Where's My Hotdog?
Scene 1: By The Pool
Wolverine was hungry. The X-Men had just finished their daily swim You know how you get hungry after you swim? Well, Wolverine had swum twice today. So that's double the hunger.
Wolverine: I am so hungry. I could really go for some hotdogs right now!
Gambit: A hotdog? Remy wanna go swimmin'!
Rogue: Swimmin'? I'm with you, sugah!
Beast: Logan is right. If the body doesn't get its physical needs, the molecular structure of-
Wolverine: Shut up! Nobody cares! I want a hotdog!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Nobody seems to understand her.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Still nobody understands.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Cyclops: OK, lets get hotdogs!
Wolverine: All right, hotdogs!
Psylocke: I could use another swim!
Wolverine kills her. A guys gotta eat!
Scene 2: The Road Trip
Everyone arrives at the Blackbird. They get on board and fly to the nearest hotdog place.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Crickets chirping.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Wolverine: All right we're here!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
The X-Men fly the Blackbird to the speaker in the drive through.
Scene 3: The Order Wolverine rolls down the window. The speaker doesn't say anything. After a long period of silence.
Wolverine: (in the drive through) Hello? Can you take my order?
Speaker: BUZZ! Buzz! Gigewauts Chan!
More yelling from the speaker. Lucy Liu leans over, her huge butt sticking out, and fixes the speaker.
Wolverine: Um! Yeah we'll have two hotdogs with chili and cheese, two hotdogs with chili, and four more plain hotdogs. What do you guys want?
Charlie's Angels are laughing in the backseat.
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: What else guys?
Rogue: Oh get two more with chili and cheese.
Cyclops: Yeah and get a coke for me.
Wolverine: Okay. We need two more hotdogs with chili and cheese and a coke.
Speaker: And then?
Gambit: Remy wanna coke.
Rogue: I want a coke too.
Wolverine: Yeah me too. (to the speaker) Uh. Make that four cokes.
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: That's all we want.
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: Um. That's it.
Speaker: And then?
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: No and then.
Speaker: And then?
Cyclops and Wolverine: NO AND THEN!
Silence.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
More silence. More crickets. Speaker: And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then!
Cyclops, Beast, Jean, Gambit, Rogue, Charlie's Angels, and the Resurrected Psylocke destroy the speaker. As the X-Men pull-up to the first window, Jean tries to point out that she is Phoenix. But nobody listens.
Scene 4: The First Window
Harry Potter: Hey X-Men, come play Quidditch with me!
Cyclops: That's okay Harry.
Harry Potter: Please? I got a new Firebolt today!
Cyclops: No thanks. We're in line for hotdogs.
Harry Potter: Just for a few minutes?
Wolverine: No! You stupid, little BEEP BEEP BEEP so shut the BEEP up ok? I'm hungry and a little BEEP BEEP like you isn't gonna stop me from getting food.
Psylocke: I wanna go swimming!
Wolverine kills her. again.
Harry Potter: Are you sure?
He gets hit with a Bludger. He falls off the broom and dies.
Wolverine: Yes!
Harry Resurrects himself.
Harry Potter: I'm okay!
Wolverine: No!! He's okay. Let's go!
The X-Men get out and beat the living crap out of Harry Potter. A bunch of Egyptians run by screaming "Immotep", Buffy slays a Vampire, Cats and Dogs try to kill each other and finally Harry is dead. Oh wait, that was after a raptor came by and set a trap. Oh my God they actually set a trap. Yep, the raptor set a trap. Yes, they set a trap. Shut up! We know the raptor set a trap. The X-Men look at Harry. He Resurrects himself.
Harry: I AM HARRY!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Harry and Jean fight.
Jean: I AM-
Harry: I AM-
Both: WE ARE PHARRIX!
They join together. But the X-Men already went to the second window.
Scene 5: The Second Window
Darth Vader: BREATHES.... BREATHES... Luke, I am your father!.. BREATHES
Cyclops: Noooooo! (He wakes up) It was a dream. Good.
Gambit: Remy is confused.
Cyclops: I had a bad dream.
Gambit: Did Cyclops dream Darth Vader was your father?
Cyclops: Yes, how did you know?
Gambit: Remy had da same dream!
Beast: You know, I think I can recall images of the same innerthoughtuall stinsity. I have to look up what this means. Innerthoughtuallity is so tricky these days. A coincidence. We had the same innerthoughtuall stinsity. All a coincidence. If everyone had the same innerthoughtuall-
Wolverine: Shut up! Nobody cares! And I had the same dream.
Rogue: Me too! Oh mah God! What is that?
She holds up a stick figure.
Cyclops: Oh my God! It's the Blair Witch.
Witch: I am going to get you.
X-Men: Noooooooooooooo!
Pharrix: WE ARE PHARRIX!
The X-Men and the Witch fight. The Witch kills Cyclops. Next, the witch dies, but she accidentally kills the Harry side of Pharrix too.
Jean smiles as she says.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Rogue and Gambit kill Jean. She comes back to life. They kill her again. She comes back to life again.
Rogue: This is pointless.
The Witch comes back to life.
Witch: I AM WITCH!
Harry comes back to life.
Harry Potter: I AM HARRY!
Psylocke comes back.
Psylocke: I AM PSYLOCKE!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Cyclops comes back.
Cyclops: I AM CYCLOPS!
They all merge together and say: WE ARE PHARRCLOPSLOCKITCH!
Rogue: Oh my God!
Pharrclopslockitch: Let's go swimming!
Wolverine kills Pharrclopslockitch. The Blackbird drives away.
Wolverine: Hey! Where's my hotdog?
THE END!
