Gotterdamerung Part 2
(Twilight of the Gods)
[Ken]
I open my eyes to a ceiling that doesn't seem familiar. The last thing I remember is the alley… Where am I?
"Oh, Ken-kun, you're awake." I turn my head to see Omi beside me.
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital. Remember the alley, you fainted again."
"The hospital? I don't want to be in the hospital!" I tell him violently, sitting up. I can't be in the hospital.
"Ken-kun, what are you doing? We have to wait for the doctor." Omi tries frantically to push me down on the bed but I'm still stronger than he is and I succeed in throwing back the covers. I am about to slide down to the floor when Youji comes in.
"Oi! Omi, the doctor and Ran will be here shortly." Youji says cheerfully and then he sees me trying to get out of bed. "What the hell are you doing Ken?"
Damn. Caught.
He rushes to my side and tries to push me back down on the bed. "Lie back down, Ken!"
"I don't want to lie down. I want to get out of this hospital!" I tell him irritably, struggling away from him.
"You have to rest up." He insists. Sometimes, Youji can be terribly persistent. A trait I wasn't appreciating at the moment.
"Fine." I tell him, "I can rest up at my flat. Not here."
I push him aside with all my strength. He staggers back in surprise.
Success. I slide down the edge of the bed and am in the process of shoving my feet into the slippers when the door opens.
My hopes of escape wither in the winds as Ran pins me with a glare. I'm sure it was meant to be a what-are-you-doing-get back-to-bed kind of glare but instead it looked like a shi-ne!-get-back-in-that-bed-or-die glare. The kind no one in Weiss questioned. Ever.
And since I have a consuming desire to go on living, I scramble back up on the bed and settle down. I do, however, express my irritation by the rebellious thrust of my jaw and crossed arms. Never let it be said that I was *totally* frightened of Ran Fujimiya, Chief Shinigami of Weiss.
"Ah, Hidaka-san. Komban wa. It is so good that you are finally awake! I'll just run a general check-up and you'll be free in no time, ne?"
The doctor with Ran never noticed the entire exchange. She is so cheerful I almost give in to the urge to smile back at her. Then she pokes and prods and examines me, and I take it back. The doctor is a baka.
After examining the charts at the foot of my bed, she turns to Ran.
"Well, Fujimiya-san. Hidaka-san is well enough, he's just a little anemic that's all. Probably been working too hard. I recommend a few days rest and he'll be fine in no time."
The relief that fills me is overwhelming. It seems that Doctor Kanzaki was right. It wasn't directly traceable. I hadn't wanted to believe it but here was the proof. I was home free.
See! I want to shout at Ran. I could have told you guys I was OK. But I am still in the right frame of mind to realize that that would be most imprudent of me. Somewhere on his person, Ran still carries his katana and I don't want to end up as sushi. So instead I turn to the doctor.
"I can go home now, right, Doc?"
"Of course, Hidaka-san. Though take it easy, alright?"
"Of course." I beam at the doctor and start to get down from the hospital bed.
"Uh, Hidaka-san?" I look back to see the doctor blushing and holding out a pen and a piece of paper.
"Yes, Doc?"
"I was just wondering if I could get your autograph? My daughter is a big fan of the J-league and a particular fan of yours…"
I grab the pen and paper, smile at the doctor and sign my name on the piece of paper, blushing a little. I didn't know that they knew me in hospitals.
[Youji]
I watch Ken blush as the doctor asks for his autograph, smiling.
One year ago, Ken re-entered the J-league, after his name was cleared. What followed was a phenomenal rise to fame as he proved that Ken Hidaka was not only a good goal-keeper but an exceptional player as well. Constant missions with Weiss had made him nimbler and stronger.
One year ago, I saw Ken blushing on TV as they lauded his talent. He hadn't changed a bit. Ken was still the shy, unassuming and infinitely adorable Ken he had been in Weiss. But now this Ken was followed by hordes of screaming teenagers whenever they recognized him. That's why Ken tried to dress down, back to what he was used to wearing when he was in Weiss, whenever he needed to go out incognito.
