Feedback: Not necessary but always welcome and very much appreciated.
Disclaimer: JAG and its characters belong to Paramount and CBS. No copyright
infringement intended, I'm simply borrowing these wonderful characters for the
amusement of fellow shippers everywhere.
Author's Note: It's been a really long time I do apologize for that. My sis, for those of you who
read my last A/N know, was ill. She umm … passed away the last week of August, so I've been
in a dark mood. Add on to that an emergency operation my mother had to undergo and
attempting to find a place and settle in at uni and well … I've just been a bit at the end of my
wits. But I'm back, probably in spurts but please do hang tight.
I know you've been waiting for "What If", the feedback has been awesome, but the chapter's
coming slowly. Blame it on Harm! * G * He's just so darn difficult for me to write, w/ Mac I
draw off my sisters personalities. My older bro was nothing like Harm, except for the cooking
part, boy could he cook! And he's not nearly as irritating or annoying! So he's pretty much
useless for reference purposes when it comes to temperamental, heartbreaking, obtuse sailors! :o)
So instead, you get a chapter of "Cupid's Arrow", for those of you who remember it, I
hope it hasn't been too long, and for those of you to whom this'll be a newbie – enjoy!
*****************************
From chapter 2
So shaken was Eros that he found himself reaching for the man. Hoping to somehow
alleviate his pain. With his arms around him he realized that Harmon was muttering in
between his sobbing. {How is it that even a God can miss such things when immersed
amongst these humans?} He wondered in passing.
Listening he heard the words as though they were being shouted from the roof tops, "Oh
Sarah, my Sarah." More weeping then "Don't leave me, please don't leave me." A
coughing fit, a couple of deep breaths taken, more weeping, much more subdued now and
as the mortal's body took over and sleep consumed him, due to sheer exhaustion a few
whispered words escaped. "Forgive me my marine."
****************************
"Cupid's Arrow" Chapter 3
2100HRS (EST)
February 12th
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Tiner switched off the lights for the bullpen with a loud sigh. It had been an *extremely*
long week, but today, today had seemed far worse than the entire week combined.
"Probably the Commander and Colonel's argument", mused the petty officer.
Jason shared Bud's sentiment; it * was * like watching your parents fight. Not
something you want to see... or hear! But they had. They'd all watched as the Colonel
stormed away from the Commander and awaited WWIII to begin as he followed.
It wasn't that they were loud as much as the bullpen being deathly quiet. The staff was
holding their collective breaths.
Gunny stood close to the Colonel's door, imitating a sentry. Lt. Robert and Sims were
near by in case reinforcements were needed and Petty Officer Tiner was the lookout.
Who kept fretfully glancing at the Admiral's door praying he wouldn't decide to walk out
at any moment. All, so that what was said between the two high-ranking officers,
colleagues, and best friends would remain between them.
But gathering by the looks on both the Gunny and Lt. Roberts' faces, it seemed to have
become an effort in futility.
He'd watched as the commander stepped out and closed the door, dwindling for a
moment, only a moment but enough for his observant comrades to note. There'd been a
look of defeat, guilt and a touch of fear in his eyes. Something terrible had passed
between the partners and he was sure they were all going to get the butt end of it.
Grabbing all that he needed for the night he made a final sweep of the bullpen and was
heading out when he noted the light shining from underneath an office door, specifically
a Lt. Colonel Mackenzie's door.
Gathering his reserves, Jason strode over to her door and slightly tapped on it. Hearing
nothing in reply he knocked a little louder adding his voice to the cause, "Colonel, I'm on
my way out, would you like anything before I leave?" "Umm, Colonel ...?" Nothing.
With a slight hesitation he quietly opened the door only to be greeted by ... a sound
asleep marine. Debating on whether or not to wake her he leaned against the door in
thought, misjudging the distance completely he tumbled in to the chairs in front of Mac's
desk.
"Oh s***!" He cursed, followed by, "I come in peace!" Fearing for his life at having a
startled marine on his hands.
Still a little drowsy Mac simply quirked her eyebrow questioning the sailor in front of
her, well not quite ... in-front.
Shaking her head to clear it, she stood and walked around the table to offer a helping
hand to the still downed squid.
"Umm ... thanks ma'am," Tiner said as he reached for the proffered hand.
