Predestined Soul Mates
Part 3: Soul Mates
By SJ 29-05-02/06-02
________________
Disclaimers: Nothing in the Star Wars Universe belong to me; everything belongs
to George Lucas. I'm only writing stories for fun.
See my homepage for more details.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/3702
Special thanks to my shy, secret beta-reader and best friend, Adrianne, for her
help with the final editing of my new stories. Thanks for giving
me some of your precious time, my friend :)
__________________
Hours after the storm had begun, it wasn't showing any sign that it was close to
blowing itself to an end.
Once the young woman was finished tending him and covering the worse welts on
his chest, Luke watched her with interest as she scavenged the small interior of
the hut for whichever they could use for their own survival. Then, per common
agreement, they turned off the luma to save its light if they needed it later
on.
The hut was thus bathed in deep shadows which barely allowed them to see each
other through the gloom of the room. When they weren't talking, or rather that
he wasn't talking to her, the howl of the furious winds outside told them that
they had to stay put for a while longer.
And even longer.
At first, Luke tried to draw Jade out of her role of keeper-of-secrets, but
after a few attempts, he gave up; he instead took care of the conversation.
While he didn't want to talk 'this' much, he was aware that exchanging thoughts
with the strange young woman was making him feel less desperate about their
more-than-uncertain fate. If he forgot the details of how they had gotten in
the hut, he could even almost believe that he was spending time away from his
chores and enjoying his time-off with a new friend, getting better acquainted
with her, at least as far as 'he' was concerned.
Jade hadn't talked about herself yet, but she did show much interest in him,
something that both surprised and heartened him. Every time that she asked him
for more details about what he was telling her, he shared them with her, feeling
a wonderful warmth of well-being spread in his very core at the thought that
this beautiful, mysterious young woman considered him interesting.
He had never thought that he would someday generate this in anybody. In fact,
he had grown so used to being a black moota, someone considered not important,
that he had slowly, reluctantly resigned himself to the fact that he would
constantly be dismissed by everyone.
But he had been wrong and Jade was proving it to him. She was genuinely
interested by his tales of chasing dragons as a teenager, of flying in Beggar's
Canyon and trying to outdo his own best times since he always bested the
others',... She was especially interested by his conflict with his uncle.
She was, he slowly realized, like Biggs had been with him... like a friend
although he was probably deluding himself once again, he admitted. He barely
knew her, and her, him.
Still, they were together at the moment, and she was interacting with him; he
decided to enjoy this short reprieve in his otherwise lonely life. Thus, he
talked about his life on Tatooine, his childhood at the farm, his few friends at
school, his best friend leaving for the academy last season... His aunt and
uncle...
"It's not exactly as if he doesn't care," he commented softly, gazing away from
his companion. "I've seen him worried about me often enough to know that he
cares. But," he continued sadly, "when I'm not at risk to die..., he doesn't
show any pity nor mercy. He also constantly complains and rebukes me for
everything, even mistakes I don't make or attitudes I don't have."
"Rebukes can be useful, but only when justified," Jade said from beside him.
"Have you ever stood up to him?" she asked him seriously.
Luke snorted slightly at her inquiry, then nodded tiredly. "All the time. If
not for my aunt, Tusken raiders would hear our fights from miles away every
day."
"And he doesn't understand you?" she asked him again.
"Owen is a man of the land," Luke sighed in acceptance, locking his gaze back on
Jade's shadowy form. "He is content with the menial work of growing a meager
subsistence out of those sandy flats. Of course," he added graciously, "he'd
like to have more money and a better life if he could have them, but he won't
make any changes to his life for this. He likes being a farmer."
"But you don't," Jade observed seriously.
Luke locked his eyes on hers even though he couldn't see her clearly through the
gloom. He himself was glad for the dim light since she couldn't see how close
he was to tears.
No, he shook his head, he didn't want to be a farmer. The sky was calling to
him, even in his sleep. More and more, he was yearning to be off the ground
whenever he was gazing at the sky, day and night alike. The stars were pulling
at him; his heart was screaming louder and louder with a message he couldn't
understand... yet he could feel that sooner or later, he would have to decode it
and do something about it. Unlike the pulls other teenagers of Anchorhead were
sharing with him, he could feel that his pull was something more, something he
could not deny as a youthful delusion... It was telling him about his future...
and the only way he had to soothe it at the moment was to fly in Beggars
Canyon... or, at the least fly the family's speeder.
"I want to be a pilot," he whispered at last, his throat constricted from all
the yearnings he had to restrain yet again. "I want to fly like my father
did... but uncle Owen won't let me off this rock. It's frustrating!" he finally
spat, allowing his resent to express itself out loud.
"I can imagine," Jade nodded even as she drew slightly closer to him.
Even as she grew aware of what she had just done, shortening the already close
distance with the almost estranged-yet-already-familiar farmboy, Mara admitted
to herself that indeed, she knew how he was feeling.
She too had felt frustrated to not be able to serve her master correctly until
recently. She had felt the yearnings to deserve what he had now given her, had
tried to rush a few steps... Her young age and inexperience had naturally
gotten her into a few, thick jams which had, in the end, displeased her master
before she had learnt from her failures.
