Chapter 20. Lessons
The forest was so dense and the trees around the small clearing loomed so high that the darkness seemed to swallow up the light from the warm, bright campfire. Padmé lay on her back, working out which stars she could actually identify between the jagged crowns of the trees. By rights she ought to be exhausted, but her mind felt as clear as still water. She kept her eyes on the stars straight above her while allowing her senses to register information about her surroundings.
To her right was the warm, lively fire. To her left, behind the rim of tree trunks and thick underbrush, several living things were moving and snuffling at ground level. Under her head Anakin's thigh muscles flexed as he leaned forward to add more fuel to the fire. The edge of his cloak against her cheek felt thick and dense in contrast to the thin, temperature-responsive synthetic fabrics she wore. Beyond the fire – what was beyond the fire on the other side of the clearing? She couldn't make her conscious awareness reach past the dancing flames.
Padmé reached up and tugged at the cloak. "How do you reach beyond the fire to sense what's behind it?
"I thought you would be fed up with this by now." Anakin's left hand found hers, and their fingers interlaced. He had long since given up keeping away from her. His new strategy was quite the opposite.
"It's – compelling." She didn't know how describe how it felt to see the world through completely different eyes. "It is as though you gave me new lenses that can see in, around and through things." She thought again, and then said dreamily, "It is as though I have been shown a spectrum of brand new colors, and I am trying to figure out what to call them."
Padmé held her unattached hand up in front of her eyes and studied it. Beyond the outlines of her hand she saw a sheath of light. She wiggled her fingers and the light danced, but always remained close to her hand. She looked beyond her hand to the tops of the trees. They too were surrounded by a kind of light, although it looked different – darker, greener, quieter. She held up the hand that was entwined with Anakin's and watched the light sheaths surrounding all ten fingers blend and yet remain distinct. Hers and Anakin's looked different as well – the light around his was significantly brighter, the sheath bigger. It didn't surprise her.
"The fire," she prompted. "How do I see beyond it?"
"See the fire first," he said. "Then find a way to do away with it in your mind's eye. Fade it out; turn it down; make it transparent, or whatever makes sense to you. Just decide that it will disappear. Then keep looking to see the backdrop."
He removed his fingers from hers and waited to see what would happen. Padmé turned her head to the side and gazed into the fire. She took it in as clearly as she could and created a mental image of it as he had taught her earlier in the day. Then she tried to make it vanish. At first, nothing happened. Then slowly she managed to make the image fade a bit. She strove to see behind it and thought she saw the trunks of the trees whose tops were visible above the fire. But then she became unsure that she was actually seeing anything. The fire jumped into her mental picture again and became brighter.
"I don't really know," she said. "I think I'm guessing."
Anakin took her hand in his again. "Try again now."
Padmé looked again. The bright fire vanished to her sight as though it had suddenly been blown out, and she looked through the resulting gloom toward the densely packed tree trunks on the other side of the clearing. Between many of them were pairs of glowing pinpoints of light. Suddenly, she realized what they were, and sat up suddenly in alarm. "Animals! A whole ring of them – surrounding us!" She looked again, and saw only the fire.
Anakin laughed. "Very good," he said. "There are some behind us on this side, too."
Involuntarily Padmé looked behind her, and thought seriously about climbing into Anakin's lap. Dignity prevailed, and she remained where she was.
He looked down at her. "They have been there since dark. Think of them as the perimeter guards." I suppose that was your doing as well. Padmé was developing an even healthier respect for the abilities of a trained Jedi. And this one was still a Padawan learner.
"I saw the fire go down completely," Padmé said thoughtfully, "but the fact that their eyes were reflecting so brightly means that it was really there all of the time."
"Of course it was. You were just choosing not to see it for the moment so that you could see something else."
"Actually, Anakin," she sighed, settling back down into the general vicinity of his lap, "I think you chose not to see it. For both of us. Like you have been doing all day. When you add your abilities to mine, I can do anything."
