Disclaimer: Weiß is
not mine, its Koyasu-san's and Project Weiß's. I'm only playing ^-^
Still
remember me? Lurker extraordinaire reporting for gott duty! ^-^ Two more
months and this fic'll celebrate its one year anniversary…how kowaii.
Anyway,
I promised a lot of people this would be the first fic I'd be working on
when I do write Weiß fics again so here it is ne? Thanks to all the
people who commented even when I was lurking. ^-^ FF.net commentors,
you guys rock! sorry i wasn't able to reply to all of your comments. *glomps
you all*
I'm
missing some people in the wkff…er Bridget? Mirror Dance, WK god ^-^v?
Koyuki? Tschubi-chan? ^^
Ok
no more babble I think. Here it is…
Götterdämmerung
(Twilight of the Gods)
Part 18
[Youji]
Forgive me…
Ken?
I take a quick look at the
rear view mirror. I know that Ken did not come with us but the voice is
so real that I just have to check. Ken can act as wily as Schwartz when
his stubborn streak takes him. And I won't put it past him to try and sneak
into the car when we were not looking.
I slide a glance at Omi at
my side. The boy is clacking away at his laptop computer, which means he
did not hear anything at all.
…
But it sounded so real…
Forgive me…
Schuldich's words come back
to me…
/And might I suggest,
Weiß that you hurry back to your teammates?"/
Ken! My heart beats faster,
somehow something must have happened to Ken. And only one thing enters
my mind.
I step hard on the gas pedal.
"Youji-kun!!! You're driving
too fast! Slow down."
"Ken."
It is all I say but Omi understands
as he sighs and holds on to the seat with a deathgrip that looks almost
like a steel clamp.
"Ken! Wait for us." I mutter
under my breath. " Don't do anything until we get there. Because if you
do anything without telling me first, I will strangle you."
Forgive me…
I won't let you die, Ken.
If I have to move heaven and earth to do it, I won't let you die.
[Ran]
Floating…
I am floating in infinite
darkness, the kind of darkness that swallows even the shadows into itself.
It is cold and unyielding, like ephemeral shards of jagged steel that thrusts
itself into one's soul deeply but quickly vanishes when one tries to pull
it out. One that inspires hopelessness and fear.
I am not afraid. Its been
a familiar feeling for me, one I have lived with for so long. Sometimes
it even feels like a welcome friend that I visit when the mood takes me.
But today it does not. I
resent its intrusion.
Mostly because it has taken
me away from him. And HE is one of the most important things in my
existence.
We were going to talk after
the mission.
I claw at the darkness, trying
to come back to consciousness but the darkness does not slip away, instead
it solidifies in front of me and refuses to allow me passage. I recognize
this darkness as different from the usual one I dwell in. It is more cloying
and it smells of decay. It also saps away at my strength, a formless vampire
that feeds on my vitality, making me weak.
I cannot fight it.
So tired. This darkness makes
me so tired that I almost want to close my eyes and surrender to it. It
is not hard to deduce why I am feeling like this. It is a disease. Trojan
if I am not mistaken, from the dart in Zeiger.
I cannot afford to be trapped
by this damn virus. Not for a second. I do not know why but I know that
if I cannot get out of here, something is going to happen to him.
Ken.
I can feel you near me. I
can feel the fine strands of your hair brush against my chest as you lay
your head down on it, I can feel your roughened callused hands as you hold
onto me, your weight a familiar warmth I miss.
I can hear what you are saying.
Even in this disease-ridden darkness I can hear your voice and it is what
is keeping me from succumbing to it.
"It seems Ran that our talk
will have to wait ne?"
/Ken. Wait for me, I will
get out of this./
"I wanted to talk to you
right after the mission Ran."
/We will talk, Ken./
"I wanted to tell you to
forget about the past and all the misunderstandings."
/If I can have another
chance to spend my life with you I would gladly try to forget the mistakes
we made. But do not ask me to forget about the past. Because the past was
when you were with me, I can never forget it./
"I wanted to be able to be
able to hold your hand and hear you say you're willing to start over."
/We WILL start
over. This I promise you./
"I want…I want to tell you…that
I love you."
