At the car, Duo and Heero strapped the motorcycle to the back. Maneuvering
Quatre with gentle care, Trowa got him situated into the car before he
himself stepped in. He'd seen Heero and Duo watching him with intent and
questioning eyes; they'd just have to wait until Quatre was asleep, and
even then, he wasn't sure what he'd tell them.
It seemed an invasion of their privacy to explain exactly what had gone on at the Towers. It had been so important, he could see that now, see that Corinne had been right in telling him to perform this act of dominance; while she leaked suggestions through the link she'd established. Quatre seemed tired, but that in itself was a miracle. So often Quatre had tried to pretend that he was fine, and now it seemed, with Trowa in control, he was willing to relax, and most importantly, to rest.
So exhausted, Quatre was simply hanging on for all he was worth, trying desperately to find some meaning in a life that had seemingly abandoned him. But Trowa wasn't going to let that happen.
When Corinne had told him that Quatre still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that he could protect him, he hadn't known what else to do. He'd been at a complete loss and had told Corinne so. It had been just about that time that Quatre had linked with him-he now knew it was because of Duo's words about having a child-and with a note of defeat, he'd suggested maybe he couldn't help Quatre at all. But Corinne had grown almost furious at that, saying that if he gave up now Quatre would as well, and would he like that on his conscience, to know that he'd help kill the man he loved? She'd been tough and unyielding towards him; but it had done the trick.
However, her method to solving the problem of Quatre's control and strength issue was not at all to his liking. The plan had been to locate Quatre immediately, knowing that his distress was great if he'd attempted a link instead of calling Trowa. Once Trowa was with him, he'd have to try to very carefully assert his control over Quatre. Everything inside of him screamed at that; he remembered well what it felt like to be controlled. But Corinne was adamant, explaining that Quatre was so mentally exhausted by all that had happened he wasn't in any shape to make decisions. She explained that Quatre knew this fact, but was again hiding, because to tell Trowa would mean that Trowa had control over him, something Quatre knew he needed, but was afraid to give away.
Not liking the idea, but willing to do whatever it took to help Quatre, Trowa agreed and took some quick tips from Corinne; it was a good thing he was such a fast learner. As she rattled off the things he should and should not do to assert control, he could almost see the men from the mercenary teams doing to him the same things he was about to do to Quatre. It sent shivers down his back, and Corinne noticed. She tried to explain that it was different, that it was out of love and care, not power and will, but to Trowa it seemed almost the same thing. Half of him screamed that he could never do those things to Quatre, that he loved him, wanted to be loving towards him; but the other half reasoned with Corinne, deciding that right now, Quatre was simply too tired to do some things on his own, and that he would have to help.
In the end, he and Heero had driven like mad men, following the signal from Quatre's sports car, while developing a plan to get Trowa in a position of power over Quatre. The whole ride to the shelter had made him completely sick to his stomach.
They'd worked out a loose plan of Trowa being very demonstrative and possessive towards Quatre, making sure everyone around them-including Quatre-knew that they were together. From that point, they reasoned, Quatre's own desires to be publicly loved would lend itself to Trowa being the one displaying him, and hence the one in control. They decided to further this idea by having Trowa being more of the giver than the receiver.
But when Quatre had come out of the shelter, he'd completely solidified his resolve. His lover was holding the tiniest kitten, and generally looking very small and cute. He'd instantly wanted to take care of Quatre, seeing him in such a childlike position as holding a snow-white kitten. Trowa had to shake himself at one point to remember that this child-looking innocent had only last night made passionate love to him in the most incredible way.
When Quatre had leaned against the bike, it was easy for him to slip into the role of protecting him, sheltering him. The hard part was going to be the control, to find a way to make Quatre see that he no longer had to be the one, that Trowa would control things from now on. All of this, and he had to do it subtly.
For the afternoon, he tried to anticipate what Quatre would want and to do the unexpected to keep is lover off balance. He'd bought the iced drink for Quatre when he'd seen him looking fondly at one on another table; he'd bought the leather pants because it was not something Quatre would have ever expected from him. That didn't even mention the image of power that went with such a pair of pants; he was lucky Duo had spotted them; he'd known instantly that they would help in creating the image that he was in control.
He hadn't been quite prepared for Quatre's initial reaction to the pants or even the ease with which he seemed to slip into the submissive role once they were on the street. It was almost as if Quatre had simply been waiting for Trowa to step into the role so that he could rest. Not wanting to disappoint, he'd accepted the challenge and had done all he could to "lead" Quatre from that point on. It seemed to have worked, at least that was what he thought at the art gallery and dinner, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt when they got to the Kilazian Towers.
