+Red Champagne+
Summary: Buffy's reaction to finding out that Angel has feelings for Cordelia up in LA, and the fact that he seems to have forgotten all about his Slayer. Slight AU, takes place before either Season Finales of last year, for both shows. Buffy's POV, Angel's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone at all, and I most likely never will. You see, Joss once told me that if I ever owned the BTVS and A:tS characters, we'd be living in one crazy, nekkid Spike and nekkid Angel world. Of course, I would cast myself as the leadin' lady for both of my cold vamps; they would fight over me in every episode, but in the end I would be both of their rewards. And the fact that Xander would constantly be doing manual 'construction' labor, topless, is beside the point, of course.
A/n: Well, I decided that I just had to write a second part to the story, from Angel's POV. This story was just calling for a second part, even though I just wanted a short angsty piece :) And thanks a million to anybody who reviewed the first time, I appreciate it tons. This one is for you.
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"Buffy . . . you still my girl?"
"Always."
+!+!+!+
Eternal love. Soul mates. One true lover. Only you. Forever. Always.
You were the reason I changed, the reason I became the vampire that I am today. The bright spot in my many years of darkness, of spilt blood and eternal pain. I did love you, and I always will; nothing and no one will change that. But love fades, it twists along the path of distance and time, and eventually, no matter how hard you try to salvage and grasp on to the tail of it, it just becomes . . .
Nothing.
Even today my love for you has changed so much it's hard to remember what it felt like to only dream of you, to be consumed by your very essence and being. To know that I could love only you forever, a slave to your heart and soul. I forget what it was like to be dependent on you for my identity as I searched for one to take as my own. I was Angel, not Angelus, and not a human, not a man nor a monster. Just the Slayer's love.
Now I know who I am, what my life is. And you're not a part of it.
I left because I had too, because our love was not meant to be. We were soul mates, but two star-crossed lovers that could never live together in what we would consider peace. Eventually you would have resented me for what I couldn't give you, all that you were missing, and you would have hated me because I wasn't a real man. You tried to imagine me as something I could never be, and when I turned out to be just a soulful vampire it disappointed you. And maybe even before I left you started hating me, and I started to realize you and me couldn't be together. Never could be, and never would be.
You still can't see that.
I did leave for my own good too, I won't deny it. I wanted to see if I was better of without you, better off without our never-ending problems and a love that swallowed me whole. I was in too deep, and I was foolish. You were so naïve and innocent, and I always felt like I was taking your youth. Burdening you with a boyfriend who you had to send to Hell because he wanted to kill your friends and end the world. Whether you realized it or not when I left it was the best thing that happened to you.
And because I left you hated me even more.
Now love her, Cordelia, and even though it isn't all consuming it's still powerful in it's own way. It's still soul-searching and heartbreaking all in one, though I will admit I can never love her the way I loved you. Maybe that's a good thing, because the way I loved you would have eventually consumed us both. I loved you too much. I loved you more then anything.
I loved you more then you can ever comprehend.
And I'm sorry I let you down, I'm sorry I couldn't stand by you and still love you even when you moved on from me. What else can I say? What can I give you to make you understand that people change, that love never dies but it fades into a wisp of the greatness it used to be. Believe what you want, but in your heart you know that if I asked you to die for me today, you would hesitate longer, think harder, question me more.
And I would still die for you. I hope I would . . .
I have new priorities now, just like you do. You aren't at the center of my universe anymore, and you can't be ever again. You've become bitter because I have happiness while you have regret and shame at what you've become, and you've chosen me to bear you're blame. Well I won't. I can't.
It's your own fault that you've become what you are.
You've changed so much from that sparkling girl I fell in love with lifetimes ago. Whether it's for better or worse, I can't tell, but I do know you've become harder, angrier at the cards life dealt you. You would say that you had no other choice, that life gave you shit and you had to endure it, and that you have a reason to cry. But you don't. You have more than you'll ever know, and somehow that girl you once were has disappeared forever.
You'll never be her again. And she was the one I fell in love with.
I still love you in some way, I always will, but I don't love what you have become. I don't love you're essence any more, because you've been tainted with anger and rage. You're different. Changed. And maybe I have no reason to say anything, because I've changed too. But you, you're not even a shred of what I love. Loved.
Will have always loved. Did love, so long ago.
We both changed too much to be able to ever go back to what we had. To what we shared, what we loved. We still belong to each other's hearts, but time erased the magnitude of emotions and love. It melted down to a sweet melancholy when I hear you're name, a gentle tide of bittersweet love when I hear how you're doing. I care for you, and if you died ago, a piece of me would die with you.
But I would still go on. I would recover. Just as you would.
