* * *
"No more excuses, Quatre! You're either here in ten minutes, or I'm sending a security team to get you, understand!" It wasn't a question, and as Trowa walked through the door to their apartment, he was met with the sight of Quatre talking heatedly into the com device on the wall.
Eyes closed, Quatre spoke to the box with strained and forced calm. "Sally, I am waiting for Trowa. As soon as he gets back, I'll be there. I need to-"
"You need to get your ass down here in ten minutes unless you want it dragged down here by security!"
Quatre took a deep breath and, as Trowa watched, seemed to count to three before addressing Sally; he still hadn't opened his eyes to see Trowa's entrance. "I will be there as soon as-"
"You've got nine minutes, Quatre. Sally out!" And with that, the static sound that accompanied all inter-com signals died out. Trowa couldn't help the smile that stole over his face watching his lover in his exasperation.
Turning around, Quatre slammed his back into the wall and slid down a few inches, his good hand going straight into his hair--a pose that Trowa had always thought made him look extremely cute.
"That-it's not like I'm asking for the moon! For the love of-"
Trowa couldn't take it anymore. Despite the damning revelations he'd learned over the last two hours with Corinne, he still saw Quatre and wanted nothing more than to kiss those soft lips and push his wayward bangs away from his face. He completely stepped into the room and addressed his lover. "How do you feel this morning, Quatre?"
Startled, Quatre opened his eyes wide and swung around to look at him. "Trowa! When did you get here? I've been looking everywhere for you-well I was, and then Duo showed up-but that's not important. Are you alright?"
Perplexed, Trowa looked towards the couch, and sure enough, Duo sat there watching him intently. He offered his friend a smile before returning to look at Quatre.
"I'm fine. But you--how is your arm this morning?" He watched Quatre flinch at the reminder before he took a step forward and lightly touched above Quatre's damaged arm. The reaction was instantaneous but not what he'd expected. He'd thought perhaps Quatre would flinch away-attesting to the pain in his arm; but instead, Quatre threw his head up to look Trowa straight in the eyes before reaching up with his good hand and bringing him into a tight embrace.
Trowa couldn't help it; the light sent of Quatre's cologne, the way his neck and shoulders met at just the right angle for him to tuck his head and lay a kiss--it was all the magic of his Quatre.
Initiated--by his strong and dependable lover.
Nuzzling Quatre's neck, Trowa wrapped his arms about the smaller man, pulling him into his body--without knowing he was doing it, offering comfort for comfort.
He felt Quatre kiss his neck once, twice, before pulling back and reaching for his mouth. Trowa met him half way. The kiss was both begging and something else--begging for forgiveness and that other emotion Trowa could not decipher.
After an intense moment, he pulled away, a quick touch of lips, finishing the first kiss of the day. Quatre's eyes were remorseful, and he searched Trowa's face for any look or sign that he was forgiven.
Leaning forward, Trowa dropped a kiss on Quatre's forehead. "I needed to discuss a few things with Corinne this morning. That's where I was. I apologize for not answering the link when you 'called,' it was an.awkward moment." It wasn't entirely a lie, and Trowa knew he'd have to be careful if he wanted to find the perfect time to discuss things with Quatre.
Suddenly, Quatre dug his good hand into the front of Trowa's shirt and stepped into him, clinging to him. "I understand. You had me worried, though. After.after last night--and then you weren't there when I woke up- I got scared you were really, really mad at me. So mad you didn't even want to-to wake up with me. And then it was only a few minutes to ten; you never wake up before eleven on Saturdays if you can help it."
Smiling to himself at Quatre's ramblings, Trowa ran his hand lightly over the back of Quatre's head. "Well, I was angry, but that was last night. I realize now that you were going to tell me. But as long as you promise never to do something like that again, I'll forgive you."
"Oh, I promise, Trowa. I promise."
"Then all is forgiven, Little One. Don't worry. I'm sorry I frightened you this morning. Sally didn't think you'd awaken until after noon, so I didn't think to leave you a note."
"It's ok I didn't wake up on my own anyway. Star pounced on me." Quatre looked up at him with a quirky smile. "Dumb kitten even had the indecency to sink her claws into me. Are you sure it's inhumane to have her de- clawed?"
"Yes. But how did she pounce on you? I fed her after I'd left our bedroom, so I know the door was closed." They kept Star's food dish in the kitchenette Quatre had insisted on during the remodeling of their mutual space.
Quatre looked confused for a moment before he turned away from him and looked towards the couch. Resting against it sat Killashandra, her hands running lightly over Star's coat, while her eyes watched them with a look of complete understanding and comprehension.
Trowa saw Quatre look away after a moment before shaking his head. "Who knows how Star got in? It doesn't really matter. Actually, it's a good thing because Duo came over, and we got to.talk.for a little while. It was good for us."
He looked at Duo, not sure what his longhaired friend was doing up and about before noon himself. He decided to ask. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"
Duo scoffed before rising and coming to stand with them. "Can't a guy just wake up in the morning to spend some quality time with his best friend?"
Skeptically, Trowa asked, "Is said friend dying?"
Looking confused for a moment, Duo answered hesitantly. "No."
"Then it's impossible. You never get up before noon on Saturday--not since the war."
Suddenly Quatre was laughing. Roaring laughter that shook his entire body, and Trowa smiled in complement. Duo, however, just stood there stunned, mouth hanging open.
After a few minutes, when Quatre couldn't stop laughing, Trowa decided he'd better intervene. "Ok, what's so funny?"
Quatre just shook his head before taking one look at him and starting all over again. In desperation, he turned to Duo.
"Now I know, the two of you have been spending too much time in each other's heads." Trowa gave him a confused look. "He asked me the same thing this morning: 'Is he dying?' and then when I said 'No,' he said, 'Then it's impossible for him to have woken up before noon.' Geesh, you guys need to change the channel every once in a while."
Trowa looked at Quatre for confirmation, and upon seeing the twinkle in his lover's eyes, he began to laugh.
The door chimes interrupted their joyous sound, but Duo just rolled his eyes and went to answer the door while they continued to laugh.
"We're here to collect Captain Winner, Sir. He's needed in the infirmary, and we're to escort him." The Sargent wasn't an overly tall man, but his size made him formidable in the stretched security uniform. Quatre didn't seem to notice.
His laughter completely disappeared, Quatre stepped up to the still taller man and put on his best "I'm a higher rank than you are" face. Then he lost it to his anger. "You tell Sally that I'll be there when I damn well get there! And then tell her she can-"
Trowa cut him off. "Expect Quatre in five minutes. He was waiting for me, and we needed to discuss a few things before the treatment began. She'll understand."
Quatre turned and glared at him, but he could tell his lover's temper had been appeased. However, the Sargent didn't get the hint. "Sir, my orders were to bring Captain Winner to the infirmary. Sir," he looked at Quatre. "Please come with me."
Indignation tensed every muscle in Quatre's body, and Trowa wasn't sure that the hand he rested on Quatre's shoulder was going to do much at this point. But then the anger seemed to drain from Quatre's body to the point where his shoulders slumped. He took a deep breath before turning to Duo.
"Can you stay here with the kids? It's my last round of therapy, and it's going to take a while."
Duo nodded. "Sure. I'll wake Shingam up and then take them down for breakfast. By the time you get back they'll be dressed, fed, and ready for a nap. I'll even tire them out for you." Duo offered his patented "crazy man" smile before Quatre shook his head but agreed.
