The following morning Quatre awoke feeling more rested and
rejuvenated than he had in weeks. Stretching, he was slightly disappointed
to discover that he was alone in bed, but decided that Trowa had most
likely gotten up to care for their daughter.
Their daughter.
It still didn't seem quite real, and yet it was, so real in fact it threatened to stop his heart and make him cry out in joy and fear. His daughter, his little girl. He was a father, and he'd be better, he'd be amazing, he'd love his daughter no matter what, it was his promise to her. Nothing would ever change how he felt about her, he'd dedicate his life to her and Trowa, to his family. He wouldn't be anything like the man he'd called father.
At the thought his heart gripped in his chest. His father. Could he ever escape from that man's shadow? Would the crimes committed against him by this man he loved despite everything, condemn him to repeat them onto his only daughter?
Often he'd lain awake at night, holding Trowa's body close and wondered what he could have done to make his father love him. Could he have smiled at a better time or tried harder not to let his emotions show like he had? If only he'd been stronger, manlier then perhaps, just maybe his father would have loved him enough to accept him fully.
But that hadn't been the case, and his father had shunned him and hurt him to the point where Quatre could feel little emotion towards his dead father at all. He wanted to hate him, wanted to laugh like he had that day in space so long ago and spit on his father's grave as he had two nights after the funeral he hadn't attended. But there were times as well that he thought back to the many warm nights by the fire that his father would read to him, tucked safely in the comfort of strong and familiar arms. Nights when his empathic abilities had awoken him screaming and his father had come to comfort him. Days when they'd sat listening to music while his father had tried to teach him a love for the business, when all Quatre had wanted was the chance to spend time with his father. Which was right? Which emotion was the right path to follow? Could he hate the man that on some level had loved him, or could he love that man that had on some level hated him? He didn't know, and that alone awoke him at night even now so that he clutched Trowa's sleeping body to his chest and wept silent tears of frustration and fear. Was he his father's son, or wasn't he?
Abruptly he shook off that line of thought and rose to greet the-he looked at the clock-Afternoon! Scrambling quickly, Quatre raced for the bathroom and busied himself with mandatory chores before dressing quickly and leaving the relative safety of his bedroom.
From the afternoon light coming through the windows he smiled brightly at the sight before him.
Killa lay with Star in a patch of warm sunlight, while Shingam played mindlessly with his blocks engaging Killa in a one sided conversation. His eyes fastened onto Trowa as his lover rose to greet him good day. Behind Trowa sat Heero and Duo who watched their son adoringly, while Wufei and Sally too smiled softly to see the two children happy.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
He smiled as Trowa took him into his embrace. "I'm feeling much better. Actually, I haven't felt this good in weeks. It's a little strange actually." Trowa chuckled. "What's so funny?"
Turning his head, Trowa regarded Killa's contented form, and Quatre followed his gaze to rest on their daughter.
"Last night, around three thirty or so, Killa and Star decided they were lonely. I ended up with my whole family piled onto me last night; the experience wasn't entirely unpleasant." Trowa smiled down at his astonished expression.
"Killa came into our room last night? I didn't even hear her." He was slightly upset with himself, feeling as if he'd neglected some sort of fatherly duty. Hadn't his own father at least known when he'd entered his room late at night.
"Little Sultan, if you insist on waking an old man, at least come here and go to sleep. I'll never get any rest with you trying to be quiet by the door."
"You were exhausted, it'd been a long night. Besides, I have a feeling Killa wanted you to sleep."
Startled, Quatre turned to regard his partner. "What do you mean?"
Trowa shrugged. "When she came in last night she sat on the bed and just stared at you for a little while. I can't really describe it, but it was like she was just watching you sleep and thinking about what that meant. I'm not making much sense, but it was amazing to just watch her watching you. Then she settled in and when I thought she was finally going to sleep she moved her hand and started touching your face. Again, it's hard to describe, but it was like she was familiarizing herself with what you looked like. She finally fell asleep with her palm against your temple. I wondered if you'd feel better in the morning."
Stunned, Quatre mulled that thought over as he shifted his gaze to watch his daughter. "You think she might have helped me empathicly?"
"You did say you felt better this morning."
Absently Quatre nodded.
Squeezing Trowa's hand, Quatre moved across the room and sat very close to Killa but out of her range of sight. Star meowed and untangled herself from Killa's grasp and moved to Quatre's waiting fingers.
Slowly, Killashandra turned to him, her eyes were focused as she gazed at him. He didn't recognize an expression of any kind but he was sure there was some kind of easy emotion running through her. On impulse he turned to Shingam.
"Shingam, what is Killa thinking right now?"
A bit startled by the question, Shingam turned to Killashandra before turning back to him.
"Killa's glad you feel better this morning. She was worried about you last night. She says that you've had a lot of bad things happen to you, just like us, and she doesn't want you to hurt anymore." Shingam shrugged and returned to his blocks, trying to arrange then in colored patterns this time.
In awe, Quatre turned back to Killa only to find that the child had risen and was now standing directly in front of him, Star having moved away at her presents or command. Still her eyes spoke of nothing, but as she looked at him, her small body barely coming up to his shoulders, she looked so much like she wanted to tell him something.
Smiling he drew her into his embrace, settling her so she rested on his thighs and had her head pillowed to his chest. "It's ok, Killa. I'm all right thanks to you. I feel much better. I appreciate you trying to take care of me, but you don't have too, it's my job to take care of you, remember? Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. You just get to be a little girl, my little girl, and I'll take care of you and your Papa, and even Star. That's my job, to take care of all of you. And if you're worried about me, you don't have too, that's Papa's job. He'll take care of me so I can take care of all of you. OK?"
He nuzzled her soundly and knew he'd gotten through to her on some level as her hand fisted the soft blue shirt he wore. Silently he felt Trowa settle in behind him.
"You know, Quatre, if your family opens every day like this, I'd hate to see you all come together in a crisis, it'd be freaking scary!" Quatre chuckled as Heero hit his partner upside the head and Shingam laughed at his father's antics.
"You're just jealous."
"Naw, you should have seen us this morning. Shingam and I ganged up on Heero in the mess hall. Didn't we, Shingam."
The boy giggled loudly while nodding his head, blocks forgotten. "Yeah! We threw cereal at him until he tugged on Duo's braid and tickled me. Oh and guess what! I forgot to tell Trowa, but guess what!"
Quatre could see it already. It was amazing how much of Duo's personality was already being exhibited in Shingam. He felt a quick stab of jealousy, but it disappeared just as quickly as he took in Shingam's excited appearance.
"What?!"
"Heero didn't even know about Trowa and the stubble, but I went into the bathroom this morning cause Duo wanted to brush my hair, and Heero was shaving and guess what!"
He laughed as did the others in the room, even Killa seemed to be paying close attention to Shingam.
"What!"