I wonder sometimes if it had been a good move on my part to strong arm Persia into clearing Ken's name. Now that Ken was famous, he was harder to integrate into Weiss. Anonymity is one of our best assets in the assassin business. But then I'd think about how much good it did him and I guess I never regretted what I did.
Back to the present, Youji! I chide myself.
Ken is now in the process of collecting his things and chatting happily with Omi. I look around for Ran and see him leaning against the wall, an unreadable expression on his face as he looks at Ken.
Kuso! Sometimes I want to kick Ran.
Sometimes?
Alright, so I want to kick Ran most of the time, I amended to myself.
[Ran]
"Ohayo, Ran-kun!"
"Ohayo, niisan!"
Both Omi and Aya-chan greet me brightly as I enter the flower shop. I am in no mood to match their smiles and so I greet them with my old curt reply.
"Hn." Gomen, Aya-chan.
The morning sucked, at least it did to me. After Omi and I took Ken home to his flat, I stayed up all night to go through the documents we obtained the night before. The ones that were supposed to contain the antidote for this mysterious virus running around Tokyo. The documents were full of a lot of bull and nothing else. I should have known better. The set-up had been too easy to infiltrate. I called Manx up and made my report.
This morning, I opened the news to see if there were any developments.
10 MORE CHILDREN COME DOWN WITH MYSTERIOUS VIRUS. NO CURE FOUND. 2 DEAD.
I had crumpled the newspaper in helplessness, mentally tallying up everything that had happened. Ken fainted, the documents were duds, more children were succumbing and 2 were dead. Wonderful. No wonder the morning sucked.
Omi and Aya are used to my moods by now and know when to leave me alone. I retire to a corner and arrange a bouquet of roses, sticking in some more baby's breath before tying it up with a huge silvery white bow.
What now? I ask myself. We have to do something. Damn the crime ring who did this. Targeting children. Anger almost slips out of the carefully controlled mask I wear but I am able to hold it in. I knew Ken must be worried sick about those children. And I didn't want Ken to worry, not now when he needed to rest.
You don't want Ken to worry. Period.
I thought I'd retired you.
Ran's eyes narrowed a bit. The voice was a remnant of the painful year I had spent after Weiss had broken up. Apparently, with Weiss and Ken back in my life, it also decided to show up.
I've been here all the time.
I am going to ignore that inner voice if it takes all day.
That'll be a feat!
You don't exist. Shut up!
"Oi, Ran-kun!" I look up to find Omi waving at me from the door. I raise an eyebrow in query. And Omi grins back at me. "I'm going to check on Ken-kun, don't you remember?"
Right! I forgot that Omi told me that yesterday. I nod my head and in a flash, Omi leaves, waving to Aya. "See you later, Aya-chan!"
I see Aya wave back to Omi with a bright "Later, Shinigami-shi!"
I roll my eyes in frustration. After Aya woke up, I told her all about what happened. And sweet Aya had understood, understood and treated it as a normal occurrence. She playfully tagged us as "gods of death 1, 2, 3 and 4" and no matter how I glare at her now she won't stop doing that. So now I just grit my teeth and accept the fact that I am Shinigami-ichi. *Imoutos!*
I watch as Omi runs across the street. For a minute I want to call him back and tell him that I am coming with him. I want to check up on Ken too, to see if he's alright.
Liar. You just want to see Ken again.
You're retired. I'm not listening to you.
Well, it's true. You just want to see Ken. Like you wanted to see him 2 years ago when he left Weiss. When he left you.
I search about for something to do, anything at all, just to drown out my inner voice. It was pulling me back to the darkness of the past, a past I wasn't ready to face yet. Nor did I want to face it, ever. I wanted it to stay back in the past where it belonged.
I turn to my imouto. She would give me something to do.
"Aya-chan, do you need some help?"
[Ken]
I lived my life in light and laughter, loving the mornings and the sun, shying away from the dark. I feared it, the darkness. Afraid that if even a wisp brushed past me, it would pull me in and I would drown in it.
You were of the darkness, living in the void. It was almost like the night loved you, its sable shadows lovingly caressing your face, the dark enfolding you in its gentle embrace, claiming you for its own. And I wondered just how the darkness could hold such beauty.
