Everything In This World

By Viv

*~*~ Part Ten ~*~*


"Chloe, wait up." Chloe turned and waited as Clark caught up to her, skilfully weaving through the milling students in their path. In the next instant he was by her side. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." A shower and a good night's sleep had changed Chloe's attitude towards her clueless but endearingly innocent best friend. Although still resolutely avoiding the 'what the hell happened with Lex' issue, she had allowed her mind to chew on what had happened with Clark yesterday. She smiled at the relieved expression that diffused over his handsome face.

"I thought you were going to stay mad at me." He gave her a toothy grin, his lips ruby red in the bright sunlight. "I'm glad you're not."

And there was the famous Kent charm, Chloe thought to herself. She couldn't resist breaking out into a fresh grin at his infectiously good mood. "I'm glad I'm not too."

They continued walking down the hall together, dodging students in their path. "Chloe, I'm sorry for all the stuff I said yesterday." He blurted out, "It isn't any of my business."

Chloe bit her lip in the silence. Clark was being the nice good morals farm boy, and Chloe didn't want to mess it up by saying anything that might possibly be construed as snarky and ungrateful. After all he was right - it wasn't any of his business.

"You know I didn't mean to be, well, mean." He continued. "It's just that ..." he looked around cautiously, as if checking for eavesdroppers, "... I really care about you Chloe." His voice lowered until it was barely above a whisper. "Sometimes I think I care too much."

Chloe blinked rapidly, her mind racing. She was usually an idiot as far as getting subtle nuances were concerned, but was Clark saying what she thought he was saying? She glanced around them. A busy school hall was so not the place to be having a private conversation, given that it was such a hotbed of gossip and intrigue.

She swallowed. "You know you should go talk to Lana." Chloe forced out a smile. "She thinks you were - jealous."

Clark didn't seem at all surprised by her disclosure. If anything, he looked distinctly guilty. "I think I was - I am." He said quietly. With a note of desperation, he continued, "I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few months Chloe, especially when you and I weren't ... talking." He leaned in, forcing Chloe to crane her neck up even further in order to meet his gaze, "I missed you when you weren't around. I missed all our conversations and your crazy theories and ... I really missed you."

Chloe frowned, puzzled as to the direction he was going. "Ah ... I missed you too."

"Sometimes I wish things were ... different." He continued, his eyes no longer willing to meet hers.

She ducked her head, trying to meet his eyes, but his attention remained fixed at a spot somewhere behind her back. "Different?"

His jaw clenched, and Chloe began to feel a sinking sensation in her stomach. Her reporter's instincts were screaming to her that whatever he wanted to say, it wasn't going to be good.

"Sometimes I wonder what would have happened ... with us ... if I hadn't run out on you at the Prom. I wonder what it'd be like to, you know ..."

She jerked to a stop and turned to face him, her eyes wide and imploring. "What are you saying Clark?"

"I don't know what I'm saying." He looked so lost and forlorn that Chloe couldn't manage even a hint of resentment at him. He looked genuinely confused and battered by his emotions. She looked on in sympathy. Clark just felt too much sometimes. "I don't know what I'm doing. I love Lana, I really do but ... I also care about you." He mumbled, his head almost drooping in misery.

Chloe just stared at him, unable to hide the amazement that she knew must be spreading all over her face. She had just been (sort of) handed her Holy Grail. To hear Clark Kent say these things to her, saying that he might have made a mistake in choosing Lana ... wasn't that what she had wanted all along? She knew that over the past few months she had convinced everyone, including herself, that she was practically over the farm boy charm of Clark Kent.

But she knew that deep down, it would take a hell of a lot longer than a few months to get over her feelings for Clark. Of course she had feelings. Chloe was human after all, and falling out of love with one of your best friends wasn't something that happened overnight, if indeed it ever happened at all. There was much to be said for Chloe's stubborn optimism and well, her overall stubbornness.

And now here she was, hearing what she had secretly wanted to hear for all these months, maybe even all these years - and how did it make her feel?

Miserable. She felt miserable and confused.