Scene 1: By The Pool
Wolverine was hungry. The X-Men had just finished their daily swim You know how you get hungry after you swim? Well, Wolverine had swum twice today. So that's double the hunger.
Wolverine: I am so hungry. I could really go for some hotdogs right now!
Gambit: A hotdog? Remy wanna go swimmin'!
Rogue: Swimmin'? I'm with you, sugah!
Beast: Logan is right. If the body doesn't get its physical needs, the molecular structure of-
Wolverine: Shut up! Nobody cares! I want a hotdog!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Nobody seems to understand her.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Still nobody understands.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Cyclops: OK, lets get hotdogs!
Wolverine: All right, hotdogs!
Psylocke: I could use another swim!
Wolverine kills her. A guys gotta eat!
Scene 2: The Road Trip
Everyone arrives at the Blackbird. They get on board and fly to the nearest hotdog place.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Crickets chirping.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Wolverine: All right we're here!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
The X-Men fly the Blackbird to the speaker in the drive through.
Scene 3: The Order Wolverine rolls down the window. The speaker doesn't say anything. After a long period of silence.
Wolverine: (in the drive through) Hello? Can you take my order?
Speaker: BUZZ! Buzz! Gigewauts Chan!
More yelling from the speaker. Lucy Liu leans over, her huge butt sticking out, and fixes the speaker.
Wolverine: Um! Yeah we'll have two hotdogs with chili and cheese, two hotdogs with chili, and four more plain hotdogs. What do you guys want?
Charlie's Angels are laughing in the backseat.
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: What else guys?
Rogue: Oh get two more with chili and cheese.
Cyclops: Yeah and get a coke for me.
Wolverine: Okay. We need two more hotdogs with chili and cheese and a coke.
Speaker: And then?
Gambit: Remy wanna coke.
Rogue: I want a coke too.
Wolverine: Yeah me too. (to the speaker) Uh. Make that four cokes.
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: That's all we want.
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: Um. That's it.
Speaker: And then?
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Speaker: And then?
Wolverine: No and then.
Speaker: And then?
Cyclops and Wolverine: NO AND THEN!
Silence.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
More silence. More crickets. Speaker: And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then!
Cyclops, Beast, Jean, Gambit, Rogue, Charlie's Angels, and the Resurrected Psylocke destroy the speaker. As the X-Men pull-up to the first window, Jean tries to point out that she is Phoenix. But nobody listens.
Scene 4: The First Window
Harry Potter: Hey X-Men, come play Quidditch with me!
Cyclops: That's okay Harry.
Harry Potter: Please? I got a new Firebolt today!
Cyclops: No thanks. We're in line for hotdogs.
Harry Potter: Just for a few minutes?
Wolverine: No! You stupid, little BEEP BEEP BEEP so shut the BEEP up ok? I'm hungry and a little BEEP BEEP like you isn't gonna stop me from getting food.
Psylocke: I wanna go swimming!
Wolverine kills her. again.
Harry Potter: Are you sure?
He gets hit with a Bludger. He falls off the broom and dies.
Wolverine: Yes!
Harry Resurrects himself.
Harry Potter: I'm okay!
Wolverine: No!! He's okay. Let's go!
The X-Men get out and beat the living crap out of Harry Potter. A bunch of Egyptians run by screaming "Immotep", Buffy slays a Vampire, Cats and Dogs try to kill each other and finally Harry is dead. Oh wait, that was after a raptor came by and set a trap. Oh my God they actually set a trap. Yep, the raptor set a trap. Yes, they set a trap. Shut up! We know the raptor set a trap. The X-Men look at Harry. He Resurrects himself.
Harry: I AM HARRY!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Harry and Jean fight.
Jean: I AM-
Harry: I AM-
Both: WE ARE PHARRIX!
They join together. But the X-Men already went to the second window.
Scene 5: The Second Window
Darth Vader: BREATHES.... BREATHES... Luke, I am your father!.. BREATHES
Cyclops: Noooooo! (He wakes up) It was a dream. Good.
Gambit: Remy is confused.
Cyclops: I had a bad dream.
Gambit: Did Cyclops dream Darth Vader was your father?
Cyclops: Yes, how did you know?
Gambit: Remy had da same dream!
Beast: You know, I think I can recall images of the same innerthoughtuall stinsity. I have to look up what this means. Innerthoughtuallity is so tricky these days. A coincidence. We had the same innerthoughtuall stinsity. All a coincidence. If everyone had the same innerthoughtuall-
Wolverine: Shut up! Nobody cares! And I had the same dream.
Rogue: Me too! Oh mah God! What is that?
She holds up a stick figure.
Cyclops: Oh my God! It's the Blair Witch.
Witch: I am going to get you.
X-Men: Noooooooooooooo!
Pharrix: WE ARE PHARRIX!
The X-Men and the Witch fight. The Witch kills Cyclops. Next, the witch dies, but she accidentally kills the Harry side of Pharrix too.
Jean smiles as she says.
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Rogue and Gambit kill Jean. She comes back to life. They kill her again. She comes back to life again.
Rogue: This is pointless.
The Witch comes back to life.
Witch: I AM WITCH!
Harry comes back to life.
Harry Potter: I AM HARRY!
Psylocke comes back.
Psylocke: I AM PSYLOCKE!
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!
Cyclops comes back.
Cyclops: I AM CYCLOPS!
They all merge together and say: WE ARE PHARRCLOPSLOCKITCH!
Rogue: Oh my God!
Pharrclopslockitch: Let's go swimming!
Wolverine kills Pharrclopslockitch. The Blackbird drives away.
Wolverine: Hey! Where's my hotdog?
THE END!