You seemed so cold and filled with the need for revenge. I should have been afraid of you. And I was, for a time. But all that changed when I was swallowed up by the darkness. You had been there to guide me, not by actively helping me but by being who you are. I learned then that the darkness held beauty too.
You became my lifeline, the dark light that kept my darkness at bay, the shield that protected me from the voices inside my head, the only thing that kept me from succumbing to the insanity that threatened to engulf what and who I am. You taught me to embrace the darkness and make it my own.
Why? Why did you betray me?
You hurt me more than the darkness ever did or could. The darkness I could overcome but this feeling of emptiness was more than I could bear. It covered the sun and the light until all I could see was the darkness.
I cannot control the tears that cascade down my face, wetting my cheeks in salty runnels. I quiver in fear, huddled in a pathetic ball in the corner of my room. My empty room. My empty life. I am so afraid because I feel the darkness creeping up on me, trying to claw at my soul, eat up my spirit, until there is nothing left but a shell.
The voices in my head grow louder, as if they know what you have done, as if they know you aren't here to protect me. They are screaming in my head now, clamoring to be heard.
I can't keep them back! Help me! Pull me out of the darkness!
No one loves you, Ken. You are all alone.
Alone…I don't want to be alone. Help me, Aya!
But I remember, I can't ask you…you betrayed me, betrayed my trust. I cannot go back. There is nothing to go back to. I have to deal with the darkness alone.
Alone…alone…
WHY? WHY did you betray me? Tell me, AYA!
Alone, empty, cold…
"Yameruuuu!"
I scream, sitting up in bed, breathing hard. It was that nightmare again. A sob rose in my chest. I thought that I exorcised it months ago.
"Ken-kun, daijobu ka?" Omi's voice slowly penetrates my sleep-fogged mind. He heard me cry out, and is knocking frantically at the door.
"Aa. Daijobu." My voice still holds a bit of a quiver as the memory lingers in my mind.
Now is not the time to think about that, Ken! I tell myself, swinging my legs off the side of the bed to open the door for Omi. I have other concerns.
[Omi]
I was preparing Ken-kun's breakfast in his kitchen when I heard him scream. Like any friend, I rushed to his aid. But unlike the normal friend, I pull out some darts and my crossbow from my backpack, ready to kill anything that threatened my teammate and friend.
At first, I place my head on his door, listening for any kind of commotion. When I only heard a sob, I lowered my weapon and concern began to take over.
I knock on his door. "Ken-kun, daijobu ka?"
"Aa, daijobu." Ken's tired voice drifts out. Was it just me or did his voice quiver?
As Ken opens the door, I smile my brightest smile and try to joke. "Wai! Ken-kun you look like hell!"
That earned me the smile that I wanted, a wan smile but a smile nonetheless. Maybe I should've dragged the kids along. They could probably make Ken-kun smile. But the kids were in school.
"Want some breakfast? I cooked some eggs." I point towards the kitchen, tugging him along. We are just going to sit down when we hear someone shouting and banging on the door.
"Oi! Will someone open the damn door?"
"That's gotta be Youji." Ken said, rolling his eyes. "Only he'd be this grouchy so early in the morning."
He smiles at me.
Before Ken-kun can stand up, I am out of my chair and moving towards the hallway. Maybe Youji-kun can make Ken-kun laugh. "I'll get it, Ken-kun. You go eat your breakfast."
[Youji]
Ken looks like hell and I tell him so. "You look like hell."
He just smiles at me and rolls his eyes. "Good morning to you too, Youji."
"Here, Youji-kun. You can sit here. Want some eggs?"
Bleh! Who can eat at this indecent hour of the morning. I shake my head at Omi. "Coffee if you have it."
I languidly settle back on the chair Omi indicates and light my ever-present cigarette. Wonder if he will still…ahhh, well, let's find out. I take a drag from the cigarette.
1…2…3…
"Youji, I told you before. You shouldn't smoke those things. Its bad for you."
Right on the money. I look up to see Ken chiding me with his eyes, and the concern in them almost undoes me. I want to lean over and brush my lips against his in delight, tell him how much I miss him doing that. That would surprise him and Omi, shock them more like. Imagine the great playboy kiss another boy! It wouldn't have stopped me though. I am known for my audacity after all. What stopped me was the fact that Ken is obviously still hung up on Ran and whatever else Kudou Youji might be, I am not a poacher.