Our love can, and never will, be the same as it was when you were still an innocent and I was a vampire burning in your light. We're different people now, and that makes all the difference. It's enough to be sure when I say that if we ever got together again, we would have nothing to share but the memories long forgotten. A love that was gone. A heart that had broken long ago.
Emotions that we didn't feel, just remembered. And it hurts to know that.
Our love will never be that pure, that full, that beautiful. And once you can understand that too, maybe you can move on fully. Move on without resentment towards me and my new life, towards Cordelia and my son. We will always know each other better then anyone, always know what we shared was rare and amazing. That we are soul mates, but destiny doesn't have us sharing our lives together for a reason. No matter how much it hurts, the pain will eventually fade and ebb away, just like our love.
Just like your tears.
Maybe I can say these things to you, harsher then I want them to be, because of what you've done. What you've done that will hurt me more then anything else, even worse then those words of hate you uttered, you're declaration that you couldn't be with me anymore. Worse then a stake ripping through my heart, from your own hand.
You've been a bad girl. Sleeping with the enemy.
Is he good? Is he better then a human man? Is it because he's cold and hard, ready for your searing touch, and ready to offer any words of love that slip over his lips and tumble over you? Whatever it is, it's disgusting. Filthy. To let his hands touch you, the hands of a soulless killer that would murder you in cold blood if he could. Maybe that's why you like it.
You've turned into a vampire whore.
I guess you like the cold comfort he offers, better than a human man. When you fuck him do you like it, knowing you're screwing the Childe of your first lover? I hope you do, because it's better then the fact you fuck him because you want too. Have things gotten so bad you turned to him for love and satisfaction? Even you're panting idiot friend, Xander, would be better then Spike. Better then an evil vampire that has no remorse for the pain he's caused.
I'll never forgive you for what you've done.
When I heard, it was the final hit. I knew that you had changed too much for me to love you anymore, for us to ever have a chance together again. It was sad, but I was too angry to comprehend that my love had done something so dirty. So dishonoring. What would they say, your friends? I know that they have no clue about the two of you. You would rather live in secret then have you pristine virtue scarred, you little minx.
Even when I loved you, I hated you. And I hate you now more then I ever have.
+!+!+!+!+!+
A/n: I was thinking of adding one more part, an actual interaction between the two instead of a POV. But tell me if you think I should, or if I should just leave it as is. Thanks.
Summary: Buffy's reaction to finding out that Angel has feelings for Cordelia up in LA, and the fact that he seems to have forgotten all about his Slayer. Slight AU, takes place before either Season Finales of last year, for both shows. Buffy's POV, Angel's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone at all, and I most likely never will. You see, Joss once told me that if I ever owned the BTVS and A:tS characters, we'd be living in one crazy, nekkid Spike and nekkid Angel world. Of course, I would cast myself as the leadin' lady for both of my cold vamps; they would fight over me in every episode, but in the end I would be both of their rewards. And the fact that Xander would constantly be doing manual 'construction' labor, topless, is beside the point, of course.
A/n: Well, I decided that I just had to write a second part to the story, from Angel's POV. This story was just calling for a second part, even though I just wanted a short angsty piece :) And thanks a million to anybody who reviewed the first time, I appreciate it tons. This one is for you.
+!+!+!+!+!+
"Buffy . . . you still my girl?"
"Always."
+!+!+!+
Eternal love. Soul mates. One true lover. Only you. Forever. Always.
You were the reason I changed, the reason I became the vampire that I am today. The bright spot in my many years of darkness, of spilt blood and eternal pain. I did love you, and I always will; nothing and no one will change that. But love fades, it twists along the path of distance and time, and eventually, no matter how hard you try to salvage and grasp on to the tail of it, it just becomes . . .
Nothing.
Even today my love for you has changed so much it's hard to remember what it felt like to only dream of you, to be consumed by your very essence and being. To know that I could love only you forever, a slave to your heart and soul. I forget what it was like to be dependent on you for my identity as I searched for one to take as my own. I was Angel, not Angelus, and not a human, not a man nor a monster. Just the Slayer's love.
Now I know who I am, what my life is. And you're not a part of it.
I left because I had too, because our love was not meant to be. We were soul mates, but two star-crossed lovers that could never live together in what we would consider peace. Eventually you would have resented me for what I couldn't give you, all that you were missing, and you would have hated me because I wasn't a real man. You tried to imagine me as something I could never be, and when I turned out to be just a soulful vampire it disappointed you. And maybe even before I left you started hating me, and I started to realize you and me couldn't be together. Never could be, and never would be.
You still can't see that.