"Heero showed me how to shave! Again! And I told him that I knew how to check for stubble and I showed him and he laughed and so did Duo! I told them Trowa showed me how, and that he'd showed me how to check. And then Duo asked what else Trowa had said and I told him that Trowa had said that you didn't have any chest hair and Heero laughed so hard Duo had to hold him up!" A proud expression settled onto Shingam's face as he exclaimed his morning antics.
For his part, Quatre simply ducked his head in shame as the others laughed.
"Hey, I have chest hair.it's just hard to see! For the love of Allah, I am blond! Give a guy some credit!"
"We tried Quatre, but it's hard talking to a guy that still looks fifteen." Duo was whooping it up as he laughed, and even Sally and Wufei couldn't suppress their giggles.
Sally's voice held more mirth than Quatre thought the situation deserved. "From a medical stand point, Quatre, you're perfectly healthy. It's natural, I mean, someone has to be a late bloomer." Laughing hard at his grumbling Sally turned to bury her face into Wufei's shoulder.
Even behind him, Trowa laughed as well. He turned to offer his lover a glare. "Fine just laugh it up! Keep laughing Trowa, we'll see how funny it is when you're sleeping in Wufei's old room down the hall!"
The rest of the afternoon went pretty smoothly after that, it was the night that brought the first real trials of fatherhood.
* * *
They were relaxing at Duo and Heero's home. Again the two children lay sprawled out on the floor, only this time Quatre and Trowa watched fascinated as Killa handed block after block to Shingam.
"Ok, a green one this time." And obliging him, Killa handed over the appropriately colored block.
"Shingam?" Trowa's voice held all the awe that they'd discovered watching Killashandra participate for the first time. "Does Killa know her colors, or are you telling her which blocks to hand you in her mind?"
Wondering the same thing, Quatre turned to watch Shingam's perplexed expression before shrugging his shoulders. "She knows her colors. Ask her to bring you a block, pick any color."
They shared a questioning look before Trowa cleared his throat and quested Killa. "Killa, would you bring me a red block?" There was hesitation there, and Quatre felt the apprehension that they'd be disappointed. But Killa only looked at the blocks around her before picking up a red one and a blue one. Standing she carried the precious red block to Trowa before handing it to him softly. Then, turning, she handed the blue block to Quatre.
Shingam answered his question before he could ask. "Killa said you were thinking about blue when Trowa said red. She wanted you to have a block too."
He smiled before catching Killashandra in a quick hug. She didn't hug him back, but she lingered for a moment by his side before returning to the floor and again handing Shingam the blocks he asked for.
"She surprises me a little more everyday."
Trowa smiled as he answered back. "I think that's par for the course."
Quatre couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. Suddenly, the door chimes rang and Heero came out of the bedroom where he and Duo were currently searching for an old book that had a story they were going to read to the children before bed. It was almost eight.
Heero released the lock on the door and startled a little at the man standing before him.
Dressed in black with only a square of white showing at the collar, the balding but handsome priest smiled warmly at Heero; who simply stared back.
When the older man spoke it was with an accent Quatre recognized as Italian.
"Hello, I'm Father Santiago, the priest at The Holy Cross, a church in town. A parishioner of mine, Duo Maxwell, requested to see me and gave me this address. Does he live here?" The man was all smiles and instantly set Quatre at ease. He understood why Duo enjoyed church so much with this kind soul leading the masses.
Nodding, Heero motioned for the man to enter, as he shut the door and moved into the bedroom.
Left alone with a slightly shunned holy man, Quatre felt it was his responsibility to fill up the space. "Father, is there anything I can get you to drink? Please, sit down." Quatre stood to get the beverages and motioned to one of the chairs around the living room.
"No, no, I'm fine, thank you. I will take that seat though." Sitting, the man turned to watch the children who had now turned their attentions to him. The Father's eyes lit up upon seeing them. "Now I know the two of you. Didn't I see you both the other day at Christmas Mass?" Shingam nodded his head and the old man smiled. "Well, did you like it?"
Shrugging Shingam looked a little lost before smiling. "I liked the story of baby Jesus. Duo told us a story like that later only it was different. He said some of the stories were the same but sounded different."
The priest nodded. "Yes, there are many versions of the birth of Jesus. Which story did you like better?"
Shingam didn't hesitate. "The story Duo told, it had angels in it." The man nodded again.
Suddenly Duo entered, brushing off his hands as he came in, Heero close behind him, another odd look on his face.
"Father Santiago! Thank you so much for coming! I know it's short notice and you have so many obligations, but I really appreciate you taking the time."
Father Santiago smiled and stood to shake Duo's hand. "Of course. You sounded as if it were rather important." Quatre heard it then, the hesitation on the priest's part to say anymore. Quatre thought it kind that the man didn't want to divulge more than he thought Duo would want them to know.
But Duo only seemed more agitated and as they watched he very nearly began pacing.
"It is really important, Father. Crazy important actually. I-I need your help." Duo's voice trailed off then as he meekly looked at the man's startled face.
"Of course my son, in any way I can."
Duo nodded before glancing at Heero and then turning away, ducking his head. Quickly Duo turned to Shingam and called the boy too him. Obediently, Shingam when to Duo's side, and Duo positioned him in front of his legs, his hands on Shingam's shoulders proudly.
"Father Santiago, I'd like you to meet my son, Shingam. Shingam, you remember Father Santiago from church don't you?" Shingam nodded and the priest bend down to shake Shingam's hand.
"It's very nice to meet you Shingam." Then the man stood and looked at Duo questioningly. "I wasn't aware that you had a son."
Shifting nervously, Duo fidgeted for a second before responding. "Actually Father, neither did I. It's been a bit of a shock actually. But Shingam's wonderful! He's all I ever could have hoped for!" Duo ruffled Shingam's hair as the boy smiled brightly up at him. "It's really complicated, and I promise to fill you in as much as I can, but I really need you to do me a favor, Father. I wouldn't ask, but I just can't allow anything to happen to my son."
Desperation found it's way into Duo's words, and Heero stepped away from the wall he'd been leaning up against to move to the arm of the couch.
Confused himself, Quatre sat back down next to Trowa, only to have Killa stand and moved into the circle of his arms and they all watched Duo become more and more distressed.
"If it's within my power to help you, Duo, you know I'll try." In a reassuring gesture Father Santiago gently clasped Duo's shoulder. Quatre saw Heero's eyes cloud over for the briefest of moments.
Duo nodded, and when he looked up Quatre and the others nearly gasped at the tears threatening to spill over.
"Father, I've never thought of myself as a good man, in fact, I haven't got a single delusional bone in my body as to where I'm headed once I'm dead. I've told you before that my hands are stained with blood and I don't think you've ever really understood just how stained. But that's me, those are my sins, and I refuse to have my son pay for them!" Duo tightened his grip on Shingam's shoulders, and the boy looked questioningly up at him before turning his look on Heero and then Quatre.
The priest remained silent as he let Duo continue. "My son has already been through so much." A sob caught in Duo's throat. "He's been through so very much. He deserves everything, more than I can ever give him. But I'll try, I'll try to be the best father I can to him. I'll try to be like Father Maxwell was to me, I'll try to love him the way I remember being loved.