Oh yes, she thought once again, she knew how unsatisfied yearnings felt.
"You'll be a pilot in time, farmboy, I can feel it," she comforted him warmly,
once again ignoring her deeply ingrained training to act on instinct with the
young man.
The moment she touched his hand, he looked up at her in shock even as she
herself became aware that he was fighting against tears, that he didn't want to
cry in front of her yet had just hit a limit with his emotional strength.
She slightly tightened her hold on his hand, a gesture he returned with more
strength, one born of genuine gratitude. Then, for a long moment, both of them
gazed unseeingly at each other, as if recognizing a kin for the first time in
their lives.
Well, she conceded, they 'had' been through somewhat similar experiences.
Neither of them had known their parents, neither of them had really had friends
before, except for the Biggs-character for Luke, and they had both spent the
best part of their lives working and studying instead of playing and having fun
like other youngsters did. They also both loved to fly, although the farmboy
hadn't experienced a true flight yet.
"What is it like?" he asked her in the silence.
"What is what like?" she quirked an eyebrow.
"Flying... Being a pilot... How does it feel? How is it to travel from place
to place all the time?" he asked her earnestly, slightly drawing her hand closer
to his chest.
"It's...," she slightly hesitated, then allowed him to keep hold of her hand and
even drew a little closer to him, as if drawn by his combination of sorrow and
eagerness.
Well, he 'was' positively endearing, her mind agreed with her while she began to
answer his question.
"Whenever the ship lifts off from the ground," she explained softly, "it's as if
I'm spreading my wings, leaving problems behind to face others head on. It's
exhilarating. Then, when the ship jumps to hyperspace, there's always this
magical moment of transition," she added, barely able to believe her choice of
words yet able to admit that deep down, that's how she still felt even if flying
had become routine for her. "When the stars are not dots anymore yet not the
blue clouds of energy of hyperspace either... At this very moment, I always
feel as if anything is possible, as if nothing could stop me."
"And the new worlds? Are they as great as they're told to be?" the farmboy
inquired with curiosity.
"From space," she began in slight teasing, "even Tatooine looks beautiful."
The young man snorted at that, taking her joke at point value.
"I bet," he commented sarcastically. "So they look nice from orbit, but once on
them..."
"Some planets truly are pleasant places to visit," she told him truthfully, "but
others could be quarantined for all I care," she finished more coldly, her more
usual self speaking up for the first time in hours.
"Well, not Tatooine, I hope," the young man inquired playfully, nudging her with
his elbow this time.
His friendly banter caught her totally off-guard and sent her cool self
scurrying away once again to let her unknown, gentler self deal with him.
"Well, let's see," she awkwardly teased him back. "Banthas, Sandpeople, Jawas,
outlaws, Hutt ringlords, smugglers, farmboys," she drawled on the last word.
She felt him hold his breath in slight worry, decided to let him sweat a little,
then completed her answer. "Nope, I wouldn't quarantine this place," she
finished lightly.
The young man beside audibly let out a breath he had been holding, then searched
her out in the gloom once again.
"I'm glad you feel this way, Jade," he told her honestly. "Otherwise, we
wouldn't have met today," he commented next, his voice more serious than he
might have meant. "It would have been a shame."
His feeling-laced words hit her like a blow in the stomach thanks to their
emotional intensity for her. He was growing attached to her, she realized, had
just told her that he liked her...
He liked her... something that was forbidden for her, and yet... she did like
him too, she admitted to herself. In fact, she liked him 'a lot'.
"I... huh, I agree," she finally managed against her best judgment.
The farmboy then took hold of her hand with his two hands and held it aloft
between them.
"I know I won't see you again once we'll get out of here, Jade," he began
seriously, earnestly, "but I want you to know that I will always remember you as
the only other best friend I ever had in my life. You understand me even better
than Biggs sometimes," he finished seriously.
If not for the boy's hands around hers, Mara admitted that she might be have
been shaking with growing uneasiness and discomfort.
Friend.
He had just said yet another forbidden word in her life. Friends were only
hampering one's progress. They were a nuisance, deceivers. She couldn't have
any friend... Yet even as the words of her master rang as a warning in her mind,
so did the boy's recent admission and she knew, beyond any doubts, that she too
would remember him as the only friend she had ever had... even if he himself
wouldn't be allowed to remember her.
"So will I, my friend," she smiled awkwardly at him.
Outside, the storm continued to blow itself to a fury.
******
"...I sidled the pirate's ship just long enough to blow its main reactor before
I pushed the throttle to its maximum speed and outran the explosion," Mara
continued, reviving the thrill of her very first mission for her master while
mimicking her tactic with her hands; the farmboy's eyes followed her 'fighter'
as it flew away from the 'enemy'.
"Did you make it in one piece?" he asked her worriedly.
"Not even a scratch," she nodded in self-satisfaction. "My task master was very
satisfied with the results and considered me as part of his active workers after
that."
This had been less than six months ago, she reminded herself. From that day on,
her routine had changed from endless lessons about everything one could learn in
the universe, to continuous missions all around the said galaxy. Some had been
more challenging than others, but she had never failed her master... after this
mission at least.
