BEHIND THE CURTAIN
CHAPTER THREE – Rocky Road
Mick sat in the waiting room, along with a couple of other nervous station officer wannabes, dressed in full Brigade uniform. He found himself staring into space, thinking about why he was here. And Shauna. And Liam… If they hadn't been taken from him, would he be here now? Or would he still be mulling along, kidding himself that he could run Blue Watch?
Since the tragedy, he had thrown himself into his work. He had read what felt like an entire library on management skills. He'd even attempted to implement them on a couple of occasions. Why was he here? Because he wanted to run an efficient Watch, or because he refused to dwell on the past?
He stood up as he realised the answer. He didn't have leadership skills, who was he fooling? Only himself it seemed. The waiting room door opened.
"Leaving all ready Mick?"
"Stacey! I didn't know you were…" he was surprised to see her, also in full Brigade uniform.
The two silver bars marking a Sub's rank glinted on her shoulders. She removed her cap to reveal her bob of white blonde hair. He rosy cheeks were make-up less but they glowed when she smiled at him. It struck him that he'd never realised just how beautiful she was. Then he remembered Shauna, his dead wife, not yet cold in the ground.
"I'm sorry, I have to… er…" he made a move to pass her and leave the room.
"Hold on," she called after him as he tried to make his escape down the corridor of South East Area HQ. "Have you been in yet?"
He paused and looked back. "No."
"Then where are you going?" she followed him down the corridor to where he had stopped.
He fiddled nervously with his cap. "I shouldn't be here."
"I heard about your wife and kid," she started softly. "Sorry."
"Isn't everyone? Doesn't bring them back though, does it?"
She put her comforting hand on his arm. "I do know how you feel."
"Yeah, I know you do," he apologised.
"But you can't just walk out of your interview!" she continued. "You deserve this promotion!"
"I can't run Blue Watch."
"Well you can't if you take that attitude!"
"I just…" he sighed. "I don't think they respect me."
"Anyone who can move on like you have deserves respect."
"I haven't moved on," he confided. "That's just it. I thought maybe if I put all my energy into work I wouldn't have to think about it… them."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.
"No…" he sank down into one of the chairs that lined the corridor of admin offices. "Thanks Stacey."
He had known Stacey for a while, before he met Shauna. They lost contact after his marriage. It had been a similar situation to the one he had found himself in recently with Sally. He didn't do anything at the time so she moved on. It was the story of his life, he felt he couldn't do anything without consulting an expert in the field first.
"When are you in?" she asked of his interview.
"Ten to."
"So I've got ten minutes to convince you that you are the best candidate to run Blue Watch! You've been doing it for the last six months!" she pointed out. "And I don't hear anyone complaining."
"I haven't had the best track record. I had two firefighters on my Watch having a relationship right under my nose. I knew and did nothing, that's not the quality of a good station officer is it?"
"Shows you care. What we're supposed to do and what actually happens are two different things, you know that," Stacey was now in the chair next to his, her hand back on his arm as he continued to twiddle his cap in his fingers. "At least you noticed!"
"Only because Frank told me. Then there's Recall, he didn't need to die. I could have done something."
"Sounds to me like they trust you
enough to let you know what's going on in their lives. People can relate
to you, Mick," she smiled. "That's why I like you! Now," she stood up.
"You know what you've got to do," she pointed back down the corridor towards
the room where the interviewing panel of officers were waiting for him.
"So go in there and tell them you are the best Station Officer since… uh
I dunno, James Braidwood!"
Mick promised he would wait for Stacey after his interview. She was the next candidate after him. There was another Station Officers post coming up at Shadbrook, as well as the vacancy at Blackwall. DO Ross had unofficially informed Mick that the Blackwall job was as good as his. Mick thought how much the DO had been impressed with him, both during the interview and how he had overcome the difficulties he had been faced with in the last six months.
Mick knew that Recall's death had not been his fault. True, he could have said something, but realistically, what good would it have done? If it hadn't have been that fire Recall rushed into, it would just have been another, because that was the type of guy he had been. He risked his life to save others, only this time it had cost him.
"How was it?" Mick asked as Stacey emerged from the interview room.
She shrugged. "Usual story, they'll let me know."
"I got that."
"Hmmn, I reckon I'll be passed over, again."
"Why?"
"Cos I'm a woman."
"Don't be draft, that view went out with the Shelvokes!"
"And how many female station officers do you know?" she challenged.