I need to distract myself from such thoughts so I decide to needle Ken. One of my favorite pastimes, by the way, since Ken is so adorably quick to rile. I lounge on my seat with a quirky smile, taking another long puff on my cigarette.
"Aa, Kenken. You never change, ne? Still the mother hen."
That got his goat. I settled down on the seat and waited for the fireworks. I knew the taunt hit home when I saw him bristle. "For your information, Youji, I am not a mother hen. And don't call me Kenken."
"Well, you sure do a mighty fine act of imitating a mother hen…Kenken." I smirk at him. It's better this way, better for him not to know how I really feel.
Before Ken can respond, Omi is at my side. "Stop teasing Ken-kun, Youji-kun. He's right, you know, those cigarettes are going to be the death of you. By the way, here's your coffee."
He places a cup of steaming coffee before me. "That reminds me Youji-kun, don't you have work today?"
"Aa, I have a case right now but the lazy prick I'm tailing doesn't get up until late afternoon. I'm free until then." After Weiss disbanded, I went back to being a private investigator. It was hard at first, the memories of Asuka were still there after all, but hey, I still have to work to live. Things aren't so bad.
Ken grins at that. "Sounds like you're two of a kind then."
"Baka." I tell him with a smile. It was true after all, Kudou Youji does not wake up earlier than ten o'clock. It takes a very special reason for me to wake up so goddamn early in the morning.
"You hurt me, Ken. Why, I'm not that lazy. Aren't I here now? And its only nine thirty."
Alright, so seeing if Ken is alright counts as a very special reason.
"I'm touched Youji, I really am." Says Ken, rolling his eyes. "So who's the chick you're meeting after you pay me this token visit?"
I haven't even been on a date since I took up this job, I snorted to myself. I tried to but everytime I went out I kept wanting to see chocolate brown locks and brown eyes. That didn't get me very far. But Ken didn't have to know that so I smirk and fib.
"Chick? What chick? You mean chicks, because there are a lot of girls lining the block waiting for me to date them." I got a small chuckle from Ken.
"Spare us the details, Youji-kun."
"Spoilsport." I grin at Omi. I need some breathing room and my cigarette was starting to dirty up the table. "Hey, got an ashtray around here?"
"There's one in the living room." Ken says as he gets to his feet.
"Hey, I'll go. You stay here and eat the breakfast Omi cooked for you." I stroll towards Ken's living room just as the phone rings.
"I'll get it. Probably just one of Ken's teenybopper fans." I tell them, and sigh to myself. Why was Ken so lovable? I pick up the phone.
"Hidaka residence. H'lo?"
Silence greets me but I know someone's there because I hear humming in the background. I am about to badmouth the asshole when a quiet voice asks…
"Youji?"
Ran. "Yo, Ran."
"What are you doing there, Kudou?" I'm taken aback. Is it just me or is there actually some suspicion in Ran's voice? Oh well! Who cares?
I answer him cheerfully. "I would think the answer's obvious, Ran. I'm checking up on Ken."
"Don't you have a job?" Alright, definitely hostile now. My, my, Ran. So you still do have feelings for Ken.
"The lazy prick I'm tailing doesn't get up until two. I'm good until then." I repeat the words I told Ken and Omi.
"Then you and the others can haul ass. Manx is here."
"Will do. Be there in minutes." I hang up the phone. Sometimes Ran acts like he has a stick shoved up his…well, that's life. I walk back to the kitchen. Ken and Omi are exchanging jokes while Ken finishes up his breakfast. Both of them look up as I enter the room.
"Who was it, Youji?" Ken asks.
"Our great and powerful leader, Chief Shinigami of Weiss, Shinigami-ichi." I borrow the title Aya-chan gave Ran, smirking, knowing that Ran doesn't like it. The prude.
Ken's eyes light up for a second but I see it and it hurts me just a little bit. His eyes never light up when my name is mentioned.
"What did he want?"
The hurt made my tone clipped as I reply. "In his exact words? Haul ass to Koneko. Manx is there."
