Everything In This World
By Viv
*~*~ Part Nineteen ~*~*
Chloe peered cautiously through the open door of the Kent household. In times gone by she would have just knocked loudly and sauntered in whether she had been invited or not, since that was the way she had entered the Kent house since the very first time that Clark had invited her and Pete to his house.
But now it was different. Too much had changed and too much had been said; so much so that she wasn't entirely sure of her reception by the Kent's if they knew the full extent of the Clark-Chloe complications that had occurred within the past few months. While she knew that Mr and Mrs Kent would always have a ready smile for her whether or not she was friends with Clark, she really wasn't in the mood to face awkwardness of any kind, even if it was the kindly meant gentle curiosity of Jonathan and Martha Kent.
"Hello?" Chloe squinted as she surveyed the Kent kitchen, rendered dark by the blinding late morning light by comparison.
"Chloe?" She heard the soft pitter-patter of Mrs Kent's shoes as she made her way into the kitchen. "What are you doing just standing there? Come on in."
Chloe smiled gratefully at the older woman, "Thanks Mrs Kent." She stepped through the door and into the cool shade of the kitchen. "How are you?"
"I'm very well, thank you. I was just upstairs folding some clothes. What about you? I haven't seen you come by in a while." Chloe reddened and looked down at her feet in confusion. There was a gentle hint of curiosity in Mrs Kent's voice that the older woman had been careful to conceal, but it had been there all the same. Obviously Clark had only told them half of the Clark-Chloe saga of non-friendship, or else Mrs Kent would not be standing there gently inquiring into her son's business.
"Oh you know ... I've been really busy. With ... stuff." Chloe finished off lamely. She just couldn't muster enough strength to lie to the kindly woman in front of her. Martha Kent had been the closest thing that Chloe had had to a mother in this town, and she knew that the woman knew her almost better than her own mother. Which was a bit sad and pathetic in its own way, but
Chloe had accepted it as fact a long time ago. It was just the way things were.
Chloe anxiously grasped the straps of her shoulder bag. "Is ... Clark around Mrs Kent?"
The older woman smiled maternally, "I think you'll find him in the barn."
Of course, she should have guessed. Whenever things got rough for Clark, he would always retreat into his aptly named 'Fortress of Solitude'. It was a strange concept, one which struck Chloe anew for the first time in a long time - that on the surface, Clark Kent seemed like the wholesome all-American farm boy. Open and friendly, a person with a ready smile and seemingly guileless in manner.
But Chloe, as one half of his two best friends, knew better. Clark had a decidedly different side to him, a side that not many realised existed. He was reserved to the point of lunacy sometimes, choosing to keep things to himself that Chloe knew cost him a lot of emotional energy to sustain. Why else would a 16 year old boy need a place of solitude? It was a chance to get away from everyone and everything in the world, and while Chloe could sympathise with that sentiment a little, she couldn't fully grasp why it was of such tantamount importance to Clark - to have this place that was completely separate from his every day life, something that was so obviously
apart from all the things he counted as normal.
It was something that had always intrigued Chloe about Clark when they had been growing up. In many ways, it still did.
Chloe took a deep breath as she mounted the stairs. Time for the big confrontation slash talk slash whatever it could degenerate into.
At the back of her conflicted mind she must have been playing the friendship theme of doom, because she was caught completely by surprise by the totally non-confrontational atmosphere in the barn. She blinked in the bright sunlight, squinting at Clark's eerily still form as he stood gazing out over the wide expanse of the Kent farm and the nearby Lang house. He seemed to have sunk deep in thought; unaware that he was being acutely observed by Chloe, who relished the rare opportunity to drink in the sight of Clark's tall, muscular frame, as he leaned against the side of the window, arms crossed over his broad chest.
But it was the expression in his eyes that really caught Chloe. For once, the glittering of Clark's big blue orbs had nothing to do with happiness or sadness or a million other emotions that Chloe had seen painted on Clark's uniquely handsome features. This expression was new - as if he had been thinking of something far, far away, beyond the comprehension of mere mortals like herself. Chloe shivered involuntarily. Of course, the whole effect was enhanced a thousand fold by the light streaming past his still form, forming some sort of super aura around his frame.
She shifted, her feet managing to rustle some hay that was strewn about the floor. Clark quickly jerked around, startled out of his reverie. His face melted into a more familiar relaxed expression when he saw Chloe standing there in all her awkward glory.
"Chloe." He greeted her, still clearly thrown by surprise. "Hi."
"Ah ... hi." She said a little nervously. Chloe who was usually so at ease with small talk, especially with Clark, found herself really, really nervous at the prospect of speaking to Clark about the 'feelings' thing. Maybe it was because she had deliberated so much on it; maybe her strength was more in impromptu rants than well-thought out speeches. Or maybe she was just being extremely idiotic and making a gigantic mountain out of a very small molehill. "Your Mom said you were up here."