Her very first missions had been less successful; she had greatly displeased her
master back then, thus earning herself some more difficult, unpleasant lessons
to learn, but after those, she had matured a lot. Now, she always found her
target and always fulfilled her master's wishes, not caring about anyone or
anything... until today.
Today, she had first had to face the fact that she couldn't pinpoint the
presence of a Jedi on the planet, and now, she was unable to understand why she
was still with the young farmboy, let alone why she had been telling him about
herself for nearly an hour and a half.
Sure, the youth had been genuinely interested in everything she had said, even
if she hadn't revealed much except for her love of flying and her lonely,
demanding childhood, which had sounded a lot like his own although in different
circumstances; she had also talked about her private dreams to someday merely
travel from one place to another.
That revelation had shocked her, not because of her unknown nature for she had
been keeping this thought for herself for years now, but because she had never,
ever shared it with anybody, burying it under layers and layers of mental
shields and blind devotion to her savior: her master. And yet, she had brought
it out in the open with this young man; she hadn't felt even the slightest of
hesitation to tell him about what her dream was made of, how she saw herself in
the future... once she would be done 'working' for her master.
If such a day were possible, of course, her cooler self meanly commented in the
silence.
Of course, Mara nodded inwardly even as she knew that she was daydreaming like
the farmboy had told her he was. As far as she knew, serving the Emperor was a
life to death 'contract'... but it was an honor to serve him, she sternly
reminded herself. She was privileged to be where she was at the moment and
couldn't yearn for anything else.
Or could she?..
As if in answer to her question, the youth broke the silence which had followed
her last retelling.
"This sounds very exciting," he told her earnestly, his envy obvious to her. "I
think I'd give anything to find a job like yours instead of farming like my
uncle." He then lowered his eyes slowly, as if ashamed of his thoughts. "I...
I wish I had a guardian like yours--- not that my uncle and aunt aren't good to
me," he hurried to add, showing very explicitly to her that he was, indeed,
uncomfortable with his thoughts.
She edged closer to him once again; his shadowed eyes locked on hers, their
barely seeable blueness still mesmerizing her despite the gloom of the room.
The disappointment and pain she saw in them cut right through her heart.
"It's just," he continued hesitantly, obviously fighting against tears, "that I
wouldn't be someone I don't want to be," he explained sadly, then shut his eyes
and turned away from her to hide his tears.
Acting without thinking and against everything she ever learnt, Mara gently
brought her hand to his face and delicately made him face her once again. While
she did so, she rose on her knees and leaned closer to him.
Even as her up-to-now brooding, cooler self suddenly jumped to her 'feet' and
warned her off from what was about to happen, a strange, unknown yet wonderful
pull kept her from listening to her trained self.
Instead, she followed the ways of the Force and momentarily freed herself from
her imperial life.
"If you had, farmboy," she whispered softly, "you wouldn't know how to love."
And with that, she kissed him with all the feelings she had been trying to
suppress since meeting him.
At first, the young man was totally caught by surprise and remained unresponsive
for a few seconds, then his brain seemed to catch up with him and he helped her
to balance herself against him.
From this moment on, both of their minds shut down and their hearts took over
their bodies and souls.
Outside, the storm seemed to howl in communion with their newly-found love...
then slowly subsided as the occupants of the survival hut slowly gave in to much
needed rest.
******
When Mara awoke, the first thing she became aware of was that she was draped
over someone who was only clad in boxers; her head was resting on the hollow of
the man's shoulder. She started slightly and meant to attack--- when flashes of
what she had been doing with the farmboy came back to her.
They had made love.
It hadn't been a mere joining for fun, she admitted to herself, but true, deep
love which had needed to express itself in the only way it could.
Moaning slightly at what her heart had made her do, she closed her eyes and
fervently hoped that she wouldn't regret it later on. Why hadn't she controlled
herself? she wondered in confusion. How could this slip of a boy overcome her
so much that she would go against everything her training had taught her?
First, she had acknowledged him as a friend, and now... as a lover.
If there was one word more prohibited in her life than "friend", it was "love".
Her heart, she reminded herself even as she tried to conjure up images of those
unpleasant lessons she had promised to never repeat, 'had' been conditioned to
not feel anymore. However, what she conjured up were images of how her heart
had taken over today.
The moment that her lips had touched the farmboy's, something that reminded her
of a well of intense love and attachment had surge from her very core and had
invaded her body, mind, soul and spirit before leading her closer and closer to
the captivating youth until it had been impossible to get any closer.
Even if she had wanted to resist, she realized, she wouldn't have been able to;
even worse, she 'had' wanted to follow where this had been headed.
But it hadn't been her, she objected with determination, opening her eyes and
pushing herself off the other's body. She didn't know what had happened, or how
she could have lost it this much, but, she determined even as she found her
clothes in the surrounding shadows and began to dress up once again, it would
not happen again.
She had a mission to fulfill; it was the only thing that mattered in her---
A stirring behind her attracted her attention; she glanced backward at the male,
mostly shadowed form behind her--- and her harsh resolved faltered once again.