(Twilight of the Gods)
[Ken]
I open my eyes to a ceiling that doesn't seem familiar. The last thing I remember is the alley… Where am I?
"Oh, Ken-kun, you're awake." I turn my head to see Omi beside me.
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital. Remember the alley, you fainted again."
"The hospital? I don't want to be in the hospital!" I tell him violently, sitting up. I can't be in the hospital.
"Ken-kun, what are you doing? We have to wait for the doctor." Omi tries frantically to push me down on the bed but I'm still stronger than he is and I succeed in throwing back the covers. I am about to slide down to the floor when Youji comes in.
"Oi! Omi, the doctor and Ran will be here shortly." Youji says cheerfully and then he sees me trying to get out of bed. "What the hell are you doing Ken?"
Damn. Caught.
He rushes to my side and tries to push me back down on the bed. "Lie back down, Ken!"
"I don't want to lie down. I want to get out of this hospital!" I tell him irritably, struggling away from him.
"You have to rest up." He insists. Sometimes, Youji can be terribly persistent. A trait I wasn't appreciating at the moment.
"Fine." I tell him, "I can rest up at my flat. Not here."
I push him aside with all my strength. He staggers back in surprise.
Success. I slide down the edge of the bed and am in the process of shoving my feet into the slippers when the door opens.
My hopes of escape wither in the winds as Ran pins me with a glare. I'm sure it was meant to be a what-are-you-doing-get back-to-bed kind of glare but instead it looked like a shi-ne!-get-back-in-that-bed-or-die glare. The kind no one in Weiss questioned. Ever.
And since I have a consuming desire to go on living, I scramble back up on the bed and settle down. I do, however, express my irritation by the rebellious thrust of my jaw and crossed arms. Never let it be said that I was *totally* frightened of Ran Fujimiya, Chief Shinigami of Weiss.
"Ah, Hidaka-san. Komban wa. It is so good that you are finally awake! I'll just run a general check-up and you'll be free in no time, ne?"
The doctor with Ran never noticed the entire exchange. She is so cheerful I almost give in to the urge to smile back at her. Then she pokes and prods and examines me, and I take it back. The doctor is a baka.
After examining the charts at the foot of my bed, she turns to Ran.
"Well, Fujimiya-san. Hidaka-san is well enough, he's just a little anemic that's all. Probably been working too hard. I recommend a few days rest and he'll be fine in no time."
The relief that fills me is overwhelming. It seems that Doctor Kanzaki was right. It wasn't directly traceable. I hadn't wanted to believe it but here was the proof. I was home free.
See! I want to shout at Ran. I could have told you guys I was OK. But I am still in the right frame of mind to realize that that would be most imprudent of me. Somewhere on his person, Ran still carries his katana and I don't want to end up as sushi. So instead I turn to the doctor.
"I can go home now, right, Doc?"
"Of course, Hidaka-san. Though take it easy, alright?"
"Of course." I beam at the doctor and start to get down from the hospital bed.
"Uh, Hidaka-san?" I look back to see the doctor blushing and holding out a pen and a piece of paper.
"Yes, Doc?"
"I was just wondering if I could get your autograph? My daughter is a big fan of the J-league and a particular fan of yours…"
I grab the pen and paper, smile at the doctor and sign my name on the piece of paper, blushing a little. I didn't know that they knew me in hospitals.
[Youji]
I watch Ken blush as the doctor asks for his autograph, smiling.
One year ago, Ken re-entered the J-league, after his name was cleared. What followed was a phenomenal rise to fame as he proved that Ken Hidaka was not only a good goal-keeper but an exceptional player as well. Constant missions with Weiss had made him nimbler and stronger.
One year ago, I saw Ken blushing on TV as they lauded his talent. He hadn't changed a bit. Ken was still the shy, unassuming and infinitely adorable Ken he had been in Weiss. But now this Ken was followed by hordes of screaming teenagers whenever they recognized him. That's why Ken tried to dress down, back to what he was used to wearing when he was in Weiss, whenever he needed to go out incognito.
