A Soul to
Save... or Maybe Not
Summary : A Mary Sue parody featuring Liadùin, an insane elf maiden claiming to be the daughter of Galadriel and Elrond, who is captured by a band of orcs while spying on Mordor. Galadriel, although despising her, tries to persuade Legolas to rescue her before she and the orcs arrive at Barad dûr where all hopes will be lost. Set right before the Fellowship of the Ring
Author's Note : I realize this may not be an obvious parody. The humor is mainly under the form of irony. Yes, indeed the fic is dripping with irony and sarcasm. Liadùin herself is a satire of all of those 'Legolas-lovers' who believe they are really elves.
Disclaimer : Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Just as all of the characters in this story. With the exception of Liadùin which saddly belongs to me.
She had failed her mission. On the first day in which she had entered Mordor she had been captured. All her efforts had been in vain. And she did spend a lot of efforts smuggling herself into the Black Land. Liadùin, knowing that going right through the Black Gate was suicide - not that spying on Sauron himself wasn't - had decided to climb over Ered Lithui, the Ash Mountains. After a whole day of hiking she had found a place to rest that wasn't too uneven. Ignorant of the fact that she was on the path of an orc patrol. Unfortunately it was quite cold so she had taken the brilliant decision to make a fire. Not surprisingly, she had woken up tied up and on the back of a smelly orc.
As much as she squirmed the orc didn't loosen his grip. Liadùin was outraged. She could have easily beaten the patrol of orcs if only she hadn't been sleeping. Now the mission assigned to her by the little voices in her head was thwarted and she was heading straight to Barad dûr. 'Sauron will be delighted to have captured a Princess of the Elves and I wish it was not so. But anyway, I'm am brave and his torture does not scare me.'
At the pace the orcs were going, they would arrive at the Dark Tower in three days. Her only hope was left in her mother, Galadriel, who would surely see what had happened to her in her mirror. Maybe she will send a beautiful elf to save her. This thought enlightened her very bad mood and balanced the fact that her beautiful blond hair was completely stained by the orcish filth.
* * *
Galadriel barely believed what she had just seen in her mirror. The latter has shown her Liadùin in the hands of the orcs, heading towards Barad Dùr. She remembered her, four days ago, claiming to go on a secret mission to spy on the Dark Lord. Of course, nobody paid any interest thinking it was just one of her schemes to attract attention. But she did it! She'd never thought that an elf, even Liadùin, could be so foolish. And now she was in the grips of Sauron, doomed. 'Lo! She shall not be mourned... After all she is clearly insane, irrational and mad. She does even firmly believe that she comes from my womb and that her father is Lord Elrond, my son in law.'
The lady of Lorien was about to look in her mirror for more interesting things when she thought of one last detail. Even though the captured elf invented half of the world she believed to live in she knew a lot about the elves and Lorien specifically. The Dark Lord had his means of getting the information he wanted. And that information could weaken them seriously. She had to stop this from happening.
Celeborn counselled her to send a rescue party. Ironically, all of the Lorien elves who would be fitting to undertake such a perilous journey were off defending the borders of the Golden Wood against the increasing number of raids from the orcs. The only elf currently at Lothlorien who could possibly do this was Thranduil's son, Prince Legolas Greenleaf.
Legolas was thus summoned. He firmly rejected rescuing Liadùin. What Galadriel has forgotten was that she thought - or rather, believed - that Legolas was her soul mate.
"I admit that she is a hassle to you..." whispered Galadriel in a soothing tone.
"A hassle? I would rather face the Nine alone than facing her. Whenever she sees me she goes hysterical and tackles me no matter what I tell her! She even calls me 'my dear Leggy'" interrupted Legolas.
"But if the Dark Lord gets to torture her, he'll get some information from her that we do not want him to get."
"Good, may she have a very painful death."
"Legolas..."
"Farewell!" With that, he started to head down the stairs.
"You certainly do not want her to come back as an orc, do you? You know very well what Sauron does to elves." Legolas stopped "I'm sure a fair elven..."
"She is not fair."
"Fine, I'm sure an mad elf in love with you is less a hassle than a goblin loving you."
Taking a deep sigh the prince finally agreed. "Alas, I will go and rescue Liadùin. It will be a very amusing tale for children where the Prince of Mirkwood braves the evil of Mordor to rescue a maiden stricken by folly."
Later, Legolas set off south-east of Lorien towards Ered Lithui with a very resigned look on his face.