He nodded mutely, as they engaged in a contest of stares.
He lumbered towards her, away from the blinding glare of light streaming through the window. "Chloe I'm sorry for all that stuff I said to you in school earlier. I-"
"Clark," she interjected, wanting to hug him but knowing that it was so not a good idea at the moment. "You don't have to be sorry for feeling ... whatever you're feeling."
"I know." He acknowledged quietly. "But it wasn't fair of me to just dump it on you like that." He sighed. "You were right. There wasn't really anything you could say to that. I mean, you're friends with Lana and everything ..." He trailed off, and it seemed that all the energy had been sapped out of him as he slouched and sat down on a bale of hay.
Chloe looked on, aching because of her inability to do anything to comfort him. This was wrong - this wasn't Clark. Clark was everything that made Chloe smile and laugh, Clark was friendly and goofy and niceness personified; he wasn't this confused and mopey individual who now sat in front of her, his shoulders hunched and his face in his hands.
"Clark," She kneeled down so that she now looked up at him, "it's not the end of the world you know." She sighed and looked at her hands, feeling all the strangeness of the encounter. Shouldn't it have been Chloe who felt conflicted about her feelings for Clark, and Clark comforting her in his endearing puppy dog-like way, secure in his Lana love? Maybe she had accidentally tripped into an alternate dimension where her life actually didn't suck.
"Have you talked to Lana about any of this?" Chloe asked quietly, jerking Clark out of his increasing vortex of brood.
He nodded miserably. "She came over the day before and we just talked - about everything." Chloe bit her lip. It was painful seeing how affected Clark was by his confusion. "Chloe, she knew." Clark said with naked despair in his voice. "She just came right out and asked me, and I couldn't lie or say anything different. I just stood there and watched her face crumble, and then she said that maybe we should spend some time away from each other, to let me figure out what I really want." He ducked his head miserably. "I feel so bad."
Chloe looked on, her hazel eyes wide with shock. "You guys broke up?"
He nodded absently, and Chloe wasn't sure whether he had actually heard her or he was just carrying an internal monologue of recrimination with himself. "The thing is," He paused as he shifted slightly, giving her room to sit down next to him, "I'm sure what I really want now, but I'm afraid it's too late." Pain-filled blue orbs met concerned hazel ones as their gazes locked. "I love Lana. She's always been everything to me, and ... even though I think I would have been happy ... with you ... I -"
Chloe made a quick shushing sound, silencing him gently as she placed a finger on his lips. With all the understanding that she could muster, she said quietly, "I know."
Clark glanced up, his eyes widening in understanding. She could see him swallowing several times before he garnered enough energy to form actual coherent sentences. "I don't want to hurt you Chloe but -"
"I'm not hurt Clark." She shook her head as if to emphasise her point, smiling gently in the process. "A bit miffed maybe. But ... I think I've successfully gotten over the Kent charm, at least the part that made me act crazy." She let a small laugh escape her. "I think I'll be okay." The wheels in her mind quickly spun into over-drive as she realised that she was right. She would be okay.
"Really?" Clark asked transparently, hope shining in his eyes.
"Really."
They sat in comfortable silence for a long moment, and if Clark hadn't been still miserable over screwing it up with Lana, Chloe would have said it was the most comfortable she had been with Clark since before the Prom debacle.
She sneaked a glance at Clark, misery still plainly etched on his face. Words of advice about Lana were on the tip of her brain, but she wasn't sure whether it was really her place to meddle.
On another moment's reflection - it was totally her place to meddle. She was both Clark and Lana's friend, and it made absolutely no sense whatsoever for her to stand by with the morbid fascination of watching the horrible car accident of their relationship happen due to the impending martyrdom of its two participants. "You know, I don't think it's too late."
Clark's head snapped up, naked hope on his face. "What do you mean?"
She nodded with slightly more conviction that she felt. "Lana really likes you Clark. She's nice, and understanding, and surprisingly strong." She chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood. "I think you'll be surprised at how quickly she can forgive you."
Clark blinked owlishly at her, clearly digesting her thoughts. "So if I ... if I go to see her now, do you think she'll listen to me?"
Chloe repressed a sigh. Clark was so child-like sometimes that it simultaneously irked and appealed to her at the same time. She found herself preferring the strong conviction of Lex's thoughts and actions. Whatever may be said of the billionaire, he was one powerful individual who knew how to get what he wanted.
She smiled fondly at Clark. "Just see what happens." Was all she said, hoping it would be enough to dispel any doubt left in both her and Clark's minds.
Clark pouted, looking down at his boots. Then he suddenly rose, his rosy face splitting into a wide grin. "Thanks Chloe."
Chloe's smiled mirrored his. "You're welcome." She said to thin air, as she watched Clark race out of the barn like there was no tomorrow.
(c) August 2002