Author's note:   Okay. Today is SOOOO much better now that I come home from work and find that less than 12 hours after I posted part 4 I already have 7 reviews for that chapter! YAY! MORE MORE MORE! I am so greedy when it comes to feedback. ;) 

Also, to the beautiful moderator of B/S Central:  I will post the story to your site as soon as it is completed. Shouldn't be too long. And yes, the story will be NC-17, featuring Spike in all his naked, manly glory. Giggles I know. I need a life…

So many of you e-mailed me privately to review instead of posting to the site, that's cool too. Very awesome. A couple of you had a few speculations as to what the last chapter was, although you did tell me how much you liked the Spuffyness. Well, this chapter should clear that up real quick. For those of you who skipped Chapter Four, let's just say that Buffy gave Spike a bath in the shower (huh?), followed by a "massage". ;)  A very steamy massage…. Bwah ha ha. Then she offered him breakfast.  This chapter will be short. Only because I'm fast approaching the writer's block. L

Chapter 5

Roamin' through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone…

Part of me is fighting this,

But part of me is gone…

            He stepped out of the shower, weak-kneed and glistening underneath mixed beads of sweat and water. Reaching for a towel, he looked over in Buffy's direction and saw her shaking the water from her hair, still standing in front of him in proud nakedness. She reached for a towel of her own to drag across the sweat of her own body, never taking her eyes from his. He looked back at her with every bit of love that he had ever felt for her. She looked down for the briefest of seconds as she took a step towards him.

            "Spike, there's something I have to tell you…" she began slowly, then stopping hesitantly.

            He reached out to stroke her cheek and she held onto his hand with her own. "What is it, pet?"

            "I… Spike…" she took a deep breath and stared directly into his eyes, tenderness in her gaze. "Spike, I love…"

            Knock, knock, knock!

            The rapping at the bathroom door jarred her to silence and he looked towards the door impatiently. "Yes? What in bloody hell is it?"

            "Geeze…testy much?" came Buffy's voice from the other side of the door.

            Wait… Buffy's voice…? Spike whirled to face the woman he had just been about to hear a confessional from and found that his hand grasped at air. She had never even been there.

            "Spike? I was just coming up to give you your clothes… Unless you want to stay wet and naked for the rest of the day…" Buffy's voice ended the sentence on a lilt, bringing in her own version of humor, where Spike felt none…

            He stood there, mouth agape, staring at the place where "Buffy" had been, then his gaze darted to the shower. Then to the sink. He blinked in realization, for on the sink were the washrag and soap.

            As the full impact of what had just happened hit him, he felt his knees give way and he curled up in the far corner of the bathroom, his body racked with sobs. Just a hallucination. Just a dream… None of it real… William's been a naughty boy…

            And he cried. Oh, did he cry… for all that he had lost, all that he had thought he'd found again, only to have it ripped from him by the cruel grip of reality…

            "No! Nonononono… bad William. Naughty boy. Cracked the chalkboard, ate the chalk. Bad, BAD, naughty William… Nothin' but hurt there. You don't have a pass; you'll be beaten now. I'll be beaten for sure…"

            She heard his terrified ramblings through the bathroom door and her stomach twisted in anxiety. "Oh, my god. Spike… Hang on, I'm coming…" She didn't want to frighten him, but she didn't have any other way to enter the bathroom since he'd locked the door. She kicked it in.

            The steam rushed out the door behind her, clearing a hazy path in the air for her to see Spike curled up in a fetal ball against the back wall of the bathroom, cradling the washrag and soap. Tears streamed down his face as he stroked his cheek with the washcloth. The look in his eyes was far away and wistful. He was still completely nude, having abandoned the towel in his haste to reach the wall. She bent down slowly to pick it up, attempting to keep from staring at what was so obviously exposed. She stole a glance to the shower and noticed something on the wall. Stepping closer, she squinted to see what it was. There was a musky scent in the air that she recognized all too well, and then it hit her what it was on the wall…

            "EW!" She covered her mouth with one hand and looked to the still-huddled Spike, who apparently had taken all too obvious notice of her "ew", his sobs having come more frequently and with more force. She kicked herself mentally. Way to be Supportive-Buffy…

            She dropped to the floor and crawled through the patches of water to his side, reaching out to him. "Spike…"

            "NO!" He flinched from her touch and withdrew further into himself, if that was achievable. "No touching! Just flesh! Serviced the girl, loved the girl…but the girl wasn't real! It all comes tumbling down, y'see. I'm here without special permission. Headmaster'll whip me for sure, this time…" He obscured his face with the washcloth.

            "Spike. I'm real. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I don't know what happened…" Buffy swallowed the awkwardness she felt at knowing that Spike had been masturbating to "her", trying to focus on bringing him out of this lack of sanity.

            "No, not real. You said that last time. Disappeared, you did. You lied. Said you wouldn't leave. They all leave. Then they come back, then they leave… then I leave, and don't come back…" He absentmindedly played with the washrag in his hands, wringing it of imaginary water as he babbled on.

            "Spike, I know what you saw…what you felt seemed real. I'm…" she swallowed, ascertaining whether her feelings were accurate, "sorry that it wasn't real. For your sake. I am truly sorry. The last thing I want to see is you hurting. Do you understand?" She rubbed his arm slowly, comfortingly, not knowing that "she" had done that before.

            Spike looked at her with liquid blue eyes, before curling up and crying against her, pouring out word for word all that had transpired moments before. Buffy listened, trying hard to fight both the impulse to run and to act on his fantasy. She was torn. She finally settled on gathering him up against her bosom, cradling in her arms in a motherly embrace. As she rocked him, and he neared the end of his tortuous story, she took the washrag and wiped the tears from his face. Gently, she wiped the moisture from his hair. Placing a kiss on his temple, she whispered five words that made him sigh with longing:

            "We'll get through this, Spike…"

REVIEW, PLEASE!

That's the only way I get ideas when I'm stumped. Just remember, it's not really a contest, but I am stumped right now as to how to move the story along. If I get an idea that I like, I'll use it and give you credit for it. ;)  Also, it just makes my ego bigger knowing you're enjoying the story… Cheers!

This chapter was torture to write though, since I have a particular soft spot in my heart for Spike. Hell, if Buffy doesn't want him naked on the bathroom floor, I'll gladly have him! ::big grinz::