Next Quatre turned towards his partner. "Trowa, if you don't need to go anywhere, would you mind coming with me? I think we should talk a little more. If that's alright?" Without hesitation Trowa nodded and wrapped his arm around Quatre's shoulders. With a nod of his head, the Sargent and three other security officers they hadn't seen stepped away from the door to allow the lovers to pass.
With his good hand, Quatre reached over to take Trowa's free one. The security officers walked a discrete distance behind as they made their way to the infirmary.
Suddenly something Duo said made Trowa pause in the middle of the hallway. "You haven't eaten yet, have you?"
Quatre shook his head. "I had a cup of tea this morning, but that's all. Duo and I were talking most of the morning, and then Sally and now this, I haven't had time yet." Quatre looked sheepish for a moment before offering a smile. "Don't worry about it. If I know Sally, she'll offer me a protein bar before I go under. Those things taste awful, but at least it'll be something in my stomach for the next few hours."
"Are you sure? We could stop in the cafeteria if you'd like?"
Quatre gestured to the security team behind them. "How are we suppose to do that?"
"Quatre, if you want breakfast, you'll have breakfast." His tone left no question, and he saw the team behind them begin to squirm. Sally's wrath may have been legendary, but no one dared question him when it came to his lover.
But Quatre just shrugged. "I'll be fine. No sense getting them," he gestured again towards the team, "in trouble when it's me Sally's angry with. Let's just go and get it over with. Besides, with any luck, I'll be able to eat dinner, and keep it down if we go now." He said it with humor, but Trowa knew that of the things Quatre hated the most, it was being sick to his stomach. He'd once hinted that it had something to do with a traumatic experience at one of the exclusive private schools he'd attended, but Trowa had never questioned him about it.
Agreeing, he again propelled them in the direction of the infirmary.
Sally met them at the door.
"There you are! I've been waiting all day!"
"Sally, the security team wasn't necessary. I told you I was waiting for Trowa." "And I heard you, but that arm-and more importantly, infection-isn't going to. So get in here and sit on the table."
Sighing, Quatre did as he was told, moving towards the table but refusing to let go of Trowa's hand. To alleviate some of Quatre's worries, Trowa gripped him about the waist and lifted him onto the table. He smiled at Quatre's giggle.
"Thank you, Trowa."
"You're welcome. Now lie down."
It must have been the tension or perhaps the lack of nutrients to Quatre's brain, but his blonde vixen couldn't pass up that good an opportunity.
"Here, Trowa?" Quatre made a point of looking around, ignoring Sally not three feet away. "But what if someone sees us?" Then he paused before shrugging his shoulders and grabbing Trowa's collar, effectively bringing him crashing half way onto the table with him. "If you insist."
Trowa felt the blush steal over his cheeks involuntarily. Raising his head, he looked at Quatre pleadingly.
"Nope." And with that, the Arabian pulled him forward and into a soul- searing kiss that involved all parts of his mouth. With little more to do than comply, Trowa surrendered to the possessive kiss and allowed Quatre's tongue entrance.
A surge of warmth jetted through his body as their tongues made contact and demanded each other's attention. This was what he wanted, what he craved! Quatre in control. Quatre demanding his compliance. Strong and capable, possessive and giving all for his pleasure. Was this Quatre the same as the old? Could his most precious lover still be with him, only now peeking out to surprise him and making his arrival that much sweeter, that much more erotic?
At Sally's indiscreet throat clearing, Quatre pulled away, giving him a wink. Swinging his body across the bed, Quatre laid down and closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds before opening them and taking Trowa's hand.
And sadly, Trowa could feel the light shaking. Quatre was scared.
Grabbing a chair from somewhere behind him, he pulled it right up to the bed and sat. Eyes level with Quatre's, he offered his most reassuring smile before running his free hand through blonde bangs. He couldn't even begin to explain how his mind could think of Quatre being weak as a bad thing and then think of nothing else but taking care of him. He was confused, and chose to bear his confusion in silence. Now was not the time to bring it up with Quatre.
Turbulent emotions hidden behind walls constructed before his lover ever knew him, Trowa smiled down at Quatre. "Perhaps we'll continue when there are fewer witnesses."
Quatre offered a shaky smile before nodding weakly.
Across Quatre's prone body, Sally scoffed. "You better be careful, Trowa, you're starting to sound like Wufei. 'Sally, it doesn't matter if those people are fifty feet away, they can still see us!'"
Quatre answered. "Well, fifty feet isn't that far away. They might notice the sudden bouncing movements." He smiled.
"Oh, I wish! Nope, that's the lecture I get when I want to hold his hand! Don't even get me started about sex!" She shook her head in denial, and together they all laughed as she picked up Quatre's arm and removed the bandages, her engagement ring flashing in the overhead lights.
"So tell me how the children are this morning." She grasped a pair of surgical scissors and began to cut the bandages.
"They seem fine. Killashandra's taken to Star; she's been playing with her all morning. But come to think of it, I'm not sure who's really playing with whom." He smiled for Trowa. "Shingam was still asleep when we left. I think he just needs more rest than Killa."
Sally nodded. "Maybe. I've got most of the team going over all the data the Techs are decoding. Mostly we're getting it in disorganized bits and pieces. We're trying to puzzle it all together, but with Christmas coming up, everyone's taking time off to spend with their families, and I can't blame them. We're going to make most of our headway on those files after the holidays. With this New Year being the dawning of a new century, it's hard to ask soldiers to be away from their families."
He watched Quatre nod in agreement, a sad look casting over his eyes. Sally didn't miss it.
"Ok, well, enough of that. Let's take a look at this arm." Peeling back the last of the bandages, she revealed a white blistering mess of flesh, but thankfully, one that did not look so badly infected. "You're lucky someone invented super antibiotics a hundred years ago, or I can guarantee this arm would be in a mass of trouble. As it is, you're looking at another hour under the lights to make up for the bacteria's damage."
Quatre flinched, and Trowa could feel the increase shaking of his lover's grip. He held on more tightly.
Sally pulled back and wheeled a cumbersome machine to the bedside, a box that adjusted to fit any size body part. Carefully she maneuvered Quatre's arm into it before pressing a few buttons which caused a seal to close around his forearm, effectively trapping his hand and arm in the box.
"Ready?"
Quatre took a deep breath.
"Sally," Trowa interrupted on Quatre's behalf. "Because of your-escort-we weren't able to stop and get Quatre something to eat. Do you have anything before you start?"
As if it was Quatre's fault, Sally glared down at him. "Quatre, didn't I tell you yesterday before I released you that you had to eat a full hour before this procedure? I could have sworn-"
Irrational temper rose in Trowa, and like it, he rose to protect his partner. "If we hadn't been rushed, I would have made sure Quatre had eaten before we came. As it is we didn't exactly have a choice in the matter, Sally." He used her name as a holding point and glared at her. No one talked to Quatre like that.
And like the security guards, Sally, too, did not come between Trowa and his partner. Nodding her head, she moved silently into the other room to grab a protein bar. When she's stepped out of the room, Quatre turned to him.
"Trowa, that was a little harsh, don't you think? Sally did tell me and she had every right-"
"She had no right to send the team to get you in the first place since she knew I'd planned to bring you first thing this afternoon--after you'd eaten. Since she insisted on calling you in sooner, she is in no position to be short with you." He felt his anger simmer down at Quatre's angelic look.
"Thank you for defending me, Trowa." His name was said with endearment, and Trowa felt a sense of pride and love flow through him. He'd always defend Quatre; he'd always protect him.
