was so terrible! Then in my dream, I had to watch her being buried and learn to live without her. And after that... Dad couldn't cope and he was falling apart and oh Great Wizards Michala, I don't know... I shouldn't be outlaying all of this on you, I'm sorry."
"No, no," protested Michala. "It's fine with me. Believe it or not, I do like hearing what you have to say Luke."
He gave a small laugh that was a mix between a chuckle and a sob. "So... uhh... why were you up here?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
Michala paused uncomfortably. "Oh well," she stuttered. "Hmm... well.. uh... you see you actually got me thinking today. You know after the library... umm... incident?"
He nodded.
"And well, this is the best place to think isn't it? So I came up here."
"What were you thinking about?" Luke asked.
"Oh um... nothing."
"No really?" he pushed.
"No really, it's nothing. Nothing important."
"Oh okay..." Luke couldn't help but feel a bit hurt.
"Well if you must know... Oliver."
"Oliver?" repeated Luke, surely he had heard wrong.
"Oliver," she confirmed.
"What about him?"
"Oh well... I was just thinking about him that's all. I don't know why."
"Do you...?"
"Oh heavens no! Oh good gracious, not the slightest!" Michala practically yelped, her words echoing off the walls.
"Oh okay," said Luke relieved.
"Why?" asked Michala curiously. "Did you not want me to fancy Oliver?"
"No, Oliver's a fantastic guy," said Luke. "But... I just never saw him as your type."
"You think I have a type?"
"Everyone has a type."
"What's your type then?" she asked, quite enjoying the 'gossipy' turn their conversation was taking.
Luke looked uncomfortable. "Oh I don't have a type," he said slowly.
"But you just said everyone had a type!" Michala scowled, but laughing softly too.
"Oh well..." he smiled. "I guess I don't know. I can tell your type though."
"Really?" asked Michala, doubtedly. "Sure, you can."
"No really, I can," Luke insisted. "I reckon you go for various guys but you always want what you can't have."
"Really?" said Michala, but less forcefully and realising it was true.
"Really."
"Hmm..." they both sat in silence for a minute, just lost in their own thoughts. Michala glanced down at her watch again and was surprised to see it was already close to one-thirty. They had been talking for quite awhile.
"You know what," she said standing up. "I'm going to head back off to bed now."
"Oh," Luke's face fell a bit.
"Sorry, did you want me to stay?" she asked, sitting down again.
"Well... not if you didn't want to..." trailed off Luke.
"Oh not at all, I mean... sure, if you want to keep talking."
"Yeah, I do actually."
"Okay then."
"Excellent."
"Fantastic."
"Bloody brilliant."
They both started laughing but had to quieten down for fear of being caught out of bed at night. They both tried to take on serious faces but just ended up covering their mouth with a bit of their dressing gowns to stop the snickering.
"Hey Michala," said Luke, his face becoming drawn and serious again.
"What?" she asked, also becoming serious.
"Why is that you never share secrets with anyone?" he asked, trying to sound off-hand and casual about it all.
"Oh," Michala thought. "I never realised I kept secrets."
"Well you do!" he prompted. "I mean, I know nothing about you and you know that I feel like a loner and unloved and that my mum is dying of cancer. I want to know something about you!"
Luke's sudden harshness and forceful tone took Michala back for a second but she soon recovered and began thinking about how true he was being. I mean, she never really did tell people anything about her own feelings and thoughts, she did talk a lot yes, but about nothing serious and anything comical.
"You're right..." she said. "What do you want to know?"
This surprised Luke as it wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting. He thought she would snap his head off and hide under words of defense but she seemed to be taking it well. "Well... um, why don't you ever talk about your family?"
Michala looked out of the window. She thought about her home life and her family. There wasn't really much to them which is what she told Luke.
"But there has to be something. Their names for instance. What are they?" he asked.
"Glenn and Elizabeth are my parents and my younger sister's name is Charlotte. My other sister is... was..." she stopped.
"What?" asked Luke, very aware of the pause.
"She..."
"What?" he asked more forcefully.
"Daniella is dead all right?" she snapped.
Luke was silent. He hadn't meant to upset her. Now he regretted pushing her so hard to reveal her secrets. He didn't want to make her cry but he heard her begin sniffling. "Oh Mic..." he said, draping an arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you..."
"That's all right," she sniffed. "Hey, that's the first time you've ever called me Mic."
"Oh yeah," he replied.
Michala forced a smile. "Anyway, what else do you want to know?" she regained her composure.