I wonder sometimes if it had been a good move on my part to strong arm Persia into clearing Ken's name. Now that Ken was famous, he was harder to integrate into Weiss. Anonymity is one of our best assets in the assassin business. But then I'd think about how much good it did him and I guess I never regretted what I did.
Back to the present, Youji! I chide myself.
Ken is now in the process of collecting his things and chatting happily with Omi. I look around for Ran and see him leaning against the wall, an unreadable expression on his face as he looks at Ken.
Kuso! Sometimes I want to kick Ran.
Sometimes?
Alright, so I want to kick Ran most of the time, I amended to myself.
[Ran]
"Ohayo, Ran-kun!"
"Ohayo, niisan!"
Both Omi and Aya-chan greet me brightly as I enter the flower shop. I am in no mood to match their smiles and so I greet them with my old curt reply.
"Hn." Gomen, Aya-chan.
The morning sucked, at least it did to me. After Omi and I took Ken home to his flat, I stayed up all night to go through the documents we obtained the night before. The ones that were supposed to contain the antidote for this mysterious virus running around Tokyo. The documents were full of a lot of bull and nothing else. I should have known better. The set-up had been too easy to infiltrate. I called Manx up and made my report.
This morning, I opened the news to see if there were any developments.
10 MORE CHILDREN COME DOWN WITH MYSTERIOUS VIRUS. NO CURE FOUND. 2 DEAD.
I had crumpled the newspaper in helplessness, mentally tallying up everything that had happened. Ken fainted, the documents were duds, more children were succumbing and 2 were dead. Wonderful. No wonder the morning sucked.
Omi and Aya are used to my moods by now and know when to leave me alone. I retire to a corner and arrange a bouquet of roses, sticking in some more baby's breath before tying it up with a huge silvery white bow.
What now? I ask myself. We have to do something. Damn the crime ring who did this. Targeting children. Anger almost slips out of the carefully controlled mask I wear but I am able to hold it in. I knew Ken must be worried sick about those children. And I didn't want Ken to worry, not now when he needed to rest.
You don't want Ken to worry. Period.
I thought I'd retired you.
Ran's eyes narrowed a bit. The voice was a remnant of the painful year I had spent after Weiss had broken up. Apparently, with Weiss and Ken back in my life, it also decided to show up.
I've been here all the time.
I am going to ignore that inner voice if it takes all day.
That'll be a feat!
You don't exist. Shut up!
"Oi, Ran-kun!" I look up to find Omi waving at me from the door. I raise an eyebrow in query. And Omi grins back at me. "I'm going to check on Ken-kun, don't you remember?"
Right! I forgot that Omi told me that yesterday. I nod my head and in a flash, Omi leaves, waving to Aya. "See you later, Aya-chan!"
I see Aya wave back to Omi with a bright "Later, Shinigami-shi!"
I roll my eyes in frustration. After Aya woke up, I told her all about what happened. And sweet Aya had understood, understood and treated it as a normal occurrence. She playfully tagged us as "gods of death 1, 2, 3 and 4" and no matter how I glare at her now she won't stop doing that. So now I just grit my teeth and accept the fact that I am Shinigami-ichi. *Imoutos!*
I watch as Omi runs across the street. For a minute I want to call him back and tell him that I am coming with him. I want to check up on Ken too, to see if he's alright.
Liar. You just want to see Ken again.
You're retired. I'm not listening to you.
Well, it's true. You just want to see Ken. Like you wanted to see him 2 years ago when he left Weiss. When he left you.
I search about for something to do, anything at all, just to drown out my inner voice. It was pulling me back to the darkness of the past, a past I wasn't ready to face yet. Nor did I want to face it, ever. I wanted it to stay back in the past where it belonged.
I turn to my imouto. She would give me something to do.
"Aya-chan, do you need some help?"
[Ken]
I lived my life in light and laughter, loving the mornings and the sun, shying away from the dark. I feared it, the darkness. Afraid that if even a wisp brushed past me, it would pull me in and I would drown in it.
You were of the darkness, living in the void. It was almost like the night loved you, its sable shadows lovingly caressing your face, the dark enfolding you in its gentle embrace, claiming you for its own. And I wondered just how the darkness could hold such beauty.
