perfect.place part.seven
I took for granted you were with me // I breathe by your looks and you look right through me // But we were broken and didn't know it…
"Deep Inside of You", Third Eye Blind
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"We're doing everything we can."
It sounded so hollow, empty. Like the ER doctor who knows your loved one is probably not going to make it, but doesn't want to deal with hysterical family members. Hypocritical.
You are such a hypocrite, Michael Vaughn.
He was sure Sydney could see right through it. She must know that the chances of finding Will were about a zillion to one.
"I know." She paused and looked away, then continued by talking at her bag – she always did that when it was something touchy, she'd look away and speak to some inanimate object. "It's just…it's Will. My friend."
Her friend. Oh, how well he knew that.
"Sydney, the CIA has several people working on it. Your father and I are in constant contact with them. If we can't find him, well, it can't be done." Open mouth, insert foot.
"How many is several, Vaughn?" She was staring directly at him. "I want to know."
"Well, Will is not exactly on the top of the CIA's priority list." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, feeling uncomfortable under Sydney's scrutinizing gaze. "He's lucky his case has been allotted four agents."
"Four?" She practically hissed that one.
"He's a missing person, Syd. The only reason the CIA is even handling it is because Will was working unofficially for your father."
"Am I supposed to feel grateful for that? That because my father put him in danger he's worthy of the CIA's notice?" she spat.
She usually wasn't this…hostile. Vaughn almost asked if there was something on her mind, something she wanted to talk about, but thought better of it. Diffuse this issue first. "Sydney, it's not like that at all. Nobody forced Will into working for your father. We didn't think the safe house could be compromised. No one expected Sark to show up…"
"Sark was there? And you didn't tell me?"
"We just found out. He'd erased the security tapes, we were able to recover the video. He shot Will with a tranquillizer."
Sydney looked away, fixing her gaze on some invisible spot on the wall. Vaughn wondered briefly if she was imagining him squashed against the wall like a fly. It took him a moment to realize she was trying not to cry.
"Here," Vaughn found himself holding out his handkerchief, hoping fervently that she wouldn't cry.
She looked at the offering and then up at him. "I don't need it."
"Sydney, it's okay. You're under a lot of pressure right now. You can't keep everything tucked tightly under wraps all the time. Go ahead and cry if you need to."
The look on Sydney's face gave new meaning to the old adage 'if looks could kill…' She advanced on him and he instinctively backed up until the backs of his thighs hit a storage box. She yanked the handkerchief from his fingers and stuffed it in his shirt pocket. "I. Don't. Need. It." she snarled through clenched teeth. Vaughn felt helpless, hypnotized by her death stare, like a snake's prey.
Before he realized it was happening, she was walking away, her heels tapping out an angry statacco rhythm.
"Sydney…wait."
She stopped at the gate in the chain link cage and rested her head against the metal links. "I'm sorry," he said to her back, "I didn't mean…I just don't want you keeping everything inside. I'm here…if you need me."
She turned back to face him across the chasm of boxes. "I know," she said softly, "You pity me." Vaughn stared after her as she turned on her heel and walked out.
Later, he told himself, he should have waited. Followed protocol that required one of them to give the other a five minute lead on leaving a clandestine meeting. For once in his career at the agency, he should have played by the rules.
He follwed her outside, determined to discover the meaning behind her words. He was sure they were a product of frustration. Frustration over Will and SD-6 and everything that had gone wrong since the day she told Danny the truth.
He caught up to her and grabbed her arm, a rather dangerous move. She turned her head back towards him and her shining brown eyes met his hazel ones. She exhaled heavily, releasing tension.
"You think I pity you?" somehow he couldn't quite keep the tiny note of condescension out of his voice.
"Sometimes," she admitted. Her answer startled him, and he dropped her arm. She got into her car and drove away, leaving him alone in the late afternoon sun with his thoughts.
//end part seven
a/n: Remember, this is post-"Rendezvous" and pre-"Almost Thirty Years", so Will is still in Taipei. Special thanks to Jada, Aire, and others. And to Hil, here's the long awaited next installment I promised :)