"Ok, sorry about that. Here, Quatre, it's not much, but it should fill you up enough until after the nausea subsides." Sally handed Trowa a wrapped bar that looked like a stick of bread. After releasing Quatre's hand, he opened the wrapper and then pressed the bar to Quatre's lips. He held it there for Quatre to take a bite. At the same time capturing the hand he'd previously let go. His lover offered him a soft smile before opening his mouth and biting into the dry bar. He smiled as Quatre made a face but continued to chew and swallow until the bar was gone.
Satisfied, he nodded to Sally, who took the hint and moved to the machine. "Alright, Quatre, you've done this before. Remember that initially it'll feel like your hand's fluctuating between extreme heat and cold, before it settles down. Next comes the pulsing. This'll stimulate the skin to begin regeneration at the accelerated rate; however, it's going to make you sicker than a dog, so just hold on. As soon as it's over with your arm should be in good enough shape that we won't have to do this again. Just be grateful you're not Heero. I had to run him through this thing-full body-for nearly a week. I swear Duo was ready to start threatening to kill my unborn children if I didn't stop the therapy; but if you people would just stop walking through fire, I wouldn't have to do this all the time."
Sally continued to mumble to herself as she programmed the machine. Then in a moment of readying silence, she pushed the start button.
Instantly, Quatre tensed, his whole body going rigid. The process was painful, almost like being burned all over again, but it cut the recovery time by nearly ninety percent and usually prevented scarring. The problem lay in the inability to issue painkillers during the process; it somehow prevented the skin from regenerating properly. So as such, the pilots suffered immensely, but it was better than being out of commission for weeks on end. But as Trowa watched Quatre struggle with the pain for the second time in two days, he began to wonder if it really was better.
Deciding he needed to take his lover's mind off the pain, Trowa questioned him on the one thing he knew Quatre would want to talk about. "Quatre, tell me your plans for the children today? What are you going to do with them this afternoon?"
And like he knew it would, it worked. Quatre turned to look at him, a nearly hidden grimace on his face. "I thought we'd take them to the gardens. Let them play on the jungle gym Wufei built for Marieminna. Now that I think about it, we should probably introduce them--Marieminna and the children." Suddenly Quatre looked at him with a pained expression.
"Are you alright? Is the pain that bad?"
But Quatre shook his head and turned to Sally. "Would you mind if I talked to Trowa alone for a little while?" Concerned, he watched Sally nod before exiting the room and returning to her own office.
He looked back at Quatre, but the blonde was staring up at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts.
"Quatre?"
"Please, Trowa, let me just talk, and you listen, ok? I want you to hear everything I have to say before this gets any worse than I've already made it."
Blind panic overcame Trowa. How had Quatre figured it out?! What would Quatre do now that he knew how Trowa felt? He couldn't let this happen, couldn't let Quatre take an irreparable step back because of him! He had to stop him! Now! "Quatre, don't-"
"I'm sorry about the children, Trowa." The children? "I wasn't thinking. All I saw were these two children who needed me to help them, and that was it. I didn't think about anything or anyone else, especially you. I made some huge assumptions, and I can't tell you how sorry I am about them." Quatre turned to face him, sorrow and regret clearly written on his face. He let go of his hand and moved it to brush against Trowa's face. "I-I wanted so much to protect them that I didn't even ask you your opinion on the idea of saving them. I assumed you wanted to save them as much as I did, and that-because I wanted it-they would stay with us. But I never asked you, and so soon after everything that's happened, I had no right to just take you for granted. Everything between us has been happening so fast, and then for me to just throw two children we hardly know anything about right into our lives--Trowa, I'm so sorry."
And then he understood. This had nothing to do with Quatre realizing his terrible secret. Instead, he was worried that Trowa felt taken advantage of--that his privacy and trust had been breached by Quatre's taking in of these two children. But Trowa had never felt put upon. Quatre had wanted to find these children for months, and he'd always understood that if they found them, Quatre would want them to be at least near if not with them. It was an assumption, but a correct one; Trowa tried to give Quatre whatever he wanted, and in return, Quatre bowed down to whatever whim he himself might conceive. Sure there were times they said no to each other, but for the most part, neither one asked for much, so when they did, it was usually given freely and without hesitation.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I knew you wanted the children to move in with us if you ever found them; and I knew you'd want to take care of them for as long as you could. I would never think of taking that away from you."
"Yes, but, Trowa, I didn't give you a choice. I never even asked. How rude and horrid of me to make such outlandish assumptions. I feel so wretched, and after talking to Duo I should."
Confused, Trowa had no idea what Duo had to do with any of this. "Quatre, what did Duo say to you this morning?"
Looking suddenly caught between a rock and a hard place, he watched as Quatre debated how much to tell him before finally answering. "He said that it's not as if you'd have felt comfortable telling me 'no' anyway. Oh, Trowa, it isn't true, is it? You're not so afraid I'll slip and fall back into my old patterns that you wouldn't tell me no if you didn't want something or even yell at me if I deserved it, would you? You do know that I'd do whatever you wanted me to do, don't you? That I'd change my mind in a heart beat if you wanted something different. You know you don't have to tiptoe around me, don't you, Trowa?"
The pleading in Quatre's voice was one more kick to the explosion that his words had entailed. Just as Corinne had said, Quatre truly would do and become whatever Trowa wanted him to be. There was no question in his mind now that if he told Quatre how he felt, told him that his own seeming weakness was tearing him apart, Quatre would change. Like Corinne had said, in less than a day he'd have his old Quatre back, and for a short time it would be glorious. Quatre would take charge, be strong and powerful, possessive and loving--right before he couldn't take it anymore and ended his life. He couldn't, would not, let that happen! He now knew he'd never allow Quatre to know anything about his condemning thoughts and feelings.
Carefully, he covered his own pain, hiding it from the view of the one man who could make it all better; if only he could be allowed to know. He called forth a smile, and like his stony expression, it was produced-- clockwork at it's finest.
"Quatre, don't be silly. I want your happiness more than anything else in the world-in the universe. Bringing the children here made you happy, and honestly it's made me happy as well. We haven't had much time together, but I feel somehow connected to them; perhaps it's because they know me so intimately through their connection to the ZERO, but regardless I find them very important.
"And Duo was wrong. You know me, Quatre. If you want it, and it's within my ability to give it to you, I will. I want to. Making you happy is my life. Now if I'd thought bringing them here would have jeopardized your recovery then I would have refused, but I don't think that will be the case. In fact, I talked to Corinne this morning about that, and she agreed as well. I was concerned about you not telling me you were in pain last night, but I think I understand why you did it.
"In that light, I don't ever want you to do it again, but I understand. As far as taking advantage of me or any assumptions you might have made, I'll tell you if I don't want something, Quatre, and I know like me, you'll stop or won't go through with it. It's something about our relationship that works very well."
He smiled, a look he didn't entirely feel, until he watched the tension drain from Quatre's face.
"Then you didn't leave so early this morning because you couldn't stand the sight of me?"
Aghast, he answered, "Of course not! Quatre," he leaned in, genuinely concerned that Quatre could possibly think that, "I live to wake up beside you; to know that you're safe and well. How many times do I have to tell you, beloved, I will never leave you, never."
"No, I understand that, Trowa. But sometimes people get angry, and I just don't want you to ever feel like you'd rather be away from me than be in the same room with me. I couldn't bear it if you ever got that disappointed or angry with me."
"Don't worry about such things, Little One. For as long as you'll have me, I'll always wake up next to you, always."
"Thank you, Trowa. I love you, so very much."
He leaned down and kissed him then, a sweet kiss that spoke of forgiveness and whispered promises. It lasted for a long moment before Quatre turned away and shuddered.
"Quatre?"
