Destiny at Work
Part 4: Winding Down
by SJ 23-03-99/2002 (skyjade@globetrotter.net)
__________________________
Disclaimers: Nothing in the Star Wars Universe belong to me; everything belongs
to George Lucas. Also, if something is related to the spoken parts of Dark Force Rising, it belongs to Timothy Zhan. I'm only borrowing it to make more sense with Mara's or Luke's missing thoughts (when we follow Luke's thoughts in the novel, and vice versa ;). Naturally, everything related to events of Dark Force Rising also belong to Timothy Zhan. Please don't sue me, it's only for fun; I'm not making any money out of this. See my home page for more details.
Http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/3702
Special thanks to Adrianne for her help with beta-reading. Thank you for
giving me some of your precious time, my friend; I appreciate.
_________________________
(After Karrde's rescue, once safe in hyperspace)
Near the stern of the Millenium Falcon, Mara couldn't help but shake her head at the electronic mess that she was currently seeing.
Solo and the Wookiee might recognize one system from another when they opened the repair hatches, but she sure didn't. As she tried to sort through the mass of wires which could no longer be associated with their original systems, she made a note to never, ever let Solo near her own ships.
Not that it should even ever happen, she then frowned at her strange thought, but... she still didn't want to imagine what the man would do to a fighter, let alone a cargo ship.
"Kreth, Solo, couldn't you leave that one alone?" she muttered angrily as she realized that what she had thought was the converter feed was now related to the hyperdrive.
She finally identified the parts she was looking for... and gaped as she realized that they were completely fried, useless...
And yet, her brain caught up with her, the ship was running smoothly, as if it had never been hit in the first place.
Deeply puzzled by this impossible feat of mechanic, she inspected the unit better; perhaps she had overlooked a detail and some of its wires were still functional... No.
The thing was completely out of order, and yet, their actual, functional state was undeniable. Pulling her head out of the access panel, she stared, dumbfounded, at the 'mess'. Solo had obviously known what he had been doing, she reluctantly admitted as she tried to understand exactly 'what' the former pirate had done.
Then it clicked: he had cross-wired all the systems together so that one hit in one area would not keep the unit from transmitting its information and do its job.
It was, she had to admit, brilliant. Even she, who had flown in more ships than she could count, would never have thought about this procedure... anymore than she would have even considered to rescue Karrde via the garbage chute of the detention block.
Skywalker and his friends were truly more than she had been led to believe, she conceded while she sealed the plate once again before she stood up from her kneeling position. Obviously, the Jedi was not the only intelligent member of their group. Well, it explained more and more how the supposedly almost harmless rebels had been able to escape traps, survive attacks and even destroyed Black Sun single-handedly.
They were probably all clever in their own ways. Skywalker was a very quick mind and a shrewd tactician; Solo seemed to be a genius with mechanics, which left the politics and relations to the other member of the trio: Skywalker's sister.
However, even without the presence of his friend and sister, she would bet that the Jedi could give a hard time to just about anybody. He sure gave her a hard time, if only on the emotional aspect of their partnership.
While they had been aboard the Chimaera, she had seen him for the second time in real action, and this time, he had had the Force as his ally. As she remembered some of the moves he had pulled while defending the entrance of the Falcon, she once again admitted to herself that he was a good guy to have at her side. She had indeed been able to count on him, and... he on her. They had simply been the best strike team she had ever seen in action, and gods knew that she had seen her share of them.
Although she'd prefer to not consider this new fact about 'them', she couldn't ignore the fact that throughout their mission, she had 'always' been aware of where he was, what he was doing. This hadn't been true about Karrde, whom she had almost knocked unconscious when they had been found by a patrol.
Now, she thought in growing frustration, what did 'this' mean? Why was she feeling like this for the man she didn't want to like? Why did it feel so damn natural to have him at her side, to cover his back as he defended hers----
'YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!' the Emperor's vicious voice suddenly resounded, cutting off her pattern of thoughts. 'YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER.'
"Yeah, well you just try," she muttered at herself and the audio memory which was really getting on her nerves.
It was not as if she weren't trying, she argued with herself; if she didn't, she wouldn't be pulling herself back on her original track and would instead give in to those feelings she was having. No, she reflected seriously as she approached the main lounge of the ship, if she weren't trying to obey her master, she would not spend so much of her time fighting against what she was feeling for the Jedi.
She would just give in and be done with it; she was simply exhausted by the constant inner struggle.
'YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!' her memory insisted.
'I know, I know,' she mentally grumbled. 'I'll do it, if only to get rid of you' she told herself--- which instantly generated a surge of objection from her more caring side.
And the fighting started anew.
******
Luke was still gaping at Karrde in disbelief when he heard the approaching footsteps of their third companion.
The Katana Fleet. It had really been found.
"I'll arrange a meeting with the Council the moment we're on Coruscant," he promised the other.
"Meeting for what?" Mara inquired as she leaned against the frame of the cockpit's door.
Luke exchanged a glance with Karrde; they wordlessly agreed to not talk to her about the Dark Force for the moment.