Quatre had struggled at the control, had fought just enough to let him know that it wasn't something he was comfortable giving; yet at the same time, it was almost too easy, as if Quatre had wanted it to happen all along. It had been all right; for Trowa, it had still been about pleasing Quatre, giving him pleasure and caring for him. But he could easily see how the act of tonight could become so much crueler, more like what he'd been through as a child. Trowa knew it was a fine line he walked, he himself having had so much control taken from him at an early age and for so long, he could see himself forcefully taking that control from Quatre to fill the void. It frightened him to think like that, but he also knew he couldn't afford not to; he had to be constantly aware, lest he fall into a trap of his own making.
He saw Heero and Duo walk to their respective sides of the car. He'd elected to put himself and Quatre in the back seat, allowing for his spent lover to sleep in relative peace.
Once inside, Heero gave him a worried glance in the review mirror before starting the car. Duo was softly speaking to Quatre, talking about their day and how much he liked the name Star for the kitten.
"It's a really good name for her. How'd you come up with it?"
But Quatre didn't answer; he only snuggled closer to Trowa, wrapping his arms around Trowa's left one. Resting his head on his shoulder, Quatre closed his eyes and became silent. Trowa could see the worry in Duo's eyes. He and Heero had no idea what had happened; he'd have to tell them something, but not yet.
"Quatre."
"Hn?" His fragile lover didn't look up-only stayed where he was, attached to Trowa's side.
"You're tired, Quatre. Lie down in my lap and go to sleep. I'll wake you when we get home."
Not acknowledging that he'd heard with words, Quatre simply shifted his position to lay his head quietly in Trowa's lap. He allowed his long fingers to run lightly through pale sun-spun silk. Not looking away from his sleeping angel, Trowa waited for the even breathing he knew would signal sleep.
When he was finally assured that Quatre had drifted off, he looked up and was met with an almost furious and concerned Duo.
Trowa nodded his head, not removing his fingers from their hold around his love; it seemed that even while he slept, Trowa was asserting his possessiveness towards him; it frightened him yet again.
"What the hell happened up there! He was fine before you got back to the elevator." Duo kept his voice down, but it was easy to hear the fear in his voice. Heero lifted his hand from the steering wheel and took one of Duo's; it was barely enough to keep Duo from reaching back and strangling him.
Taking a huge breath, Trowa reiterated, in as little detail as possible, what had happened on the Tower. He was surprised to see Duo positively shaking with anger.
"Trowa how could you do that?! Quatre needs to be in control now more than ever! His whole life is falling around him, and you want to be Mr. Sadist!" His voice rose to dangerous levels of volume, and Trowa felt his control slip at the thought of Quatre being woken up; at least that's what he hoped it was.
"I'm doing what Corinne told me to! She thinks that Quatre needs someone to tell him what to do; and since I'm his lover, that means me!" There was venom in his voice, and he once again saw Heero glance at him in the mirror.
"Duo," Heero said calmly, "Trowa's right; he only did what Corinne told him to. I didn't expect this form of control, though." He looked at Trowa again. "Sex is a very powerful and dangerous way to control a person; you know that better than anyone, so I'm not going to lecture you about it. But as far as I know, Quatre hasn't ever had this type of experience before. Are you sure it's the best thing for him?"
Trowa took a deep ragged breath, and he could see Duo flash him a look of understanding and concern. "I don't know. With Quatre-I've never done this before. But you both saw him. He seemed so tired-"
"Trowa, that's what I'm freaking talking about!"
"Duo, be quiet and listen. I think I understand. This is about Quatre's willingness to lose control."
Trowa nodded his head. "It's like he melted into me, allowing me to completely shelter him. Then he admitted that he was tired; he said that to me, easily. It was as if he wanted to let me know how he was feeling so that I could make better decisions for him. He was letting me know so I could take better care of him." He allowed his hand to caress one very soft and pale cheek.
"Are you going to talk to Corinne about what happened?" Duo's eyes held a look of worried apprehension.
He nodded. "She's going to have to know."
Duo nodded and then gave a weak smile. "So exactly how did our little kitten get the name Star?"
Trowa had the advantage of his long bangs; Duo didn't see him blush.
* * *
Gentle hands brushed the hair from his eyes.
"Quatre, we're home."
Yawning and trying to stretch he sat up, and gazed at the strong image of the man he loved before him.
Trowa was unlike anyone he'd ever laid eyes on, and his body was the most exquisite thing to look at. Even in the light of the car bulb, Trowa looked strong and capable, easily able to challenge the world around him and keep him safe.
He yawned again, and then took Trowa's hand. Duo and Heero were still in the front seat, and while he couldn't see them, he was sure they were watching the couple behind them. Quatre took his unoccupied hand and rubbed the sleep from his eyes; the look that Trowa gave him then made the world seem like a much better, warmer, place.