"Uhh... anything," said Luke, changing tactics.
"Well I guess you want to know all about Daniella now right?"
"Not if you don't want to talk about it."
"I don't but I think you have a right to hear about it- especially with your mum and stuff. I mean, maybe it would be good to hear about somebody else's experiences, someone who knows what you're going through..."
"Yes, it is a good idea actually. But only if you feel ready," Luke was doing his best to be sensitive. He didn't have that much experience with girls and didn't know how to act around them, especially when they were emotional like this. He decided it was best to tread very, very lightly.
Michala nodded. "Daniella was two years older than me. She would have been um... seventeen about now. A seventh year. Don't you remember her from Hogwarts?"
"Umm... not really," admitted Luke. "But then again I never did take any notice in other year levels and no offence, but I didn't really get to know you that well either even if we were and are in the same circle of friends."
"Yeah," agreed Michala, anxious to keep talking while her voice box allowed her to. "Anyway, in her third year... it was... well, the summer holidays had just started and she was back home with us and we were all happy and one day... one day we went to the park for a family picnic and we were playing with a ball and I kicked it too far and she tried to catch it and she ran backwards and she ran straight onto a road and..." Michala closed her eyes tightly trying not to relive the memory.
"That's terrible!" Luke exclaimed. "It's over now," he hushed her, in a soothing voice. "It's over..."
"Oh Great Wizards," muttered Michala, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "Look at me, a wreck. Getting all emotional and stuff. Ha. I'm so pathetic sometimes." She stood up and fixed her gown so it was on straight. "Well you know, better be off to bed now, should really get some sleep or perhaps try to."
"Yeah," agreed Luke standing up too. "Hey Michala, before you go..."
Michala stopped at the opening of the staircase and turned around. "Yeah?"
"Thanks again."
"No problems," said Michala and disappeared into the darkness.
Luke sighed and picked up his book from the floor, he didn't want to forget it again. Taking one long last look at the night sky, he headed off in Michala's direction and back to the Gryffindor Tower, the whole way thinking about what she'd said. A lot had happened in her life that he had been blissfully unaware of. Quite strange now considering. He jumped back into his cold bed and curled up in a tiny ball. He didn't need to read to feel comforted now. He had been comforted by Michala's words.
Author's Note: A long chapter about nothing eh? Hehe, I'm still doing my late-at-night-sitting-at-computer-screen-feeling-very-sleepy-thing. How long have I been 'secretly' working on this fic now? Well today is the 29th of May and I started it on about the 21st. Hmm... over a week! *Glances in toolbar* Wow, it's 2:33am. Thank goodness for M & M's - just don't tell anybody I've been eating them all. Sorry, this AN is way off topic, to cut a very long and boring story short, thanks for the reviews and keep em coming, I love you all and treasure each and every one of them. *Spits out blue M & M* I hate those ones... they stain your teeth.
At approximately midnight Luke woke up with a start. He sat up in bed, panting for breath and glanced around the room. Everything looked normal. He sighed and lay back down, knowing it had just been a horrible dream. It wasn't real. His mother hadn't really died... yet.
He sat back up again and shivered. It sure was getting colder at night in the castle. Knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep for awhile he slid out of bed and found his slippers on the floor. He wrapped his big blue dressing gown around himself and fumbled around looking for a book or something to do.
Then he remembered he'd left the novel he was half way through reading up in the Astronomy Tower from the night before. Sometimes he would creep out of the dormitory at night and into the Tower for a bit of peace. It was really refreshing up there. Just being alone and staring out at all the beautiful stars. It was what he felt like doing right that instant actually.
Slowly and carefully he tip toed out of the room and out of the Gryffindor Tower. Hoping he wouldn't run into Peeves or Mrs. Norris, he made his way through the empty corridors of Hogwarts and up to the Astronomy Tower, which luckily, was not too far away. Also hoping nobody had taken his book, he practically sprinted up the stone staircase and was relieved to see it lying on the window sill, completely untouched.
He reached out and picked it up.
"What are you doing here?" said a voice behind him. Luke jumped about fifty feet off the ground and spun around quickly.
"Holy... oh hi Michala," he said, seeing Michala sitting on the floor behind him. She too was dressed elegantly in her pyjamas and dressing gown, giant duck slippers were on her feet. She must have been staring out at the sky through the window and Luke had blocked it. He took a slight step to the right.
"Nice to have some company," she added, smiling.
He smiled back. Having company wasn't exactly what he had been planning but now that he was here... he sat down beside her.