"But my hands are unclean, Father. They're covered in guilty and innocent blood alike, and I won't have my sins transferred to my son! He's innocent, maybe not to some people, but nothing that's happened to him is his fault, and I know the Lord won't fault him for anything. But my sins, the things I did, they could hurt his chances, they could wind up falling onto Shingam's shoulders someday. Despite everything else, he is not Shinigami, he's not the god of death that I was. He's going to grow-up, happy and healthy, and loved more than any of the rest of us ever were."
Father Santiago squeezed Duo's shoulders, and the braided man looked up at him, tears still threatening to spill over. "Duo, I'm sure that your son will be very happy. You're a good man, and I have to say, I've never heard someone as young as you consider themselves as guilty as you do. God forgives my son, he loves all of his children, and you have but to ask for forgiveness sincerely and the Lord will accept you. You've told me before that you played some part in the past war, and you've prayed for God's forgiveness. Believe in Him, believe that He forgives you."
But Duo only shook his head wildly. "Father you don't understand, and I can't explain it too you, not all of it. I just won't allow the things I did to be reflected onto Shingam, my sins or Heero's." Duo turned to look at his partner who stared blankly back at him. Pausing to think, Duo finally turned back to the priest.
"Father, I haven't exactly been completely honest with you." Duo paused again before turning to look at Heero once more. "Father Santiago, this is Heero Yuy, my.my partner."
Quatre drew in a breath of anticipation as Duo did. Like his own religion, Catholicism looked unfavorably on the type of relationships that he and Duo had with their lovers. Of all the major religions of the world, Catholicism and Islam looked down on their kinds of families. He knew it was hard for Duo to admit what he had, and he prayed to Allah that the priest would not chastise Duo anymore than his best friend already had himself.
Heero must have felt the same way because he moved quickly from the edge of the couch and pulled his lover gently but firmly out of the priest's lax grasp. There was a look of warning in Heero's eyes, and thankfully Duo didn't see the obvious threat of violence if the man before them attempted to belittle or otherwise condemn his lover.
But Father Santiago only nodded, smiling a little as he did. "Duo, to be perfectly honest, I've been feed the 'he's only my room mate' line so many times, I've learned to weed out the implications." At Duo's stunned expression the man only laughed. Turning to Heero, the priest held out his hand. "Heero, it's nice to formally meet you. On behalf of Father Maxwell, I thank you for taking such good care of Duo." It was obvious that neither young man expected this kind of reaction, and very carefully Heero took the offered hand. If Duo could have looked like anything it would have been a fish out of water. His mouth moved in stunned amazement, as his eyes only seemed to grow.
Shingam broke the odd mood. "Duo, you're squeezing my shoulders too tight, Killa says it hurts."
Startled, Duo let go of Shingam's shoulders as if he'd been burned. Concerned, Quatre spun his daughter around quickly as he and Trowa examined her and questioned her on her health. For his part the holy man took everything in stride.
"The children are close I take it."
Not knowing what else to do, Duo nodded.
When he and Trowa were satisfied that Killa's arms weren't broken or falling off her shoulders, the room once again settled into quiet.
Softly, Father Santiago questioned Duo. "I'm sure you didn't call me to tell me about your," he cleared his throat, "room mate. Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, and how I can help." There was such gentleness in this man's words and actions, nothing mocking or self- righteous. This man genuinely cared about Duo, and Quatre guessed from his reference to the couple that raised Duo, it had something to do with Father Maxwell and Sister Helen.
Looking up at the priest, Duo nodded from the safety of Heero's embrace before looking down at Shingam adoringly and yet fearfully.
"Shingam's situation is a little strange, but the outcome's the same. His soul isn't safe, Father. He hasn't been baptized yet, and while I know it's a long drawn out process, I'm hoping that you'll believe me when I promise to go to all the classes and everything if you'll just baptize Shingam before you go. He just-I won't allow his soul to go anywhere but heaven as long as it's within my power to protect him."
Duo must have felt it because he grimaced as he looked up at Heero who had tensed immediately after learning the reason Duo had asked the kind priest to come to their home.
"Heero-"
But Heero turned away then, and moved back to his place by the edge of the couch. Desperate and frantic, Duo followed.
"Heero, listen to me, I was going to talk to you about it-"
"When, after it was finished?" There was such hurt in Heero's voice, such stunned pain that it cut deeply into Quatre as he felt his friends emotions with his talents.
"Heero, no, it wasn't like that. Everything just happened so fast! I called Father Santiago this morning, but I really didn't think he'd be able to come until later this week, if at all this week! I was going to talk to you about it, really I was! But Heero, I can't allow this to happen. I didn't have a way of protecting my daughter, and there's no way in Hell I'm letting anything happen to my son!" A fierce protectiveness fell over Duo, and Quatre could feel that as well.
"So this is how it will be?" Heero's voice was flat, expressionless. The implications were clear, was Duo going to go behind his back for everything involving Shingam?
"No! But you know how I feel about my faith, how important it is to me. You've told me before that Buddhism has no form of baptism, and it's almost a way of thinking instead of a religion. Heero, Catholics believe that you don't go to heaven unless your baptized, I've told you that before too! I have to protect Shingam! I wasn't able to protect him before, and now that I can, I'm going to protect him no matter what! Right now all I can do is make sure his soul has a chance, just a chance! I won't lose both of my children!"
Tears fell from Duo's eyes as he again surcam to tears. It was so unlike Duo. Tears were never things Duo indulged in, and yet over the last few day's Quatre believed that he'd cried more than in his entire life.
Heero too must have noticed the animalistic nature of Duo's protectiveness, for some of the fight seemed to drain from him.
"I-I understand that this is important to you. I just wish that you had asked for my opinion."
And like Heero before, the fight drained from Duo and he moved quickly to envelope his lover, unmindful for a moment that a man sanctioned to disapprove of their relationship stood three feet away.
"I'm sorry Heero. I really am. If I didn't feel like it was the most important thing I could do for our son, then I would have waited and hammered out all the details with you. But this has to happen, Shingam has to be baptized. That's all I ask, after that, all I can do is teach him about God, he has to make up his own mind. But this, this is something a father gives to his son, a way to protect him from the sins of the past, from his father's sins. And we've sinned so much Heero, the fact that we're still breathing could be an abomination against God, sometimes I think it is. But Shingam's so young and innocent, he doesn't deserve to bear the weight of the things we were forced to do. He deserves better.
"I swear I'll consult you about all the decisions in the future, but this one thing, Heero, this one thing you have to let me do for Shingam. Just this one thing." Duo's words died out as Heero cautiously nodded his head.
"From now on-"
"From now on I promise to make you listen to me chatter on about all kinds of things concerning Shingam, I promise." Heero nodded, and Duo leaned up to kiss him lightly in thanks before turning around and remembering a priest was standing in his living room. He had the decency to blush.
"Um, Father, sorry about that."