Tiredly, he spoke. "Duo and I bought a lot of stuff. It's in the back."
Trowa nodded. "We'll carry as much as we can in tonight, and we'll get the rest tomorrow."
Smiling, Quatre felt his stomach settle at Trowa's words. His lover had already had a plan ready, already knew what needed to be done. Trowa would take care of everything.
He felt warm hands touch his face and saw Duo's smile as his friend pulled away after a moment. "You know, Quatre, when you wake up, you're cute beyond words."
Quatre chuckled. Then Trowa reached for the door handle, and together they exited the heat of the car for the cool night air of the base garage. Instinctively he stepped closer to Trowa, only to find himself pulled even closer to his tall partner.
"It's chilly, Quatre, stay close to me." Quatre nodded.
Once the packages were gathered, they moved as a group toward the elevators that would take them upstairs and to their quarters. Trowa had handed Quatre the wicker basket, and he gently walked so as not to disturb Star, who was wisely sleeping at this late hour. He yawned again and excused himself, noting that Duo couldn't help but chuckle at his un-aristocratic display.
When the elevators opened, they walked down the hallway. Trowa carried half of their purchases and still maintained a tight arm around him. He couldn't explain the feeling; it wasn't anything like he'd ever experienced. He thought he'd found it, when he'd accepted that Trowa would never abandon him, but he'd been wrong. This feeling, the one that ran though his spent body-that elicited such amazing pulses of pure delight- this was what he'd been looking for. It was too good to explain, too wondrous to describe; it was simply what he'd wanted, what he'd needed; since the day they hadn't been able to find Koeran's body, when he'd learned what it meant to be alone; since that day, he'd craved this feeling.
One of the bags brushed his leg. "Trowa, I can help you carry some of those bags if you want."
But Trowa shook his head. "No, it's alright; just stay close to me."
He wanted to throw his arms around his lover and weep with joy. Trowa understood; he was going to care for him, going to fix everything. Trowa would hold him together, at least until he said otherwise; by then he'd be able to take care of himself, and Trowa would be so proud of him-so happy.
He snuggled closer, ignoring the way the packages tried to trip him up; all that mattered was being closer to Trowa. Surprisingly, Trowa leaned down and dropped a soft kiss on his forehead, a smile gracing his lips afterwards. Quatre was in heaven.
"Master Trowa, let me help you." That voice was so familiar; he tried to figure it all out without taking his gaze from his beautiful lover, but his sleep addled brain was too tired; he turned to look.
"Oh God! Rashid!" He'd completely forgotten his friend was coming. He nearly dropped Star's basket in his shock.
He tried to stop walking, tried to step away from Trowa to apologize properly to Rashid, but an insistent tug by Trowa had him still walking, if not stumbling. "Trowa?"
"Rashid will be fine, Quatre. You are to stay close to me. He'll see you in the morning after you visit with Corinne. Understood?" The look on his face broached no arguments, and Quatre could feel the eyes of the occupants of the hallway on them both. He gulped, not knowing what to do.
"But Trowa-"
"Quatre." His voice was stern, not harsh, as if he didn't expect to be questioned.
And then, like lightening, it hit him. Trowa must know just how tired he really was; he must have figured out that he'd completely forgotten about Rashid coming to visit. Trowa was trying to help him save face. He smiled at his partner.
"It's ok, really, Trowa. I'm not that tired. I-"
"Quatre, what did I tell you?" Still not harsh, his words held a note of irritation that hardly ever accompanied something Trowa said and was never something directed towards him. He flinched under the unusual assault.
But Trowa knew he was tired-understood that he was so exhausted from everything. Perhaps Trowa was only trying to allow him time to rest, knowing that if anyone would be forgiving, it would be Rashid. But there was an inner conflict in him; he didn't understand why Trowa was acting so strangely.
He opened his mouth to say something and then thought better of it. He shifted his eyes to Rashid and then back to Trowa. With silent communication, he begged Trowa to let him speak with Rashid, but the stoic pilot lived up to his nickname. Quatre closed his eyes in defeat and took another step with Trowa.
"I-I'll apologize properly in the morning Rashid. Trowa thinks I'm very tired.so I must be." His voice was soft, and he felt Trowa reflexively shift his fingers on his shoulder. Something felt off-wrong-he didn't understand what was happening, didn't know why Trowa was acting this way.
And then obviously, neither did Trowa.
"Quatre, would you rather go to sleep now and talk with Rashid in the morning after your meeting with Corinne, or would you rather talk with him for a few minutes now? I'll give you the choice."