"I didn't know you came up here," he began, looking out the window. The stars seemed brighter tonight. So dazzling and sparkling.
"I don't come up here very often," she replied. "But tonight... I just felt like it." She went all dreamy for a moment. "What brings you up here?" she asked, snapping out of it.
"Oh, I wanted my book," he explained, holding up 'A Flight to be Remembered, by Johnson Mackastarry'.
"Ah, I like that book," said Michala grinning in the moonlight. "But why did you want it now? At quarter past twelve," she looked at her wrist watch.
"Had a bad dream," he confessed.
It didn't feel that weird talking to Michala now. They were alone but it wasn't uncomfortable like it used to be. Luke had never really been close to Michala, he'd pretty much labelled her a talkative loudmouth from day one. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't really given her much of a chance to prove herself. He wished he had.
"Oh really?" she said. "I hate them. Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.
Surprisingly, Luke found that he did. "Yeah," he nodded, shocking even himself.
"Go on then," encouraged Michala.
"Well," he began. "It was about my mother. She's a muggle as you know and well... she's been diagnosed with cancer," he closed his eyes trying not to let the hurt of it escape.
"Oh Luke, I'm so sorry!" Michala gasped. Being a muggle-born herself, she understood perfectly well what Luke was talking about. "Is it..." she trailed off.
"Yes, it is fatal," said Luke. "She only has... about three months."
"Oh," Michala tried to find the right words, any words, but instead found herself completely speechless. "Oh."
"Anyway," Luke took a deep breath and continued. "I had this dream that she died and I was there by her side and the last thing she said was, 'I love you Luke and I want you to be happy. Promise me you'll be happy' and then she just closed her eyes and died. It was so terrible! Then in my dream, I had to watch her being buried and learn to live without her. And after that... Dad couldn't cope and he was falling apart and oh Great Wizards Michala, I don't know... I shouldn't be outlaying all of this on you, I'm sorry."
"No, no," protested Michala. "It's fine with me. Believe it or not, I do like hearing what you have to say Luke."
He gave a small laugh that was a mix between a chuckle and a sob. "So... uhh... why were you up here?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
Michala paused uncomfortably. "Oh well," she stuttered. "Hmm... well.. uh... you see you actually got me thinking today. You know after the library... umm... incident?"
He nodded.
"And well, this is the best place to think isn't it? So I came up here."
"What were you thinking about?" Luke asked.
"Oh um... nothing."
"No really?" he pushed.
"No really, it's nothing. Nothing important."
"Oh okay..." Luke couldn't help but feel a bit hurt.
"Well if you must know... Oliver."
"Oliver?" repeated Luke, surely he had heard wrong.
"Oliver," she confirmed.
"What about him?"
"Oh well... I was just thinking about him that's all. I don't know why."
"Do you...?"
"Oh heavens no! Oh good gracious, not the slightest!" Michala practically yelped, her words echoing off the walls.
"Oh okay," said Luke relieved.
"Why?" asked Michala curiously. "Did you not want me to fancy Oliver?"
"No, Oliver's a fantastic guy," said Luke. "But... I just never saw him as your type."
"You think I have a type?"
"Everyone has a type."
"What's your type then?" she asked, quite enjoying the 'gossipy' turn their conversation was taking.
Luke looked uncomfortable. "Oh I don't have a type," he said slowly.
"But you just said everyone had a type!" Michala scowled, but laughing softly too.
"Oh well..." he smiled. "I guess I don't know. I can tell your type though."
"Really?" asked Michala, doubtedly. "Sure, you can."
"No really, I can," Luke insisted. "I reckon you go for various guys but you always want what you can't have."
"Really?" said Michala, but less forcefully and realising it was true.
"Really."
"Hmm..." they both sat in silence for a minute, just lost in their own thoughts. Michala glanced down at her watch again and was surprised to see it was already close to one-thirty. They had been talking for quite awhile.
"You know what," she said standing up. "I'm going to head back off to bed now."
"Oh," Luke's face fell a bit.
"Sorry, did you want me to stay?" she asked, sitting down again.
"Well... not if you didn't want to..." trailed off Luke.
"Oh not at all, I mean... sure, if you want to keep talking."
"Yeah, I do actually."
"Okay then."
"Excellent."
"Fantastic."
"Bloody brilliant."
They both started laughing but had to quieten down for fear of being caught out of bed at night. They both tried to take on serious faces but just ended up covering their mouth with a bit of their dressing gowns to stop the snickering.
"Hey Michala," said Luke, his face becoming drawn and serious again.
