Email: swythangel@hotmail.com
Title: Götterdamerüng (Twilight of the Gods)
Type: Series 7/?
Teaser: Ken remembers the time Ran and he got together, Youji sees Ken…
Rating: PG (just to be safe)
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff
This is prolly going to be my last installment before Christmas, minna-san! I'm planning to take a break and enjoy the holidays and I hope you guys are enjoying it too…
Thank you to all the people who commented, as usual I love you guys! And if anyone's interested, at last count it was 10 to 2. 10 people against killing Astyanax and 2 for killing. My muse is still undecided so we'll just see, ne? Anyway, I love hearing from you all so keep commenting…^_^v
Merry Christmas everyone! Or Happy Hanukkah or whatever holiday you celebrate!
Götterdamerüng
(Twilight of the Gods)
Part 7
[Ken]
Ring! Ring!
The phone is ringing…it must have been ringing for a while now, only I've been so engrossed in my thoughts to notice. I stand up and move towards the living room with leaden feet, my slippers dragging in the carpeted hallway…
Ring! Ring!
"Hold your horses! Whatever it is can probably wait." I mutter to myself, irritated as the ringing aggravated my headache.
Beep!
The answering machine kicks in at last and I let it take the message. I'm in no mood to talk to anyone right now.
"Ken Hidaka's residence. I'm not in right now so please leave your message at the sound of the beep."
Beep!
"Ken. Usual meeting place and time. "
When I first hear the voice, I recoil from the machine. Of all the frigging coincidences! It *would* have to be Ran. A part of me wants to ignore the voice and stay where I am but another part wants to pick up the phone and let Ran know I'm here, to talk to him about us, and the issues.
Then why don't you?
And have him freeze me again? No, thank you I'd rather not.
This might be the time to ask him why and know once and for all…
I waver…for once my inner voice is talking some sense.
But no…I can't. I don't think I can bear to hear it from his own lips. It would tear me up again and this time I may never recover.
But what if he can explain why he did it…
If he could, then I would forgive him for the past. For an instance happiness bubbles up inside me at the thought. I could forgive him anything if he gives me a reason to. So easily? I know there are issues that are in the way but forgiveness is the first step and I am willing to take it as long as he takes it with me.
"Tell Dr.Kanzaki of the plans."
Ran's unemotional voice brings me back to the present and reality intrudes. The happiness in me dies down. Fat chance of that happening…
Demo…it could happen…
No, it can't. Wake up and stare at reality, Ken!
If its going to happen, Ran has to make the first move. He betrayed me, he should be the one to go first. I still have enough self-respect left not to be the one to crawl back. And of course, I still have my own stubborness.
"If you have any questions, Ken, you know where to reach me."
Questions? Yeah Ran I have lots of questions for you. But I'm afraid to know the answers.
I'm sorely tempted to pick up the phone.
I'm not going to pick up the phone…I'm not going to pick it up…
I can't stay here and hear Ran's voice…I whirl around and go out of my flat, slamming the front door.
"That's all. And Ken…er, don't forget Ken."
Beep!
Is it just me or did I hear a hint of regret in his tone?
[Youji]
"Damn woman, she's late."
I look at my watch while taking a nice long drag at my cigarette. I'm leaning against a building waiting for my date. My late date.
I've been dating for a week now after my resolution to forget Ken. And is it working? Well, if it isn't for the image of a certain soccer player overlaying over all of my dates' faces in the most inconvenient times, I'd say its working.
Shit! I throw down my spent cigarette to the ground and grind it viciously into the pavement. Who am I fooling?
This isn't working out at all. But I'm still going to keep trying. Because as I've been telling myself, Kudou Youji wasn't born to be, and refuses to be, a lovesick martyr.
Youji, you need to relax.
Yeah, I know that. For the past week I've been a tight-ass wreck. *Not* my style at all but it sort of crept up on me. Right after that scene in Kanzaki's clinic with Ran and Ken. Yes, I know I wasn't suppose to have seen that but I have eyes, dammit! And what I saw made me want to kick Ran…*again*.
Well, that punch in the face wasn't exactly a kick but it was very satisfying. I narrow my eyes in remembrance. A *very* satisfying punch. And not at all undeserved either.
Anger flashes through me again as I remember how he lowered his eyes at my challenge. I didn't expect him to do that at all. It disappointed me and still disappoints me. Because in my mind, no matter how much he had callously treated Ken, I had thought that he didn't do it consciously, that he didn't really know what he had been doing.
And eventhough I know it would hurt me, if Ran had told me that he was willing to patch things up with Ken, I would have helped him.
To get that kind of answer from him made me see red. I never would have believed that Ran Fujimiya, who I respect and admire, yes, I do admire him eventhough he has this permanent stick shoved up his ass, would give up on something so important.
Hence, the punch. And the strained situation between us. Not that Ken or Omi noticed. Thank God! They're too busy cracking Zeiger's network and too tired after to even ask. Another thing that contributes to my "tight-assedness" if there is such a word. Ken looks so tired these past few days that I can't help but fuss over him. I'm constantly worrying that he'll just keel over one of these days.
There's a kind of humorous irony in that. Ken, the mother hen, getting henpecked. A smile makes its way to my face at the thought. Who would've known the great Kudou Youji can be a fucking mother hen?
Not that he appreciates it, of course. The frown on his face most nights when I drag him off to his apartment attests to that. But he doesn't complain because he's too damn tired to.