Then it was right. Quatre's eyes lit up as he looked at Trowa with adoration and relief. This was how it was supposed to be. Trowa was there to help him, to tell him what to do, but not rule him. The joy of it had tears in his eyes.
Meekly he looked at Trowa then said, "I think I'd like to talk with Rashid now; is that ok?"
"I gave you the choice, Quatre. But I'll be staying with you, and you'll say goodnight when I think you've had enough."
Hurriedly Quatre nodded his head, and then with a quick kiss to the underside of Trowa's chin-which was all he could reach without disturbing Star-he turned in the arms that held him to look at Rashid.
His old partner in destruction had a strange look on his face, and he could have sworn it was also on the faces of Duo and Heero; he tried not to think about it.
"Rashid, I'm so sorry I didn't pick you up at the spaceport. Crazy things have been happening all over the place, and." he shrugged his shoulders, loving the weight of Trowa's arm about them. "I completely forgot. It's no excuse, but please forgive me." He turned pleading eyes on his old friend, hoping for a reprieve from the standard order.
But Rashid's expression had changed, and he now wore a soft smile. "Of course Master, I know how busy you can become. Remember, I was fool enough to try and put your affairs in order once-completely mind-boggling." Quatre laughed, knowing he'd been forgiven. He also knew that Trowa knew that Rashid was going to forgive him, that was the only reason Trowa had allowed the choice; he knew no harm would come to him. Quatre snuggled more firmly against his lover.
And then he thought of something. "Rashid, oh no! You've been here all day haven't you?! No, wait, your shuttle was suppose to come in yesterday; did I miss you for two whole days?!" There was a slight sense of panic in his voice. He hated to lose track of the days, it generally only happened when something really and truly bad had taken place; for example being stuck in that room by his father, or that month while he waited for the Wing Zero to be completed. He almost shivered and knew instantly that Trowa had sensed his discomfort. Trowa's grip about him tightened.
"Don't trouble yourself about it, Master Quatre. I've managed fine on my own."
He was about to protest when Trowa cut in. "Quatre, it's time to say goodnight. Come, we'll put you to sleep now."
Put him to sleep, like a mother puts her children to sleep, with song or touch. He didn't understand why only a little while ago that phrase would have angered him, and yet now, only made him feel loved and protected. He nodded once and turned to Rashid. "I'll ask if we can meet tomorrow. I don't think Trowa would mind, especially after I get a good night's rest." He looked to Trowa for confirmation, and upon receiving it in the form of a nod, he bid goodnight to Rashid, and then he, Trowa, and their two friends were again on their way down the hallway.
Halfway there, he looked at Trowa. "Thank you for letting me talk with Rashid; I'm glad I got to talk to him tonight, even if it was only for a little while."
Trowa nodded and offered him a grin.
They dropped Heero and Duo off first, separating the packages. Duo loudly stated that it was a good thing that he and Trowa's rooms were at the other end, otherwise the late night moaning might keep them up all night. Heero rolled his eyes, and then he and Trowa were on their way again.
At the door, Quatre punched in the unlock code and called for the lights. He and Trowa set the packages and sacks on the couch, leaving them for tomorrow. Then Trowa took the wicker basket, removed the lid, and carried it into the bedroom, with Quatre right behind him. He stepped into the bathroom and opened the shower. Placing an old shirt on the metal floor of the shower stall, he gently deposited Star in the middle of the cloth. Quatre watched him stroke the kitten's head fondly before closing the door and looking back at him.
"She'll sleep here until we can find her a more comfortable place. Would you like her to stay in our room, or the living room after tonight?"
Simple choice, but not one that was his to make.
"It's up to you, Trowa. She's your kitten."
"Yes, but what's mine is yours; do you have a preference?"
His heart fluttered at the mention of sharing and he nodded. "I think she should sleep with us, at least for a while."
Nodding his head, Trowa took Quatre by the hand and led them back into the bedroom. Once there, he stripped Quatre of every stitch of clothing, and then did the same for himself.
Settling in the bed, Trowa pulled him onto it as well before tucking his head and snuggling it under his chin. Firm hands danced nonsense patterns across his back and shoulders, and Quatre couldn't help but sigh in contentment.
"Quatre?"
"Hn?"
"You do understand that I'm only trying to take care of you, don't you?"
Quatre didn't comprehend the doubt in his voice; his mind wouldn't let him. Trowa had to be invincible now, he had to be.
"I know, Trowa. I'm still tired, though."
Gentle hands wrapped about his cheek, bringing his face even more snuggly into Trowa's firm heat. "Rest now, Quatre. I'll wake you up in the morning."