"Just a little thing about how we can thank them for helping me."
"Oh, so you've got a price now, Skywalker?" the beautiful red-head almost sneered at him.
"No, but when help is offered freely, I never turn it down," he retorted as he stood up. "Besides, I helped you without any mention of reward if I remember," he commented as he walked by her.
"Sure," she grumbled, then turned away from him.
Luke for his part kept his eyes on her for an extra second, secretly appreciating her close, refined profile which was backlit by the nearby lights, then reluctantly stepped forward once again and headed for the lounge. He had some thinking to do, and the two smugglers had to talk together. He made sure the hatch closed when he stepped out of its range.
Both Karrde and Mara gazed at the closed hatch for a few extra seconds before they looked at each other.
"He really is quite a guy," Karrde commented thoughtfully.
Mara reflexively sneered at him. "Oh no, don't tell me that you're falling for his kindness too," she commented as she dropped in the seat Skywalker had just vacated.
"Are you?" her boss inquired, his inquisitive eyes locked on hers.
For a brief moment, she feared that she had just revealed her true feelings, then decided to laugh as if in derision.
"Me?, come on, Karrde. You know that I'd rather kiss a Hutt than feel anything for the Jedi."
"Well then, if you're here to suggest that we use the current opportunity to capture him, or your killing him, I prefer to set the matters clear: he is not to come to harm until I am done with what I have to offer to the Republic."
"Why? To return the favor he just gave you. He was only repaying his debt for your setting him free on Myrkr," she objected, more out of habit and need to cover up her real feelings than in real animosity.
"So he told me, but he has links with the higher placed of the Republic. For the time being, he is more useful alive than dead, even to you," he pointed out as he pointed at her with his finger.
"All right," she grumbled, affecting a miffed attitude.
In fact though, she was relieved to have another outside reason to not obey her master's last command. With Karrde's new order and need for the Jedi, she knew that she wouldn't take any chances with the Jedi's life.
No matter how hard the nightmares insisted that she killed him.
"By the way, I must admit that I was quite surprised when I discovered that you were rescuing me," her boss began more gently. "After the ambush, I thought that----"
"I had betrayed you? No, I never did," she stated seriously before turning away from him. "I wanted to discover the location of the Katana Fleet from you and give it to them, but taking custody of you was never part of the deal..."
Even as she retold the past, a light suddenly turned itself on in her mind as she realized just 'what' was the favor that Karrde had to offer to---
"You're giving the Katana Fleet to the Republic?!?" she gaped even as she frowned in disapproval.
"I will sell it to them," Karrde sighed, then shook his head. "I didn't want to tell you right away, partly because I strongly suspected that you've once had imperial affiliations. I can imagine how this is probably an unpleasant turn of events for you."
Yes, it was, she nodded slightly, feeling her anger ebb almost as soon as it had appeared, leaving behind nothing but the bitter taste of regret.
"I was 'one' of the Emperor's secret agents," she revealed truthfully to her boss, looking at him straight in the eye as she told him her most guarded secret, now altered with the horrible truth that she had been lied to about her uniqueness.
As usual, Karrde remained silent, not displaying any sign of shock at her sudden revelation. He gestured to her to continue.
"As you can imagine, I was active on the field, but I was also part of the highest society to keep up appearances. When the Emperor died, at Skywalker's and Vader's hands, I lost not only the rich life of Coruscant, but my resources, my purpose in life... even my identity."
"And that is why you want to kill Skywalker," her boss summarized.
She nodded, somehow unable to meet his eyes at the moment.
"Why did you save me then? Why not rejoin the Empire and recover what you had once had?" her shrewd superior inquired seriously.
She scoffed in disgust at his suggestion. "Thrawn's Empire will never be like the Emperor's. It is dead now, as is my past. I simply couldn't abandon you to the mercenaries they have become." She paused, took a deep breath, then began: "If you want to sell the Katana Fleet to the Republic," she said, looking up at him with only remnants of disapproval in her eyes, "I won't stop you. I don't like it, can't approve it, but I will not interfere," she promised him seriously.
"Thank you," her boss answered coolly, then turned back toward the main dashboard. "So what was the damage back there?" he inquired, effectively closing the topic of the past to that of the present.
Grateful for his understanding, she recovered her own business-like composure and told him what she had seen in the compartment.
******
Meanwhile, Luke downed a second glass of cold water to help himself get over the nauseous feelings he was having.
As it always was for him after killing enemies to defend his life, he didn't feel good; in fact, he felt quite bad. The Force always made him feel part of what he was inflicting upon others, leaving him with sour regrets.
There should be another way, he thought sadly as he rested his plastic glass on the countertop. He understood the necessity of defending his life, of incapacitating his enemies to survive them, but even when he deflected the bolts of incoming fire, he was not always able to only injure his victims.
In short, he snorted, no matter how elegant a weapon the lightsaber was, it was still a weapon.
It still enabled its bearer to take lives.