You seemed so cold and filled with the need for revenge. I should have been afraid of you. And I was, for a time. But all that changed when I was swallowed up by the darkness. You had been there to guide me, not by actively helping me but by being who you are. I learned then that the darkness held beauty too.
You became my lifeline, the dark light that kept my darkness at bay, the shield that protected me from the voices inside my head, the only thing that kept me from succumbing to the insanity that threatened to engulf what and who I am. You taught me to embrace the darkness and make it my own.
Why? Why did you betray me?
You hurt me more than the darkness ever did or could. The darkness I could overcome but this feeling of emptiness was more than I could bear. It covered the sun and the light until all I could see was the darkness.
I cannot control the tears that cascade down my face, wetting my cheeks in salty runnels. I quiver in fear, huddled in a pathetic ball in the corner of my room. My empty room. My empty life. I am so afraid because I feel the darkness creeping up on me, trying to claw at my soul, eat up my spirit, until there is nothing left but a shell.
The voices in my head grow louder, as if they know what you have done, as if they know you aren't here to protect me. They are screaming in my head now, clamoring to be heard.
I can't keep them back! Help me! Pull me out of the darkness!
No one loves you, Ken. You are all alone.
Alone…I don't want to be alone. Help me, Aya!
But I remember, I can't ask you…you betrayed me, betrayed my trust. I cannot go back. There is nothing to go back to. I have to deal with the darkness alone.
Alone…alone…
WHY? WHY did you betray me? Tell me, AYA!
Alone, empty, cold…
"Yameruuuu!"
I scream, sitting up in bed, breathing hard. It was that nightmare again. A sob rose in my chest. I thought that I exorcised it months ago.
"Ken-kun, daijobu ka?" Omi's voice slowly penetrates my sleep-fogged mind. He heard me cry out, and is knocking frantically at the door.
"Aa. Daijobu." My voice still holds a bit of a quiver as the memory lingers in my mind.
Now is not the time to think about that, Ken! I tell myself, swinging my legs off the side of the bed to open the door for Omi. I have other concerns.
[Omi]
I was preparing Ken-kun's breakfast in his kitchen when I heard him scream. Like any friend, I rushed to his aid. But unlike the normal friend, I pull out some darts and my crossbow from my backpack, ready to kill anything that threatened my teammate and friend.
At first, I place my head on his door, listening for any kind of commotion. When I only heard a sob, I lowered my weapon and concern began to take over.
I knock on his door. "Ken-kun, daijobu ka?"
"Aa, daijobu." Ken's tired voice drifts out. Was it just me or did his voice quiver?
As Ken opens the door, I smile my brightest smile and try to joke. "Wai! Ken-kun you look like hell!"
That earned me the smile that I wanted, a wan smile but a smile nonetheless. Maybe I should've dragged the kids along. They could probably make Ken-kun smile. But the kids were in school.
"Want some breakfast? I cooked some eggs." I point towards the kitchen, tugging him along. We are just going to sit down when we hear someone shouting and banging on the door.
"Oi! Will someone open the damn door?"
"That's gotta be Youji." Ken said, rolling his eyes. "Only he'd be this grouchy so early in the morning."
He smiles at me.
Before Ken-kun can stand up, I am out of my chair and moving towards the hallway. Maybe Youji-kun can make Ken-kun laugh. "I'll get it, Ken-kun. You go eat your breakfast."
[Youji]
Ken looks like hell and I tell him so. "You look like hell."
He just smiles at me and rolls his eyes. "Good morning to you too, Youji."
"Here, Youji-kun. You can sit here. Want some eggs?"
Bleh! Who can eat at this indecent hour of the morning. I shake my head at Omi. "Coffee if you have it."
I languidly settle back on the chair Omi indicates and light my ever-present cigarette. Wonder if he will still…ahhh, well, let's find out. I take a drag from the cigarette.
1…2…3…
"Youji, I told you before. You shouldn't smoke those things. Its bad for you."
Right on the money. I look up to see Ken chiding me with his eyes, and the concern in them almost undoes me. I want to lean over and brush my lips against his in delight, tell him how much I miss him doing that. That would surprise him and Omi, shock them more like. Imagine the great playboy kiss another boy! It wouldn't have stopped me though. I am known for my audacity after all. What stopped me was the fact that Ken is obviously still hung up on Ran and whatever else Kudou Youji might be, I am not a poacher.