* * *
Legolas was going to save her, she knew it deep in her heart and the voices in her head where confirming it. Her prince charming was coming to rescue her from the grips of the filthy orcs. 'I am the daughter of Galadriel and Elrond after all. I am the only elf which he could possibly accept as a bride.' She wouldn't have to travel on orc back much longer.
She had been caught nearly three days ago. Three days on the back of a goblin does not help one's sanity, especially hers. She managed to get a glimpse of the Dark Tower. It was less than three leagues away and hoped the Prince would come soon. And her wish came true. Legolas was right behind the orcs, at a reasonable distance The fair prince was aiming for a shot. Butterflies fluttered in her chest. She would soon be in the hands of Legolas, her only true love. She saw his arrow soar high through the black sky of Mordor. Soon she will be free...
* * *
A lone figure on horseback arrived at the bottom of the cliffs of the Ash Mountains, the sun setting at the east. He took a last look at the beautiful orb, knowing there was no sun in Mordor. Two days ago he left Lorien in haste, riding swiftly without rest, and now the orcs must be in less than a day's march to Barad dûr. He knew exactly where to start climbing, the mirror of Galadriel had shown it to him. With luck - or without it from his point of view - he would cross their path.
The ascension was hard and strenuous, even for a light and sure footed elf such as Legolas. But he managed it nonetheless. At dawn, he arrived on a narrow path. They were still distinct footprints in the dust. The orcs must not be far. He took a few crumbs of Lembas to replenish his strength and swiftly followed the trail.
At the following curve, he saw the orcs. They were in bow's reach. He also saw Liadùin carried on the back of one of the foul creatures. Still, he wondered who was fouler, the orcs or the elf. But what anguished him was that three leagues away was Barad dûr. Luckily, none of the dreaded Nazgûls were in sight. He would have an easy escape, disappearing in the shadows of Ered Lithui.
Save that he could not slay the orcs without attracting the attention of the eye of Sauron. Yet, he could not let Liadùin in the hands of the Dark Lord. Taking a deep breath he unslung his bow and grabbed an arrow. 'Alas, she shall not be mourned for long' thought Legolas as he aimed. His shot was true and the arrow when right through the heart of Liadùin.
The End
Summary : A Mary Sue parody featuring Liadùin, an insane elf maiden claiming to be the daughter of Galadriel and Elrond, who is captured by a band of orcs while spying on Mordor. Galadriel, although despising her, tries to persuade Legolas to rescue her before she and the orcs arrive at Barad dûr where all hopes will be lost. Set right before the Fellowship of the Ring
Author's Note : I realize this may not be an obvious parody. The humor is mainly under the form of irony. Yes, indeed the fic is dripping with irony and sarcasm. Liadùin herself is a satire of all of those 'Legolas-lovers' who believe they are really elves.
Disclaimer : Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Just as all of the characters in this story. With the exception of Liadùin which saddly belongs to me.
She had failed her mission. On the first day in which she had entered Mordor she had been captured. All her efforts had been in vain. And she did spend a lot of efforts smuggling herself into the Black Land. Liadùin, knowing that going right through the Black Gate was suicide - not that spying on Sauron himself wasn't - had decided to climb over Ered Lithui, the Ash Mountains. After a whole day of hiking she had found a place to rest that wasn't too uneven. Ignorant of the fact that she was on the path of an orc patrol. Unfortunately it was quite cold so she had taken the brilliant decision to make a fire. Not surprisingly, she had woken up tied up and on the back of a smelly orc.
As much as she squirmed the orc didn't loosen his grip. Liadùin was outraged. She could have easily beaten the patrol of orcs if only she hadn't been sleeping. Now the mission assigned to her by the little voices in her head was thwarted and she was heading straight to Barad dûr. 'Sauron will be delighted to have captured a Princess of the Elves and I wish it was not so. But anyway, I'm am brave and his torture does not scare me.'
At the pace the orcs were going, they would arrive at the Dark Tower in three days. Her only hope was left in her mother, Galadriel, who would surely see what had happened to her in her mirror. Maybe she will send a beautiful elf to save her. This thought enlightened her very bad mood and balanced the fact that her beautiful blond hair was completely stained by the orcish filth.