Now that the storm outside had mostly subsided, a ray of sunshine was peeking
through the small opening of their makeshift barricade; the light was hitting
the boy's face straight on, allowing her to see his handsome features very
clearly once again.
This boy was unlike any being she had ever encountered, she admitted to herself
even as she crouched beside him to study him once again. He was someone whom
she hadn't thought existed.
How could anyone be this kind, this compassionate? After what he had told her
about his life, she considered that he had every right to be as bitter toward
Life as she herself had been till today... but instead, he had chosen to nurture
his heart, to care about others and be a good person, not just a good citizen
for the Emperor, but a good person for the others.
Even without any special training or abilities... he had come to her rescue,
and, she suspected, would have given his life for hers if need be.
Charmed despite herself by his gentle nature, she hesitantly extended a hand
toward his head and delicately brushed a lock of stray hair from his forehead.
She was about to tell him, once again, how much she loved him before keeping him
safe from the Emperor--- when he awoke and locked his eyes on her nearby
presence.
She withdrew her hand from his head as if scalded, then stood back to her feet
and turned away from him.
Luke had been drifting in bliss, savoring the gentle warmth that was soaking
through the pores of his face when a delicate touch awakened him further.
Perfectly aware of who it was, he opened his eyes even as he smiled gently at
her, but before he could ask her how she felt, or simply acknowledge her
presence, she stood up and turned her back to him.
Puzzled, Luke raised himself on an elbow and watched her as she pulled her shirt
over her scantily clad body before her trousers followed suite. By the time she
was attaching her belt, he decided that something was definitely not right.
"What's wrong?" he asked her in genuine worry even as he sat up completely.
Had he hurt her? Or upset her? He really hoped not, especially since he had
merely followed her lead. She had been the one to kiss him first, to incite him
to do more than just kiss.
At first, he hadn't been able to believe his senses that it had been happening,
then, when the illusion hadn't disappeared as it usually did, he had realized
that it had been happening for real and had returned her affection. He himself
would have been content to only kiss, but the young woman had quickly set things
between themselves so that kissing hadn't been near enough and they had
completed the circle of love. When it had happened, Luke remembered feeling as
if he had found the one woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life...
but seeing how things were shaping up at the moment, he was beginning to doubt
his delusions once again.
"Hey, what's wrong? Have I done something?" he asked her more openly even as he
searched for his own clothes.
The red head turned sideways toward him and glared at him, something she hadn't
done since Bestine.
"What do you think?" she asked him caustically before she turned away once again
and found her boots.
Luke, who was already done up to his trousers, stopped his search for his tunic
and stared in disbelief at the young woman.
"Oh, so now it's my fault, isn't it?" he asked her indignantly, planting his
fists on his narrow hips.
He could take responsibility of his faults, his uncle had taught him that very
well, but he himself had also learnt to not take responsibility for what wasn't
his fault, or not only his at any rate.
"You did something to me," the red head grumbled barely audibly while she
scooped up the survival gear she had spread around their little encampment.
"So did you," he retorted while he watched her stash her blaster back in her
wrist holster. "You were the one who kissed me, and you were the one who pushed
it further."
Mara stopped her activities at this and clenched her fists as the truth of his
words slammed in her guts.
'She' had incited him to do it with her, she was the one who had vocally
encouraged him to share his love with her---
Slamming her rational door in face of these emotional elements, she whirled
toward him and spat: "Well you didn't have to comply!"
The youth reacted the only way a heartbroken man could; he defended himself.
"What?? You're going to blame our common action on my shoulders only?? You
were there too, Jade," he reminded her. "And you were a very active part of the
decision."
For a moment, two pairs of angry/upset eyes met across the refuge.
He was right, her gentler side tried to reason with her. They were both
responsible, her more than him perhaps since she had known that it was forbidden
to her. He couldn't have known that... and he did try to slow things down but
she hadn't listened to him.
Instead, she had pushed further until he too had lost control over his timid
self and had reached her level of freedom in expressing what they truly felt for
one another... after less than a day!! That was impossible, unless----
Whoa, sister, her sterner self suddenly rose in her mind even as everything
became clear to her: the Jedi. The Jedi had manipulated her to distract her...
Forgetting everything, and everyone else, she turned her back to the farmboy
once again and walked toward the door to get out and fast.
Whatever had been done to her, it had to be the Jedi, she reasoned angrily. He
had used the boy to distract her and lead her astray--- so there was no point in
being angry at the youth, she conceded. He had been a pawn in the other's
game, just as she had been...
Kreth, the Emperor wouldn't be pleased, she cursed inwardly even as she used her
fresh surge of irritation to force the solidly wedged door open. Light
instantly spilled inside the hut, filling it with its brilliance and warmth.
"Where are you going?" her companion inquired as he came up behind her.
She barely spared a glance backward at him; he had also finished to dress up.
"Away," was her short answer before she stalked through the opening.
TBC in part 4: Separation
Well, liked it? Had fun? Hope so ;)
2002, SJ (skyjade@globetrotter.net)
Any positive stuff is welcome, but any mean stuff will be thrown down the
Sarlacc's throat without even being read.)