But Father Santiago only offered a soft smile. "Nothing to be sorry about, it's perfectly natural for two people to worry about decisions concerning their son. I also understand where you're coming from Duo, and while I don't want to encourage this incorrect impression you have that you're condemned to Hell, I will agree that baptizing Shingam is a good start on his path towards God. You're right that baptism usually requires the parents to take classes together to learn what it means to teach new members of the faith, but I'll hold you to your promise to attend since you seem so adamant about Shingam being baptized today. There are a few things we need to discuss however, before I'll perform the baptism."
"Name it!" Now, assured that his son's soul was safe, Duo's mood was lighter and more carefree as he absently stepped closer to Heero and held out his hand for Shingam to take.
"First I'll need consent from both of Shingam's parents for the baptism. I'll need to talk to his mother and ask her permission." Father Santiago paused at the strange look that crossed Duo's face. "Duo, it's only fair that I ask the child's mother."
But Duo was shaking his head, and Quatre held his breath as he waited to figure out how Duo was going to talk himself out of this one. Quatre didn't expect honesty.
"Actually, Father, in a very strange and twisted turn of events, Shingam doesn't have a mother, he has two fathers, Heero and myself. I know that sounds weird, but like I've said before, there are just some things that I can't tell you, and this is one of them. Believe me when I tell you that Shingam doesn't have a mother to ask, so if you need consent from both parents, you'll have to ask Heero and myself."
For his part the priest looked perplexed, but it must have been something in the way Duo said it because the man simply nodded his head and turned to Heero. "Are you sure that this is what you want for your son?" Quatre smiled at the easy way the priest acknowledged Heero's rights as Shingam's other father.
Heero nodded. "I want what's best for my son. I don't know much about Catholicism, but I'm willing to learn if it will help Shingam." The boy smiled up at Heero, and Heero returned the gesture, pulling the boy in close to his body.
"Very well, the classes Duo and I mentioned will explain your role as Shingam's teacher in the faith. It's probably a safe bet that Duo will do most of the teaching, but having two willing parents is all the child really needs.
"Now, for the second question. Shingam will need Godparents. Who do you have in mind?"
Suddenly Duo smacked his hand into his forehead. "I totally forgot! Um." Duo looked desperately around the room, when his eyes finally fell onto himself and Trowa. Adamantly, Quatre shook his head.
"I'm not even Christian! I wouldn't know where to begin. I don't even know what a Godparent is!" He shook his head as Duo's smile grew wider.
"You don't have to be, all you have to do is promise to give Shingam the opportunity to study Catholicism if he chooses, you know, encourage him if something happens to me and Heero. Come on guys, it's not as if Shingam would go anywhere but to you two if something happened to Heero or I anyway, it's not like I'd let him go live with Relena or something equally as cruel!" Heero tugged on his braid for the final comment.
But Quatre continued to shake his head. "We can't! I mean, we would if we could, but I wouldn't know where to begin. And what if we messed up and had him believing some strange religion no ones ever heard of?" He knew he was grasping at straws now, but what else could he do, he had no idea what it meant to raise a child Catholic, he was still wondering how he was going to raise his daughter Muslim.
Heero's voice was soft when he spoke to Trowa. "I'd appreciate it if you'd take the position, Trowa. I'm not entirely sure what it entails, but I'd feel better knowing Shingam was being looked after by you and Quatre."
Quatre recognized that more was at stake then just Shingam's Godparents, this was about who would take care of Shingam should anything happen to Heero and Duo, which in their line of work was scary but distinctly possible.
Quatre heard Trowa's final argument on the subject, directed towards the priest. "I do not currently believe in any form of higher power, and while Quatre does believe in Allah, I have no god I pledge my allegiance to. If that will not harm Shingam's chances, then I will consent to being his Godparent, thought I too will need instruction on what that really means."
Knowing Trowa's position was accepted by Father Santiago's nod, Quatre too relented. "I've been raised Muslim, but it's within my power to hire tutors to teach Shingam what I can't. I do promise that if something should happen to Heero or Duo, I'll do what I can to continue Shingam's teachings in his faith for as long as he wishes."
And with that, everything was understood. Father Santiago settled quiet nicely into the bathroom with the green tub, while Duo spoke softly to Heero and Shingam. As Godparents to be, he and Trowa stood by the side of the tub with Killashandra at their feet, all watching as the water filled and the priest said a blessing over it.
Once the baptism began, Father Santiago said a few prayers and then spoke to Shingam, asking him questions before moving on to Duo. Softly the priest extracted a promise from them all, to help Shingam in the ways of the Catholic faith and to encourage him to welcome God into his life.
But it was as Father Santiago moved to gently submerge Shingam into the bathtub filled with holy water that everything again fell apart.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Before they knew what was happening, Killashandra screamed and launched herself towards Shingam, grabbing at his feet, latching onto him with all of her available strength. Her screams continued as she gripped Shingam with one hand and pulled the priests sleeve with the other.
Trowa got to her first, sweeping her into his arms as Father Santiago righted Shingam before looking questioningly at Trowa in concern. But while Killa was no longer screaming, terror danced clearly in her eyes as she struggled in her papa's grasp. Her terror slammed into Quatre and he felt it like a physical blow.
Moving quickly, he took Killashandra from Trowa's grasp and held her tightly, rocking her has he tried his best to sooth her fears.
"Shhhhhhh, Killa, it's ok. Shingam's alright. Father Santiago isn't going to hurt him, Shingam's alright. I know you're scared of the water, but look, see, it's just water, no strange blue colors, and Shingam isn't afraid, are you Shingam? See, Killa, everything's ok. Shingam's alright. Papa and I would never let anything happen to you or Shingam, and Shingam's Daddies wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to him either. It's ok, Sweetheart, it's ok." He rocked her back and forth, mumbling softly to her to calm her racing heartbeat and the turbulent emotions he still sensed from her.
"Quatre?"
He turned to smile sadly at his lover. "She's ok, just scared. I don't think she really understood what was going on. She just got afraid for Shingam." He turned back to his now calming child.
"It's alright, Killa. Everything's alright." Softly, Trowa's hand rubbed soothing circles into Killa's back, and Quatre felt her body relax at their combined caresses.
Below him, Shingam pulled on his pant leg until he dropped to a squat before the boy. Silently, Shingam conversed with Killa until Quatre could no longer sense his daughter's emotions. After a few minutes of Shingam and Killashandra's silent communications, and hearing Duo offer a weak explanation to Father Santiago, Killa finally wound her arms about his neck and lay limply against him.
"She's ok now, Quatre." Shingam looked almost sadly at him. "Killa got scared 'cause Father Santiago looks like the bad man a little. I told her it was ok, that he didn't hurt me and she's ok now. She's just tired. Screaming makes Killa tired."
Quatre didn't even want to think about the implications of Shingam's last sentence.
The rest of the ceremony went on quietly. When prompted, Heero answered Father Santiago's final question, and the priest finally ended the ceremony.
