Chapter 2
I thought for a while. What should I do? Then, it clicked. "I would like to write to my father before I leave," I said. Snape looked at me incredulously. "You want to write to your father? Are you sure? I mean your father does not…" he tailed off, looking awkward. However, I understood exactly what he was trying say. "Severus, I know as well as you do that my father condones and loathes the Dark Arts. You are afraid that if I write to my father, his sense of duty might prove too strong for his fatherly love and that he may tell the authorities that I'm still alive. Is it correct?" Snape nodded mutely.
"I appreciate your concern, Severus, but I…I just don't want to deceive my father anymore. I don't want to pull the wool over his eyes by making him believe I'm dead. I know that he'll be heartbroken by my folly of joining the Dark Lord but I think that he'll be even more hurt if I led him to believe that I'm dead when I'm not. I know that he need not know that I'm still alive but… I just want him to know that I will always love and be grateful to him. I'm an only child. I can almost imagine my father's pain and sorrow if I just went away without a word. It's his choice whether he wants to inform the Ministry or not. I don't really care whether he informs them. My life is in shambles right now and I can't even show my face in public. I hope you understand, Severus," I said quietly.
There was silence. The expression on Snape's face was unreadable. Finally, he gave a short smile and nodded to show that he understood. He pulled out a quill, an ink bottle and some rolls of parchment from his robes. He handed them to me. "Do what you want to do," he said. I smiled back gratefully. "Thank you." I took out my wand and conjured up a table and two chairs. I offered a seat to Snape but he declined. I sat down on the other chair and placed the parchment on the table. I dipped the quill into the ink bottle and held it over the parchment. I paused, the quill tip quivering inches away from the surface of the brown paper. What should I write? How could I ever pen down all my feelings, all my anxiety and all my love for my father onto a mere scrap of paper? I thought for a while, and then I began to write.
Dear father,
I'm sorry for my tardiness in this letter. I have so many things to tell you but so little time. I have composed this poem on short notice and I hope that you will understand:
Father, I am sorry,
I'm such a worthless son.
I've caused you so much pain and regret
In return of your kindness and love
I was never the son you thought I was,
Brave, loyal and bold.
I ignored all of your wisdom
And sold my soul to HIM.
Who he is
I'm ashamed to say,
Is the one you loathe the most.
The enemy, the evil one
He-who-must-not-be-Named
My heart burns with guilt,
In the face of all your questions.
Your eyes are filled with sorrow,
And you wonder what wrong you've done.
Father, I say to you
It's not your fault at all.
For I had the choice,
To make the right or wrong.
I must now pay
For the choices I've made
So do not blame yourself.
Father, forget me,
I've gone away
Far, far away from my horrendous deed.
It'll be over the papers tomorrow
So you'll find out what wrong I've done
I've not the courage to show my face
But I want you to know one thing
I will always love you
And miss you,
Though I am far away
Father, I'm sorry,
I must ask one thing of you,
I hope it's not too much to ask
And I pray you'll grant me this…
Forgiveness.
Dear father, I'm really sorry that I have let you down.
Signed,
S. Quirrell
I was quite good at writing poetry to express my feelings. Maybe my interest in muggle literature had something to do with it. I folded up the parchment and handed it to Snape, along with his quill and ink bottle. "Please ensure that he gets it, Severus," I said. Snape took the folded bit of parchment and tucked it deep within his robes. "Of course I will," he replied. I waved my wand once and the table and the two chairs I had conjured up before disappeared.
"I know that the Ministry will be here soon to investigate, Severus," I said. "But…one thing is troubling me. I'm supposed to be dead but my body would not be here. What are you going to tell the investigators?" Snape smiled and removed from his robes a bottle of ashes. He unscrewed the top and sprinkled them all over the floor. I watched, transfixed. What on earth was Snape doing? Snape then put the empty bottle back into his robes and turned to face my questioning eyes. "Don't look at me like that, Slatero. I'm doing this because that's what Dumbledore instructed me to do. He certainly has funny ideas sometimes, but we need to trust him, don't we? I'm just going to tell the Ministry that I know nothing about the matter that took place here between you and Potter. Dumbledore would do the rest. Actually, I think he is going to tell the investigators that you somehow turned into ashes when Potter touched you."
I remembered how blistered and raw my hands got when Potter clutched me and shuddered. However, I think that crumbling into dust was much worse than my hands becoming blistered. While I was thinking, Snape had taken out his wand. "Accis!" He muttered under his breath. A suitcase appeared with a puff of smoke next to him. A slippery and shiny invisibility cloak was draped on top of it. "Slatero, all your clothes, books and personal items are in that suitcase. Don't worry, if the wizards from the Ministry ask to see your personal artifacts, we will say that all of it got burnt the moment you died." I raised an eyebrow at him. Snape shrugged. "Well, we could always pretend that you are one of those weirdly paranoid people who put destroying charms on all their personal belongings so that the moment they die, all their belongings would burn away into little ashes."
"I am not THAT paranoid but never mind," I laughed. "Anyway," I pointed to the invisibility cloak. "That is not mine. Whose is it?" "It's mine but I'm giving it to you. I daresay you will find a lot of uses for it," Snape muttered. I gasped, my mouth hanging open. "You are giving me this invisibility cloak? But invisibility cloaks are really rare and expensive!" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Severus, but this is too expensive a gift. I can't accept it."
"Take it. Your need for it is greater than mine," Snape said. "You need to be out of the Hogwarts grounds before you can escape. How on earth do you think you can do that without being detected if you do not have an invisibility cloak?"