Thankfully though, it was over for the day. Returning in the main lounge, he unhooked his weapon from his belt and threw it on the couch before he slouched at the gaming table, as far away as he could from the weapon. There, he rested his elbows on the table and, lacing his fingers together, set his chin on his hands.
He then closed his eyes and worked on forgiving himself for what had been, in fact, the Force's guidance. He hadn't had any choice, he reminded himself. People of action knew when they had to go to the end to see their loved ones again.
However, his victims too had probably had loved ones, people who had been expecting to see them again... someday.
He could only trust the Force that he had done what it wanted, not what he 'himself' had judged as necessary---
The sound of approaching footsteps pulled him out of his semi-trance. He opened his eyes just as Mara Jade stepped inside the lounge before sitting as far away as she could from him.
"We should be at Coruscant around 0800," she informed him while she pulled out her pocket blaster---- and retrieved its power pack from its handle.
Luke nodded silently as he watched the ex-assassin load the weapon with a new power pack, swiftly reset it for instant use if need be, then she hid it back in her wrist holster.
"Care for some water?" he offered her as she studied her surroundings.
"No," was her cold answer.
He himself decided that he was still thirsty; he stood up and got himself a third glass of water before he returned in the lounge. Mara was still sitting, but her right foot was now propped on the edge of the long couch.
Seeing this, he wordlessly went back in the galley... and returned with a pack of ice.
"How's your ankle?" he inquired as he stepped closer and offered her the ice.
If she needed the ice, he realized that she was not about to admit it to him.
"Mind you own business, Skywalker. I told you to stop fussing over me," she reminded him even as she tossed the ice pack aside on the seat.
"Right, sorry," he apologized before he returned to his own seat.
As Mara tracked the somewhat different Jedi, her senses burnt with the awareness that his lightsaber was just beside her, carelessly left aside as if he were in safety.
But he wasn't, was he? she asked herself as she indulged in yet another scenario as to how she could kill him----
And stopped short as her eyes focused once again on the real Skywalker. Something was definitely amiss, she decided as she frowned at his profile.
He seemed, well..., she couldn't say that his features had changed since she had last looked at them, but at the same time... She had never seen him this... glum, she realized.
Skywalker was feeling glum about something.
As if aware that her eyes were on him, he threw a glance in her direction; she hurried to turn away before he could see her this way. Next, she strove to look anywhere but at him for as long as he hadn't turned away once again.
Her eyes thus rested once again on his discarded weapon. She slowly became aware that his feelings were linked to his weapon.
She patiently waited for him to talk, as he always did, but this time, he didn't. Instead, he remained so silent that she almost forgot that he was still with her when she wasn't looking at him.
However, he was with her, and she could feel that he needed to talk about what was bothering her. It was... kind of like when he himself had tried to draw her out about her nightmares, she realized.
On the other hand, 'she' wasn't like Skywalker. She wasn't kind like him, and couldn't show any interest in him without opening her door to him even more than it already was. And yet... she had to bit her tongue to not ask him about what was bothering him.
She finally took hold of the familiar weapon and tried the sarcastic way.
"Was it getting too heavy for you Jedi? It's careless to leave it unattended," she sneered mock-meanly.
Skywalker looked at her, looked at his weapon--- then barely motioned with his hand and the lightsaber jumped from her hand to his. He sighed heavily as he set it on the gaming table before turning away from her once again.
Now there was something wrong indeed, she decided as she openly frowned at him.
"Have you," he began hesitantly, not looking at her, "have you ever felt bad about killing?"
The most unexpected question threw her for a loop which almost threw her off her feet.
"I guess not," the Jedi sighed, then turned slowly toward her. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?" she asked him uncertainly.
"Be insensitive."
His answer truly knocked her off her mental feet this time. What??!!??
"Why do you ask?" she tried to guide him onward even though she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.
"I can't be numb to it," he admitted, his eyes almost shining with unshed tears before he turned away from her once again. "One would think that after a Death Star, countless battles and the death of close ones, I would get used to it, but no... Every time, it's the same thing."
"Like?" she asked, reflexively edging closer to him to keep him talking.
"The gut wrenching which always accompanies nearby deaths just doesn't go away after the spirit is gone... It stays with me, in me, for hours, if not days."
"Because you're blaming yourself," Mara understood even as she tried to think of a way to deal with this most unexpected revelation from the Jedi.
Considering all the action he had seen since coming out of nowhere, she had never even thought that he was still dealing with what was called 'beginners' jitters'.
"Shouldn't I?" the Jedi inquired, refocusing his beautiful blue eyes on her. "With all the power that I can use, shouldn't I be able to fight in ways that wouldn't take lives?"
"You wouldn't survive for very long if you could," she pointed out coldly.
Luke frowned at Mara's answer. She was right, of course, and yet...
"I saw you knock out no less than three men with your hands and feet, and you didn't kill them."
"Because of the danger of ricochets," she answered coolly. "Besides," she shrugged, "I heard that you once defeated Xizor's HRD the same way. You could do it again if you wanted."
Luke snorted at the memory of his fight against Guri.