Ran, the insensitive stone cold bastard, pretends not to notice me mothering Ken…Ok, that's unfair. He isn't an insenstive bastard. I know he worries about Ken because I can see his face tighten everytime he sees how pale Ken looks. But he doesn't comment at my mothering habits. He probably feels guilty…all he does is stare at me leaning on the door waiting for Ken and Omi to finish up before 2 AM. He'd be holding up the other end of the wall, and when we're ready to go, he would drag his ass and lovely black eye up the stairs to his apartment in silence.
That victory over Ran would have been so sweet if not for the fact that I'd always catch Ken's fleeting look of yearning at Chief Shinigami's back. Then, the sweet taste of victory turns bitter in my mouth and my heart breaks again in a thousand pieces.
I'm tired of picking up the pieces every night…and that's why I'm dating again, which brings me back to the present. Now where's my damn date? I scan the area again, looking for the telltale blond hair that my date sports. Hmmnnn…nothing so far.
Then! On a nearby hill I see something that catches my eye. A motorcycle, a very familiar motorcycle…Ken's. Much as I hate myself for it, anticipation and happiness worm their way inside of me. Maybe Ken is nearby…
Bingo! There, sitting under the solitary tree on the small hill, is a familiar brown-topped figure. I push myself away from the wall I'm leaning on.
To hell with my date and my resolution. I want to talk to Ken and nothing's going to stop me.
I never thought that you'd turn out to be a masochist, Youji.
Oh, just shut the hell up.
[Ken]
Leaves. Red orange leaves drift down from the tree I am sitting under. I love the autumn season. I turn my hand over to catch one of the falling leaves, rubbing it against my hand, marveling at the texture and the riot of colors in the leaf.
Red leaves. An autumn gone by. Ran by my side.
I sigh as the momentary pleasure I feel is replaced by an old deep sadness. All thoughts turn to Ran these days. And right now I am too tired to fight it, hurting too much from the headache and emotions kept bottled up for so long. So I let the dam burst, let the dark waters of the past batter at the bank of my confused soul.
I remember the way the sun glinted on Ran's red hair, how it caressed his pale skin, as Ran sat down on this selfsame tree, his violet eyes' intensity a shade or two milder as he relaxed beside me.
//An angel sat beside me. The thought ran through my head as I looked sureptitiously at Aya who was lounging back against the tree beside me. A blush stained my cheeks at the thought. I couldn't let him know what I was thinking or it would have shattered the tentative friendship that has formed between us.
"You should relax more often, Aya." I told him gently, still unsure of his reaction even after all Weiß had been through together.
"Hn."
I laughed at his reaction. Typical of Aya not to react to something that much.
"I'm serious! You look better relaxed, more approachable."
He quirked his eyebrows at me and replied with the driest tone. "Some of us don't want to be approachable, Ken. Why don't you just leave it at that."
Me? Leave it at that? I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. Of the four, I was the person most likely to worry about everyone, Youji calls me a mother hen, not that I appreciate it, but it was an apt description if a little extreme. Sometimes I know they thought I was a pain in the ass for being such a worry wart.
And he expects me to leave it at that?
I was laughing so hard that I bumped my head on the tree trunk. My bandaged head.
"Ow."
I closed my eyes in pain, sliding to the ground. The wound had been inflicted in last night's mission and it was still fresh enough that banging it on the tree trunk hurt a damn lot.
"Are you alright, Ken?" I opened my eyes to see Aya bending down on me, his tone concerned, his eyes locked on mine. Mesmerizing violet eyes that I could get lost in. They were so hypnotic. I blushed again and I knew I should have turned away but I couldn't.
Turn away Ken! Before he finds out what you feel for him! The thought ran through my head like a claxon alarm but my brain had stopped functioning, it was too immersed in the vision staring down at me, our faces were so close together I could feel his breath on my face and the warmth he radiated.
Blame it on the nice autumn weather or blame it on beautiful violet eyes that stared at me with such concern. Whatever it was opened the dam to forbidden thoughts and feelings of longing. In the end, I couldn't help the words that slipped out.
"I…I love you, Aya."
Whatever possessed me to say it, I didn't exactly know but as soon as the words left my mouth, regret set in. I knew that Aya would then turn away from me in loathing and I looked away, not wanting to see revulsion in the purple depths.
Tears had started to form as the silence lengthened between us. Baka, baka, baka! How could I say that? I lambasted myself with torturous thoughts as I stared with tear-blurred eyes at the grass beside my face. I wanted to get up and run away but Aya was still leaning over me, probably in shock, and I couldn't push him away. Scared at what he might do.
I had been too immersed in my thoughts to notice the gentle hand that turned my head to face him. But the quiet words that followed jolted me out of my surprise.
"I, I love you too, Ken."
He…he loved me too? My brain was still processing this incredible fact and dealing with the delirous happiness that went with it when his head descended even lower to claim my mouth in a sweet breathless kiss…//
Aya…tears form in my eyes at the memory. Why couldn't we have stayed the same? Why did you betray me?
I know I sound like a broken record but the question goes over and over in my head. And the pain that goes with it. Physically and emotionally drained, I can't stop the quiet sobs that rise in my chest and I shove my head in my hands hoping to stop it.
"I gather this is about Ran again, ne, Kenken?"
Startlement at the angry voice temporarily stops my sobs as I look up to see Youji leaning against the tree looking down at me.