"Well," he was a bit defensive, "you have come a long way already."
"Surely this isn't the way you were taught." Padmé put both hands up again to play with the light sheaths around her fingers.
"Oh, no." Anakin laughed ruefully. "The proper way is to spend years training in these techniques. No help is ever given. The only way to truly master the Force is to allow the abilities to grow from inside. It takes time." And we don't have time. The unspoken thought hung in the air between them. As an afterthought he added, "Obi-Wan wouldn't just kill me for doing this. He would have me kicked out of the Jedi Order without a hearing."
Padmé tilted her head all the way back so she could look at him, albeit upside down. Her gaze met his. "Tell me again why I have canceled all my obligations to follow you around the wilds like this allowing you to well, to force-feed me the Force!"
"You like me," he said.
"Hah," she said indignantly. She reached back and thumped him with her illuminated hand.
"Seriously." Padmé took his hand in hers again, unwilling to let go of it for long. "What are we doing with this? What are you trying to accomplish?"
"I only want two things." He bent down and kissed her forehead. "For now. I want to teach you to trust your feelings. If I show you what your awareness can be like, what the world looks like to the trained eye, then I'm hoping you won't doubt or second-guess your perceptions. I'm hoping that if you learn to trust your feelings and perceptions they might begin to feel normal and natural to you. It might make a difference."
It might make a difference in what? She decided to reserve the question for later.
"And the second thing?"
"Tomorrow we work on mind blocks and ways of protecting yourself."
From what? That one, too.
"And now?"
"And now I think you have had more than enough of this." He reached over to the bundle he had been carrying all day and pulled out the capsule that contained the kind of shelter and sleeping sack suitable for a Senator of the Republic. He himself was content to wrap himself in his cloak on the ground.
"Not yet." Padmé sat up and unceremoniously climbed into his lap after all, sitting astride him so they were nose to nose.
She waited. To her surprise, instead of taking her up on her unspoken invitation, Anakin sat quietly, with his living hand idly tracing the line on her back that he knew still held the long thin scar from the beast in the Geonosian arena. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
"This is all my fault. I was too blind to see it."
"Perhaps it is time you told me what has happened. What are you afraid of?"
Anakin wrapped his arms around her, as though trying to shield her from his words. "I'm afraid that you are in danger. Real danger."
Padmé groaned. "Not again. Who do you think it is?" There was a long, dark pause, while Anakin chose his words with exceptional care. Padmé waited quietly while enjoying the pleasure of being held. She believed herself prepared for any answer he could give her. When it came, she found that she had been wrong.
"It's me. You are in the worst kind of danger from me."
* * * * *
When Lord Tyrannus taught the D'laian conspirators to kill Jedi he kept the method deliberately simple. The warriors were not, after all, complex people.
"First, lay a trap," he had said. "Use the Jedi's compassion against them."
Night had fallen by the time Obi-Wan and Tec had completed their purposeful walk around the City of Theed. Obi-Wan had been seen everywhere. They had spent a good deal of time in and around the spaceport district, around the Palace and in the Temple district. They stopped at a busy inn for dinner and then resolved to do one more circuit of the outlying areas near the spaceport. So far their senses had not indicated anything unusual.
They were on a narrow street lined with small taverns and guesthouses near the spaceport when they heard screams and the sound of blaster fire. As one, the two Jedi ran toward the disturbance. People were running out of a small tavern. Obi-Wan ignited his light saber and stepped inside. Remaining in disguise Tec lagged behind him, not yet touching his weapon.
Four men seemed to be armed with blasters. A robbery or a personal dispute, Obi-Wan thought, until he recognized the Force-signatures.
A trap, then, he corrected himself, unafraid. He relaxed, increasing his inner strength with each breath. The Force gathered to him, ready to be channeled by the slightest hint of will.
"Everyone out," he said firmly. "Clear the room. Jedi business."