Part 3: Soul Mates
By SJ 29-05-02/06-02
________________
Disclaimers: Nothing in the Star Wars Universe belong to me; everything belongs
to George Lucas. I'm only writing stories for fun.
See my homepage for more details.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/3702
Special thanks to my shy, secret beta-reader and best friend, Adrianne, for her
help with the final editing of my new stories. Thanks for giving
me some of your precious time, my friend :)
__________________
Hours after the storm had begun, it wasn't showing any sign that it was close to
blowing itself to an end.
Once the young woman was finished tending him and covering the worse welts on
his chest, Luke watched her with interest as she scavenged the small interior of
the hut for whichever they could use for their own survival. Then, per common
agreement, they turned off the luma to save its light if they needed it later
on.
The hut was thus bathed in deep shadows which barely allowed them to see each
other through the gloom of the room. When they weren't talking, or rather that
he wasn't talking to her, the howl of the furious winds outside told them that
they had to stay put for a while longer.
And even longer.
At first, Luke tried to draw Jade out of her role of keeper-of-secrets, but
after a few attempts, he gave up; he instead took care of the conversation.
While he didn't want to talk 'this' much, he was aware that exchanging thoughts
with the strange young woman was making him feel less desperate about their
more-than-uncertain fate. If he forgot the details of how they had gotten in
the hut, he could even almost believe that he was spending time away from his
chores and enjoying his time-off with a new friend, getting better acquainted
with her, at least as far as 'he' was concerned.
Jade hadn't talked about herself yet, but she did show much interest in him,
something that both surprised and heartened him. Every time that she asked him
for more details about what he was telling her, he shared them with her, feeling
a wonderful warmth of well-being spread in his very core at the thought that
this beautiful, mysterious young woman considered him interesting.
He had never thought that he would someday generate this in anybody. In fact,
he had grown so used to being a black moota, someone considered not important,
that he had slowly, reluctantly resigned himself to the fact that he would
constantly be dismissed by everyone.
But he had been wrong and Jade was proving it to him. She was genuinely
interested by his tales of chasing dragons as a teenager, of flying in Beggar's
Canyon and trying to outdo his own best times since he always bested the
others',... She was especially interested by his conflict with his uncle.
She was, he slowly realized, like Biggs had been with him... like a friend
although he was probably deluding himself once again, he admitted. He barely
knew her, and her, him.
Still, they were together at the moment, and she was interacting with him; he
decided to enjoy this short reprieve in his otherwise lonely life. Thus, he
talked about his life on Tatooine, his childhood at the farm, his few friends at
school, his best friend leaving for the academy last season... His aunt and
uncle...
"It's not exactly as if he doesn't care," he commented softly, gazing away from
his companion. "I've seen him worried about me often enough to know that he
cares. But," he continued sadly, "when I'm not at risk to die..., he doesn't
show any pity nor mercy. He also constantly complains and rebukes me for
everything, even mistakes I don't make or attitudes I don't have."
"Rebukes can be useful, but only when justified," Jade said from beside him.
"Have you ever stood up to him?" she asked him seriously.
Luke snorted slightly at her inquiry, then nodded tiredly. "All the time. If
not for my aunt, Tusken raiders would hear our fights from miles away every
day."
"And he doesn't understand you?" she asked him again.
"Owen is a man of the land," Luke sighed in acceptance, locking his gaze back on
Jade's shadowy form. "He is content with the menial work of growing a meager
subsistence out of those sandy flats. Of course," he added graciously, "he'd
like to have more money and a better life if he could have them, but he won't
make any changes to his life for this. He likes being a farmer."
"But you don't," Jade observed seriously.
Luke locked his eyes on hers even though he couldn't see her clearly through the
gloom. He himself was glad for the dim light since she couldn't see how close
he was to tears.
No, he shook his head, he didn't want to be a farmer. The sky was calling to
him, even in his sleep. More and more, he was yearning to be off the ground
whenever he was gazing at the sky, day and night alike. The stars were pulling
at him; his heart was screaming louder and louder with a message he couldn't
understand... yet he could feel that sooner or later, he would have to decode it
and do something about it. Unlike the pulls other teenagers of Anchorhead were
sharing with him, he could feel that his pull was something more, something he
could not deny as a youthful delusion... It was telling him about his future...
and the only way he had to soothe it at the moment was to fly in Beggars
Canyon... or, at the least fly the family's speeder.
"I want to be a pilot," he whispered at last, his throat constricted from all
the yearnings he had to restrain yet again. "I want to fly like my father
did... but uncle Owen won't let me off this rock. It's frustrating!" he finally
spat, allowing his resent to express itself out loud.
"I can imagine," Jade nodded even as she drew slightly closer to him.
Even as she grew aware of what she had just done, shortening the already close
distance with the almost estranged-yet-already-familiar farmboy, Mara admitted
to herself that indeed, she knew how he was feeling.
She too had felt frustrated to not be able to serve her master correctly until
recently. She had felt the yearnings to deserve what he had now given her, had
tried to rush a few steps... Her young age and inexperience had naturally
gotten her into a few, thick jams which had, in the end, displeased her master
before she had learnt from her failures.