I did leave for my own good too, I won't deny it. I wanted to see if I was better of without you, better off without our never-ending problems and a love that swallowed me whole. I was in too deep, and I was foolish. You were so naïve and innocent, and I always felt like I was taking your youth. Burdening you with a boyfriend who you had to send to Hell because he wanted to kill your friends and end the world. Whether you realized it or not when I left it was the best thing that happened to you.
And because I left you hated me even more.
Now love her, Cordelia, and even though it isn't all consuming it's still powerful in it's own way. It's still soul-searching and heartbreaking all in one, though I will admit I can never love her the way I loved you. Maybe that's a good thing, because the way I loved you would have eventually consumed us both. I loved you too much. I loved you more then anything.
I loved you more then you can ever comprehend.
And I'm sorry I let you down, I'm sorry I couldn't stand by you and still love you even when you moved on from me. What else can I say? What can I give you to make you understand that people change, that love never dies but it fades into a wisp of the greatness it used to be. Believe what you want, but in your heart you know that if I asked you to die for me today, you would hesitate longer, think harder, question me more.
And I would still die for you. I hope I would . . .
I have new priorities now, just like you do. You aren't at the center of my universe anymore, and you can't be ever again. You've become bitter because I have happiness while you have regret and shame at what you've become, and you've chosen me to bear you're blame. Well I won't. I can't.
It's your own fault that you've become what you are.
You've changed so much from that sparkling girl I fell in love with lifetimes ago. Whether it's for better or worse, I can't tell, but I do know you've become harder, angrier at the cards life dealt you. You would say that you had no other choice, that life gave you shit and you had to endure it, and that you have a reason to cry. But you don't. You have more than you'll ever know, and somehow that girl you once were has disappeared forever.
You'll never be her again. And she was the one I fell in love with.
I still love you in some way, I always will, but I don't love what you have become. I don't love you're essence any more, because you've been tainted with anger and rage. You're different. Changed. And maybe I have no reason to say anything, because I've changed too. But you, you're not even a shred of what I love. Loved.
Will have always loved. Did love, so long ago.
We both changed too much to be able to ever go back to what we had. To what we shared, what we loved. We still belong to each other's hearts, but time erased the magnitude of emotions and love. It melted down to a sweet melancholy when I hear you're name, a gentle tide of bittersweet love when I hear how you're doing. I care for you, and if you died ago, a piece of me would die with you.
But I would still go on. I would recover. Just as you would.
Our love can, and never will, be the same as it was when you were still an innocent and I was a vampire burning in your light. We're different people now, and that makes all the difference. It's enough to be sure when I say that if we ever got together again, we would have nothing to share but the memories long forgotten. A love that was gone. A heart that had broken long ago.
Emotions that we didn't feel, just remembered. And it hurts to know that.
Our love will never be that pure, that full, that beautiful. And once you can understand that too, maybe you can move on fully. Move on without resentment towards me and my new life, towards Cordelia and my son. We will always know each other better then anyone, always know what we shared was rare and amazing. That we are soul mates, but destiny doesn't have us sharing our lives together for a reason. No matter how much it hurts, the pain will eventually fade and ebb away, just like our love.
Just like your tears.
Maybe I can say these things to you, harsher then I want them to be, because of what you've done. What you've done that will hurt me more then anything else, even worse then those words of hate you uttered, you're declaration that you couldn't be with me anymore. Worse then a stake ripping through my heart, from your own hand.
You've been a bad girl. Sleeping with the enemy.
Is he good? Is he better then a human man? Is it because he's cold and hard, ready for your searing touch, and ready to offer any words of love that slip over his lips and tumble over you? Whatever it is, it's disgusting. Filthy. To let his hands touch you, the hands of a soulless killer that would murder you in cold blood if he could. Maybe that's why you like it.
You've turned into a vampire whore.
I guess you like the cold comfort he offers, better than a human man. When you fuck him do you like it, knowing you're screwing the Childe of your first lover? I hope you do, because it's better then the fact you fuck him because you want too. Have things gotten so bad you turned to him for love and satisfaction? Even you're panting idiot friend, Xander, would be better then Spike. Better then an evil vampire that has no remorse for the pain he's caused.
I'll never forgive you for what you've done.
When I heard, it was the final hit. I knew that you had changed too much for me to love you anymore, for us to ever have a chance together again. It was sad, but I was too angry to comprehend that my love had done something so dirty. So dishonoring. What would they say, your friends? I know that they have no clue about the two of you. You would rather live in secret then have you pristine virtue scarred, you little minx.
Even when I loved you, I hated you. And I hate you now more then I ever have.
+!+!+!+!+!+
A/n: I was thinking of adding one more part, an actual interaction between the two instead of a POV. But tell me if you think I should, or if I should just leave it as is. Thanks.