Generic disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I make no money. This is all part of an elaborate procrastination method on my part--please don't sue me!
Notes: A silly old thing. Too much caffeine and old Marx Brothers movies do it every time...
Siren Song
by StellaMaru
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Ch. 1: Ostrich Defense
In which two offers are met with varying success.
It all started when Hoshi accepted the Royal Keeper of Language, Linguist 3rd Rank (Imbued) Count Pevilian Pevilisk, second male offspring of Pevil and Tskina, Prince and Princess of Her Royal Highness Empress Sadakila of the Golden Autocracy's fifth planet, Ulniria, Shining Jewel of the Empire's offer of friendship.
After three days of calling him by his full title every time she addressed him (as was dictated by Imperial etiquette), and he addressing her as "Hoshi Sato, Linguist of Enterprise, Ensign of the Starfleet of Earth, third planet of Sol, Green Living Jewel of Humanity" every time they wanted to talk she finally told him (in the formal Imperial manner):
"the Royal Keeper of Language, Linguist 3rd Rank (Imbued) Count Pevilian Pevilisk, second male offspring of Pevil and Tskina, Prince and Princess of Her Royal Highness Empress Sadakila of the Golden Autocracy's fifth planet, Ulniria, Shining Jewel of the Empire may address me as Hoshi."
The Count paused and said: "Hoshi Sato, Linguist of Enterprise, Ensign of the Starfleet of Earth, third planet of Sol, Green Living Jewel of Humanity, wishes to speak informally? She wishes an offer of friendship?" Hoshi did her best to approximate an Ulnirian nod, which involved moving her whole body from side to side. The Count smiled showing his third set of teeth. "Excellent! This humble creature offers Hoshi Sato his friendship, and wishes to speak informally. Does Hoshi Sato agree?" Hoshi Sato did. The Count took her arm in his and said "you may call me Pevilian, I can't stand hearing that whole title every time someone speaks to me!"
After that their collaboration on languages of the Golden Autocracy improved vastly. They worked closely on downloading as many of the Imperial languages as they could into the UT, and Pevilian helped Hoshi with some of the finer semantic points as well as the myriad of idiomatic expressions found in the Empire.
When Enterprise prepared to leave the Ulniria system Pevilian escorted her to the shuttlepod and presented her with a book of Ulnirian poems celebrating the Delicacy and Wisdom of Sadakila the Fifth. Hoshi performed the intricate hand movements needed to express sadness at parting. He spread his arms in mimicry of a human hug. "Hoshi my friend," he said, "you filled me with joy when you accepted my friendship, please join me in exchanging eshthist so that our friendship may mingle and continue eternally!" With that, he opened the glands below his mouth and sprayed Hoshi with mist of liquid. Hoshi blinked rapidly, not knowing if it was rude to wipe the fluid out of her eyes, and gave him two quick kisses, one on each cheek.
On the trip back to Enterprise Hoshi tried to wipe the liquid off but it was now quite sticky. "I'll be stuck in decon for a week," she said to Trip, "who knew a goodbye kiss between friends could involve so much goo?"
"You've never been kissed by my cousin Charlotte," Trip said, "woman wears so much lipstick you'd think she was fixing to be the only gal at a round-the-world New Year's Eve party." He paused. "Which I guess is true, in a manner of speaking." He looked a Hoshi, covered in sticky Ulnirian glandular excretion. "Say, Hoshi, you know tomorrow's movie night... if you don't have any other plans, maybe you'd like to, ah, go with me? Or we could just have dinner or something, if you want..." Hoshi stared at him. Trip was asking her out?
"Are you asking me out?" she said.
"Do you want to go out?" he said. This was weird. Trip always treated her like a little sister. She didn't want to date him. It seemed incestuous. Had she so misread him this past year and a half? He seemed genuinely nervous about it; his accent was showing and he was talking about his colorful relatives. It was like Malcolm's slight stammer and throat clearing, or Travis and his jokes.
"I--" How do you turn down your friend (not to mention superior officer) without hurting his feelings or making things uncomfortable between you? "--can I get back to you?" You don't. Evade the issue and hope it goes away. Classic ostrich defense.
"Don't take to long, baby doll," he said. Baby doll?! This could be worse than she thought.