"I christen you, Shinigami Oden Maxwell-Yuy. May you always walk the path towards God, and allow him to enter into your life. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen."
Their daughter.
It still didn't seem quite real, and yet it was, so real in fact it threatened to stop his heart and make him cry out in joy and fear. His daughter, his little girl. He was a father, and he'd be better, he'd be amazing, he'd love his daughter no matter what, it was his promise to her. Nothing would ever change how he felt about her, he'd dedicate his life to her and Trowa, to his family. He wouldn't be anything like the man he'd called father.
At the thought his heart gripped in his chest. His father. Could he ever escape from that man's shadow? Would the crimes committed against him by this man he loved despite everything, condemn him to repeat them onto his only daughter?
Often he'd lain awake at night, holding Trowa's body close and wondered what he could have done to make his father love him. Could he have smiled at a better time or tried harder not to let his emotions show like he had? If only he'd been stronger, manlier then perhaps, just maybe his father would have loved him enough to accept him fully.
But that hadn't been the case, and his father had shunned him and hurt him to the point where Quatre could feel little emotion towards his dead father at all. He wanted to hate him, wanted to laugh like he had that day in space so long ago and spit on his father's grave as he had two nights after the funeral he hadn't attended. But there were times as well that he thought back to the many warm nights by the fire that his father would read to him, tucked safely in the comfort of strong and familiar arms. Nights when his empathic abilities had awoken him screaming and his father had come to comfort him. Days when they'd sat listening to music while his father had tried to teach him a love for the business, when all Quatre had wanted was the chance to spend time with his father. Which was right? Which emotion was the right path to follow? Could he hate the man that on some level had loved him, or could he love that man that had on some level hated him? He didn't know, and that alone awoke him at night even now so that he clutched Trowa's sleeping body to his chest and wept silent tears of frustration and fear. Was he his father's son, or wasn't he?
Abruptly he shook off that line of thought and rose to greet the-he looked at the clock-Afternoon! Scrambling quickly, Quatre raced for the bathroom and busied himself with mandatory chores before dressing quickly and leaving the relative safety of his bedroom.
From the afternoon light coming through the windows he smiled brightly at the sight before him.
Killa lay with Star in a patch of warm sunlight, while Shingam played mindlessly with his blocks engaging Killa in a one sided conversation. His eyes fastened onto Trowa as his lover rose to greet him good day. Behind Trowa sat Heero and Duo who watched their son adoringly, while Wufei and Sally too smiled softly to see the two children happy.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
He smiled as Trowa took him into his embrace. "I'm feeling much better. Actually, I haven't felt this good in weeks. It's a little strange actually." Trowa chuckled. "What's so funny?"
Turning his head, Trowa regarded Killa's contented form, and Quatre followed his gaze to rest on their daughter.
"Last night, around three thirty or so, Killa and Star decided they were lonely. I ended up with my whole family piled onto me last night; the experience wasn't entirely unpleasant." Trowa smiled down at his astonished expression.
"Killa came into our room last night? I didn't even hear her." He was slightly upset with himself, feeling as if he'd neglected some sort of fatherly duty. Hadn't his own father at least known when he'd entered his room late at night.
"Little Sultan, if you insist on waking an old man, at least come here and go to sleep. I'll never get any rest with you trying to be quiet by the door."
"You were exhausted, it'd been a long night. Besides, I have a feeling Killa wanted you to sleep."
Startled, Quatre turned to regard his partner. "What do you mean?"
Trowa shrugged. "When she came in last night she sat on the bed and just stared at you for a little while. I can't really describe it, but it was like she was just watching you sleep and thinking about what that meant. I'm not making much sense, but it was amazing to just watch her watching you. Then she settled in and when I thought she was finally going to sleep she moved her hand and started touching your face. Again, it's hard to describe, but it was like she was familiarizing herself with what you looked like. She finally fell asleep with her palm against your temple. I wondered if you'd feel better in the morning."
Stunned, Quatre mulled that thought over as he shifted his gaze to watch his daughter. "You think she might have helped me empathicly?"
"You did say you felt better this morning."
Absently Quatre nodded.
Squeezing Trowa's hand, Quatre moved across the room and sat very close to Killa but out of her range of sight. Star meowed and untangled herself from Killa's grasp and moved to Quatre's waiting fingers.
Slowly, Killashandra turned to him, her eyes were focused as she gazed at him. He didn't recognize an expression of any kind but he was sure there was some kind of easy emotion running through her. On impulse he turned to Shingam.
"Shingam, what is Killa thinking right now?"
A bit startled by the question, Shingam turned to Killashandra before turning back to him.
"Killa's glad you feel better this morning. She was worried about you last night. She says that you've had a lot of bad things happen to you, just like us, and she doesn't want you to hurt anymore." Shingam shrugged and returned to his blocks, trying to arrange then in colored patterns this time.
In awe, Quatre turned back to Killa only to find that the child had risen and was now standing directly in front of him, Star having moved away at her presents or command. Still her eyes spoke of nothing, but as she looked at him, her small body barely coming up to his shoulders, she looked so much like she wanted to tell him something.
Smiling he drew her into his embrace, settling her so she rested on his thighs and had her head pillowed to his chest. "It's ok, Killa. I'm all right thanks to you. I feel much better. I appreciate you trying to take care of me, but you don't have too, it's my job to take care of you, remember? Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. You just get to be a little girl, my little girl, and I'll take care of you and your Papa, and even Star. That's my job, to take care of all of you. And if you're worried about me, you don't have too, that's Papa's job. He'll take care of me so I can take care of all of you. OK?"
He nuzzled her soundly and knew he'd gotten through to her on some level as her hand fisted the soft blue shirt he wore. Silently he felt Trowa settle in behind him.
"You know, Quatre, if your family opens every day like this, I'd hate to see you all come together in a crisis, it'd be freaking scary!" Quatre chuckled as Heero hit his partner upside the head and Shingam laughed at his father's antics.
"You're just jealous."
"Naw, you should have seen us this morning. Shingam and I ganged up on Heero in the mess hall. Didn't we, Shingam."
The boy giggled loudly while nodding his head, blocks forgotten. "Yeah! We threw cereal at him until he tugged on Duo's braid and tickled me. Oh and guess what! I forgot to tell Trowa, but guess what!"
Quatre could see it already. It was amazing how much of Duo's personality was already being exhibited in Shingam. He felt a quick stab of jealousy, but it disappeared just as quickly as he took in Shingam's excited appearance.
"What?!"
"Heero didn't even know about Trowa and the stubble, but I went into the bathroom this morning cause Duo wanted to brush my hair, and Heero was shaving and guess what!"
He laughed as did the others in the room, even Killa seemed to be paying close attention to Shingam.
"What!"
"Heero showed me how to shave! Again! And I told him that I knew how to check for stubble and I showed him and he laughed and so did Duo! I told them Trowa showed me how, and that he'd showed me how to check. And then Duo asked what else Trowa had said and I told him that Trowa had said that you didn't have any chest hair and Heero laughed so hard Duo had to hold him up!" A proud expression settled onto Shingam's face as he exclaimed his morning antics.