Scrambling up he dusted himself off before looking up at the Colonel. He was taken-a-
back at how pale and exhausted she looked. His concern for her overrode his
embarrassment of his less than grand entrance.
"Colonel, permission to speak freely?" He requested standing ramrod straight. At her
nod he continued. " You don't look so well ma'am, perhaps you should call it a night
too?" He finished nervously. Yes, permission had been granted to speak freely but that
didn't mean that what was said would be appreciated.
Mac for her part had been holding in her mirth but at his timidly given suggestion it fell
away. Her initial instinct was to flambé him for even thinking it but seeing the strained
way his face was screwed, as though he was expecting a blow, a verbal one of course.
The anger left her as swiftly as the mirth had.
Sighing she looked at her desk, out her window, and back at the petty officer. "Okay I'll
go, under one condition."
Tiner had been counting the seconds until her blow up occurred but when instead he
heard her acquiesce he nodded readily at any condition she may attach. Too quickly he
would think later.
Straightening up herself she looked him hard in the eye, "You are not, I repeat NOT to
tell the Admiral of this incident ... my falling asleep at my desk that is. Got it?"
He thought it an odd request but he nonetheless agreed, if it would get her home and in to
bed (To sleep of course! * G* ) he was willing to withhold this little tidbit from the seal.
Unbeknownst to Tiner, the Admiral had caught Mac in the same position twice in the last
two weeks and had warned her that if it were to happen again he would order her on
leave.
Down time was the last thing she needed. Already she was running out of things to
occupy her mind and with the latest development or erosion, more like it, in her and
Harm's relationship she needed an even bigger distraction.
{Hmm ... maybe I should give Clay a call.} She dismissed the thought almost instantly.
She wasn't fit enough to go around trespassing around the world with the resident spook.
With Tiner's agreement she began to clear her desk; stacking a few files at the corner of
her desk, placing another stack on a spare chair by the window, and gathering a dozen or
so to take home with her. The silent Petty Officer made his presence known at that
moment. Stilling her hands with his, he grabbed for the folders with his other.
"Like you I have a condition to add to my agreement ..." Mustering what little courage
he had left he gave her a proposal, " I promise not to say * a * word to the Admiral, or
anyone else, if you promise to leave work at work. No more taking case files home, at
least not for a little while."
She opened her mouth to protest and address the insubordination, but he jumped the gun.
"It's just, there aren't any pressing matters, no important cases, practically no cases at all,
except for the one you and the Commander were ..."
Trailing off Tiner felt like the insufferable idiot Singer thought he was. Wanting a hole
to open up beneath him he attempted to retreat, literally.
Mac seeing this held up her hand to pause his leaving. If the words just uttered had come
from anyone else, there would have been hell to pay, but Tiner ... Jason, was different.
What first started out as simply a good working relationship had over the years developed
in to a deep abiding friendship, the bond made so strong when Harm left for flying.
Back then, the departure of her best friend and partner had left her feeling lost-
emotionally-and at times, fleetingly, she would find that the emotion would be projected
on to her work. Within the first week she'd managed to spill coffee on her uniform,
twice, within the same day; forget her case files in Norfolk, where she'd gone down for
questioning; be late for court; and generally piss off the Admiral, more so than he already
was.
By Thursday night she was ready to quit, hand in her resignation and crawl in to some
hole somewhere and wish for death to follow soon. But that Friday morning she'd
walked in to her office to find a mug of coffee on the table, along with a sugar twist - her
favorite-and a bottle of Tylenol-Extra strength. So touched was she, she felt her eyes
begin to blur. Sucking in a deep breath to control her emotions she'd turned to glance
around the office to see if she could catch her benefactor, and who did her eyes happen to
land upon but our very own beloved Petty Officer. He was the only one in the office
other than her, and as soon as her eyes had met his a full-blown blush had spread across
his face before he'd bent his head to continue on with whatever it was he was doing.
Not wanting to embarrass him she hadn't approached him, that day, but upon the third
repeat performance she thought she'd talk to him about it. It wasn't that his actions
weren't appreciated, because they were, more so than he'd ever know, but it was
inappropriate and could be misconstrued by certain individuals if the incidents ever came
to light.
So she'd buzzed him on the following Thursday, when the third occurrence had come to
pass, and requested for him to come to her office.