He shuddered again, "I-I'm sorry Trowa, but-but I think I'm going to be sick." And with that, he was.
* * *
Carefully, Trowa helped him into the room, his weight fully supported by that of his taller and much stronger lover.
"I'd ask how it went, but I'm guessing it was pretty bad." Duo's obnoxious voice was not something Quatre was looking forward to; especially not after being sick three times and currently feeling like he was going to be again.
"Duo, shut up."
His friend offered a weak smile before standing from the couch so Trowa could help him over to it. Sighing greatly, he allowed his body to melt into the cushions. Tiredly, he opened his eyes in time to see Shingam watching him. He offered the boy a weak smile.
"You sure slept late this morning. Are you feeling well rested?" The boy said nothing but curiously moved to sit next to him on the couch. Then at once, Killashandra moved to the couch as well, sitting on the other side of him--both children watching him, Shingam with a desperate and worried look.
Surprised, he looked up at Duo and Heero-who had been sitting in a chair when they'd arrived-neither one acted as if this was a planned greeting. Glancing at Trowa, he saw his partner watching him intently, obviously curious as to what he was going to do. Offering Trowa a wink, he looked back at the children and made a point of smiling at each of them.
Slowly so as not to startle them, he moved both of his arms to wrap around the two children, pulling them close and holding them tightly. They didn't protest, and in fact, Killashandra turned her body to lay her head down in his lap.
He was exhausted after the three hour long therapy that had rid his arm of the infection and worse the burns but had drained him of all of his strength. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, to take Trowa to bed, and not wake up for a very, very long time. But then again, Quatre didn't dare leave the children looking so frightened.
"Shingam, what's wrong? I'm fine; in fact, after I get a nap I'll be good as new. I was thinking that all four of us--you, me, Killashandra, and Trowa--could all take naps. Killa and Trowa have been up since early this morning, I think, and they may need a nap. What do you think? Does Killa need a nap?"
He understood Shingam's need to be in control of Killashandra; it was the same drive he'd felt to protect Trowa, from everything. Now he needed to draw on his own past behaviors to try and stay one step ahead of a boy who could run circles around him. He hoped he was up to the challenge.
Shingam looked at him worriedly before asking, "Did they hurt you badly?"
Quatre couldn't stand the fear and worry in Shingam's voice. He saw again the images of this little boy being beaten and battered again and again, over and over in his mind. Ducking his head, he nuzzled Shingam and to his surprise, the boy returned the gesture in kind. Softly, Quatre whispered to him. "I'm fine, Shingam. They didn't mean to hurt me, they did it so that I'd get better faster. I did a very stupid thing last night, and I didn't get help when I needed it. Because of that, I had to go through extra therapy today, and it makes me very tired and very sick to my stomach. But I'll be all right by dinner, and we'll all have something really good to eat. Doesn't that sound good? Until then, I think it would be best if we all went to sleep for a little while. Haven't you and Killa ever take naps before?"
Pulling back slightly, Shingam shook his head. "We never took naps. We never knew when they'd come." There was an ominous sound to the way Shingam said 'they', and Quatre nearly shivered from reaction to his softly spoken words. Instead he pulled the boy closer still and lightly ran his fingers through Killa's hair; offering comfort the best way he could.
"Well, you don't have to worry about anyone bad coming for you now. So I think we should get the two of you into bed and tucked under the covers-- just for a few hours--and then when you wake up, Trowa and I'll take you out to the gardens, and you and Killa can play. Sound good?"
Hesitantly, Shingam nodded. Then pulling away, he slid off the couch and with much tenderness, pulled Killashandra from his lap. Then with stony eyes, he turned to Trowa.
"Will you tuck us in? Quatre's too tired and sick. He needs to rest--a nap. We'll sleep until he's better." Commanding but little more than what he'd told them himself--as if Shingam took his own words and added authority to them--like a little parrot that added his own twist.
But Trowa only nodded, and instead of taking Shingam or Killashandra's hand, he lifted both children into his arms and carried them towards their bedroom. Quatre tracked them with his eyes, following Trowa's sure movements while he carried his precious cargo. When he'd passed the sensor and the door shut behind him, Quatre turned back to his guests.
"Thank you, Duo."
"No sweat! The kids were angels.well, for the most part. Shingam's a real pain to get up. I think the kid must have rolled over about six times. Anyway, I got them both dressed and down to the kitchen about an hour after you left. Heero met us there and we fed them--something really healthy. You'd have been proud." Quatre smiled his thanks, the events of the last three hours, and more to the point entire morning, catching up with him.
"Duo, we should let Quatre sleep. Quatre, we'll tell you the rest of the details later. Come and get us when you and Trowa take them out this afternoon; we'll give you a hand." He nodded to Heero just as Trowa emerged from the spare room.
Moving to Quatre's side, Trowa sat down on the edge of the couch, ready to take Quatre to bed and letting everyone in the room know it.
"Well, it looks like we've overstayed our welcome. Come on, Heero, I'm sure we can find something to do to kill a few hours." Duo's eyes shone with mischief, and Quatre rolled his eyes as Heero followed Duo to the door.
When they were gone, he turned to Trowa, only to find that his lover had already risen, hand extended to him, ready to pull him into the bedroom. He offered another tired smile before allowing Trowa to pull him up and tuck him safely under the crook of his arm.
"That was fast. They must have gotten right into bed."
Trowa nodded. "I think they were afraid of the way you looked when you came through the door. They look to you for protection, and to see you so.beaten, it couldn't have been easy for them."
Trowa's words stung, and for a moment he felt like he'd let them down--all of them-Trowa included. But Quatre shook it off. He couldn't be strong all the time, and he had to come to grips with that. He had to rely on Trowa sometimes, and one of those times was now. He'd reassure the children as soon as he woke up.
"I'll explain again when we wake up. I think you may be right, though, they did look a little frightened. What did Duo call it this morning? Damage control. I'll do damage control when we wake up. Right now I just want to sleep until Tuesday." He smiled up at Trowa, who gently set him to stand on his own in front of the bed.
Quickly, Trowa undid all of the buttons on his shirt before sliding the sleeves carefully over the healed but still tender arm. Being dramatic, Quatre fell back and onto the bed the moment his shirt was completely off. He opened one eye to gaze at Trowa before his lover shrugged his shoulders and moved to the fasteners of his pants.
"You'll wrinkle these if you sleep in them."
Pouting, Quatre whined back, "Don't care, just want to sleep. Buy new pants in the morning." He laughed at his own joke before closing his eyes and allowing Trowa free reign over his body. He felt his pants removed from his legs, and then Trowa was telling him to slide up, and he complied.
A few minutes later, Trowa settled in beside him, but that wasn't enough for Quatre. He felt wretched, and he wasn't going to sleep alone!
"Trowa, are you comfortable?" The same phrase from so long ago-the first night they'd admitted their true feelings to each other--a life time ago in an old circus trailer-tumbled forth from his lips. He wondered if Trowa would catch it.
"I'm fine. Why?"
Darn, he didn't. Oh, well. Reaching across the space that didn't seem wide enough to accommodate Trowa's legs most days, but today seemed unnaturally wide, he pulled Trowa into him, tucking his lover safely into the warmth of his own body.
"Sorry, Trowa, I wasn't very comfortable; but I think this will be much better."
He felt Trowa settle in, nuzzling his neck for a few moments before whispering softly. "I think this will do much better as well. I-I miss this sometimes."
"Miss what?"
"N-Nothing. Just rest, I know you're tired."
"I love you, Trowa."
"I-goodnight, Quatre."
"Goodnight."