Oh yes, she thought once again, she knew how unsatisfied yearnings felt.
"You'll be a pilot in time, farmboy, I can feel it," she comforted him warmly,
once again ignoring her deeply ingrained training to act on instinct with the
young man.
The moment she touched his hand, he looked up at her in shock even as she
herself became aware that he was fighting against tears, that he didn't want to
cry in front of her yet had just hit a limit with his emotional strength.
She slightly tightened her hold on his hand, a gesture he returned with more
strength, one born of genuine gratitude. Then, for a long moment, both of them
gazed unseeingly at each other, as if recognizing a kin for the first time in
their lives.
Well, she conceded, they 'had' been through somewhat similar experiences.
Neither of them had known their parents, neither of them had really had friends
before, except for the Biggs-character for Luke, and they had both spent the
best part of their lives working and studying instead of playing and having fun
like other youngsters did. They also both loved to fly, although the farmboy
hadn't experienced a true flight yet.
"What is it like?" he asked her in the silence.
"What is what like?" she quirked an eyebrow.
"Flying... Being a pilot... How does it feel? How is it to travel from place
to place all the time?" he asked her earnestly, slightly drawing her hand closer
to his chest.
"It's...," she slightly hesitated, then allowed him to keep hold of her hand and
even drew a little closer to him, as if drawn by his combination of sorrow and
eagerness.
Well, he 'was' positively endearing, her mind agreed with her while she began to
answer his question.
"Whenever the ship lifts off from the ground," she explained softly, "it's as if
I'm spreading my wings, leaving problems behind to face others head on. It's
exhilarating. Then, when the ship jumps to hyperspace, there's always this
magical moment of transition," she added, barely able to believe her choice of
words yet able to admit that deep down, that's how she still felt even if flying
had become routine for her. "When the stars are not dots anymore yet not the
blue clouds of energy of hyperspace either... At this very moment, I always
feel as if anything is possible, as if nothing could stop me."
"And the new worlds? Are they as great as they're told to be?" the farmboy
inquired with curiosity.
"From space," she began in slight teasing, "even Tatooine looks beautiful."
The young man snorted at that, taking her joke at point value.
"I bet," he commented sarcastically. "So they look nice from orbit, but once on
them..."
"Some planets truly are pleasant places to visit," she told him truthfully, "but
others could be quarantined for all I care," she finished more coldly, her more
usual self speaking up for the first time in hours.
"Well, not Tatooine, I hope," the young man inquired playfully, nudging her with
his elbow this time.
His friendly banter caught her totally off-guard and sent her cool self
scurrying away once again to let her unknown, gentler self deal with him.
"Well, let's see," she awkwardly teased him back. "Banthas, Sandpeople, Jawas,
outlaws, Hutt ringlords, smugglers, farmboys," she drawled on the last word.
She felt him hold his breath in slight worry, decided to let him sweat a little,
then completed her answer. "Nope, I wouldn't quarantine this place," she
finished lightly.
The young man beside audibly let out a breath he had been holding, then searched
her out in the gloom once again.
"I'm glad you feel this way, Jade," he told her honestly. "Otherwise, we
wouldn't have met today," he commented next, his voice more serious than he
might have meant. "It would have been a shame."
His feeling-laced words hit her like a blow in the stomach thanks to their
emotional intensity for her. He was growing attached to her, she realized, had
just told her that he liked her...
He liked her... something that was forbidden for her, and yet... she did like
him too, she admitted to herself. In fact, she liked him 'a lot'.
"I... huh, I agree," she finally managed against her best judgment.
The farmboy then took hold of her hand with his two hands and held it aloft
between them.
"I know I won't see you again once we'll get out of here, Jade," he began
seriously, earnestly, "but I want you to know that I will always remember you as
the only other best friend I ever had in my life. You understand me even better
than Biggs sometimes," he finished seriously.
If not for the boy's hands around hers, Mara admitted that she might be have
been shaking with growing uneasiness and discomfort.
Friend.
He had just said yet another forbidden word in her life. Friends were only
hampering one's progress. They were a nuisance, deceivers. She couldn't have
any friend... Yet even as the words of her master rang as a warning in her mind,
so did the boy's recent admission and she knew, beyond any doubts, that she too
would remember him as the only friend she had ever had... even if he himself
wouldn't be allowed to remember her.
"So will I, my friend," she smiled awkwardly at him.
Outside, the storm continued to blow itself to a fury.
******
"...I sidled the pirate's ship just long enough to blow its main reactor before
I pushed the throttle to its maximum speed and outran the explosion," Mara
continued, reviving the thrill of her very first mission for her master while
mimicking her tactic with her hands; the farmboy's eyes followed her 'fighter'
as it flew away from the 'enemy'.
"Did you make it in one piece?" he asked her worriedly.
"Not even a scratch," she nodded in self-satisfaction. "My task master was very
satisfied with the results and considered me as part of his active workers after
that."
This had been less than six months ago, she reminded herself. From that day on,
her routine had changed from endless lessons about everything one could learn in
the universe, to continuous missions all around the said galaxy. Some had been
more challenging than others, but she had never failed her master... after this
mission at least.