Galadriel barely believed what she had just seen in her mirror. The latter has shown her Liadùin in the hands of the orcs, heading towards Barad Dùr. She remembered her, four days ago, claiming to go on a secret mission to spy on the Dark Lord. Of course, nobody paid any interest thinking it was just one of her schemes to attract attention. But she did it! She'd never thought that an elf, even Liadùin, could be so foolish. And now she was in the grips of Sauron, doomed. 'Lo! She shall not be mourned... After all she is clearly insane, irrational and mad. She does even firmly believe that she comes from my womb and that her father is Lord Elrond, my son in law.'
The lady of Lorien was about to look in her mirror for more interesting things when she thought of one last detail. Even though the captured elf invented half of the world she believed to live in she knew a lot about the elves and Lorien specifically. The Dark Lord had his means of getting the information he wanted. And that information could weaken them seriously. She had to stop this from happening.
Celeborn counselled her to send a rescue party. Ironically, all of the Lorien elves who would be fitting to undertake such a perilous journey were off defending the borders of the Golden Wood against the increasing number of raids from the orcs. The only elf currently at Lothlorien who could possibly do this was Thranduil's son, Prince Legolas Greenleaf.
Legolas was thus summoned. He firmly rejected rescuing Liadùin. What Galadriel has forgotten was that she thought - or rather, believed - that Legolas was her soul mate.
"I admit that she is a hassle to you..." whispered Galadriel in a soothing tone.
"A hassle? I would rather face the Nine alone than facing her. Whenever she sees me she goes hysterical and tackles me no matter what I tell her! She even calls me 'my dear Leggy'" interrupted Legolas.
"But if the Dark Lord gets to torture her, he'll get some information from her that we do not want him to get."
"Good, may she have a very painful death."
"Legolas..."
"Farewell!" With that, he started to head down the stairs.
"You certainly do not want her to come back as an orc, do you? You know very well what Sauron does to elves." Legolas stopped "I'm sure a fair elven..."
"She is not fair."
"Fine, I'm sure an mad elf in love with you is less a hassle than a goblin loving you."
Taking a deep sigh the prince finally agreed. "Alas, I will go and rescue Liadùin. It will be a very amusing tale for children where the Prince of Mirkwood braves the evil of Mordor to rescue a maiden stricken by folly."
Later, Legolas set off south-east of Lorien towards Ered Lithui with a very resigned look on his face.
Legolas was going to save her, she knew it deep in her heart and the voices in her head where confirming it. Her prince charming was coming to rescue her from the grips of the filthy orcs. 'I am the daughter of Galadriel and Elrond after all. I am the only elf which he could possibly accept as a bride.' She wouldn't have to travel on orc back much longer.
She had been caught nearly three days ago. Three days on the back of a goblin does not help one's sanity, especially hers. She managed to get a glimpse of the Dark Tower. It was less than three leagues away and hoped the Prince would come soon. And her wish came true. Legolas was right behind the orcs, at a reasonable distance The fair prince was aiming for a shot. Butterflies fluttered in her chest. She would soon be in the hands of Legolas, her only true love. She saw his arrow soar high through the black sky of Mordor. Soon she will be free...
A lone figure on horseback arrived at the bottom of the cliffs of the Ash Mountains, the sun setting at the east. He took a last look at the beautiful orb, knowing there was no sun in Mordor. Two days ago he left Lorien in haste, riding swiftly without rest, and now the orcs must be in less than a day's march to Barad dûr. He knew exactly where to start climbing, the mirror of Galadriel had shown it to him. With luck - or without it from his point of view - he would cross their path.
The ascension was hard and strenuous, even for a light and sure footed elf such as Legolas. But he managed it nonetheless. At dawn, he arrived on a narrow path. They were still distinct footprints in the dust. The orcs must not be far. He took a few crumbs of Lembas to replenish his strength and swiftly followed the trail.
At the following curve, he saw the orcs. They were in bow's reach. He also saw Liadùin carried on the back of one of the foul creatures. Still, he wondered who was fouler, the orcs or the elf. But what anguished him was that three leagues away was Barad dûr. Luckily, none of the dreaded Nazgûls were in sight. He would have an easy escape, disappearing in the shadows of Ered Lithui.
Save that he could not slay the orcs without attracting the attention of the eye of Sauron. Yet, he could not let Liadùin in the hands of the Dark Lord. Taking a deep breath he unslung his bow and grabbed an arrow. 'Alas, she shall not be mourned for long' thought Legolas as he aimed. His shot was true and the arrow when right through the heart of Liadùin.