"No more excuses, Quatre! You're either here in ten minutes, or I'm sending a security team to get you, understand!" It wasn't a question, and as Trowa walked through the door to their apartment, he was met with the sight of Quatre talking heatedly into the com device on the wall.
Eyes closed, Quatre spoke to the box with strained and forced calm. "Sally, I am waiting for Trowa. As soon as he gets back, I'll be there. I need to-"
"You need to get your ass down here in ten minutes unless you want it dragged down here by security!"
Quatre took a deep breath and, as Trowa watched, seemed to count to three before addressing Sally; he still hadn't opened his eyes to see Trowa's entrance. "I will be there as soon as-"
"You've got nine minutes, Quatre. Sally out!" And with that, the static sound that accompanied all inter-com signals died out. Trowa couldn't help the smile that stole over his face watching his lover in his exasperation.
Turning around, Quatre slammed his back into the wall and slid down a few inches, his good hand going straight into his hair--a pose that Trowa had always thought made him look extremely cute.
"That-it's not like I'm asking for the moon! For the love of-"
Trowa couldn't take it anymore. Despite the damning revelations he'd learned over the last two hours with Corinne, he still saw Quatre and wanted nothing more than to kiss those soft lips and push his wayward bangs away from his face. He completely stepped into the room and addressed his lover. "How do you feel this morning, Quatre?"
Startled, Quatre opened his eyes wide and swung around to look at him. "Trowa! When did you get here? I've been looking everywhere for you-well I was, and then Duo showed up-but that's not important. Are you alright?"
Perplexed, Trowa looked towards the couch, and sure enough, Duo sat there watching him intently. He offered his friend a smile before returning to look at Quatre.
"I'm fine. But you--how is your arm this morning?" He watched Quatre flinch at the reminder before he took a step forward and lightly touched above Quatre's damaged arm. The reaction was instantaneous but not what he'd expected. He'd thought perhaps Quatre would flinch away-attesting to the pain in his arm; but instead, Quatre threw his head up to look Trowa straight in the eyes before reaching up with his good hand and bringing him into a tight embrace.
Trowa couldn't help it; the light sent of Quatre's cologne, the way his neck and shoulders met at just the right angle for him to tuck his head and lay a kiss--it was all the magic of his Quatre.
Initiated--by his strong and dependable lover.
Nuzzling Quatre's neck, Trowa wrapped his arms about the smaller man, pulling him into his body--without knowing he was doing it, offering comfort for comfort.
He felt Quatre kiss his neck once, twice, before pulling back and reaching for his mouth. Trowa met him half way. The kiss was both begging and something else--begging for forgiveness and that other emotion Trowa could not decipher.
After an intense moment, he pulled away, a quick touch of lips, finishing the first kiss of the day. Quatre's eyes were remorseful, and he searched Trowa's face for any look or sign that he was forgiven.
Leaning forward, Trowa dropped a kiss on Quatre's forehead. "I needed to discuss a few things with Corinne this morning. That's where I was. I apologize for not answering the link when you 'called,' it was an.awkward moment." It wasn't entirely a lie, and Trowa knew he'd have to be careful if he wanted to find the perfect time to discuss things with Quatre.
Suddenly, Quatre dug his good hand into the front of Trowa's shirt and stepped into him, clinging to him. "I understand. You had me worried, though. After.after last night--and then you weren't there when I woke up- I got scared you were really, really mad at me. So mad you didn't even want to-to wake up with me. And then it was only a few minutes to ten; you never wake up before eleven on Saturdays if you can help it."
Smiling to himself at Quatre's ramblings, Trowa ran his hand lightly over the back of Quatre's head. "Well, I was angry, but that was last night. I realize now that you were going to tell me. But as long as you promise never to do something like that again, I'll forgive you."
"Oh, I promise, Trowa. I promise."
"Then all is forgiven, Little One. Don't worry. I'm sorry I frightened you this morning. Sally didn't think you'd awaken until after noon, so I didn't think to leave you a note."
"It's ok I didn't wake up on my own anyway. Star pounced on me." Quatre looked up at him with a quirky smile. "Dumb kitten even had the indecency to sink her claws into me. Are you sure it's inhumane to have her de- clawed?"
"Yes. But how did she pounce on you? I fed her after I'd left our bedroom, so I know the door was closed." They kept Star's food dish in the kitchenette Quatre had insisted on during the remodeling of their mutual space.
Quatre looked confused for a moment before he turned away from him and looked towards the couch. Resting against it sat Killashandra, her hands running lightly over Star's coat, while her eyes watched them with a look of complete understanding and comprehension.
Trowa saw Quatre look away after a moment before shaking his head. "Who knows how Star got in? It doesn't really matter. Actually, it's a good thing because Duo came over, and we got to.talk.for a little while. It was good for us."
He looked at Duo, not sure what his longhaired friend was doing up and about before noon himself. He decided to ask. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"
Duo scoffed before rising and coming to stand with them. "Can't a guy just wake up in the morning to spend some quality time with his best friend?"
Skeptically, Trowa asked, "Is said friend dying?"
Looking confused for a moment, Duo answered hesitantly. "No."
"Then it's impossible. You never get up before noon on Saturday--not since the war."
Suddenly Quatre was laughing. Roaring laughter that shook his entire body, and Trowa smiled in complement. Duo, however, just stood there stunned, mouth hanging open.
After a few minutes, when Quatre couldn't stop laughing, Trowa decided he'd better intervene. "Ok, what's so funny?"
Quatre just shook his head before taking one look at him and starting all over again. In desperation, he turned to Duo.
"Now I know, the two of you have been spending too much time in each other's heads." Trowa gave him a confused look. "He asked me the same thing this morning: 'Is he dying?' and then when I said 'No,' he said, 'Then it's impossible for him to have woken up before noon.' Geesh, you guys need to change the channel every once in a while."
Trowa looked at Quatre for confirmation, and upon seeing the twinkle in his lover's eyes, he began to laugh.
The door chimes interrupted their joyous sound, but Duo just rolled his eyes and went to answer the door while they continued to laugh.
"We're here to collect Captain Winner, Sir. He's needed in the infirmary, and we're to escort him." The Sargent wasn't an overly tall man, but his size made him formidable in the stretched security uniform. Quatre didn't seem to notice.
His laughter completely disappeared, Quatre stepped up to the still taller man and put on his best "I'm a higher rank than you are" face. Then he lost it to his anger. "You tell Sally that I'll be there when I damn well get there! And then tell her she can-"
Trowa cut him off. "Expect Quatre in five minutes. He was waiting for me, and we needed to discuss a few things before the treatment began. She'll understand."
Quatre turned and glared at him, but he could tell his lover's temper had been appeased. However, the Sargent didn't get the hint. "Sir, my orders were to bring Captain Winner to the infirmary. Sir," he looked at Quatre. "Please come with me."
Indignation tensed every muscle in Quatre's body, and Trowa wasn't sure that the hand he rested on Quatre's shoulder was going to do much at this point. But then the anger seemed to drain from Quatre's body to the point where his shoulders slumped. He took a deep breath before turning to Duo.
"Can you stay here with the kids? It's my last round of therapy, and it's going to take a while."
Duo nodded. "Sure. I'll wake Shingam up and then take them down for breakfast. By the time you get back they'll be dressed, fed, and ready for a nap. I'll even tire them out for you." Duo offered his patented "crazy man" smile before Quatre shook his head but agreed.