Her very first missions had been less successful; she had greatly displeased her
master back then, thus earning herself some more difficult, unpleasant lessons
to learn, but after those, she had matured a lot. Now, she always found her
target and always fulfilled her master's wishes, not caring about anyone or
anything... until today.
Today, she had first had to face the fact that she couldn't pinpoint the
presence of a Jedi on the planet, and now, she was unable to understand why she
was still with the young farmboy, let alone why she had been telling him about
herself for nearly an hour and a half.
Sure, the youth had been genuinely interested in everything she had said, even
if she hadn't revealed much except for her love of flying and her lonely,
demanding childhood, which had sounded a lot like his own although in different
circumstances; she had also talked about her private dreams to someday merely
travel from one place to another.
That revelation had shocked her, not because of her unknown nature for she had
been keeping this thought for herself for years now, but because she had never,
ever shared it with anybody, burying it under layers and layers of mental
shields and blind devotion to her savior: her master. And yet, she had brought
it out in the open with this young man; she hadn't felt even the slightest of
hesitation to tell him about what her dream was made of, how she saw herself in
the future... once she would be done 'working' for her master.
If such a day were possible, of course, her cooler self meanly commented in the
silence.
Of course, Mara nodded inwardly even as she knew that she was daydreaming like
the farmboy had told her he was. As far as she knew, serving the Emperor was a
life to death 'contract'... but it was an honor to serve him, she sternly
reminded herself. She was privileged to be where she was at the moment and
couldn't yearn for anything else.
Or could she?..
As if in answer to her question, the youth broke the silence which had followed
her last retelling.
"This sounds very exciting," he told her earnestly, his envy obvious to her. "I
think I'd give anything to find a job like yours instead of farming like my
uncle." He then lowered his eyes slowly, as if ashamed of his thoughts. "I...
I wish I had a guardian like yours--- not that my uncle and aunt aren't good to
me," he hurried to add, showing very explicitly to her that he was, indeed,
uncomfortable with his thoughts.
She edged closer to him once again; his shadowed eyes locked on hers, their
barely seeable blueness still mesmerizing her despite the gloom of the room.
The disappointment and pain she saw in them cut right through her heart.
"It's just," he continued hesitantly, obviously fighting against tears, "that I
wouldn't be someone I don't want to be," he explained sadly, then shut his eyes
and turned away from her to hide his tears.
Acting without thinking and against everything she ever learnt, Mara gently
brought her hand to his face and delicately made him face her once again. While
she did so, she rose on her knees and leaned closer to him.
Even as her up-to-now brooding, cooler self suddenly jumped to her 'feet' and
warned her off from what was about to happen, a strange, unknown yet wonderful
pull kept her from listening to her trained self.
Instead, she followed the ways of the Force and momentarily freed herself from
her imperial life.
"If you had, farmboy," she whispered softly, "you wouldn't know how to love."
And with that, she kissed him with all the feelings she had been trying to
suppress since meeting him.
At first, the young man was totally caught by surprise and remained unresponsive
for a few seconds, then his brain seemed to catch up with him and he helped her
to balance herself against him.
From this moment on, both of their minds shut down and their hearts took over
their bodies and souls.
Outside, the storm seemed to howl in communion with their newly-found love...
then slowly subsided as the occupants of the survival hut slowly gave in to much
needed rest.
******
When Mara awoke, the first thing she became aware of was that she was draped
over someone who was only clad in boxers; her head was resting on the hollow of
the man's shoulder. She started slightly and meant to attack--- when flashes of
what she had been doing with the farmboy came back to her.
They had made love.
It hadn't been a mere joining for fun, she admitted to herself, but true, deep
love which had needed to express itself in the only way it could.
Moaning slightly at what her heart had made her do, she closed her eyes and
fervently hoped that she wouldn't regret it later on. Why hadn't she controlled
herself? she wondered in confusion. How could this slip of a boy overcome her
so much that she would go against everything her training had taught her?
First, she had acknowledged him as a friend, and now... as a lover.
If there was one word more prohibited in her life than "friend", it was "love".
Her heart, she reminded herself even as she tried to conjure up images of those
unpleasant lessons she had promised to never repeat, 'had' been conditioned to
not feel anymore. However, what she conjured up were images of how her heart
had taken over today.
The moment that her lips had touched the farmboy's, something that reminded her
of a well of intense love and attachment had surge from her very core and had
invaded her body, mind, soul and spirit before leading her closer and closer to
the captivating youth until it had been impossible to get any closer.
Even if she had wanted to resist, she realized, she wouldn't have been able to;
even worse, she 'had' wanted to follow where this had been headed.
But it hadn't been her, she objected with determination, opening her eyes and
pushing herself off the other's body. She didn't know what had happened, or how
she could have lost it this much, but, she determined even as she found her
clothes in the surrounding shadows and began to dress up once again, it would
not happen again.
She had a mission to fulfill; it was the only thing that mattered in her---
A stirring behind her attracted her attention; she glanced backward at the male,
mostly shadowed form behind her--- and her harsh resolved faltered once again.