"What?" she asked, also becoming serious.
"Why is that you never share secrets with anyone?" he asked, trying to sound off-hand and casual about it all.
"Oh," Michala thought. "I never realised I kept secrets."
"Well you do!" he prompted. "I mean, I know nothing about you and you know that I feel like a loner and unloved and that my mum is dying of cancer. I want to know something about you!"
Luke's sudden harshness and forceful tone took Michala back for a second but she soon recovered and began thinking about how true he was being. I mean, she never really did tell people anything about her own feelings and thoughts, she did talk a lot yes, but about nothing serious and anything comical.
"You're right..." she said. "What do you want to know?"
This surprised Luke as it wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting. He thought she would snap his head off and hide under words of defense but she seemed to be taking it well. "Well... um, why don't you ever talk about your family?"
Michala looked out of the window. She thought about her home life and her family. There wasn't really much to them which is what she told Luke.
"But there has to be something. Their names for instance. What are they?" he asked.
"Glenn and Elizabeth are my parents and my younger sister's name is Charlotte. My other sister is... was..." she stopped.
"What?" asked Luke, very aware of the pause.
"She..."
"What?" he asked more forcefully.
"Daniella is dead all right?" she snapped.
Luke was silent. He hadn't meant to upset her. Now he regretted pushing her so hard to reveal her secrets. He didn't want to make her cry but he heard her begin sniffling. "Oh Mic..." he said, draping an arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you..."
"That's all right," she sniffed. "Hey, that's the first time you've ever called me Mic."
"Oh yeah," he replied.
Michala forced a smile. "Anyway, what else do you want to know?" she regained her composure.
"Uhh... anything," said Luke, changing tactics.
"Well I guess you want to know all about Daniella now right?"
"Not if you don't want to talk about it."
"I don't but I think you have a right to hear about it- especially with your mum and stuff. I mean, maybe it would be good to hear about somebody else's experiences, someone who knows what you're going through..."
"Yes, it is a good idea actually. But only if you feel ready," Luke was doing his best to be sensitive. He didn't have that much experience with girls and didn't know how to act around them, especially when they were emotional like this. He decided it was best to tread very, very lightly.
Michala nodded. "Daniella was two years older than me. She would have been um... seventeen about now. A seventh year. Don't you remember her from Hogwarts?"
"Umm... not really," admitted Luke. "But then again I never did take any notice in other year levels and no offence, but I didn't really get to know you that well either even if we were and are in the same circle of friends."
"Yeah," agreed Michala, anxious to keep talking while her voice box allowed her to. "Anyway, in her third year... it was... well, the summer holidays had just started and she was back home with us and we were all happy and one day... one day we went to the park for a family picnic and we were playing with a ball and I kicked it too far and she tried to catch it and she ran backwards and she ran straight onto a road and..." Michala closed her eyes tightly trying not to relive the memory.
"That's terrible!" Luke exclaimed. "It's over now," he hushed her, in a soothing voice. "It's over..."
"Oh Great Wizards," muttered Michala, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "Look at me, a wreck. Getting all emotional and stuff. Ha. I'm so pathetic sometimes." She stood up and fixed her gown so it was on straight. "Well you know, better be off to bed now, should really get some sleep or perhaps try to."
"Yeah," agreed Luke standing up too. "Hey Michala, before you go..."
Michala stopped at the opening of the staircase and turned around. "Yeah?"
"Thanks again."
"No problems," said Michala and disappeared into the darkness.
Luke sighed and picked up his book from the floor, he didn't want to forget it again. Taking one long last look at the night sky, he headed off in Michala's direction and back to the Gryffindor Tower, the whole way thinking about what she'd said. A lot had happened in her life that he had been blissfully unaware of. Quite strange now considering. He jumped back into his cold bed and curled up in a tiny ball. He didn't need to read to feel comforted now. He had been comforted by Michala's words.
Author's Note: A long chapter about nothing eh? Hehe, I'm still doing my late-at-night-sitting-at-computer-screen-feeling-very-sleepy-thing. How long have I been 'secretly' working on this fic now? Well today is the 29th of May and I started it on about the 21st. Hmm... over a week! *Glances in toolbar* Wow, it's 2:33am. Thank goodness for M & M's - just don't tell anybody I've been eating them all. Sorry, this AN is way off topic, to cut a very long and boring story short, thanks for the reviews and keep em coming, I love you all and treasure each and every one of them. *Spits out blue M & M* I hate those ones... they stain your teeth.