Next Quatre turned towards his partner. "Trowa, if you don't need to go anywhere, would you mind coming with me? I think we should talk a little more. If that's alright?" Without hesitation Trowa nodded and wrapped his arm around Quatre's shoulders. With a nod of his head, the Sargent and three other security officers they hadn't seen stepped away from the door to allow the lovers to pass.
With his good hand, Quatre reached over to take Trowa's free one. The security officers walked a discrete distance behind as they made their way to the infirmary.
Suddenly something Duo said made Trowa pause in the middle of the hallway. "You haven't eaten yet, have you?"
Quatre shook his head. "I had a cup of tea this morning, but that's all. Duo and I were talking most of the morning, and then Sally and now this, I haven't had time yet." Quatre looked sheepish for a moment before offering a smile. "Don't worry about it. If I know Sally, she'll offer me a protein bar before I go under. Those things taste awful, but at least it'll be something in my stomach for the next few hours."
"Are you sure? We could stop in the cafeteria if you'd like?"
Quatre gestured to the security team behind them. "How are we suppose to do that?"
"Quatre, if you want breakfast, you'll have breakfast." His tone left no question, and he saw the team behind them begin to squirm. Sally's wrath may have been legendary, but no one dared question him when it came to his lover.
But Quatre just shrugged. "I'll be fine. No sense getting them," he gestured again towards the team, "in trouble when it's me Sally's angry with. Let's just go and get it over with. Besides, with any luck, I'll be able to eat dinner, and keep it down if we go now." He said it with humor, but Trowa knew that of the things Quatre hated the most, it was being sick to his stomach. He'd once hinted that it had something to do with a traumatic experience at one of the exclusive private schools he'd attended, but Trowa had never questioned him about it.
Agreeing, he again propelled them in the direction of the infirmary.
Sally met them at the door.
"There you are! I've been waiting all day!"
"Sally, the security team wasn't necessary. I told you I was waiting for Trowa." "And I heard you, but that arm-and more importantly, infection-isn't going to. So get in here and sit on the table."
Sighing, Quatre did as he was told, moving towards the table but refusing to let go of Trowa's hand. To alleviate some of Quatre's worries, Trowa gripped him about the waist and lifted him onto the table. He smiled at Quatre's giggle.
"Thank you, Trowa."
"You're welcome. Now lie down."
It must have been the tension or perhaps the lack of nutrients to Quatre's brain, but his blonde vixen couldn't pass up that good an opportunity.
"Here, Trowa?" Quatre made a point of looking around, ignoring Sally not three feet away. "But what if someone sees us?" Then he paused before shrugging his shoulders and grabbing Trowa's collar, effectively bringing him crashing half way onto the table with him. "If you insist."
Trowa felt the blush steal over his cheeks involuntarily. Raising his head, he looked at Quatre pleadingly.
"Nope." And with that, the Arabian pulled him forward and into a soul- searing kiss that involved all parts of his mouth. With little more to do than comply, Trowa surrendered to the possessive kiss and allowed Quatre's tongue entrance.
A surge of warmth jetted through his body as their tongues made contact and demanded each other's attention. This was what he wanted, what he craved! Quatre in control. Quatre demanding his compliance. Strong and capable, possessive and giving all for his pleasure. Was this Quatre the same as the old? Could his most precious lover still be with him, only now peeking out to surprise him and making his arrival that much sweeter, that much more erotic?
At Sally's indiscreet throat clearing, Quatre pulled away, giving him a wink. Swinging his body across the bed, Quatre laid down and closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds before opening them and taking Trowa's hand.
And sadly, Trowa could feel the light shaking. Quatre was scared.
Grabbing a chair from somewhere behind him, he pulled it right up to the bed and sat. Eyes level with Quatre's, he offered his most reassuring smile before running his free hand through blonde bangs. He couldn't even begin to explain how his mind could think of Quatre being weak as a bad thing and then think of nothing else but taking care of him. He was confused, and chose to bear his confusion in silence. Now was not the time to bring it up with Quatre.
Turbulent emotions hidden behind walls constructed before his lover ever knew him, Trowa smiled down at Quatre. "Perhaps we'll continue when there are fewer witnesses."
Quatre offered a shaky smile before nodding weakly.
Across Quatre's prone body, Sally scoffed. "You better be careful, Trowa, you're starting to sound like Wufei. 'Sally, it doesn't matter if those people are fifty feet away, they can still see us!'"
Quatre answered. "Well, fifty feet isn't that far away. They might notice the sudden bouncing movements." He smiled.
"Oh, I wish! Nope, that's the lecture I get when I want to hold his hand! Don't even get me started about sex!" She shook her head in denial, and together they all laughed as she picked up Quatre's arm and removed the bandages, her engagement ring flashing in the overhead lights.
"So tell me how the children are this morning." She grasped a pair of surgical scissors and began to cut the bandages.
"They seem fine. Killashandra's taken to Star; she's been playing with her all morning. But come to think of it, I'm not sure who's really playing with whom." He smiled for Trowa. "Shingam was still asleep when we left. I think he just needs more rest than Killa."
Sally nodded. "Maybe. I've got most of the team going over all the data the Techs are decoding. Mostly we're getting it in disorganized bits and pieces. We're trying to puzzle it all together, but with Christmas coming up, everyone's taking time off to spend with their families, and I can't blame them. We're going to make most of our headway on those files after the holidays. With this New Year being the dawning of a new century, it's hard to ask soldiers to be away from their families."
He watched Quatre nod in agreement, a sad look casting over his eyes. Sally didn't miss it.
"Ok, well, enough of that. Let's take a look at this arm." Peeling back the last of the bandages, she revealed a white blistering mess of flesh, but thankfully, one that did not look so badly infected. "You're lucky someone invented super antibiotics a hundred years ago, or I can guarantee this arm would be in a mass of trouble. As it is, you're looking at another hour under the lights to make up for the bacteria's damage."
Quatre flinched, and Trowa could feel the increase shaking of his lover's grip. He held on more tightly.
Sally pulled back and wheeled a cumbersome machine to the bedside, a box that adjusted to fit any size body part. Carefully she maneuvered Quatre's arm into it before pressing a few buttons which caused a seal to close around his forearm, effectively trapping his hand and arm in the box.
"Ready?"
Quatre took a deep breath.
"Sally," Trowa interrupted on Quatre's behalf. "Because of your-escort-we weren't able to stop and get Quatre something to eat. Do you have anything before you start?"
As if it was Quatre's fault, Sally glared down at him. "Quatre, didn't I tell you yesterday before I released you that you had to eat a full hour before this procedure? I could have sworn-"
Irrational temper rose in Trowa, and like it, he rose to protect his partner. "If we hadn't been rushed, I would have made sure Quatre had eaten before we came. As it is we didn't exactly have a choice in the matter, Sally." He used her name as a holding point and glared at her. No one talked to Quatre like that.
And like the security guards, Sally, too, did not come between Trowa and his partner. Nodding her head, she moved silently into the other room to grab a protein bar. When she's stepped out of the room, Quatre turned to him.
"Trowa, that was a little harsh, don't you think? Sally did tell me and she had every right-"
"She had no right to send the team to get you in the first place since she knew I'd planned to bring you first thing this afternoon--after you'd eaten. Since she insisted on calling you in sooner, she is in no position to be short with you." He felt his anger simmer down at Quatre's angelic look.
"Thank you for defending me, Trowa." His name was said with endearment, and Trowa felt a sense of pride and love flow through him. He'd always defend Quatre; he'd always protect him.