He nodded his head; Trowa was in control now, and everything was going to be just fine. Trowa would make things easier for him, would make the right decisions. Trowa could do everything now; he was the one, the true one; it'd take something very bad to change his mind about that fact, something, very, very bad.
It seemed an invasion of their privacy to explain exactly what had gone on at the Towers. It had been so important, he could see that now, see that Corinne had been right in telling him to perform this act of dominance; while she leaked suggestions through the link she'd established. Quatre seemed tired, but that in itself was a miracle. So often Quatre had tried to pretend that he was fine, and now it seemed, with Trowa in control, he was willing to relax, and most importantly, to rest.
So exhausted, Quatre was simply hanging on for all he was worth, trying desperately to find some meaning in a life that had seemingly abandoned him. But Trowa wasn't going to let that happen.
When Corinne had told him that Quatre still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that he could protect him, he hadn't known what else to do. He'd been at a complete loss and had told Corinne so. It had been just about that time that Quatre had linked with him-he now knew it was because of Duo's words about having a child-and with a note of defeat, he'd suggested maybe he couldn't help Quatre at all. But Corinne had grown almost furious at that, saying that if he gave up now Quatre would as well, and would he like that on his conscience, to know that he'd help kill the man he loved? She'd been tough and unyielding towards him; but it had done the trick.
However, her method to solving the problem of Quatre's control and strength issue was not at all to his liking. The plan had been to locate Quatre immediately, knowing that his distress was great if he'd attempted a link instead of calling Trowa. Once Trowa was with him, he'd have to try to very carefully assert his control over Quatre. Everything inside of him screamed at that; he remembered well what it felt like to be controlled. But Corinne was adamant, explaining that Quatre was so mentally exhausted by all that had happened he wasn't in any shape to make decisions. She explained that Quatre knew this fact, but was again hiding, because to tell Trowa would mean that Trowa had control over him, something Quatre knew he needed, but was afraid to give away.
Not liking the idea, but willing to do whatever it took to help Quatre, Trowa agreed and took some quick tips from Corinne; it was a good thing he was such a fast learner. As she rattled off the things he should and should not do to assert control, he could almost see the men from the mercenary teams doing to him the same things he was about to do to Quatre. It sent shivers down his back, and Corinne noticed. She tried to explain that it was different, that it was out of love and care, not power and will, but to Trowa it seemed almost the same thing. Half of him screamed that he could never do those things to Quatre, that he loved him, wanted to be loving towards him; but the other half reasoned with Corinne, deciding that right now, Quatre was simply too tired to do some things on his own, and that he would have to help.
In the end, he and Heero had driven like mad men, following the signal from Quatre's sports car, while developing a plan to get Trowa in a position of power over Quatre. The whole ride to the shelter had made him completely sick to his stomach.
They'd worked out a loose plan of Trowa being very demonstrative and possessive towards Quatre, making sure everyone around them-including Quatre-knew that they were together. From that point, they reasoned, Quatre's own desires to be publicly loved would lend itself to Trowa being the one displaying him, and hence the one in control. They decided to further this idea by having Trowa being more of the giver than the receiver.
But when Quatre had come out of the shelter, he'd completely solidified his resolve. His lover was holding the tiniest kitten, and generally looking very small and cute. He'd instantly wanted to take care of Quatre, seeing him in such a childlike position as holding a snow-white kitten. Trowa had to shake himself at one point to remember that this child-looking innocent had only last night made passionate love to him in the most incredible way.
When Quatre had leaned against the bike, it was easy for him to slip into the role of protecting him, sheltering him. The hard part was going to be the control, to find a way to make Quatre see that he no longer had to be the one, that Trowa would control things from now on. All of this, and he had to do it subtly.
For the afternoon, he tried to anticipate what Quatre would want and to do the unexpected to keep is lover off balance. He'd bought the iced drink for Quatre when he'd seen him looking fondly at one on another table; he'd bought the leather pants because it was not something Quatre would have ever expected from him. That didn't even mention the image of power that went with such a pair of pants; he was lucky Duo had spotted them; he'd known instantly that they would help in creating the image that he was in control.
He hadn't been quite prepared for Quatre's initial reaction to the pants or even the ease with which he seemed to slip into the submissive role once they were on the street. It was almost as if Quatre had simply been waiting for Trowa to step into the role so that he could rest. Not wanting to disappoint, he'd accepted the challenge and had done all he could to "lead" Quatre from that point on. It seemed to have worked, at least that was what he thought at the art gallery and dinner, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt when they got to the Kilazian Towers.