"That was a fluke. It was a challenge, I didn't have my lightsaber to back me, and it was quite simple, in fact. Just very fast. She nearly got me too," he admitted with a slight shudder at how close it had come back then.
"So," Mara summarized as she stood to her feet, you think that you can't do it anymore, huh?"
"I once tried and----"
He had barely begun to answer her when she attacked her with a bladed hand that would have knocked him out cold if not for his swift block---- which he reflexively chained up with a shift of his arm that blocked another attack. Worried, he looked up at his sudden opponent and caught her grim smirk--- before she pushed forward, trying to wedge him in the corner of the couch; he swiftly stood up and climbed on the couch to escape her. She followed suite as she continued to attack him; he blocked yet another of her fists before he jumped to avoid her attempt to knock him off his feet, then, landing slightly away from her, blocked all her attempts to connect with him as he backed away from her.
He then tried one hit of his own, which she blocked and used to pull him closer as if to headbutt him... and they both stilled as they realized what had just happened.
There they were, standing on the seats of the acceleration couch of the Falcon's lounge, both slightly out of breath and locked in an intricate arm-block which allowed each of them to feel the other's physical presence like almost never before. Their eyes were literally frozen in time and space, unaware of anything but the other's presence and what had just happened.
For the first time since meeting, they had connected for real. This time, they hadn't just gotten to know the other better; they had discovered an equal... a complement... someone like themselves... someone who truly understood him/her---
"Hmmm-mmmm!" a sudden clearing of voice interrupted.
Luke and Mara instantly stepped away from each other as they turned toward Karrde who had decided to join them in the lounge.
"If I didn't know better, I would worry about having children along on this trip instead of grown-ups," he commented as Luke jumped down from the couch.
"Hmmm, well, we were just testing something and got a little carried away," Luke fumbled as he turned around to help Mara down.
Naturally, she turned him down and stepped down by herself.
"Obviously," Karrde smiled slightly from behind his stylish mustache. "I take it that it was concluding."
"Indeed," Mara nodded, then pinched Luke hard in the arm. "Now he knows that my ankle is well."
"Yeah, and that I know more about self-defense than I thought," he ribbed her back. "Still, I really think I could do with more training," he commented more seriously, turning toward her.
"You looked good enough to me, Skywalker. After all, you 'did' survive me,... and I wasn't playing."
"Hmm, perhaps, but,..." he hesitated slightly, turning away from the amazing woman.
"But what?" she prompted him.
"Well," he began faintly, then took a deep breath and asked what was burning his mind. "Could you teach me more?"
Naturally, Mara scoffed openly at his request before she walked away from him once again.
"Ah, sure. And I could also teach you how to defeat me while I'm at it," she commented sarcastically.
Luke noticed that Karrde was watching the interplay with great interest. He also noticed that Mara had just answered his request as if she didn't have secrets for the man. He deduced from it that the other knew about her past. It slightly surprised him since he had had the feeling that the woman would protect that secret to the end. He had obviously been wrong.
"Well that's not why I'd like to learn more," he answered her latest barb, "but I will not insist if that's how you see it," he informed her before he slumped in the nearby seat.
"Thank you," Jade almost snickered at him, then headed for the now deserted cockpit.
At first, Luke felt his fresh hopes go down the drain as if they had never been, then his eyes rested on the ice pack he had brought in for Mara's ankle. Something had happened just a moment ago, something which had allowed him to finally meet the real Mara Jade, not the mask she was constantly wearing to protect herself. Well, he resolved, he would not let that mask defeat their burgeoning... whatever-was-developing between them. And the best way to defeat 'it', he reflected as he focused on the ice pack, was to show her that he cared for her. Before she had disappeared down the corridor, he levitated the ice pack and swiftly dropped it in her hands.
"Take a look at your ankle, Jade. You were slightly wobbly on your right foot," he teased her.
"Quit fussing, Jedi," she snarled at him without turning around... but she did keep the ice with herself.
"if you ask me, you are playing a dangerous game with her," Karrde commented once they were alone.
"I know," Luke nodded as he remembered the recent events.
Yes, being friend with Mara was a dangerous business indeed, but it was also an exhilarating prospect now that he had seen her for who she truly, honestly was... and she was much more than anyone could ever imagine. She was a caring, strong, devoted and understanding young woman whose hardship had forged into one of the purest souls he had even encountered.
When she wasn't plying under the late Emperor's influence, Mara Jade truly was a gem, as her name suggested.
While they had been fighting, he remembered with an inner smile, her spirit had not been clouded by her ingrained habits; she hadn't wanted to kill him, nor had she been studying his weaknesses. Instead, she had openly enjoyed his company because of their common abilities and interests, and she had also relished the challenge of changing his mood, proving him wrong... pushing him to his limits.
Now who did that... but a friend?
As he gazed in the direction of the cockpit, he dimly wondered if she would ever see this latest development the way he did.
He hoped so...
TBC in part 5: Coruscant
When she comes around, he's training.