If only she hadn't gotten to know Lana so well over these past few months, she probably wouldn't have felt as bad right now, as she looked at the play of Clark's emotions so clearly visible on his face. Now that she had gotten to know Lana so much better, now that Lana had willingly revealed more of her true vulnerability to Chloe, now that Chloe knew just how deeply Lana felt things and how much she genuinely loved Clark - this was the most perverse, ridiculous situation that Life had dealt her since ever.

She felt horrible and terrible and confused.

Of course, she felt horrible and terrible and confused because of Lana. It was all about Lana, and had nothing whatsoever to do with a certain follicly challenged individual who remained nameless, even within the confused confines of her brain.

Talk about the lame high school melodrama that was masquerading as her life.

She knew she looked shocked, and probably flabbergasted and a thousand other things that she really didn't have time to describe to her shocked and confused brain at the moment. Her mouth was hanging open and she was sure something was going to come out from it eventually - featured word eventually.

Clearly Chloe had yet to master the skill of remaining cool and elegant under pressure.

She blinked, waiting for her brain to function properly again. Meanwhile Clark stared silently down at her, his hair falling over the handsome contours of his face, seemingly holding his breath for dear life.

"Say something Chloe." He pleaded, his blue orbs shifting to meet her eyes at last.

Chloe blinked some more, willing her mouth to start moving again. What could she possibly say to make this any less awkward and horrible and confusing than it already was? Clark Kent was standing there, professing his sort of feelings for her, which wasn't a miracle in itself, except for the fact that he was going out with the girl he had had a crush on since puberty, and now that said girl was Chloe's friend and probably would never speak to her again if she ever found out about this.

But that wasn't the problem. She could stand the confusing and the perverseness, but not the absolute horror that his words held for her. Because despite feeling bad for Lana, or confused about Lex, the most horrible thing about all this was that Chloe secretly enjoyed it.

It was true. She secretly revelled in the thought that the prettiest girl in town might not always get the gorgeous hunk, because sometimes, the smart and sassy best friend was also attractive in her crazy, wacky way.

She revelled in the thought that sometimes the laws of nature could be turned, and even though Chloe was Lana's friend, she liked it. Which just led her to the single undeniable conclusion that she was a horrible, mean person, not to mention the crappiest friend on the face of the planet. Maybe even the entire universe, including all those alternate dimensions where Chloe wasn't the horrible person she was here.

"Chloe ... please say something." Her mind lurched back to the present. Right, concentrate on Clark she thought. She could always self-recriminate later.

"Clark, I don't know what to say." She found her voice at last, surprised that it came out as clear and concise as it did. Maybe she had picked up a few pointers about being cool and calm in the face of emotional onslaught. God knew from where. "How long have you ... felt this way?" Wow. She was actually managing to sound like the voice of reason too.

"I don't know." He mumbled, looking like he was trying to physically dislodge the uncomfortable sensation of betrayal from his shoulders. "I guess I didn't realise I felt this way until yesterday, when I saw you with Lex."

"I see." It all made sense to Chloe now. He had taken Chloe for granted for so long that it had been a jolt to that superjock system of his to discover that another human being, one of his best friends no less, had found her marginally attractive in the feminine sense. Typical alpha male behaviour.

He hurried on. "Don't get me wrong Chloe, this isn't about Lex, or wanting what I can't have ..."

"Then what is it about?"

He shrugged, sighing heavily as he did so. "I don't know. I just thought ... you should know."

Chloe scowled. "So you could share the guilt?" She asked snippily. She knew she was being hard on Clark, but a part of her just she didn't care. Just when she had sort of gotten her life in order, and was feeling marginally happy with a possible new Lex on the horizon, he had to come up and dump this uber-mess on her. Like she had been jonesing for more Clark-related angst in her life.

"Chloe." Clark protested.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just," she looked up at him with helpless hazel eyes, "what am I supposed to do about it? You know how I felt about you ... before. But you're with Lana now and strange as this sounds, I kind of like being her friend."

He had the grace to at least look apologetic. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said anything." He smiled sadly. "You're right, I shouldn't have dumped all this on to you. It isn't fair." He paused. "I've got to go." He wheeled around and started walking away.

"Clark." She called after him, feeling inexplicably bad for the tortured puppy dog look on his face.

"It's okay Chloe. I'll deal with it." With that he hurried off, and Chloe was left to stand in the middle of the hall, lost in a sea of her own emotions.

(c) July 2002