"But I know perfectly well how to perform the 'Hiddenus' charm, Severus! I can make myself invisible without the need of an invisibility cloak!" I argued back. Snape said impatiently, "Don't be so stubborn, Slatero. You know as well as I do that that spell is very complicated! If you make a single mistake, you could end up being half invisible, half visible! Think what an uproar it would make! I don't want you to take any chances. Please. Take the cloak. I'll feel better if you do."
He held the cloak out to me. Sighing, I took it. "Thank you. But I'll give it back to you, Severus. I promise," I said. Snape waved a hand dismissively. "Don't bother returning it to me. I already said that I'm giving it to you. Now, the main important thing is to get yourself as far away from Hogwarts as possible. And to do that…" Snape smiled slyly. I think you would need…this!" He muttered "Accis" again. A broomstick appeared instantly beside him.
"Severus…is that my Comet two-sixty broomstick?" I asked, dumbstruck. He nodded. I took the broomstick from Severus with trembling hands. I turned the polished wooden handle upward, and the golden lettering 'Comet- two Sixty' gleamed up at me. It was not new, but I had a special love for it. I had that broomstick ever since I started teaching which was around four years ago. My father had given it to me on one of my birthdays. Not many people know this, but I loved to fly on a broomstick. I loved the feel of the wind against my hair, the beautiful scenery like patchwork lying beneath me. However, I did not like to play Quidditch as I found it too violent for me. The first time I played Quidditch, when I was about six, a Bludger smashed into my nose and broke it. The pain was excruciating. From that day onwards, I developed a phobia about the Bludgers and refused to play Quidditch anymore. My father hoped that I would soon lose my fear but I did not. My nose healed, but my fear of the Bludgers remained the same. I do not mind watching Quidditch being played, but I refrained from playing. But that fear did not stop me from practicing Quidditch moves on my own. I became quite skillful in maneuvering a broomstick and that was why I found catching the flying key in Flitwick's task easy.
I ran my hand lovingly down the smooth wooden surface of my broom. I had not been flying my broom for ages. It was a little dusty, but nevertheless still impressive. "Okay, Slatero," Snape's tone became more brisk and business-like. "Here's what you have to do. You must first tie your briefcase (I have already bewitched it to be feather-light) securely to your broomstick. Get on the broomstick and make sure that the invisibility cloak covers you completely. Got that?"
"Yes, mother," I replied. "Very funny," said Snape sarcastically. "Anyway, Dumbledore and I have already removed all the tasks guarding the Stone so your getting out of this place should be fairly easy. Fly up through the trapdoor to get out of this place. Once you are out of Hogwarts, you can choose to escape in any direction you want.
I nodded. "Severus…" I hesitated, "There's something that I really want to ask you before I leave. Why are you and Dumbledore helping me? I mean…look at me. I'm the villain. The Dark Lord resided in me and forced me to do terrible things. You told before that you were helping me because I was a good friend of yours. It's not that I don't believe you, but I know there is more to it than what you told me. I also know that Dumbledore, like my father, hates Dark wizards. So why is he helping me by covering up for me?"
Snape surveyed me for a moment with his fathomless black eyes before he spoke. "The reason why Dumbledore is helping you is because he believes in second chances. He thinks, or rather, knows that when you met the Dark Lord, you were young and not very experienced with the world, which was why you let the Dark Lord possess you. He does not blame you. I, on the other hand, have known you since you were young. I know that you would never, out of your own free will, try to kill anyone. You are a very talented young man with a lot of potential, Slatero. You have been given another chance. Don't waste it."
There was silence for a moment. Finally I whispered, "Thank you for your trust and faith in me, Severus. I won't waste this second chance you and Dumbledore have given me. I won't let you both down." Snape smiled slightly and said, "I know you won't. That was why I saved you." Snape glanced down at his watch. "Slatero, I think you will have to leave now. I have a feeling that the Ministry wizards will be here soon. It's already been an hour." He extended a hand to me. "Farewell."
I strode to where Snape was, grasped his hand tightly and shook it. Tears sprang to my eyes. My smooth palm contrasted sharply with the coarseness and roughness of Snape's. "We will meet again, Severus. I'm sure of it. So it's not really farewell, is it?" I said. Snape smiled. "You're right. Goodbye and good luck, Slatero."
I let go of Snape's hand, carried my suitcase and placed it on top of my broomstick. Pointing my wand at it, I muttered, "Ropesandio." Ropes came out my wand and tied my suitcase securely to the broomstick. Flinging one leg over the broomstick, I mounted it. As the broomstick rose into the air, I called out to Snape, "Goodbye and good luck to you too, Snape. Have fun teaching!" "Very funny, you cheeky boy! And don't forget the invisibility cloak!" Snape answered back.
"Oh yes- I nearly forgot! Thanks, Severus!" I quickly covered myself with the invisibility cloak. As I vanished from view, I asked Snape one last question. "Oh yes, I forgot- how are you getting out of this place, Severus?" Snape smiled mysteriously and replied, "By the same way Dumbledore did. It's a rather complicated spell and I think that you leaving this place by broomstick would be so much easier. Well, till we meet again then."
"Goodbye," I said, as I flew off. I have never thought before that by saying just that one word would ever bring me such sorrow and pain like I felt now. It was like as though I was saying goodbye to not only Snape, but to everyone and everything I know. I was letting go of what I am familiar with and heading to the unknown. My journey to find a place of acceptance had begun.
Author's note: Please review and state your comments! I would be very grateful.