For his part, Quatre simply ducked his head in shame as the others laughed.
"Hey, I have chest hair.it's just hard to see! For the love of Allah, I am blond! Give a guy some credit!"
"We tried Quatre, but it's hard talking to a guy that still looks fifteen." Duo was whooping it up as he laughed, and even Sally and Wufei couldn't suppress their giggles.
Sally's voice held more mirth than Quatre thought the situation deserved. "From a medical stand point, Quatre, you're perfectly healthy. It's natural, I mean, someone has to be a late bloomer." Laughing hard at his grumbling Sally turned to bury her face into Wufei's shoulder.
Even behind him, Trowa laughed as well. He turned to offer his lover a glare. "Fine just laugh it up! Keep laughing Trowa, we'll see how funny it is when you're sleeping in Wufei's old room down the hall!"
The rest of the afternoon went pretty smoothly after that, it was the night that brought the first real trials of fatherhood.
* * *
They were relaxing at Duo and Heero's home. Again the two children lay sprawled out on the floor, only this time Quatre and Trowa watched fascinated as Killa handed block after block to Shingam.
"Ok, a green one this time." And obliging him, Killa handed over the appropriately colored block.
"Shingam?" Trowa's voice held all the awe that they'd discovered watching Killashandra participate for the first time. "Does Killa know her colors, or are you telling her which blocks to hand you in her mind?"
Wondering the same thing, Quatre turned to watch Shingam's perplexed expression before shrugging his shoulders. "She knows her colors. Ask her to bring you a block, pick any color."
They shared a questioning look before Trowa cleared his throat and quested Killa. "Killa, would you bring me a red block?" There was hesitation there, and Quatre felt the apprehension that they'd be disappointed. But Killa only looked at the blocks around her before picking up a red one and a blue one. Standing she carried the precious red block to Trowa before handing it to him softly. Then, turning, she handed the blue block to Quatre.
Shingam answered his question before he could ask. "Killa said you were thinking about blue when Trowa said red. She wanted you to have a block too."
He smiled before catching Killashandra in a quick hug. She didn't hug him back, but she lingered for a moment by his side before returning to the floor and again handing Shingam the blocks he asked for.
"She surprises me a little more everyday."
Trowa smiled as he answered back. "I think that's par for the course."
Quatre couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. Suddenly, the door chimes rang and Heero came out of the bedroom where he and Duo were currently searching for an old book that had a story they were going to read to the children before bed. It was almost eight.
Heero released the lock on the door and startled a little at the man standing before him.
Dressed in black with only a square of white showing at the collar, the balding but handsome priest smiled warmly at Heero; who simply stared back.
When the older man spoke it was with an accent Quatre recognized as Italian.
"Hello, I'm Father Santiago, the priest at The Holy Cross, a church in town. A parishioner of mine, Duo Maxwell, requested to see me and gave me this address. Does he live here?" The man was all smiles and instantly set Quatre at ease. He understood why Duo enjoyed church so much with this kind soul leading the masses.
Nodding, Heero motioned for the man to enter, as he shut the door and moved into the bedroom.
Left alone with a slightly shunned holy man, Quatre felt it was his responsibility to fill up the space. "Father, is there anything I can get you to drink? Please, sit down." Quatre stood to get the beverages and motioned to one of the chairs around the living room.
"No, no, I'm fine, thank you. I will take that seat though." Sitting, the man turned to watch the children who had now turned their attentions to him. The Father's eyes lit up upon seeing them. "Now I know the two of you. Didn't I see you both the other day at Christmas Mass?" Shingam nodded his head and the old man smiled. "Well, did you like it?"
Shrugging Shingam looked a little lost before smiling. "I liked the story of baby Jesus. Duo told us a story like that later only it was different. He said some of the stories were the same but sounded different."
The priest nodded. "Yes, there are many versions of the birth of Jesus. Which story did you like better?"
Shingam didn't hesitate. "The story Duo told, it had angels in it." The man nodded again.
Suddenly Duo entered, brushing off his hands as he came in, Heero close behind him, another odd look on his face.
"Father Santiago! Thank you so much for coming! I know it's short notice and you have so many obligations, but I really appreciate you taking the time."
Father Santiago smiled and stood to shake Duo's hand. "Of course. You sounded as if it were rather important." Quatre heard it then, the hesitation on the priest's part to say anymore. Quatre thought it kind that the man didn't want to divulge more than he thought Duo would want them to know.
But Duo only seemed more agitated and as they watched he very nearly began pacing.
"It is really important, Father. Crazy important actually. I-I need your help." Duo's voice trailed off then as he meekly looked at the man's startled face.
"Of course my son, in any way I can."
Duo nodded before glancing at Heero and then turning away, ducking his head. Quickly Duo turned to Shingam and called the boy too him. Obediently, Shingam when to Duo's side, and Duo positioned him in front of his legs, his hands on Shingam's shoulders proudly.
"Father Santiago, I'd like you to meet my son, Shingam. Shingam, you remember Father Santiago from church don't you?" Shingam nodded and the priest bend down to shake Shingam's hand.
"It's very nice to meet you Shingam." Then the man stood and looked at Duo questioningly. "I wasn't aware that you had a son."
Shifting nervously, Duo fidgeted for a second before responding. "Actually Father, neither did I. It's been a bit of a shock actually. But Shingam's wonderful! He's all I ever could have hoped for!" Duo ruffled Shingam's hair as the boy smiled brightly up at him. "It's really complicated, and I promise to fill you in as much as I can, but I really need you to do me a favor, Father. I wouldn't ask, but I just can't allow anything to happen to my son."
Desperation found it's way into Duo's words, and Heero stepped away from the wall he'd been leaning up against to move to the arm of the couch.
Confused himself, Quatre sat back down next to Trowa, only to have Killa stand and moved into the circle of his arms and they all watched Duo become more and more distressed.
"If it's within my power to help you, Duo, you know I'll try." In a reassuring gesture Father Santiago gently clasped Duo's shoulder. Quatre saw Heero's eyes cloud over for the briefest of moments.
Duo nodded, and when he looked up Quatre and the others nearly gasped at the tears threatening to spill over.
"Father, I've never thought of myself as a good man, in fact, I haven't got a single delusional bone in my body as to where I'm headed once I'm dead. I've told you before that my hands are stained with blood and I don't think you've ever really understood just how stained. But that's me, those are my sins, and I refuse to have my son pay for them!" Duo tightened his grip on Shingam's shoulders, and the boy looked questioningly up at him before turning his look on Heero and then Quatre.
The priest remained silent as he let Duo continue. "My son has already been through so much." A sob caught in Duo's throat. "He's been through so very much. He deserves everything, more than I can ever give him. But I'll try, I'll try to be the best father I can to him. I'll try to be like Father Maxwell was to me, I'll try to love him the way I remember being loved.