I need to distract myself from such thoughts so I decide to needle Ken. One of my favorite pastimes, by the way, since Ken is so adorably quick to rile. I lounge on my seat with a quirky smile, taking another long puff on my cigarette.
"Aa, Kenken. You never change, ne? Still the mother hen."
That got his goat. I settled down on the seat and waited for the fireworks. I knew the taunt hit home when I saw him bristle. "For your information, Youji, I am not a mother hen. And don't call me Kenken."
"Well, you sure do a mighty fine act of imitating a mother hen…Kenken." I smirk at him. It's better this way, better for him not to know how I really feel.
Before Ken can respond, Omi is at my side. "Stop teasing Ken-kun, Youji-kun. He's right, you know, those cigarettes are going to be the death of you. By the way, here's your coffee."
He places a cup of steaming coffee before me. "That reminds me Youji-kun, don't you have work today?"
"Aa, I have a case right now but the lazy prick I'm tailing doesn't get up until late afternoon. I'm free until then." After Weiss disbanded, I went back to being a private investigator. It was hard at first, the memories of Asuka were still there after all, but hey, I still have to work to live. Things aren't so bad.
Ken grins at that. "Sounds like you're two of a kind then."
"Baka." I tell him with a smile. It was true after all, Kudou Youji does not wake up earlier than ten o'clock. It takes a very special reason for me to wake up so goddamn early in the morning.
"You hurt me, Ken. Why, I'm not that lazy. Aren't I here now? And its only nine thirty."
Alright, so seeing if Ken is alright counts as a very special reason.
"I'm touched Youji, I really am." Says Ken, rolling his eyes. "So who's the chick you're meeting after you pay me this token visit?"
I haven't even been on a date since I took up this job, I snorted to myself. I tried to but everytime I went out I kept wanting to see chocolate brown locks and brown eyes. That didn't get me very far. But Ken didn't have to know that so I smirk and fib.
"Chick? What chick? You mean chicks, because there are a lot of girls lining the block waiting for me to date them." I got a small chuckle from Ken.
"Spare us the details, Youji-kun."
"Spoilsport." I grin at Omi. I need some breathing room and my cigarette was starting to dirty up the table. "Hey, got an ashtray around here?"
"There's one in the living room." Ken says as he gets to his feet.
"Hey, I'll go. You stay here and eat the breakfast Omi cooked for you." I stroll towards Ken's living room just as the phone rings.
"I'll get it. Probably just one of Ken's teenybopper fans." I tell them, and sigh to myself. Why was Ken so lovable? I pick up the phone.
"Hidaka residence. H'lo?"
Silence greets me but I know someone's there because I hear humming in the background. I am about to badmouth the asshole when a quiet voice asks…
"Youji?"
Ran. "Yo, Ran."
"What are you doing there, Kudou?" I'm taken aback. Is it just me or is there actually some suspicion in Ran's voice? Oh well! Who cares?
I answer him cheerfully. "I would think the answer's obvious, Ran. I'm checking up on Ken."
"Don't you have a job?" Alright, definitely hostile now. My, my, Ran. So you still do have feelings for Ken.
"The lazy prick I'm tailing doesn't get up until two. I'm good until then." I repeat the words I told Ken and Omi.
"Then you and the others can haul ass. Manx is here."
"Will do. Be there in minutes." I hang up the phone. Sometimes Ran acts like he has a stick shoved up his…well, that's life. I walk back to the kitchen. Ken and Omi are exchanging jokes while Ken finishes up his breakfast. Both of them look up as I enter the room.
"Who was it, Youji?" Ken asks.
"Our great and powerful leader, Chief Shinigami of Weiss, Shinigami-ichi." I borrow the title Aya-chan gave Ran, smirking, knowing that Ran doesn't like it. The prude.
Ken's eyes light up for a second but I see it and it hurts me just a little bit. His eyes never light up when my name is mentioned.
"What did he want?"
The hurt made my tone clipped as I reply. "In his exact words? Haul ass to Koneko. Manx is there."