/As I love you./
Why, why does it feel like
he is speaking with finality? Like he is going away somewhere and never
coming back.
Instincts tell me that he
is going to do something I will not condone if I am conscious but what
it is exactly I cannot fathom. But knowing Ken it is something impulsive
and it involves sacrifice on his part. It always does.
/I forbid you!/ I
want to tell him. Whatever it is he is going to do, I do not want him to
do it.
Out of desperation, I try
to part the darkness again. I must stop Ken from whatever decision he has
made.
But the darkness is as unyielding
as ever and I fall back into the void. I cannot force myself out so instead
I close my eyes and try to communicate with the only thing left to me…my
heart.
/Hear me Ken, listen to
me and know that I love you. Stop whatever it is you are about to do and
wait for me./
It is useless though. He
does not hear me. He can't hear me.
"Oyasumi,. Sleeping Beauty.
You'll wake up soon, I promise."
No…Ken.
[Youji]
/Talk to me, Ken./
"You never fucking listen,
do you? What did I say? Make sure you don't do anything remotely endangering
to your health. That's what I said and what did you do? This! Of all the
stupid, insensible…"
/Come on, Kenken./
"…ornery, argumentative thing
to do. You would do this to me, to us! You couldn't just wait could you?"
"Youji-kun…"
"You could have waited, you
know. How long have Omi and I been gone? Just over three hours, damn it!
Can't you even stay out of trouble in that short a time?"
"Youji-kun."
"Its not fucking fair, Ken!
You tell us to take care but you don't give a rat's ass for your own safety.
HOW
CAN YOU DO THIS!"
"YOUJI-KUN!"
What penetrates my consciousness
is not the shouted words but the wrench I feel on my shoulder and I glare
at Omi for stopping me in the middle of my tirade.
"What?" I ask him with a
glare worthy of Chief Shinigami himself.
"Shouting will not help the
situation any."
"Omi," I frown at him "Ken
needs to know just how rash he's been in this situation. Now stop trying
to distract me."
Omi looks at me, his blue
eyes glassy bright and sad, but there is determination in his features
and the grip he has on my shoulder is strong. I try to shake it off.
He is keeping me away from
Ken.
"Youji-kun!" He shakes his
head, the fall of honey blond hair hiding his face from me as he whispers
his next words. "It is useless. No matter what you say or do, Ken-kun will
not be able to hear you. He has slipped into a coma even before we arrived."
There it is. The cold truth.
It would have been nice to hang on to the illusion that Ken is listening
to me. That he isn't lying there on the clinic bed attached to blinking
and bleeping machines, unconscious.
He looks so frail, no color
is left in those cheeks or lips. He's like a waxen copy of the Ken that
we all knew.
"Ne, Youji-kun, daijobu.
The doctor says Ken-kun will snap out of it once Dr. Kanzaki works on a
cure for him. Astyanax comes first. We shouldn't worry too much. It is
only because of the drug-induced anemia that he has slipped into this state.
He'll bounce back. He's at the peak of his physical condition. He won't
lose the fight, not to a stupid disease. Not our Ken-kun."
I can hear the almost desperate
rationalizing tone in Omi's voice and knows that he is saying this not
only for me but for himself. He wants to believe in it as much as I do.
I know I should probably try to assure him…
…
But there are no words inside
me to do so. Everything is focused on Ken.
/I am sorry, Omi./
Maybe Omi understands far
better than I give him credit for because he only looks at me and nods
his head, letting go of my shoulder as he returns to his seat.
"Its better if you try and
rest awhile we still have some things to do. Trojan is still at large."
/No. I will stay here
with Ken./
The thought is instantaneous.
What do I care about Trojan or any other when Ken is lying there on the
bed almost dead.
I don't say it though. I
still have sensitivity enough to realize that like me, Omi feels like fragile
glass right now and the wrong words could break us into pieces. I can't
chance it. So I say the only words that would come out.
"Aa."
Omi gets up then. "I'll take
a small nap then Youji-kun. Schwartz will be in contact soon and I'll have
to be up and about by then to take care of it."
I nod.
"Youji-kun? Just a little
more ne? We just need to hold up a little more. It'll be over soon. And
we'll ALL be back at Koneko."