"Ok, sorry about that. Here, Quatre, it's not much, but it should fill you up enough until after the nausea subsides." Sally handed Trowa a wrapped bar that looked like a stick of bread. After releasing Quatre's hand, he opened the wrapper and then pressed the bar to Quatre's lips. He held it there for Quatre to take a bite. At the same time capturing the hand he'd previously let go. His lover offered him a soft smile before opening his mouth and biting into the dry bar. He smiled as Quatre made a face but continued to chew and swallow until the bar was gone.
Satisfied, he nodded to Sally, who took the hint and moved to the machine. "Alright, Quatre, you've done this before. Remember that initially it'll feel like your hand's fluctuating between extreme heat and cold, before it settles down. Next comes the pulsing. This'll stimulate the skin to begin regeneration at the accelerated rate; however, it's going to make you sicker than a dog, so just hold on. As soon as it's over with your arm should be in good enough shape that we won't have to do this again. Just be grateful you're not Heero. I had to run him through this thing-full body-for nearly a week. I swear Duo was ready to start threatening to kill my unborn children if I didn't stop the therapy; but if you people would just stop walking through fire, I wouldn't have to do this all the time."
Sally continued to mumble to herself as she programmed the machine. Then in a moment of readying silence, she pushed the start button.
Instantly, Quatre tensed, his whole body going rigid. The process was painful, almost like being burned all over again, but it cut the recovery time by nearly ninety percent and usually prevented scarring. The problem lay in the inability to issue painkillers during the process; it somehow prevented the skin from regenerating properly. So as such, the pilots suffered immensely, but it was better than being out of commission for weeks on end. But as Trowa watched Quatre struggle with the pain for the second time in two days, he began to wonder if it really was better.
Deciding he needed to take his lover's mind off the pain, Trowa questioned him on the one thing he knew Quatre would want to talk about. "Quatre, tell me your plans for the children today? What are you going to do with them this afternoon?"
And like he knew it would, it worked. Quatre turned to look at him, a nearly hidden grimace on his face. "I thought we'd take them to the gardens. Let them play on the jungle gym Wufei built for Marieminna. Now that I think about it, we should probably introduce them--Marieminna and the children." Suddenly Quatre looked at him with a pained expression.
"Are you alright? Is the pain that bad?"
But Quatre shook his head and turned to Sally. "Would you mind if I talked to Trowa alone for a little while?" Concerned, he watched Sally nod before exiting the room and returning to her own office.
He looked back at Quatre, but the blonde was staring up at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts.
"Quatre?"
"Please, Trowa, let me just talk, and you listen, ok? I want you to hear everything I have to say before this gets any worse than I've already made it."
Blind panic overcame Trowa. How had Quatre figured it out?! What would Quatre do now that he knew how Trowa felt? He couldn't let this happen, couldn't let Quatre take an irreparable step back because of him! He had to stop him! Now! "Quatre, don't-"
"I'm sorry about the children, Trowa." The children? "I wasn't thinking. All I saw were these two children who needed me to help them, and that was it. I didn't think about anything or anyone else, especially you. I made some huge assumptions, and I can't tell you how sorry I am about them." Quatre turned to face him, sorrow and regret clearly written on his face. He let go of his hand and moved it to brush against Trowa's face. "I-I wanted so much to protect them that I didn't even ask you your opinion on the idea of saving them. I assumed you wanted to save them as much as I did, and that-because I wanted it-they would stay with us. But I never asked you, and so soon after everything that's happened, I had no right to just take you for granted. Everything between us has been happening so fast, and then for me to just throw two children we hardly know anything about right into our lives--Trowa, I'm so sorry."
And then he understood. This had nothing to do with Quatre realizing his terrible secret. Instead, he was worried that Trowa felt taken advantage of--that his privacy and trust had been breached by Quatre's taking in of these two children. But Trowa had never felt put upon. Quatre had wanted to find these children for months, and he'd always understood that if they found them, Quatre would want them to be at least near if not with them. It was an assumption, but a correct one; Trowa tried to give Quatre whatever he wanted, and in return, Quatre bowed down to whatever whim he himself might conceive. Sure there were times they said no to each other, but for the most part, neither one asked for much, so when they did, it was usually given freely and without hesitation.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I knew you wanted the children to move in with us if you ever found them; and I knew you'd want to take care of them for as long as you could. I would never think of taking that away from you."
"Yes, but, Trowa, I didn't give you a choice. I never even asked. How rude and horrid of me to make such outlandish assumptions. I feel so wretched, and after talking to Duo I should."
Confused, Trowa had no idea what Duo had to do with any of this. "Quatre, what did Duo say to you this morning?"
Looking suddenly caught between a rock and a hard place, he watched as Quatre debated how much to tell him before finally answering. "He said that it's not as if you'd have felt comfortable telling me 'no' anyway. Oh, Trowa, it isn't true, is it? You're not so afraid I'll slip and fall back into my old patterns that you wouldn't tell me no if you didn't want something or even yell at me if I deserved it, would you? You do know that I'd do whatever you wanted me to do, don't you? That I'd change my mind in a heart beat if you wanted something different. You know you don't have to tiptoe around me, don't you, Trowa?"
The pleading in Quatre's voice was one more kick to the explosion that his words had entailed. Just as Corinne had said, Quatre truly would do and become whatever Trowa wanted him to be. There was no question in his mind now that if he told Quatre how he felt, told him that his own seeming weakness was tearing him apart, Quatre would change. Like Corinne had said, in less than a day he'd have his old Quatre back, and for a short time it would be glorious. Quatre would take charge, be strong and powerful, possessive and loving--right before he couldn't take it anymore and ended his life. He couldn't, would not, let that happen! He now knew he'd never allow Quatre to know anything about his condemning thoughts and feelings.
Carefully, he covered his own pain, hiding it from the view of the one man who could make it all better; if only he could be allowed to know. He called forth a smile, and like his stony expression, it was produced-- clockwork at it's finest.
"Quatre, don't be silly. I want your happiness more than anything else in the world-in the universe. Bringing the children here made you happy, and honestly it's made me happy as well. We haven't had much time together, but I feel somehow connected to them; perhaps it's because they know me so intimately through their connection to the ZERO, but regardless I find them very important.
"And Duo was wrong. You know me, Quatre. If you want it, and it's within my ability to give it to you, I will. I want to. Making you happy is my life. Now if I'd thought bringing them here would have jeopardized your recovery then I would have refused, but I don't think that will be the case. In fact, I talked to Corinne this morning about that, and she agreed as well. I was concerned about you not telling me you were in pain last night, but I think I understand why you did it.
"In that light, I don't ever want you to do it again, but I understand. As far as taking advantage of me or any assumptions you might have made, I'll tell you if I don't want something, Quatre, and I know like me, you'll stop or won't go through with it. It's something about our relationship that works very well."
He smiled, a look he didn't entirely feel, until he watched the tension drain from Quatre's face.
"Then you didn't leave so early this morning because you couldn't stand the sight of me?"
Aghast, he answered, "Of course not! Quatre," he leaned in, genuinely concerned that Quatre could possibly think that, "I live to wake up beside you; to know that you're safe and well. How many times do I have to tell you, beloved, I will never leave you, never."
"No, I understand that, Trowa. But sometimes people get angry, and I just don't want you to ever feel like you'd rather be away from me than be in the same room with me. I couldn't bear it if you ever got that disappointed or angry with me."
"Don't worry about such things, Little One. For as long as you'll have me, I'll always wake up next to you, always."
"Thank you, Trowa. I love you, so very much."
He leaned down and kissed him then, a sweet kiss that spoke of forgiveness and whispered promises. It lasted for a long moment before Quatre turned away and shuddered.
"Quatre?"