Copyright 1999/2002, SJ (skyjade@globetrotter.net)
Webmaster : Skyjade(Any positive stuff is welcome, but any mean stuff won't even
be read.)
Part 4: Winding Down
by SJ 23-03-99/2002 (skyjade@globetrotter.net)
__________________________
Disclaimers: Nothing in the Star Wars Universe belong to me; everything belongs
to George Lucas. Also, if something is related to the spoken parts of Dark Force Rising, it belongs to Timothy Zhan. I'm only borrowing it to make more sense with Mara's or Luke's missing thoughts (when we follow Luke's thoughts in the novel, and vice versa ;). Naturally, everything related to events of Dark Force Rising also belong to Timothy Zhan. Please don't sue me, it's only for fun; I'm not making any money out of this. See my home page for more details.
Http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/3702
Special thanks to Adrianne for her help with beta-reading. Thank you for
giving me some of your precious time, my friend; I appreciate.
_________________________
(After Karrde's rescue, once safe in hyperspace)
Near the stern of the Millenium Falcon, Mara couldn't help but shake her head at the electronic mess that she was currently seeing.
Solo and the Wookiee might recognize one system from another when they opened the repair hatches, but she sure didn't. As she tried to sort through the mass of wires which could no longer be associated with their original systems, she made a note to never, ever let Solo near her own ships.
Not that it should even ever happen, she then frowned at her strange thought, but... she still didn't want to imagine what the man would do to a fighter, let alone a cargo ship.
"Kreth, Solo, couldn't you leave that one alone?" she muttered angrily as she realized that what she had thought was the converter feed was now related to the hyperdrive.
She finally identified the parts she was looking for... and gaped as she realized that they were completely fried, useless...
And yet, her brain caught up with her, the ship was running smoothly, as if it had never been hit in the first place.
Deeply puzzled by this impossible feat of mechanic, she inspected the unit better; perhaps she had overlooked a detail and some of its wires were still functional... No.
The thing was completely out of order, and yet, their actual, functional state was undeniable. Pulling her head out of the access panel, she stared, dumbfounded, at the 'mess'. Solo had obviously known what he had been doing, she reluctantly admitted as she tried to understand exactly 'what' the former pirate had done.
Then it clicked: he had cross-wired all the systems together so that one hit in one area would not keep the unit from transmitting its information and do its job.
It was, she had to admit, brilliant. Even she, who had flown in more ships than she could count, would never have thought about this procedure... anymore than she would have even considered to rescue Karrde via the garbage chute of the detention block.
Skywalker and his friends were truly more than she had been led to believe, she conceded while she sealed the plate once again before she stood up from her kneeling position. Obviously, the Jedi was not the only intelligent member of their group. Well, it explained more and more how the supposedly almost harmless rebels had been able to escape traps, survive attacks and even destroyed Black Sun single-handedly.
They were probably all clever in their own ways. Skywalker was a very quick mind and a shrewd tactician; Solo seemed to be a genius with mechanics, which left the politics and relations to the other member of the trio: Skywalker's sister.
However, even without the presence of his friend and sister, she would bet that the Jedi could give a hard time to just about anybody. He sure gave her a hard time, if only on the emotional aspect of their partnership.
While they had been aboard the Chimaera, she had seen him for the second time in real action, and this time, he had had the Force as his ally. As she remembered some of the moves he had pulled while defending the entrance of the Falcon, she once again admitted to herself that he was a good guy to have at her side. She had indeed been able to count on him, and... he on her. They had simply been the best strike team she had ever seen in action, and gods knew that she had seen her share of them.
Although she'd prefer to not consider this new fact about 'them', she couldn't ignore the fact that throughout their mission, she had 'always' been aware of where he was, what he was doing. This hadn't been true about Karrde, whom she had almost knocked unconscious when they had been found by a patrol.
Now, she thought in growing frustration, what did 'this' mean? Why was she feeling like this for the man she didn't want to like? Why did it feel so damn natural to have him at her side, to cover his back as he defended hers----
'YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!' the Emperor's vicious voice suddenly resounded, cutting off her pattern of thoughts. 'YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER.'
"Yeah, well you just try," she muttered at herself and the audio memory which was really getting on her nerves.
It was not as if she weren't trying, she argued with herself; if she didn't, she wouldn't be pulling herself back on her original track and would instead give in to those feelings she was having. No, she reflected seriously as she approached the main lounge of the ship, if she weren't trying to obey her master, she would not spend so much of her time fighting against what she was feeling for the Jedi.
She would just give in and be done with it; she was simply exhausted by the constant inner struggle.
'YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!' her memory insisted.
'I know, I know,' she mentally grumbled. 'I'll do it, if only to get rid of you' she told herself--- which instantly generated a surge of objection from her more caring side.
And the fighting started anew.
******
Luke was still gaping at Karrde in disbelief when he heard the approaching footsteps of their third companion.
The Katana Fleet. It had really been found.
"I'll arrange a meeting with the Council the moment we're on Coruscant," he promised the other.
"Meeting for what?" Mara inquired as she leaned against the frame of the cockpit's door.