He'd walked in, looking generally like a man on death row. She was tempted to let him
off the hook, come up with some bogus reason for her calling him in and let him go, but
her conscience and sense of propriety wouldn't allow her to do so.
"Tiner, why?" It wasn't exactly how she'd planned to approach him on the matter, but
tact seemed to be a thing of the past in her confusion over the entire matter.
Not bothering to even feign ignorance, head bent, in barely a whisper, he answered her.
"I wanted to help ma'am, and show you my thanks." Knowing she had no idea what he
was talking about he went on to elaborate. "I know the military is filled with disciplined
individuals, but it's not unlike the world outside with all its different clicks. And like the
clicks in every day society, there will always be the popular bunch within a group, the
less than popular ones and then the nerds of the pack. And it's the same everywhere;
everyone likes to pick on the nerd. You know where I fit in there, ma'am." His throat
had started to clog up and he cleared it before continuing, "I uhh ... I umm ... heard you
defending me to Lt. Singer quite awhile back. You didn't have to, it probably added on
to her dislike of you, but you did. And it's not even just me you do that for. I've heard
you stick up for Lt. Roberts on countless occasions too. People see his clumsiness and
gullible nature and think because of that; because he's a nice guy that he can't do his job
right. That he can't be a good lawyer. You telling him different, taking him under your
wing and treating him like an equal help make him believe otherwise. And now, even
though you're upset over the Commander's leaving, you still go out of your way to
ensure it isn't affecting Bud too much." He glanced up then to see how his words were
affecting her and felt like laughing at the complete shock on her face. He could never
understand why she didn't realize just how important she was to the staff. Shaking his
head, he busily hurried up his long-winded explanation. "Plus, it looked like you could
use some cheering up. Permission to leave ma'am."
All the response he got was a head nod, but just as he was stepping out the door she
called him back in.
Staring down at her desk she fought for the words that would convey her gratitude but
also put a halt to such future occurrence. Finally gazing up at him, she smiled.
Up until she'd done so Tiner had begun to imagine the worst, something along the lines
of a marine worthy butt kicking.
Seeing him let out a breath in relief her smile grew, but then she sobered immediately.
"Tiner ... Jason. Thank you. But Petty Officer, in the future refrain from ..." she waved
at the still warm coffee mug and untouched donut at her side, "... this please." "Don't
think that your efforts weren't appreciated, they were, but it's unnecessary now. Despite
what the staff may think I can get on without Harmon Rabb. It's just been hard
adjusting." Embarrassed at having said so much, she waved him off with a swift
"Dismissed."
Grateful to get away without any bodily harm Jason dashed off towards his desk, he
could hear the Admiral readying to bark an order.
The Petty Officer who stood before her now seemed no less frightened than he had then,
and just like his efforts during that troublesome period had warmed her heart, his caring
now did too.
"It's alright Tiner. I'm not going to bite your head off ... this time." She didn't want
him thinking she was too soft; it wouldn't do her marine image any good.
Seeing him relax she hurried about packing up. He waited for her.
Having grabbed her overcoat, cover and briefcase, she switched off the light and closed
the door behind her. By this time Tiner had managed to catch an elevator and was
holding the doors open for her.
Nothing was said on the way down, not even after reaching the parking lot. With quiet
goodbyes they both headed for their respective vehicles.
She unlocked her car door and was readying to slip in when she spotted Tiner's wave,
acknowledging it with a nod she slipped in to her corvette. Turning the ignition on she
simply sat there for a while head titled back and eyes closed. At the tapping on her
window she startled awake, she'd drifted off.
Rolling the windows down Mac was greeted with one of the MPs.
"Ma'am you all right in there?" He asked, giving her a concerned look while at the same
time attempting to look further in to the car, hoping someone wasn't hiding in the back
intending to do her harm.
Shaking her head in the negative she said, "I'm fine Sergeant. Just resting my eyes for a
moment."
Accepting her words he wished her a good night and stepped away.
Settling herself in, she shifted the gear and sped off.
Unexpectedly, without her consciously knowing, she'd headed towards the Washington
War Memorial. Now that her thoughts had strayed to one Rabb it inevitably did so to the
other, having done so she couldn't help but replay the earlier conversation with Harm in
her mind. With the wound still being raw she came to a decision.
Parking her car, she began digging through the glove compartment. Finding what she
needed she stepped out and headed to the familiar plank.