He shuddered again, "I-I'm sorry Trowa, but-but I think I'm going to be sick." And with that, he was.
* * *
Carefully, Trowa helped him into the room, his weight fully supported by that of his taller and much stronger lover.
"I'd ask how it went, but I'm guessing it was pretty bad." Duo's obnoxious voice was not something Quatre was looking forward to; especially not after being sick three times and currently feeling like he was going to be again.
"Duo, shut up."
His friend offered a weak smile before standing from the couch so Trowa could help him over to it. Sighing greatly, he allowed his body to melt into the cushions. Tiredly, he opened his eyes in time to see Shingam watching him. He offered the boy a weak smile.
"You sure slept late this morning. Are you feeling well rested?" The boy said nothing but curiously moved to sit next to him on the couch. Then at once, Killashandra moved to the couch as well, sitting on the other side of him--both children watching him, Shingam with a desperate and worried look.
Surprised, he looked up at Duo and Heero-who had been sitting in a chair when they'd arrived-neither one acted as if this was a planned greeting. Glancing at Trowa, he saw his partner watching him intently, obviously curious as to what he was going to do. Offering Trowa a wink, he looked back at the children and made a point of smiling at each of them.
Slowly so as not to startle them, he moved both of his arms to wrap around the two children, pulling them close and holding them tightly. They didn't protest, and in fact, Killashandra turned her body to lay her head down in his lap.
He was exhausted after the three hour long therapy that had rid his arm of the infection and worse the burns but had drained him of all of his strength. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, to take Trowa to bed, and not wake up for a very, very long time. But then again, Quatre didn't dare leave the children looking so frightened.
"Shingam, what's wrong? I'm fine; in fact, after I get a nap I'll be good as new. I was thinking that all four of us--you, me, Killashandra, and Trowa--could all take naps. Killa and Trowa have been up since early this morning, I think, and they may need a nap. What do you think? Does Killa need a nap?"
He understood Shingam's need to be in control of Killashandra; it was the same drive he'd felt to protect Trowa, from everything. Now he needed to draw on his own past behaviors to try and stay one step ahead of a boy who could run circles around him. He hoped he was up to the challenge.
Shingam looked at him worriedly before asking, "Did they hurt you badly?"
Quatre couldn't stand the fear and worry in Shingam's voice. He saw again the images of this little boy being beaten and battered again and again, over and over in his mind. Ducking his head, he nuzzled Shingam and to his surprise, the boy returned the gesture in kind. Softly, Quatre whispered to him. "I'm fine, Shingam. They didn't mean to hurt me, they did it so that I'd get better faster. I did a very stupid thing last night, and I didn't get help when I needed it. Because of that, I had to go through extra therapy today, and it makes me very tired and very sick to my stomach. But I'll be all right by dinner, and we'll all have something really good to eat. Doesn't that sound good? Until then, I think it would be best if we all went to sleep for a little while. Haven't you and Killa ever take naps before?"
Pulling back slightly, Shingam shook his head. "We never took naps. We never knew when they'd come." There was an ominous sound to the way Shingam said 'they', and Quatre nearly shivered from reaction to his softly spoken words. Instead he pulled the boy closer still and lightly ran his fingers through Killa's hair; offering comfort the best way he could.
"Well, you don't have to worry about anyone bad coming for you now. So I think we should get the two of you into bed and tucked under the covers-- just for a few hours--and then when you wake up, Trowa and I'll take you out to the gardens, and you and Killa can play. Sound good?"
Hesitantly, Shingam nodded. Then pulling away, he slid off the couch and with much tenderness, pulled Killashandra from his lap. Then with stony eyes, he turned to Trowa.
"Will you tuck us in? Quatre's too tired and sick. He needs to rest--a nap. We'll sleep until he's better." Commanding but little more than what he'd told them himself--as if Shingam took his own words and added authority to them--like a little parrot that added his own twist.
But Trowa only nodded, and instead of taking Shingam or Killashandra's hand, he lifted both children into his arms and carried them towards their bedroom. Quatre tracked them with his eyes, following Trowa's sure movements while he carried his precious cargo. When he'd passed the sensor and the door shut behind him, Quatre turned back to his guests.
"Thank you, Duo."
"No sweat! The kids were angels.well, for the most part. Shingam's a real pain to get up. I think the kid must have rolled over about six times. Anyway, I got them both dressed and down to the kitchen about an hour after you left. Heero met us there and we fed them--something really healthy. You'd have been proud." Quatre smiled his thanks, the events of the last three hours, and more to the point entire morning, catching up with him.
"Duo, we should let Quatre sleep. Quatre, we'll tell you the rest of the details later. Come and get us when you and Trowa take them out this afternoon; we'll give you a hand." He nodded to Heero just as Trowa emerged from the spare room.
Moving to Quatre's side, Trowa sat down on the edge of the couch, ready to take Quatre to bed and letting everyone in the room know it.
"Well, it looks like we've overstayed our welcome. Come on, Heero, I'm sure we can find something to do to kill a few hours." Duo's eyes shone with mischief, and Quatre rolled his eyes as Heero followed Duo to the door.
When they were gone, he turned to Trowa, only to find that his lover had already risen, hand extended to him, ready to pull him into the bedroom. He offered another tired smile before allowing Trowa to pull him up and tuck him safely under the crook of his arm.
"That was fast. They must have gotten right into bed."
Trowa nodded. "I think they were afraid of the way you looked when you came through the door. They look to you for protection, and to see you so.beaten, it couldn't have been easy for them."
Trowa's words stung, and for a moment he felt like he'd let them down--all of them-Trowa included. But Quatre shook it off. He couldn't be strong all the time, and he had to come to grips with that. He had to rely on Trowa sometimes, and one of those times was now. He'd reassure the children as soon as he woke up.
"I'll explain again when we wake up. I think you may be right, though, they did look a little frightened. What did Duo call it this morning? Damage control. I'll do damage control when we wake up. Right now I just want to sleep until Tuesday." He smiled up at Trowa, who gently set him to stand on his own in front of the bed.
Quickly, Trowa undid all of the buttons on his shirt before sliding the sleeves carefully over the healed but still tender arm. Being dramatic, Quatre fell back and onto the bed the moment his shirt was completely off. He opened one eye to gaze at Trowa before his lover shrugged his shoulders and moved to the fasteners of his pants.
"You'll wrinkle these if you sleep in them."
Pouting, Quatre whined back, "Don't care, just want to sleep. Buy new pants in the morning." He laughed at his own joke before closing his eyes and allowing Trowa free reign over his body. He felt his pants removed from his legs, and then Trowa was telling him to slide up, and he complied.
A few minutes later, Trowa settled in beside him, but that wasn't enough for Quatre. He felt wretched, and he wasn't going to sleep alone!
"Trowa, are you comfortable?" The same phrase from so long ago-the first night they'd admitted their true feelings to each other--a life time ago in an old circus trailer-tumbled forth from his lips. He wondered if Trowa would catch it.
"I'm fine. Why?"
Darn, he didn't. Oh, well. Reaching across the space that didn't seem wide enough to accommodate Trowa's legs most days, but today seemed unnaturally wide, he pulled Trowa into him, tucking his lover safely into the warmth of his own body.
"Sorry, Trowa, I wasn't very comfortable; but I think this will be much better."
He felt Trowa settle in, nuzzling his neck for a few moments before whispering softly. "I think this will do much better as well. I-I miss this sometimes."
"Miss what?"
"N-Nothing. Just rest, I know you're tired."
"I love you, Trowa."
"I-goodnight, Quatre."
"Goodnight."