Quatre had struggled at the control, had fought just enough to let him know that it wasn't something he was comfortable giving; yet at the same time, it was almost too easy, as if Quatre had wanted it to happen all along. It had been all right; for Trowa, it had still been about pleasing Quatre, giving him pleasure and caring for him. But he could easily see how the act of tonight could become so much crueler, more like what he'd been through as a child. Trowa knew it was a fine line he walked, he himself having had so much control taken from him at an early age and for so long, he could see himself forcefully taking that control from Quatre to fill the void. It frightened him to think like that, but he also knew he couldn't afford not to; he had to be constantly aware, lest he fall into a trap of his own making.
He saw Heero and Duo walk to their respective sides of the car. He'd elected to put himself and Quatre in the back seat, allowing for his spent lover to sleep in relative peace.
Once inside, Heero gave him a worried glance in the review mirror before starting the car. Duo was softly speaking to Quatre, talking about their day and how much he liked the name Star for the kitten.
"It's a really good name for her. How'd you come up with it?"
But Quatre didn't answer; he only snuggled closer to Trowa, wrapping his arms around Trowa's left one. Resting his head on his shoulder, Quatre closed his eyes and became silent. Trowa could see the worry in Duo's eyes. He and Heero had no idea what had happened; he'd have to tell them something, but not yet.
"Quatre."
"Hn?" His fragile lover didn't look up-only stayed where he was, attached to Trowa's side.
"You're tired, Quatre. Lie down in my lap and go to sleep. I'll wake you when we get home."
Not acknowledging that he'd heard with words, Quatre simply shifted his position to lay his head quietly in Trowa's lap. He allowed his long fingers to run lightly through pale sun-spun silk. Not looking away from his sleeping angel, Trowa waited for the even breathing he knew would signal sleep.
When he was finally assured that Quatre had drifted off, he looked up and was met with an almost furious and concerned Duo.
Trowa nodded his head, not removing his fingers from their hold around his love; it seemed that even while he slept, Trowa was asserting his possessiveness towards him; it frightened him yet again.
"What the hell happened up there! He was fine before you got back to the elevator." Duo kept his voice down, but it was easy to hear the fear in his voice. Heero lifted his hand from the steering wheel and took one of Duo's; it was barely enough to keep Duo from reaching back and strangling him.
Taking a huge breath, Trowa reiterated, in as little detail as possible, what had happened on the Tower. He was surprised to see Duo positively shaking with anger.
"Trowa how could you do that?! Quatre needs to be in control now more than ever! His whole life is falling around him, and you want to be Mr. Sadist!" His voice rose to dangerous levels of volume, and Trowa felt his control slip at the thought of Quatre being woken up; at least that's what he hoped it was.
"I'm doing what Corinne told me to! She thinks that Quatre needs someone to tell him what to do; and since I'm his lover, that means me!" There was venom in his voice, and he once again saw Heero glance at him in the mirror.
"Duo," Heero said calmly, "Trowa's right; he only did what Corinne told him to. I didn't expect this form of control, though." He looked at Trowa again. "Sex is a very powerful and dangerous way to control a person; you know that better than anyone, so I'm not going to lecture you about it. But as far as I know, Quatre hasn't ever had this type of experience before. Are you sure it's the best thing for him?"
Trowa took a deep ragged breath, and he could see Duo flash him a look of understanding and concern. "I don't know. With Quatre-I've never done this before. But you both saw him. He seemed so tired-"
"Trowa, that's what I'm freaking talking about!"
"Duo, be quiet and listen. I think I understand. This is about Quatre's willingness to lose control."
Trowa nodded his head. "It's like he melted into me, allowing me to completely shelter him. Then he admitted that he was tired; he said that to me, easily. It was as if he wanted to let me know how he was feeling so that I could make better decisions for him. He was letting me know so I could take better care of him." He allowed his hand to caress one very soft and pale cheek.
"Are you going to talk to Corinne about what happened?" Duo's eyes held a look of worried apprehension.
He nodded. "She's going to have to know."
Duo nodded and then gave a weak smile. "So exactly how did our little kitten get the name Star?"
Trowa had the advantage of his long bangs; Duo didn't see him blush.
* * *
Gentle hands brushed the hair from his eyes.
"Quatre, we're home."
Yawning and trying to stretch he sat up, and gazed at the strong image of the man he loved before him.
Trowa was unlike anyone he'd ever laid eyes on, and his body was the most exquisite thing to look at. Even in the light of the car bulb, Trowa looked strong and capable, easily able to challenge the world around him and keep him safe.
He yawned again, and then took Trowa's hand. Duo and Heero were still in the front seat, and while he couldn't see them, he was sure they were watching the couple behind them. Quatre took his unoccupied hand and rubbed the sleep from his eyes; the look that Trowa gave him then made the world seem like a much better, warmer, place.