Standing in front of the wall that would hold a piece of her partner's heart captive forever
Mac bowed her head in defeat. Raising a hand she let it lay on the name that had come to
mean so much.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. Tears threatened to fall but she held them at bay, now was
not a time for weeping.
"I promised you once long ago that I would be there for your son always, that he would
have someone who loved him forever. Standing out there in the Taiga I promised you I
would never let go ..." Taking a deep breath she continued on with what would be the
hardest words she'd ever uttered, would possibly ever utter.
" ... but I lied. I am letting go ... I have to let go. " Pausing to gather her thoughts she
took out the candle she'd stuffed in to her jacket pocket earlier and began the task of
lighting and settling it. Watching the wax drip calmed her nerves some and with her
mind clearer she let what remained in her heart spill.
"From where you are you must see how we behave. How we tear each other apart so
frequently that pretty soon there won't be anything left. I can't love him anymore,
despite what I told Sturgis, but if we continue as we have been I * will * hate him. And
that's simply not acceptable; I can't hate him ... I won't. So this is goodbye. In order to
save us and what remains of our friendship I MUST let go of him ... which means letting
go of you too." A single tear rolled down her cheek, unheeded, at her declaration.
Straightening she kissed the tips of her fingers and brushed them across the engraved
name. "My promise to protect, to watch out for his physical well being still stands. His
heart, however, is in your hands. Goodbye sir. It was an honor getting to know you."
With a salute she did an about face and walked away from the one constant in her life
since her initial trip to Russia, the one place she felt she fully belonged even after Harm's
departure to flying. In bidding a farewell to Harmon Rabb Jr. she'd had to do so to
Harmon Rabb Sr. as well.
The farther the marine got the dimmer the candle she lit became and with a distant cry of
pain unleashed by the man that once held her heart, it flickered one last time before it
became extinguished.
Tbc ...??? So whatcha think? I know I took quite a bit of liberties with Tiner, but I felt it
was necessary for the story line. And it's kinda sweet, dontcha think? Anyhoo, if ppl are
still interested I will be more than happy to get out another chapter soon. No TV here, so
once I'm done studying I've got plenty of time to spend on writing and reading fic. Later
chums!
Disclaimer: JAG and its characters belong to Paramount and CBS. No copyright
infringement intended, I'm simply borrowing these wonderful characters for the
amusement of fellow shippers everywhere.
Author's Note: It's been a really long time I do apologize for that. My sis, for those of you who
read my last A/N know, was ill. She umm … passed away the last week of August, so I've been
in a dark mood. Add on to that an emergency operation my mother had to undergo and
attempting to find a place and settle in at uni and well … I've just been a bit at the end of my
wits. But I'm back, probably in spurts but please do hang tight.
I know you've been waiting for "What If", the feedback has been awesome, but the chapter's
coming slowly. Blame it on Harm! * G * He's just so darn difficult for me to write, w/ Mac I
draw off my sisters personalities. My older bro was nothing like Harm, except for the cooking
part, boy could he cook! And he's not nearly as irritating or annoying! So he's pretty much
useless for reference purposes when it comes to temperamental, heartbreaking, obtuse sailors! :o)
So instead, you get a chapter of "Cupid's Arrow", for those of you who remember it, I
hope it hasn't been too long, and for those of you to whom this'll be a newbie – enjoy!
*****************************
From chapter 2
So shaken was Eros that he found himself reaching for the man. Hoping to somehow
alleviate his pain. With his arms around him he realized that Harmon was muttering in
between his sobbing. {How is it that even a God can miss such things when immersed
amongst these humans?} He wondered in passing.
Listening he heard the words as though they were being shouted from the roof tops, "Oh
Sarah, my Sarah." More weeping then "Don't leave me, please don't leave me." A
coughing fit, a couple of deep breaths taken, more weeping, much more subdued now and
as the mortal's body took over and sleep consumed him, due to sheer exhaustion a few
whispered words escaped. "Forgive me my marine."
****************************
"Cupid's Arrow" Chapter 3
2100HRS (EST)
February 12th
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Tiner switched off the lights for the bullpen with a loud sigh. It had been an *extremely*
long week, but today, today had seemed far worse than the entire week combined.
"Probably the Commander and Colonel's argument", mused the petty officer.