/Thank you, Omi./
As the door shut behind Omi,
I turn back to him, glad for the privacy.
To tell the truth, I am not
only a little anxious but also a little bit angry…no, scratch that, I am
very incensed at Ken for deciding without our consent.
"You did it for Ran did you
not? You did it so Ran wouldn't have to die." I didn't need Ken to be conscious
to know that. The doctor had informed us of Ran's condition when we had
gotten back and why Ken had decided to extract Astyanax when he did.
/"I did it for everyone's
sake."/
"Everyone's sake? Who died
and made you the martyr? What you did was pure fucking selfishness, Ken.
You didn't even consider all of us who cared for you did you? You only
thought about Ran."
/"Yes, this is about Ran.
But I also thought about you and Omi, Yotan. Of Aki and Rei and the rest
of my soccer team, my friends, the victims of Trojan."/
Yes, he did. Deep within
my subconsciousness, I know Ken did. But I need a focus for my anger, my
despair. I need a focus to control all this else it will spill all over
me and drive me to the brink of dangerous depression.
/"It is the best way,
the only way."/
"Don't you think I know that?"
Of course I know that but
it is so difficult to accept. So fuckingly difficult to accept.
Tears prickle at my eyes
but I hold them back. Now is not the time for crying, to cry is to give
up hope and I will never give up hope. Ken is going to waken sometime.
He will.
Once the Doctor Kanzaki extracts
Astyanax from Ken's blood, the victims of Trojan will be saved. Then Ken
will be saved.
Until then I will stay by
his side. For as long as it takes for him to wake up. Forever if need be.
::Ich will hier bei dir
stechen {I will stand here beside you}
Verachte mich doch nicht!
{do not then scorn me!}
Von dir will ich nicht
gehen, {From thee I will not depart}
Wenn dir dein Herze bricht.
{Even if Thy heart is breaking.}
Wann dein Herz wird erblassen
{When thy heart shall grow pale}
Im letzten Todesstoss
{in the last pang of death,}
Als denn will ich dich
fasren {then I will grasp Thee}
Im meinem arm und Schoss.::{in
my arms and lap.}
/Schwarz!/
::What? I found it strangely
appropriate. That was touching, Balinese, real touching! Now what do you
do for an encore?::
/Get the fuck out of my
mind, you sick bastard!/
::Tsk! Tsk! Is that any
way to treat someone who has just ended all your troubles with that Crime
Ring?::
/You have finished the
job?/
::What do YOU think, Weiß?::
/What do I think? That
you're a dangerous snake who might just as well be fucking with my mind
rather than telling the truth./
A mental laugh. ::Touche.
You have a point, Kitty Cat. If you require proof then we will bring you
proof. Just make sure that you have the cure ready when we get there.::
/Wait for our signal then./
::We do not jump when
Weiß tells us to, Balinese. We'll be there in a week's time.::
/The antidote might not
be ready by then./
::Oh it will be, Balinese.
It will be. Trust us on that.::
/How…/ But even before
the thought forms in my head the answer hits me. Of course, the Oracle
leader.
::Vunderbar! You are learning,
Weiß. That is good. See you in one week's time Kitty Cat. Tell the
bishonen this.::
Of course Schuldich did not
tell Omi that eventhough they know it is Omi who has assigned himself the
position of go-between. I should have known Schuldich would be perverse.
::Oi, I'm still here,
Weiß. It's rude to talk trash on people.::
/So? That doesn't prevent
me from slandering your name. With all the insults you get, I'm quite sure
you're used to it by now./
Another laugh. ::I'd come
up with an appropriate repartee but unfortunately I have things to do.
Ja, Weiß!::
As the remnants of Schuldich's
presence fades from my mind, the implications of the situation falls down
on me like a load of bricks.
So it nears the end. In one
week's time, Astyanax will be found and the city saved. Then, Ken too will
be saved.
...
One week. It seems a long
time in coming…
TBC ^_~ As usual comments
onegai? I know I've been dragging this out and now its actually sounding
like a dang soap opera o.O but I can't help it, its built this way, gomen.
Its nearing the end though *big loud grateful sigh from readers* so let's
all rejoice. I estimate around three more parts left and then we're all
hunky dorey done. ^-^ So bear with me onegai?