Luke exchanged a glance with Karrde; they wordlessly agreed to not talk to her about the Dark Force for the moment.
"Just a little thing about how we can thank them for helping me."
"Oh, so you've got a price now, Skywalker?" the beautiful red-head almost sneered at him.
"No, but when help is offered freely, I never turn it down," he retorted as he stood up. "Besides, I helped you without any mention of reward if I remember," he commented as he walked by her.
"Sure," she grumbled, then turned away from him.
Luke for his part kept his eyes on her for an extra second, secretly appreciating her close, refined profile which was backlit by the nearby lights, then reluctantly stepped forward once again and headed for the lounge. He had some thinking to do, and the two smugglers had to talk together. He made sure the hatch closed when he stepped out of its range.
Both Karrde and Mara gazed at the closed hatch for a few extra seconds before they looked at each other.
"He really is quite a guy," Karrde commented thoughtfully.
Mara reflexively sneered at him. "Oh no, don't tell me that you're falling for his kindness too," she commented as she dropped in the seat Skywalker had just vacated.
"Are you?" her boss inquired, his inquisitive eyes locked on hers.
For a brief moment, she feared that she had just revealed her true feelings, then decided to laugh as if in derision.
"Me?, come on, Karrde. You know that I'd rather kiss a Hutt than feel anything for the Jedi."
"Well then, if you're here to suggest that we use the current opportunity to capture him, or your killing him, I prefer to set the matters clear: he is not to come to harm until I am done with what I have to offer to the Republic."
"Why? To return the favor he just gave you. He was only repaying his debt for your setting him free on Myrkr," she objected, more out of habit and need to cover up her real feelings than in real animosity.
"So he told me, but he has links with the higher placed of the Republic. For the time being, he is more useful alive than dead, even to you," he pointed out as he pointed at her with his finger.
"All right," she grumbled, affecting a miffed attitude.
In fact though, she was relieved to have another outside reason to not obey her master's last command. With Karrde's new order and need for the Jedi, she knew that she wouldn't take any chances with the Jedi's life.
No matter how hard the nightmares insisted that she killed him.
"By the way, I must admit that I was quite surprised when I discovered that you were rescuing me," her boss began more gently. "After the ambush, I thought that----"
"I had betrayed you? No, I never did," she stated seriously before turning away from him. "I wanted to discover the location of the Katana Fleet from you and give it to them, but taking custody of you was never part of the deal..."
Even as she retold the past, a light suddenly turned itself on in her mind as she realized just 'what' was the favor that Karrde had to offer to---
"You're giving the Katana Fleet to the Republic?!?" she gaped even as she frowned in disapproval.
"I will sell it to them," Karrde sighed, then shook his head. "I didn't want to tell you right away, partly because I strongly suspected that you've once had imperial affiliations. I can imagine how this is probably an unpleasant turn of events for you."
Yes, it was, she nodded slightly, feeling her anger ebb almost as soon as it had appeared, leaving behind nothing but the bitter taste of regret.
"I was 'one' of the Emperor's secret agents," she revealed truthfully to her boss, looking at him straight in the eye as she told him her most guarded secret, now altered with the horrible truth that she had been lied to about her uniqueness.
As usual, Karrde remained silent, not displaying any sign of shock at her sudden revelation. He gestured to her to continue.
"As you can imagine, I was active on the field, but I was also part of the highest society to keep up appearances. When the Emperor died, at Skywalker's and Vader's hands, I lost not only the rich life of Coruscant, but my resources, my purpose in life... even my identity."
"And that is why you want to kill Skywalker," her boss summarized.
She nodded, somehow unable to meet his eyes at the moment.
"Why did you save me then? Why not rejoin the Empire and recover what you had once had?" her shrewd superior inquired seriously.
She scoffed in disgust at his suggestion. "Thrawn's Empire will never be like the Emperor's. It is dead now, as is my past. I simply couldn't abandon you to the mercenaries they have become." She paused, took a deep breath, then began: "If you want to sell the Katana Fleet to the Republic," she said, looking up at him with only remnants of disapproval in her eyes, "I won't stop you. I don't like it, can't approve it, but I will not interfere," she promised him seriously.
"Thank you," her boss answered coolly, then turned back toward the main dashboard. "So what was the damage back there?" he inquired, effectively closing the topic of the past to that of the present.
Grateful for his understanding, she recovered her own business-like composure and told him what she had seen in the compartment.
******
Meanwhile, Luke downed a second glass of cold water to help himself get over the nauseous feelings he was having.
As it always was for him after killing enemies to defend his life, he didn't feel good; in fact, he felt quite bad. The Force always made him feel part of what he was inflicting upon others, leaving him with sour regrets.
There should be another way, he thought sadly as he rested his plastic glass on the countertop. He understood the necessity of defending his life, of incapacitating his enemies to survive them, but even when he deflected the bolts of incoming fire, he was not always able to only injure his victims.
In short, he snorted, no matter how elegant a weapon the lightsaber was, it was still a weapon.
It still enabled its bearer to take lives.