Tiredly, he spoke. "Duo and I bought a lot of stuff. It's in the back."
Trowa nodded. "We'll carry as much as we can in tonight, and we'll get the rest tomorrow."
Smiling, Quatre felt his stomach settle at Trowa's words. His lover had already had a plan ready, already knew what needed to be done. Trowa would take care of everything.
He felt warm hands touch his face and saw Duo's smile as his friend pulled away after a moment. "You know, Quatre, when you wake up, you're cute beyond words."
Quatre chuckled. Then Trowa reached for the door handle, and together they exited the heat of the car for the cool night air of the base garage. Instinctively he stepped closer to Trowa, only to find himself pulled even closer to his tall partner.
"It's chilly, Quatre, stay close to me." Quatre nodded.
Once the packages were gathered, they moved as a group toward the elevators that would take them upstairs and to their quarters. Trowa had handed Quatre the wicker basket, and he gently walked so as not to disturb Star, who was wisely sleeping at this late hour. He yawned again and excused himself, noting that Duo couldn't help but chuckle at his un-aristocratic display.
When the elevators opened, they walked down the hallway. Trowa carried half of their purchases and still maintained a tight arm around him. He couldn't explain the feeling; it wasn't anything like he'd ever experienced. He thought he'd found it, when he'd accepted that Trowa would never abandon him, but he'd been wrong. This feeling, the one that ran though his spent body-that elicited such amazing pulses of pure delight- this was what he'd been looking for. It was too good to explain, too wondrous to describe; it was simply what he'd wanted, what he'd needed; since the day they hadn't been able to find Koeran's body, when he'd learned what it meant to be alone; since that day, he'd craved this feeling.
One of the bags brushed his leg. "Trowa, I can help you carry some of those bags if you want."
But Trowa shook his head. "No, it's alright; just stay close to me."
He wanted to throw his arms around his lover and weep with joy. Trowa understood; he was going to care for him, going to fix everything. Trowa would hold him together, at least until he said otherwise; by then he'd be able to take care of himself, and Trowa would be so proud of him-so happy.
He snuggled closer, ignoring the way the packages tried to trip him up; all that mattered was being closer to Trowa. Surprisingly, Trowa leaned down and dropped a soft kiss on his forehead, a smile gracing his lips afterwards. Quatre was in heaven.
"Master Trowa, let me help you." That voice was so familiar; he tried to figure it all out without taking his gaze from his beautiful lover, but his sleep addled brain was too tired; he turned to look.
"Oh God! Rashid!" He'd completely forgotten his friend was coming. He nearly dropped Star's basket in his shock.
He tried to stop walking, tried to step away from Trowa to apologize properly to Rashid, but an insistent tug by Trowa had him still walking, if not stumbling. "Trowa?"
"Rashid will be fine, Quatre. You are to stay close to me. He'll see you in the morning after you visit with Corinne. Understood?" The look on his face broached no arguments, and Quatre could feel the eyes of the occupants of the hallway on them both. He gulped, not knowing what to do.
"But Trowa-"
"Quatre." His voice was stern, not harsh, as if he didn't expect to be questioned.
And then, like lightening, it hit him. Trowa must know just how tired he really was; he must have figured out that he'd completely forgotten about Rashid coming to visit. Trowa was trying to help him save face. He smiled at his partner.
"It's ok, really, Trowa. I'm not that tired. I-"
"Quatre, what did I tell you?" Still not harsh, his words held a note of irritation that hardly ever accompanied something Trowa said and was never something directed towards him. He flinched under the unusual assault.
But Trowa knew he was tired-understood that he was so exhausted from everything. Perhaps Trowa was only trying to allow him time to rest, knowing that if anyone would be forgiving, it would be Rashid. But there was an inner conflict in him; he didn't understand why Trowa was acting so strangely.
He opened his mouth to say something and then thought better of it. He shifted his eyes to Rashid and then back to Trowa. With silent communication, he begged Trowa to let him speak with Rashid, but the stoic pilot lived up to his nickname. Quatre closed his eyes in defeat and took another step with Trowa.
"I-I'll apologize properly in the morning Rashid. Trowa thinks I'm very tired.so I must be." His voice was soft, and he felt Trowa reflexively shift his fingers on his shoulder. Something felt off-wrong-he didn't understand what was happening, didn't know why Trowa was acting this way.
And then obviously, neither did Trowa.
"Quatre, would you rather go to sleep now and talk with Rashid in the morning after your meeting with Corinne, or would you rather talk with him for a few minutes now? I'll give you the choice."
Then it was right. Quatre's eyes lit up as he looked at Trowa with adoration and relief. This was how it was supposed to be. Trowa was there to help him, to tell him what to do, but not rule him. The joy of it had tears in his eyes.
