A/N i'm so sowwy!!!!! i noe i said i'd post dis chappie last night but stuff came up & i didn't get a chance to update. my sincerest apologies!! well i'll just get right 2 da story.

disclaimer: c chapters 1, 2, & 3

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Alex was standing at the kitchen entrance staring at us. Or, namely, Gramps and company. If it was possible, I was even more scared than I was when Bear and Gimli had their little tussle with the axe. Alex stared at us.....we stared at him.Then he did the most RANDOM thing EVER!!! He started laughing. I stared some more. How could he be laughing?! Then it hit me. This was Alex. The guy who didn't get worked up / stressed out / act rationally about anything! Why the hell was I worried? The only thing that gets Alex excited is women or anything sexually related (yes, my best friend is a pervert.....sad ain't it?).

"Hey Eli. Thought you might be able to help me with the English homework we got dumped with......But you look a little busy with the Health homework, so I'll just come back later." Yep, he's a pervert all right. "You have a sick mind Alex. You realize this right?", I said. "Of course I realize it Eli", he replied, sounding hurt. Alex should seriously get an acting job. "If I didn't have a sick mind I wouldn't be the Alex you know and love." Yeah right. "Where, exactly, did you get the idea that I loved you?", I asked incredulously. We have this system of speech where we communicate through sarcasm. At least he knew when to be sarcastic. We switched out of the speech for the sake of the others.

"Hey Gandalf", Alex said. "What's up? You haven't been around lately." Gramps and I gave him the usual "you-just-figured-this-out?" stares. We all went through the introductions again, and, amazingly enough, all the way through them Alex didn't once try to cop a feel on me. Like that lasted long. I turned to show everyone into my much more accommodating family room, and guess what. Alex went into pervert mode and I suddenly felt his hand on my bum.

"PERVERT!!!!!"

Alex had an extra large bump on his head. He was also only semi-conscious. I had to get a new lamp. Gramps observed this all with a fairly calm attitude. He was used to these sort of things by now. The rest of Grandpa's friends weren't though. They all yelled a few indiscernible angry things (A/N no they did not swear. i mean can u imagine the fellowship swearing..........don't answer dat). Then their yells became clearer. Oh, how I wish they could have just drowned each other out.

"What were you doing?!", shouted Sam. Gimli followed it up with a thunderous,"Have you no shame!!!???". Alex couldn't answer any of the angry questions being thrown at him due to his current position of being plastered to my hardwood floors. Now, a pervert he may be, but he really is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. Because, pervertedness aside, he's caring, loyal, sympathetic, supportive, helpful.......and a great comic relief! And he's always stuck up for me in situations worse than this, so I gladly sided with my best and only friend.

"It's not that big a deal. You don't have to go wiggy on 'im", I informed the outraged weirdos, in a vain attempt to calm them. It didn't work. In fact it only seemed to make them angrier. Now I was really getting scared. These guys, I knew, were hard-core fighters and even though I wouldn't go down easily in battle I wasn't great at fighting. If they tried to hurt Alex I would have a pretty hard time stopping them, if I even could. I might even be lucky if I could stall them. The ever protective Bear sensed my distress and stood closer to me, so that he was slightly pushing against my side. Telling me through touch that he was there and everything would be okay. Gramps recognized the danger too, judging from his next words.

"Calm yourselves, friends", he instructed them gently. "If Elizabeth felt she was being dishonored, believe me when I tell you that she would be quick to correct the offender." The only ones who weren't paying attention were Merry and Pippin. Both of whom seemed intent on studying the lamp that lay broken on the coffee table. I was about to ask them what they were doing, but stopped when I noticed smoke coming from their general direction. Then I realized something that was very bad and soon to be very funny. The lamp was plugged in.

Sparks flew, hobbits screamed, swords went up, Alex got trampled, and I now had to clean my family room again for fourth time in as many days. Don't ask about the other times.

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i noe, i noe. it's a horribible place 2 stop but i can't think of nething else 2 put in da chapter. i'm not going 2 promise dat i'll update 2-nite cause i probably won't. but i will try 2 update within a 2 day time period. dis way da chapters will, hopefully, be of a better quality & possibly longer 2. so until den........toodles!!!!! ^_^