Now that the storm outside had mostly subsided, a ray of sunshine was peeking
through the small opening of their makeshift barricade; the light was hitting
the boy's face straight on, allowing her to see his handsome features very
clearly once again.
This boy was unlike any being she had ever encountered, she admitted to herself
even as she crouched beside him to study him once again. He was someone whom
she hadn't thought existed.
How could anyone be this kind, this compassionate? After what he had told her
about his life, she considered that he had every right to be as bitter toward
Life as she herself had been till today... but instead, he had chosen to nurture
his heart, to care about others and be a good person, not just a good citizen
for the Emperor, but a good person for the others.
Even without any special training or abilities... he had come to her rescue,
and, she suspected, would have given his life for hers if need be.
Charmed despite herself by his gentle nature, she hesitantly extended a hand
toward his head and delicately brushed a lock of stray hair from his forehead.
She was about to tell him, once again, how much she loved him before keeping him
safe from the Emperor--- when he awoke and locked his eyes on her nearby
presence.
She withdrew her hand from his head as if scalded, then stood back to her feet
and turned away from him.
Luke had been drifting in bliss, savoring the gentle warmth that was soaking
through the pores of his face when a delicate touch awakened him further.
Perfectly aware of who it was, he opened his eyes even as he smiled gently at
her, but before he could ask her how she felt, or simply acknowledge her
presence, she stood up and turned her back to him.
Puzzled, Luke raised himself on an elbow and watched her as she pulled her shirt
over her scantily clad body before her trousers followed suite. By the time she
was attaching her belt, he decided that something was definitely not right.
"What's wrong?" he asked her in genuine worry even as he sat up completely.
Had he hurt her? Or upset her? He really hoped not, especially since he had
merely followed her lead. She had been the one to kiss him first, to incite him
to do more than just kiss.
At first, he hadn't been able to believe his senses that it had been happening,
then, when the illusion hadn't disappeared as it usually did, he had realized
that it had been happening for real and had returned her affection. He himself
would have been content to only kiss, but the young woman had quickly set things
between themselves so that kissing hadn't been near enough and they had
completed the circle of love. When it had happened, Luke remembered feeling as
if he had found the one woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life...
but seeing how things were shaping up at the moment, he was beginning to doubt
his delusions once again.
"Hey, what's wrong? Have I done something?" he asked her more openly even as he
searched for his own clothes.
The red head turned sideways toward him and glared at him, something she hadn't
done since Bestine.
"What do you think?" she asked him caustically before she turned away once again
and found her boots.
Luke, who was already done up to his trousers, stopped his search for his tunic
and stared in disbelief at the young woman.
"Oh, so now it's my fault, isn't it?" he asked her indignantly, planting his
fists on his narrow hips.
He could take responsibility of his faults, his uncle had taught him that very
well, but he himself had also learnt to not take responsibility for what wasn't
his fault, or not only his at any rate.
"You did something to me," the red head grumbled barely audibly while she
scooped up the survival gear she had spread around their little encampment.
"So did you," he retorted while he watched her stash her blaster back in her
wrist holster. "You were the one who kissed me, and you were the one who pushed
it further."
Mara stopped her activities at this and clenched her fists as the truth of his
words slammed in her guts.
'She' had incited him to do it with her, she was the one who had vocally
encouraged him to share his love with her---
Slamming her rational door in face of these emotional elements, she whirled
toward him and spat: "Well you didn't have to comply!"
The youth reacted the only way a heartbroken man could; he defended himself.
"What?? You're going to blame our common action on my shoulders only?? You
were there too, Jade," he reminded her. "And you were a very active part of the
decision."
For a moment, two pairs of angry/upset eyes met across the refuge.
He was right, her gentler side tried to reason with her. They were both
responsible, her more than him perhaps since she had known that it was forbidden
to her. He couldn't have known that... and he did try to slow things down but
she hadn't listened to him.
Instead, she had pushed further until he too had lost control over his timid
self and had reached her level of freedom in expressing what they truly felt for
one another... after less than a day!! That was impossible, unless----
Whoa, sister, her sterner self suddenly rose in her mind even as everything
became clear to her: the Jedi. The Jedi had manipulated her to distract her...
Forgetting everything, and everyone else, she turned her back to the farmboy
once again and walked toward the door to get out and fast.
Whatever had been done to her, it had to be the Jedi, she reasoned angrily. He
had used the boy to distract her and lead her astray--- so there was no point in
being angry at the youth, she conceded. He had been a pawn in the other's
game, just as she had been...
Kreth, the Emperor wouldn't be pleased, she cursed inwardly even as she used her
fresh surge of irritation to force the solidly wedged door open. Light
instantly spilled inside the hut, filling it with its brilliance and warmth.
"Where are you going?" her companion inquired as he came up behind her.
She barely spared a glance backward at him; he had also finished to dress up.
"Away," was her short answer before she stalked through the opening.
TBC in part 4: Separation
Well, liked it? Had fun? Hope so ;)
2002, SJ (skyjade@globetrotter.net)
Any positive stuff is welcome, but any mean stuff will be thrown down the
Sarlacc's throat without even being read.)