"But my hands are unclean, Father. They're covered in guilty and innocent blood alike, and I won't have my sins transferred to my son! He's innocent, maybe not to some people, but nothing that's happened to him is his fault, and I know the Lord won't fault him for anything. But my sins, the things I did, they could hurt his chances, they could wind up falling onto Shingam's shoulders someday. Despite everything else, he is not Shinigami, he's not the god of death that I was. He's going to grow-up, happy and healthy, and loved more than any of the rest of us ever were."
Father Santiago squeezed Duo's shoulders, and the braided man looked up at him, tears still threatening to spill over. "Duo, I'm sure that your son will be very happy. You're a good man, and I have to say, I've never heard someone as young as you consider themselves as guilty as you do. God forgives my son, he loves all of his children, and you have but to ask for forgiveness sincerely and the Lord will accept you. You've told me before that you played some part in the past war, and you've prayed for God's forgiveness. Believe in Him, believe that He forgives you."
But Duo only shook his head wildly. "Father you don't understand, and I can't explain it too you, not all of it. I just won't allow the things I did to be reflected onto Shingam, my sins or Heero's." Duo turned to look at his partner who stared blankly back at him. Pausing to think, Duo finally turned back to the priest.
"Father, I haven't exactly been completely honest with you." Duo paused again before turning to look at Heero once more. "Father Santiago, this is Heero Yuy, my.my partner."
Quatre drew in a breath of anticipation as Duo did. Like his own religion, Catholicism looked unfavorably on the type of relationships that he and Duo had with their lovers. Of all the major religions of the world, Catholicism and Islam looked down on their kinds of families. He knew it was hard for Duo to admit what he had, and he prayed to Allah that the priest would not chastise Duo anymore than his best friend already had himself.
Heero must have felt the same way because he moved quickly from the edge of the couch and pulled his lover gently but firmly out of the priest's lax grasp. There was a look of warning in Heero's eyes, and thankfully Duo didn't see the obvious threat of violence if the man before them attempted to belittle or otherwise condemn his lover.
But Father Santiago only nodded, smiling a little as he did. "Duo, to be perfectly honest, I've been feed the 'he's only my room mate' line so many times, I've learned to weed out the implications." At Duo's stunned expression the man only laughed. Turning to Heero, the priest held out his hand. "Heero, it's nice to formally meet you. On behalf of Father Maxwell, I thank you for taking such good care of Duo." It was obvious that neither young man expected this kind of reaction, and very carefully Heero took the offered hand. If Duo could have looked like anything it would have been a fish out of water. His mouth moved in stunned amazement, as his eyes only seemed to grow.
Shingam broke the odd mood. "Duo, you're squeezing my shoulders too tight, Killa says it hurts."
Startled, Duo let go of Shingam's shoulders as if he'd been burned. Concerned, Quatre spun his daughter around quickly as he and Trowa examined her and questioned her on her health. For his part the holy man took everything in stride.
"The children are close I take it."
Not knowing what else to do, Duo nodded.
When he and Trowa were satisfied that Killa's arms weren't broken or falling off her shoulders, the room once again settled into quiet.
Softly, Father Santiago questioned Duo. "I'm sure you didn't call me to tell me about your," he cleared his throat, "room mate. Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, and how I can help." There was such gentleness in this man's words and actions, nothing mocking or self- righteous. This man genuinely cared about Duo, and Quatre guessed from his reference to the couple that raised Duo, it had something to do with Father Maxwell and Sister Helen.
Looking up at the priest, Duo nodded from the safety of Heero's embrace before looking down at Shingam adoringly and yet fearfully.
"Shingam's situation is a little strange, but the outcome's the same. His soul isn't safe, Father. He hasn't been baptized yet, and while I know it's a long drawn out process, I'm hoping that you'll believe me when I promise to go to all the classes and everything if you'll just baptize Shingam before you go. He just-I won't allow his soul to go anywhere but heaven as long as it's within my power to protect him."
Duo must have felt it because he grimaced as he looked up at Heero who had tensed immediately after learning the reason Duo had asked the kind priest to come to their home.
"Heero-"
But Heero turned away then, and moved back to his place by the edge of the couch. Desperate and frantic, Duo followed.
"Heero, listen to me, I was going to talk to you about it-"
"When, after it was finished?" There was such hurt in Heero's voice, such stunned pain that it cut deeply into Quatre as he felt his friends emotions with his talents.
"Heero, no, it wasn't like that. Everything just happened so fast! I called Father Santiago this morning, but I really didn't think he'd be able to come until later this week, if at all this week! I was going to talk to you about it, really I was! But Heero, I can't allow this to happen. I didn't have a way of protecting my daughter, and there's no way in Hell I'm letting anything happen to my son!" A fierce protectiveness fell over Duo, and Quatre could feel that as well.
"So this is how it will be?" Heero's voice was flat, expressionless. The implications were clear, was Duo going to go behind his back for everything involving Shingam?
"No! But you know how I feel about my faith, how important it is to me. You've told me before that Buddhism has no form of baptism, and it's almost a way of thinking instead of a religion. Heero, Catholics believe that you don't go to heaven unless your baptized, I've told you that before too! I have to protect Shingam! I wasn't able to protect him before, and now that I can, I'm going to protect him no matter what! Right now all I can do is make sure his soul has a chance, just a chance! I won't lose both of my children!"
Tears fell from Duo's eyes as he again surcam to tears. It was so unlike Duo. Tears were never things Duo indulged in, and yet over the last few day's Quatre believed that he'd cried more than in his entire life.
Heero too must have noticed the animalistic nature of Duo's protectiveness, for some of the fight seemed to drain from him.
"I-I understand that this is important to you. I just wish that you had asked for my opinion."
And like Heero before, the fight drained from Duo and he moved quickly to envelope his lover, unmindful for a moment that a man sanctioned to disapprove of their relationship stood three feet away.
"I'm sorry Heero. I really am. If I didn't feel like it was the most important thing I could do for our son, then I would have waited and hammered out all the details with you. But this has to happen, Shingam has to be baptized. That's all I ask, after that, all I can do is teach him about God, he has to make up his own mind. But this, this is something a father gives to his son, a way to protect him from the sins of the past, from his father's sins. And we've sinned so much Heero, the fact that we're still breathing could be an abomination against God, sometimes I think it is. But Shingam's so young and innocent, he doesn't deserve to bear the weight of the things we were forced to do. He deserves better.
"I swear I'll consult you about all the decisions in the future, but this one thing, Heero, this one thing you have to let me do for Shingam. Just this one thing." Duo's words died out as Heero cautiously nodded his head.
"From now on-"
"From now on I promise to make you listen to me chatter on about all kinds of things concerning Shingam, I promise." Heero nodded, and Duo leaned up to kiss him lightly in thanks before turning around and remembering a priest was standing in his living room. He had the decency to blush.
"Um, Father, sorry about that."