Thankfully though, it was over for the day. Returning in the main lounge, he unhooked his weapon from his belt and threw it on the couch before he slouched at the gaming table, as far away as he could from the weapon. There, he rested his elbows on the table and, lacing his fingers together, set his chin on his hands.
He then closed his eyes and worked on forgiving himself for what had been, in fact, the Force's guidance. He hadn't had any choice, he reminded himself. People of action knew when they had to go to the end to see their loved ones again.
However, his victims too had probably had loved ones, people who had been expecting to see them again... someday.
He could only trust the Force that he had done what it wanted, not what he 'himself' had judged as necessary---
The sound of approaching footsteps pulled him out of his semi-trance. He opened his eyes just as Mara Jade stepped inside the lounge before sitting as far away as she could from him.
"We should be at Coruscant around 0800," she informed him while she pulled out her pocket blaster---- and retrieved its power pack from its handle.
Luke nodded silently as he watched the ex-assassin load the weapon with a new power pack, swiftly reset it for instant use if need be, then she hid it back in her wrist holster.
"Care for some water?" he offered her as she studied her surroundings.
"No," was her cold answer.
He himself decided that he was still thirsty; he stood up and got himself a third glass of water before he returned in the lounge. Mara was still sitting, but her right foot was now propped on the edge of the long couch.
Seeing this, he wordlessly went back in the galley... and returned with a pack of ice.
"How's your ankle?" he inquired as he stepped closer and offered her the ice.
If she needed the ice, he realized that she was not about to admit it to him.
"Mind you own business, Skywalker. I told you to stop fussing over me," she reminded him even as she tossed the ice pack aside on the seat.
"Right, sorry," he apologized before he returned to his own seat.
As Mara tracked the somewhat different Jedi, her senses burnt with the awareness that his lightsaber was just beside her, carelessly left aside as if he were in safety.
But he wasn't, was he? she asked herself as she indulged in yet another scenario as to how she could kill him----
And stopped short as her eyes focused once again on the real Skywalker. Something was definitely amiss, she decided as she frowned at his profile.
He seemed, well..., she couldn't say that his features had changed since she had last looked at them, but at the same time... She had never seen him this... glum, she realized.
Skywalker was feeling glum about something.
As if aware that her eyes were on him, he threw a glance in her direction; she hurried to turn away before he could see her this way. Next, she strove to look anywhere but at him for as long as he hadn't turned away once again.
Her eyes thus rested once again on his discarded weapon. She slowly became aware that his feelings were linked to his weapon.
She patiently waited for him to talk, as he always did, but this time, he didn't. Instead, he remained so silent that she almost forgot that he was still with her when she wasn't looking at him.
However, he was with her, and she could feel that he needed to talk about what was bothering her. It was... kind of like when he himself had tried to draw her out about her nightmares, she realized.
On the other hand, 'she' wasn't like Skywalker. She wasn't kind like him, and couldn't show any interest in him without opening her door to him even more than it already was. And yet... she had to bit her tongue to not ask him about what was bothering him.
She finally took hold of the familiar weapon and tried the sarcastic way.
"Was it getting too heavy for you Jedi? It's careless to leave it unattended," she sneered mock-meanly.
Skywalker looked at her, looked at his weapon--- then barely motioned with his hand and the lightsaber jumped from her hand to his. He sighed heavily as he set it on the gaming table before turning away from her once again.
Now there was something wrong indeed, she decided as she openly frowned at him.
"Have you," he began hesitantly, not looking at her, "have you ever felt bad about killing?"
The most unexpected question threw her for a loop which almost threw her off her feet.
"I guess not," the Jedi sighed, then turned slowly toward her. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?" she asked him uncertainly.
"Be insensitive."
His answer truly knocked her off her mental feet this time. What??!!??
"Why do you ask?" she tried to guide him onward even though she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.
"I can't be numb to it," he admitted, his eyes almost shining with unshed tears before he turned away from her once again. "One would think that after a Death Star, countless battles and the death of close ones, I would get used to it, but no... Every time, it's the same thing."
"Like?" she asked, reflexively edging closer to him to keep him talking.
"The gut wrenching which always accompanies nearby deaths just doesn't go away after the spirit is gone... It stays with me, in me, for hours, if not days."
"Because you're blaming yourself," Mara understood even as she tried to think of a way to deal with this most unexpected revelation from the Jedi.
Considering all the action he had seen since coming out of nowhere, she had never even thought that he was still dealing with what was called 'beginners' jitters'.
"Shouldn't I?" the Jedi inquired, refocusing his beautiful blue eyes on her. "With all the power that I can use, shouldn't I be able to fight in ways that wouldn't take lives?"
"You wouldn't survive for very long if you could," she pointed out coldly.
Luke frowned at Mara's answer. She was right, of course, and yet...
"I saw you knock out no less than three men with your hands and feet, and you didn't kill them."
"Because of the danger of ricochets," she answered coolly. "Besides," she shrugged, "I heard that you once defeated Xizor's HRD the same way. You could do it again if you wanted."
Luke snorted at the memory of his fight against Guri.
"That was a fluke. It was a challenge, I didn't have my lightsaber to back me, and it was quite simple, in fact. Just very fast. She nearly got me too," he admitted with a slight shudder at how close it had come back then.
"So," Mara summarized as she stood to her feet, you think that you can't do it anymore, huh?"
"I once tried and----"
He had barely begun to answer her when she attacked her with a bladed hand that would have knocked him out cold if not for his swift block---- which he reflexively chained up with a shift of his arm that blocked another attack. Worried, he looked up at his sudden opponent and caught her grim smirk--- before she pushed forward, trying to wedge him in the corner of the couch; he swiftly stood up and climbed on the couch to escape her. She followed suite as she continued to attack him; he blocked yet another of her fists before he jumped to avoid her attempt to knock him off his feet, then, landing slightly away from her, blocked all her attempts to connect with him as he backed away from her.
He then tried one hit of his own, which she blocked and used to pull him closer as if to headbutt him... and they both stilled as they realized what had just happened.
There they were, standing on the seats of the acceleration couch of the Falcon's lounge, both slightly out of breath and locked in an intricate arm-block which allowed each of them to feel the other's physical presence like almost never before. Their eyes were literally frozen in time and space, unaware of anything but the other's presence and what had just happened.
For the first time since meeting, they had connected for real. This time, they hadn't just gotten to know the other better; they had discovered an equal... a complement... someone like themselves... someone who truly understood him/her---
"Hmmm-mmmm!" a sudden clearing of voice interrupted.
Luke and Mara instantly stepped away from each other as they turned toward Karrde who had decided to join them in the lounge.
"If I didn't know better, I would worry about having children along on this trip instead of grown-ups," he commented as Luke jumped down from the couch.
"Hmmm, well, we were just testing something and got a little carried away," Luke fumbled as he turned around to help Mara down.
Naturally, she turned him down and stepped down by herself.
"Obviously," Karrde smiled slightly from behind his stylish mustache. "I take it that it was concluding."
"Indeed," Mara nodded, then pinched Luke hard in the arm. "Now he knows that my ankle is well."
"Yeah, and that I know more about self-defense than I thought," he ribbed her back. "Still, I really think I could do with more training," he commented more seriously, turning toward her.
"You looked good enough to me, Skywalker. After all, you 'did' survive me,... and I wasn't playing."
"Hmm, perhaps, but,..." he hesitated slightly, turning away from the amazing woman.
"But what?" she prompted him.
"Well," he began faintly, then took a deep breath and asked what was burning his mind. "Could you teach me more?"
Naturally, Mara scoffed openly at his request before she walked away from him once again.
"Ah, sure. And I could also teach you how to defeat me while I'm at it," she commented sarcastically.
Luke noticed that Karrde was watching the interplay with great interest. He also noticed that Mara had just answered his request as if she didn't have secrets for the man. He deduced from it that the other knew about her past. It slightly surprised him since he had had the feeling that the woman would protect that secret to the end. He had obviously been wrong.
"Well that's not why I'd like to learn more," he answered her latest barb, "but I will not insist if that's how you see it," he informed her before he slumped in the nearby seat.
"Thank you," Jade almost snickered at him, then headed for the now deserted cockpit.
At first, Luke felt his fresh hopes go down the drain as if they had never been, then his eyes rested on the ice pack he had brought in for Mara's ankle. Something had happened just a moment ago, something which had allowed him to finally meet the real Mara Jade, not the mask she was constantly wearing to protect herself. Well, he resolved, he would not let that mask defeat their burgeoning... whatever-was-developing between them. And the best way to defeat 'it', he reflected as he focused on the ice pack, was to show her that he cared for her. Before she had disappeared down the corridor, he levitated the ice pack and swiftly dropped it in her hands.
"Take a look at your ankle, Jade. You were slightly wobbly on your right foot," he teased her.
"Quit fussing, Jedi," she snarled at him without turning around... but she did keep the ice with herself.
"if you ask me, you are playing a dangerous game with her," Karrde commented once they were alone.
"I know," Luke nodded as he remembered the recent events.
Yes, being friend with Mara was a dangerous business indeed, but it was also an exhilarating prospect now that he had seen her for who she truly, honestly was... and she was much more than anyone could ever imagine. She was a caring, strong, devoted and understanding young woman whose hardship had forged into one of the purest souls he had even encountered.
When she wasn't plying under the late Emperor's influence, Mara Jade truly was a gem, as her name suggested.
While they had been fighting, he remembered with an inner smile, her spirit had not been clouded by her ingrained habits; she hadn't wanted to kill him, nor had she been studying his weaknesses. Instead, she had openly enjoyed his company because of their common abilities and interests, and she had also relished the challenge of changing his mood, proving him wrong... pushing him to his limits.
Now who did that... but a friend?
As he gazed in the direction of the cockpit, he dimly wondered if she would ever see this latest development the way he did.
He hoped so...
TBC in part 5: Coruscant
When she comes around, he's training.
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