Jason shared Bud's sentiment; it * was * like watching your parents fight. Not
something you want to see... or hear! But they had. They'd all watched as the Colonel
stormed away from the Commander and awaited WWIII to begin as he followed.
It wasn't that they were loud as much as the bullpen being deathly quiet. The staff was
holding their collective breaths.
Gunny stood close to the Colonel's door, imitating a sentry. Lt. Robert and Sims were
near by in case reinforcements were needed and Petty Officer Tiner was the lookout.
Who kept fretfully glancing at the Admiral's door praying he wouldn't decide to walk out
at any moment. All, so that what was said between the two high-ranking officers,
colleagues, and best friends would remain between them.
But gathering by the looks on both the Gunny and Lt. Roberts' faces, it seemed to have
become an effort in futility.
He'd watched as the commander stepped out and closed the door, dwindling for a
moment, only a moment but enough for his observant comrades to note. There'd been a
look of defeat, guilt and a touch of fear in his eyes. Something terrible had passed
between the partners and he was sure they were all going to get the butt end of it.
Grabbing all that he needed for the night he made a final sweep of the bullpen and was
heading out when he noted the light shining from underneath an office door, specifically
a Lt. Colonel Mackenzie's door.
Gathering his reserves, Jason strode over to her door and slightly tapped on it. Hearing
nothing in reply he knocked a little louder adding his voice to the cause, "Colonel, I'm on
my way out, would you like anything before I leave?" "Umm, Colonel ...?" Nothing.
With a slight hesitation he quietly opened the door only to be greeted by ... a sound
asleep marine. Debating on whether or not to wake her he leaned against the door in
thought, misjudging the distance completely he tumbled in to the chairs in front of Mac's
desk.
"Oh s***!" He cursed, followed by, "I come in peace!" Fearing for his life at having a
startled marine on his hands.
Still a little drowsy Mac simply quirked her eyebrow questioning the sailor in front of
her, well not quite ... in-front.
Shaking her head to clear it, she stood and walked around the table to offer a helping
hand to the still downed squid.
"Umm ... thanks ma'am," Tiner said as he reached for the proffered hand.
Scrambling up he dusted himself off before looking up at the Colonel. He was taken-a-
back at how pale and exhausted she looked. His concern for her overrode his
embarrassment of his less than grand entrance.
"Colonel, permission to speak freely?" He requested standing ramrod straight. At her
nod he continued. " You don't look so well ma'am, perhaps you should call it a night
too?" He finished nervously. Yes, permission had been granted to speak freely but that
didn't mean that what was said would be appreciated.
Mac for her part had been holding in her mirth but at his timidly given suggestion it fell
away. Her initial instinct was to flambé him for even thinking it but seeing the strained
way his face was screwed, as though he was expecting a blow, a verbal one of course.
The anger left her as swiftly as the mirth had.
Sighing she looked at her desk, out her window, and back at the petty officer. "Okay I'll
go, under one condition."
Tiner had been counting the seconds until her blow up occurred but when instead he
heard her acquiesce he nodded readily at any condition she may attach. Too quickly he
would think later.
Straightening up herself she looked him hard in the eye, "You are not, I repeat NOT to
tell the Admiral of this incident ... my falling asleep at my desk that is. Got it?"
He thought it an odd request but he nonetheless agreed, if it would get her home and in to
bed (To sleep of course! * G* ) he was willing to withhold this little tidbit from the seal.
Unbeknownst to Tiner, the Admiral had caught Mac in the same position twice in the last
two weeks and had warned her that if it were to happen again he would order her on
leave.
Down time was the last thing she needed. Already she was running out of things to
occupy her mind and with the latest development or erosion, more like it, in her and
Harm's relationship she needed an even bigger distraction.
{Hmm ... maybe I should give Clay a call.} She dismissed the thought almost instantly.
She wasn't fit enough to go around trespassing around the world with the resident spook.
With Tiner's agreement she began to clear her desk; stacking a few files at the corner of
her desk, placing another stack on a spare chair by the window, and gathering a dozen or
so to take home with her. The silent Petty Officer made his presence known at that
moment. Stilling her hands with his, he grabbed for the folders with his other.
"Like you I have a condition to add to my agreement ..." Mustering what little courage
he had left he gave her a proposal, " I promise not to say * a * word to the Admiral, or
anyone else, if you promise to leave work at work. No more taking case files home, at
least not for a little while."