Meekly he looked at Trowa then said, "I think I'd like to talk with Rashid now; is that ok?"
"I gave you the choice, Quatre. But I'll be staying with you, and you'll say goodnight when I think you've had enough."
Hurriedly Quatre nodded his head, and then with a quick kiss to the underside of Trowa's chin-which was all he could reach without disturbing Star-he turned in the arms that held him to look at Rashid.
His old partner in destruction had a strange look on his face, and he could have sworn it was also on the faces of Duo and Heero; he tried not to think about it.
"Rashid, I'm so sorry I didn't pick you up at the spaceport. Crazy things have been happening all over the place, and." he shrugged his shoulders, loving the weight of Trowa's arm about them. "I completely forgot. It's no excuse, but please forgive me." He turned pleading eyes on his old friend, hoping for a reprieve from the standard order.
But Rashid's expression had changed, and he now wore a soft smile. "Of course Master, I know how busy you can become. Remember, I was fool enough to try and put your affairs in order once-completely mind-boggling." Quatre laughed, knowing he'd been forgiven. He also knew that Trowa knew that Rashid was going to forgive him, that was the only reason Trowa had allowed the choice; he knew no harm would come to him. Quatre snuggled more firmly against his lover.
And then he thought of something. "Rashid, oh no! You've been here all day haven't you?! No, wait, your shuttle was suppose to come in yesterday; did I miss you for two whole days?!" There was a slight sense of panic in his voice. He hated to lose track of the days, it generally only happened when something really and truly bad had taken place; for example being stuck in that room by his father, or that month while he waited for the Wing Zero to be completed. He almost shivered and knew instantly that Trowa had sensed his discomfort. Trowa's grip about him tightened.
"Don't trouble yourself about it, Master Quatre. I've managed fine on my own."
He was about to protest when Trowa cut in. "Quatre, it's time to say goodnight. Come, we'll put you to sleep now."
Put him to sleep, like a mother puts her children to sleep, with song or touch. He didn't understand why only a little while ago that phrase would have angered him, and yet now, only made him feel loved and protected. He nodded once and turned to Rashid. "I'll ask if we can meet tomorrow. I don't think Trowa would mind, especially after I get a good night's rest." He looked to Trowa for confirmation, and upon receiving it in the form of a nod, he bid goodnight to Rashid, and then he, Trowa, and their two friends were again on their way down the hallway.
Halfway there, he looked at Trowa. "Thank you for letting me talk with Rashid; I'm glad I got to talk to him tonight, even if it was only for a little while."
Trowa nodded and offered him a grin.
They dropped Heero and Duo off first, separating the packages. Duo loudly stated that it was a good thing that he and Trowa's rooms were at the other end, otherwise the late night moaning might keep them up all night. Heero rolled his eyes, and then he and Trowa were on their way again.
At the door, Quatre punched in the unlock code and called for the lights. He and Trowa set the packages and sacks on the couch, leaving them for tomorrow. Then Trowa took the wicker basket, removed the lid, and carried it into the bedroom, with Quatre right behind him. He stepped into the bathroom and opened the shower. Placing an old shirt on the metal floor of the shower stall, he gently deposited Star in the middle of the cloth. Quatre watched him stroke the kitten's head fondly before closing the door and looking back at him.
"She'll sleep here until we can find her a more comfortable place. Would you like her to stay in our room, or the living room after tonight?"
Simple choice, but not one that was his to make.
"It's up to you, Trowa. She's your kitten."
"Yes, but what's mine is yours; do you have a preference?"
His heart fluttered at the mention of sharing and he nodded. "I think she should sleep with us, at least for a while."
Nodding his head, Trowa took Quatre by the hand and led them back into the bedroom. Once there, he stripped Quatre of every stitch of clothing, and then did the same for himself.
Settling in the bed, Trowa pulled him onto it as well before tucking his head and snuggling it under his chin. Firm hands danced nonsense patterns across his back and shoulders, and Quatre couldn't help but sigh in contentment.
"Quatre?"
"Hn?"
"You do understand that I'm only trying to take care of you, don't you?"
Quatre didn't comprehend the doubt in his voice; his mind wouldn't let him. Trowa had to be invincible now, he had to be.
"I know, Trowa. I'm still tired, though."
Gentle hands wrapped about his cheek, bringing his face even more snuggly into Trowa's firm heat. "Rest now, Quatre. I'll wake you up in the morning."
He nodded his head; Trowa was in control now, and everything was going to be just fine. Trowa would make things easier for him, would make the right decisions. Trowa could do everything now; he was the one, the true one; it'd take something very bad to change his mind about that fact, something, very, very bad.