"You could start a trend," he suggested helpfully.
She smiled. "I gave it my best shot."
There was a pause between them as they left Lewisham station together.
"So," Mick started. "How's your love life these days?"
"Don't have one. Well I did, but he wanted babies."
"And you don't?"
"I don't do babies, not now, not ever."
"You've got plenty of time, I suppose."
"I'm thirty two, Mick!" she reminded him. "I must have been busy snogging behind the bike sheds when they were handing out maternal instinct!"
He smiled, but it quickly faded again as he thought about his own son. She knew what he was thinking.
"Sorry."
"I miss them," he told her.
"How about that chat?" she suggested.
He took her up on the offer and they found a small coffee shop by the banks of the River Thames. He told her about Shauna, about her illness and how she had died, and how much he loved her, and Liam… and their unborn child.
How Shauna had insisted that she'd slept with Frank Mooney, Mick had put that down to her illness. Deep down he had realised that he was not the biological father of Shauna's baby. They had not had sex for at least eighteen months. The baby had been Frank's, it wasn't the depression that had driven Shauna to sleep with Frank, it was the fact that Mick had been paying her so little attention.
Her death had caused him to put things into perspective. He felt bad about the feelings he'd had for Sally. The feelings he'd tried to hide from everyone, including himself. It had been the same way he had felt about Shauna eight years ago. Perhaps he had been confusing the two women, Shauna had been so much like Sally back then. Occasionally, the old Shauna had slipped back into his life, but in recent months he had been forced to face up to things. Illness or not, the spark had no longer been present in their marriage.
He hadn't forgiven her for her affair because he had just ignored it and tried to pretend it hadn't happened. Now she was dead, it was too late for them to have that row they'd needed to clear the air between them.
Shauna had been driving Liam home from school. He would probably have been telling her about his day, about the book his teacher was reading to the class, or about the stories the Head had told the kids in assembly. Liam liked his stories, especially when Shauna read to him at night, because she did "all the voices". He would have enjoyed being a big brother too.
Mick had never understood the circumstances of the crash. He refused to believe that Shauna had deliberately driven the car under the tanker. Perhaps she had been distracted by something, Liam, the baby, a dog in the road… There was no way of knowing now. The police investigators had found tyre marks on the road, indicating that the car's brakes had been applied at some point. It was just an accident, he knew it.
He hadn't realised the full extent of the RTA when Blue Watch first arrived on the scene. It was just another road accident, like the hundreds of others he had attended in his career.
"Get a jet on the car before it goes up," he yelled at his crew. "Sally, keep these people back."
"But Guv…" her objections went unnoticed.
Frank, Charlie, and Adam carefully approached the car. The front end was crumpled underneath the arch of the milk tanker.
"Guv," George had uncovered some urgent information as the identity of the car started to register with Mick. "The tanker isn't carrying milk," George was saying. "It's a sodium based cleaning fluid…"
The words didn't register as Frank looked up from the drivers side of the car, he caught Mick's gaze and they both knew. It was Craig who alerted everyone to the leak. Frank dragged Shauna out as fumes started to build up as the chemical mixed with petrol oozing from the car's crushed tank. The firefighters backed away, Mick found himself running forward, Frank grabbed him.
"She's dead," he whispered.
Mick stared at him. "Liam…"
Frank looked back at the car. He bolted forward to rescue the kid. The tanker exploded, knocking him to the ground. Sally was first in to pull him clear.
Mick was unable to take in the events that had just unfolded before him. He just stood and stared as Pearce jumped into action and started directing a shocked Blue Watch to deal with the blaze.
He felt he had died in that moment. For the next few days he didn't live, he just existed. Then Sally announced that she and Frank were going to have a baby. Frank wanted them to start a new life and whisked her away for the next chapter of their fairy tale romance.
"I know how hard it is," Sally had told Mick. "But you have to get on with life."
"My life has just died, Sally."
"I know you feel like that now," she said soothingly. "Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I thought my life had ended a couple of years ago when Joe… He died," she confided. "But I also know that things do get better, in time."
He thanked her for her understanding. He took time off work, leaving Geoff Pearce to run Blue Watch in his absence. Geoff held the ship together well, but Mick realised Blue Watch needed someone to lead them. Especially as both Sally and Frank decided to leave, then George failed his medical. The Watch had had more shake ups than a pair of maracas.
Mick realised he knew the man that Blue Watch desperately needed. That man was Mick Callaghan.