She opened her mouth to protest and address the insubordination, but he jumped the gun.
"It's just, there aren't any pressing matters, no important cases, practically no cases at all,
except for the one you and the Commander were ..."
Trailing off Tiner felt like the insufferable idiot Singer thought he was. Wanting a hole
to open up beneath him he attempted to retreat, literally.
Mac seeing this held up her hand to pause his leaving. If the words just uttered had come
from anyone else, there would have been hell to pay, but Tiner ... Jason, was different.
What first started out as simply a good working relationship had over the years developed
in to a deep abiding friendship, the bond made so strong when Harm left for flying.
Back then, the departure of her best friend and partner had left her feeling lost-
emotionally-and at times, fleetingly, she would find that the emotion would be projected
on to her work. Within the first week she'd managed to spill coffee on her uniform,
twice, within the same day; forget her case files in Norfolk, where she'd gone down for
questioning; be late for court; and generally piss off the Admiral, more so than he already
was.
By Thursday night she was ready to quit, hand in her resignation and crawl in to some
hole somewhere and wish for death to follow soon. But that Friday morning she'd
walked in to her office to find a mug of coffee on the table, along with a sugar twist - her
favorite-and a bottle of Tylenol-Extra strength. So touched was she, she felt her eyes
begin to blur. Sucking in a deep breath to control her emotions she'd turned to glance
around the office to see if she could catch her benefactor, and who did her eyes happen to
land upon but our very own beloved Petty Officer. He was the only one in the office
other than her, and as soon as her eyes had met his a full-blown blush had spread across
his face before he'd bent his head to continue on with whatever it was he was doing.
Not wanting to embarrass him she hadn't approached him, that day, but upon the third
repeat performance she thought she'd talk to him about it. It wasn't that his actions
weren't appreciated, because they were, more so than he'd ever know, but it was
inappropriate and could be misconstrued by certain individuals if the incidents ever came
to light.
So she'd buzzed him on the following Thursday, when the third occurrence had come to
pass, and requested for him to come to her office.
He'd walked in, looking generally like a man on death row. She was tempted to let him
off the hook, come up with some bogus reason for her calling him in and let him go, but
her conscience and sense of propriety wouldn't allow her to do so.
"Tiner, why?" It wasn't exactly how she'd planned to approach him on the matter, but
tact seemed to be a thing of the past in her confusion over the entire matter.
Not bothering to even feign ignorance, head bent, in barely a whisper, he answered her.
"I wanted to help ma'am, and show you my thanks." Knowing she had no idea what he
was talking about he went on to elaborate. "I know the military is filled with disciplined
individuals, but it's not unlike the world outside with all its different clicks. And like the
clicks in every day society, there will always be the popular bunch within a group, the
less than popular ones and then the nerds of the pack. And it's the same everywhere;
everyone likes to pick on the nerd. You know where I fit in there, ma'am." His throat
had started to clog up and he cleared it before continuing, "I uhh ... I umm ... heard you
defending me to Lt. Singer quite awhile back. You didn't have to, it probably added on
to her dislike of you, but you did. And it's not even just me you do that for. I've heard
you stick up for Lt. Roberts on countless occasions too. People see his clumsiness and
gullible nature and think because of that; because he's a nice guy that he can't do his job
right. That he can't be a good lawyer. You telling him different, taking him under your
wing and treating him like an equal help make him believe otherwise. And now, even
though you're upset over the Commander's leaving, you still go out of your way to
ensure it isn't affecting Bud too much." He glanced up then to see how his words were
affecting her and felt like laughing at the complete shock on her face. He could never
understand why she didn't realize just how important she was to the staff. Shaking his
head, he busily hurried up his long-winded explanation. "Plus, it looked like you could
use some cheering up. Permission to leave ma'am."
All the response he got was a head nod, but just as he was stepping out the door she
called him back in.
Staring down at her desk she fought for the words that would convey her gratitude but
also put a halt to such future occurrence. Finally gazing up at him, she smiled.
Up until she'd done so Tiner had begun to imagine the worst, something along the lines
of a marine worthy butt kicking.
Seeing him let out a breath in relief her smile grew, but then she sobered immediately.
"Tiner ... Jason. Thank you. But Petty Officer, in the future refrain from ..." she waved
at the still warm coffee mug and untouched donut at her side, "... this please." "Don't
think that your efforts weren't appreciated, they were, but it's unnecessary now. Despite
what the staff may think I can get on without Harmon Rabb. It's just been hard
adjusting." Embarrassed at having said so much, she waved him off with a swift
"Dismissed."
Grateful to get away without any bodily harm Jason dashed off towards his desk, he
could hear the Admiral readying to bark an order.
The Petty Officer who stood before her now seemed no less frightened than he had then,
and just like his efforts during that troublesome period had warmed her heart, his caring
now did too.
"It's alright Tiner. I'm not going to bite your head off ... this time." She didn't want
him thinking she was too soft; it wouldn't do her marine image any good.
Seeing him relax she hurried about packing up. He waited for her.
Having grabbed her overcoat, cover and briefcase, she switched off the light and closed
the door behind her. By this time Tiner had managed to catch an elevator and was
holding the doors open for her.
Nothing was said on the way down, not even after reaching the parking lot. With quiet
goodbyes they both headed for their respective vehicles.
She unlocked her car door and was readying to slip in when she spotted Tiner's wave,
acknowledging it with a nod she slipped in to her corvette. Turning the ignition on she
simply sat there for a while head titled back and eyes closed. At the tapping on her
window she startled awake, she'd drifted off.
Rolling the windows down Mac was greeted with one of the MPs.
"Ma'am you all right in there?" He asked, giving her a concerned look while at the same
time attempting to look further in to the car, hoping someone wasn't hiding in the back
intending to do her harm.
Shaking her head in the negative she said, "I'm fine Sergeant. Just resting my eyes for a
moment."
Accepting her words he wished her a good night and stepped away.
Settling herself in, she shifted the gear and sped off.
Unexpectedly, without her consciously knowing, she'd headed towards the Washington
War Memorial. Now that her thoughts had strayed to one Rabb it inevitably did so to the
other, having done so she couldn't help but replay the earlier conversation with Harm in
her mind. With the wound still being raw she came to a decision.
Parking her car, she began digging through the glove compartment. Finding what she
needed she stepped out and headed to the familiar plank.
Standing in front of the wall that would hold a piece of her partner's heart captive forever
Mac bowed her head in defeat. Raising a hand she let it lay on the name that had come to
mean so much.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. Tears threatened to fall but she held them at bay, now was
not a time for weeping.
"I promised you once long ago that I would be there for your son always, that he would
have someone who loved him forever. Standing out there in the Taiga I promised you I
would never let go ..." Taking a deep breath she continued on with what would be the
hardest words she'd ever uttered, would possibly ever utter.
" ... but I lied. I am letting go ... I have to let go. " Pausing to gather her thoughts she
took out the candle she'd stuffed in to her jacket pocket earlier and began the task of
lighting and settling it. Watching the wax drip calmed her nerves some and with her
mind clearer she let what remained in her heart spill.
"From where you are you must see how we behave. How we tear each other apart so
frequently that pretty soon there won't be anything left. I can't love him anymore,
despite what I told Sturgis, but if we continue as we have been I * will * hate him. And
that's simply not acceptable; I can't hate him ... I won't. So this is goodbye. In order to
save us and what remains of our friendship I MUST let go of him ... which means letting
go of you too." A single tear rolled down her cheek, unheeded, at her declaration.
Straightening she kissed the tips of her fingers and brushed them across the engraved
name. "My promise to protect, to watch out for his physical well being still stands. His
heart, however, is in your hands. Goodbye sir. It was an honor getting to know you."
With a salute she did an about face and walked away from the one constant in her life
since her initial trip to Russia, the one place she felt she fully belonged even after Harm's
departure to flying. In bidding a farewell to Harmon Rabb Jr. she'd had to do so to
Harmon Rabb Sr. as well.
The farther the marine got the dimmer the candle she lit became and with a distant cry of
pain unleashed by the man that once held her heart, it flickered one last time before it
became extinguished.
Tbc ...??? So whatcha think? I know I took quite a bit of liberties with Tiner, but I felt it
was necessary for the story line. And it's kinda sweet, dontcha think? Anyhoo, if ppl are
still interested I will be more than happy to get out another chapter soon. No TV here, so
once I'm done studying I've got plenty of time to spend on writing and reading fic. Later
chums!