All but the armed men left. They waited, confirming Obi-Wan's assessment of the situation. He could feel Tec's presence just outside the door. Behind Tec in the street he could suddenly sense two more men in the shadows who might be part of this group. Tec will take care of them, he thought, turning his focus back to the group that was quickly moving to surround him.
"Make certain the one you seek to kill is alone," Lord Tyrannus had continued. "Make the first move – a Jedi will not. Attack aggressively. He will not expect it. The Jedi are accustomed to being approached with great caution."
They are attacking me using mere daggers, Obi-Wan realized as the four men assailed him swiftly and aggressively at the same time with blades, not blasters. What are they thinking? Why do they insist on fighting with a Jedi at close quarters? Waiting until the first dagger came close to his body he used the Force to deflect its momentum, unbalancing his assailant and throwing him back until he smashed into the bar. In a fluid motion Obi-Wan turned to stop the second assailant who had aimed a dagger at the middle of his spine. His light saber cut through the man's wrist, sending it and the dagger flying. This is absurd, he thought, stopping the third attacker with two swift passes of his light saber as the man threw himself toward his neck, blade outstretched.
The fourth attacker came at him from the side, not holding a dagger, but with a small oblong object with two prongs strapped to his hand.
Padawan! Beware!
Instantaneously Obi-Wan obeyed Qui-Gon's voice, as he had always done, and wrenched his body forward. It was only because of this movement that the prongs embedded themselves in his side and not straight into his heart. The Jedi Knight lost consciousness immediately as a series of synchronized harmonic sounds entered his chest.
"Your real weapon, of course," Lord Tyrannus had continued, "is this." He pushed a small gleaming box with two long prongs at one end toward the warrior. "When activated, it will disrupt the Jedi's ability to use the Force and stop him instantly." He contemplated the object with some pride. Based on an ancient weapon he had personally unearthed from the D'laian's sorcery-fearing history, he had re-designed it to be automatic rather than relying on the skill of the user. These assassins would be the first non-Force-sensitive fighters to test it. And what better subject for the test than his great enemy, that too-powerful Jedi Padawan?
The D'laian who had felled Obi-Wan was triumphant.
"Not so powerful after all, are you, Jedi?"
They were his dying words. Tec surged into the room as soon as he felt the disruption in the Force and cut down the assassin where he stood. As he did so he felt a violent jolt of pain and weakness. The box was still active. Gathering all of his will he cut it in half with his light saber, cutting through the hand to which it was still attached.
The entire attack had taken only seconds.
* * * * *
Tec stood back panting for a moment until he heard Obi-Wan moan. Rushing to him he found him barely alive, with severe Force disruptions throughout his body. Taking him into his arms Tec poured what energy he could into him, while shouting for help to the curious onlookers who were beginning to drift back into the tavern.
This isn't supposed to happen, Tec thought. This shouldn't be possible. A Jedi Knight like Obi-Wan should not die in this way.
He held his brother and friend in his arms on the grimy tavern floor and mourned while a strong breeze whirled through the stuffy tavern.
He will live, said Qui-Gon Jinn's voice through the Force. He will live.
Tec could not hear him.
* * * * *
Not so powerful after all, are you, Jedi?
Anakin awoke out of a thin and fragile sleep feeling that there had been a sudden wrenching disturbance in the Force. He could not attribute it but he had heard the words clearly.
It took him a moment to understand where he was.
Looking up he saw the dark tops of trees silhouetted against a slightly lighter sky and it all came back to him.
The fire was low but had not yet burned down to embers. He had not been asleep long. Padmé was curled up against him, breathing quietly. At least she was getting a little sorely needed peace after the stunned anguish Anakin's confession had caused her. He tried not to disturb her.
He wondered whether the words he had heard were meant for him. Their intent, their coloration seemed somehow familiar.
Padmé moved restlessly against him and he gently settled her tear-marked face more comfortably into the crook of his arm.
Not powerful enough? Or too powerful? Anakin wondered forlornly. What does it matter, if I am not allowed to love?
Anakin settled back down into his cloak and stared into the darkness.