But Father Santiago only offered a soft smile. "Nothing to be sorry about, it's perfectly natural for two people to worry about decisions concerning their son. I also understand where you're coming from Duo, and while I don't want to encourage this incorrect impression you have that you're condemned to Hell, I will agree that baptizing Shingam is a good start on his path towards God. You're right that baptism usually requires the parents to take classes together to learn what it means to teach new members of the faith, but I'll hold you to your promise to attend since you seem so adamant about Shingam being baptized today. There are a few things we need to discuss however, before I'll perform the baptism."
"Name it!" Now, assured that his son's soul was safe, Duo's mood was lighter and more carefree as he absently stepped closer to Heero and held out his hand for Shingam to take.
"First I'll need consent from both of Shingam's parents for the baptism. I'll need to talk to his mother and ask her permission." Father Santiago paused at the strange look that crossed Duo's face. "Duo, it's only fair that I ask the child's mother."
But Duo was shaking his head, and Quatre held his breath as he waited to figure out how Duo was going to talk himself out of this one. Quatre didn't expect honesty.
"Actually, Father, in a very strange and twisted turn of events, Shingam doesn't have a mother, he has two fathers, Heero and myself. I know that sounds weird, but like I've said before, there are just some things that I can't tell you, and this is one of them. Believe me when I tell you that Shingam doesn't have a mother to ask, so if you need consent from both parents, you'll have to ask Heero and myself."
For his part the priest looked perplexed, but it must have been something in the way Duo said it because the man simply nodded his head and turned to Heero. "Are you sure that this is what you want for your son?" Quatre smiled at the easy way the priest acknowledged Heero's rights as Shingam's other father.
Heero nodded. "I want what's best for my son. I don't know much about Catholicism, but I'm willing to learn if it will help Shingam." The boy smiled up at Heero, and Heero returned the gesture, pulling the boy in close to his body.
"Very well, the classes Duo and I mentioned will explain your role as Shingam's teacher in the faith. It's probably a safe bet that Duo will do most of the teaching, but having two willing parents is all the child really needs.
"Now, for the second question. Shingam will need Godparents. Who do you have in mind?"
Suddenly Duo smacked his hand into his forehead. "I totally forgot! Um." Duo looked desperately around the room, when his eyes finally fell onto himself and Trowa. Adamantly, Quatre shook his head.
"I'm not even Christian! I wouldn't know where to begin. I don't even know what a Godparent is!" He shook his head as Duo's smile grew wider.
"You don't have to be, all you have to do is promise to give Shingam the opportunity to study Catholicism if he chooses, you know, encourage him if something happens to me and Heero. Come on guys, it's not as if Shingam would go anywhere but to you two if something happened to Heero or I anyway, it's not like I'd let him go live with Relena or something equally as cruel!" Heero tugged on his braid for the final comment.
But Quatre continued to shake his head. "We can't! I mean, we would if we could, but I wouldn't know where to begin. And what if we messed up and had him believing some strange religion no ones ever heard of?" He knew he was grasping at straws now, but what else could he do, he had no idea what it meant to raise a child Catholic, he was still wondering how he was going to raise his daughter Muslim.
Heero's voice was soft when he spoke to Trowa. "I'd appreciate it if you'd take the position, Trowa. I'm not entirely sure what it entails, but I'd feel better knowing Shingam was being looked after by you and Quatre."
Quatre recognized that more was at stake then just Shingam's Godparents, this was about who would take care of Shingam should anything happen to Heero and Duo, which in their line of work was scary but distinctly possible.
Quatre heard Trowa's final argument on the subject, directed towards the priest. "I do not currently believe in any form of higher power, and while Quatre does believe in Allah, I have no god I pledge my allegiance to. If that will not harm Shingam's chances, then I will consent to being his Godparent, thought I too will need instruction on what that really means."
Knowing Trowa's position was accepted by Father Santiago's nod, Quatre too relented. "I've been raised Muslim, but it's within my power to hire tutors to teach Shingam what I can't. I do promise that if something should happen to Heero or Duo, I'll do what I can to continue Shingam's teachings in his faith for as long as he wishes."
And with that, everything was understood. Father Santiago settled quiet nicely into the bathroom with the green tub, while Duo spoke softly to Heero and Shingam. As Godparents to be, he and Trowa stood by the side of the tub with Killashandra at their feet, all watching as the water filled and the priest said a blessing over it.
Once the baptism began, Father Santiago said a few prayers and then spoke to Shingam, asking him questions before moving on to Duo. Softly the priest extracted a promise from them all, to help Shingam in the ways of the Catholic faith and to encourage him to welcome God into his life.
But it was as Father Santiago moved to gently submerge Shingam into the bathtub filled with holy water that everything again fell apart.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Before they knew what was happening, Killashandra screamed and launched herself towards Shingam, grabbing at his feet, latching onto him with all of her available strength. Her screams continued as she gripped Shingam with one hand and pulled the priests sleeve with the other.
Trowa got to her first, sweeping her into his arms as Father Santiago righted Shingam before looking questioningly at Trowa in concern. But while Killa was no longer screaming, terror danced clearly in her eyes as she struggled in her papa's grasp. Her terror slammed into Quatre and he felt it like a physical blow.
Moving quickly, he took Killashandra from Trowa's grasp and held her tightly, rocking her has he tried his best to sooth her fears.
"Shhhhhhh, Killa, it's ok. Shingam's alright. Father Santiago isn't going to hurt him, Shingam's alright. I know you're scared of the water, but look, see, it's just water, no strange blue colors, and Shingam isn't afraid, are you Shingam? See, Killa, everything's ok. Shingam's alright. Papa and I would never let anything happen to you or Shingam, and Shingam's Daddies wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to him either. It's ok, Sweetheart, it's ok." He rocked her back and forth, mumbling softly to her to calm her racing heartbeat and the turbulent emotions he still sensed from her.
"Quatre?"
He turned to smile sadly at his lover. "She's ok, just scared. I don't think she really understood what was going on. She just got afraid for Shingam." He turned back to his now calming child.
"It's alright, Killa. Everything's alright." Softly, Trowa's hand rubbed soothing circles into Killa's back, and Quatre felt her body relax at their combined caresses.
Below him, Shingam pulled on his pant leg until he dropped to a squat before the boy. Silently, Shingam conversed with Killa until Quatre could no longer sense his daughter's emotions. After a few minutes of Shingam and Killashandra's silent communications, and hearing Duo offer a weak explanation to Father Santiago, Killa finally wound her arms about his neck and lay limply against him.
"She's ok now, Quatre." Shingam looked almost sadly at him. "Killa got scared 'cause Father Santiago looks like the bad man a little. I told her it was ok, that he didn't hurt me and she's ok now. She's just tired. Screaming makes Killa tired."
Quatre didn't even want to think about the implications of Shingam's last sentence.
The rest of the ceremony went on quietly. When prompted, Heero answered Father Santiago's final question, and the priest finally ended the ceremony.
"I christen you, Shinigami Oden Maxwell-Yuy. May you always walk the path towards God, and allow him to enter into your life. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen."