Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night. My hand wanders over to
your side, expecting to feel your familiar mop of golden locks. But
nothing's there. Only cold darkness. "Chlo?" I mumble softly, my eyes still
closed as I turn over, "Come back to bed. It's late." I lay there for a few
minutes, not wanting to open my eyes. If I do, I know all I'll see is an
empty spot next to me where you would've been and my cold breath billowing
softly into the air because the heat is broken and no one can fix it until
tomorrow. Sometimes, that's enough for me, and I turn over, back to the
wall that doesn't face you, and just squeeze my eyes shut until I can
sleep, until I can forget.
But sometimes, the times when I'm feeling resilient, I would get up slowly, slip my feet into those huge fluffy slippers you bought me for Christmas one year, the ones you said made me look like a bear, and I'll walk around looking for you. I walked swiftly in the hard, bitter shadows. Remember when I told you I was scared of the dark? You grinned at me, but then every time after that, you would hold my hand tightly and come with me when I got up at night to walk, when I felt restless. When I got to the kitchen, I'd slow down and turn on the lights quickly, so you couldn't jump on me from behind like you did that time. When the lights blinked on, I waited to see your beaming face drinking bad instant coffee. I couldn't sleep, you'd say. And coffee helps?, I shot back. And then you'd laugh. Your laugh is like thunder, so sudden and loud and unafraid and alive. And then you'd say with a mischievous grin and a horrible English accent, Care to join me Mr. Luthor? I'd smile and say as I walked toward the kitchen table in my own bad English accent, I'd love to Mrs. Luthor.
But you're not there when I turn on the lights. Where are you Chloe? Please come back to bed. I hope you're not hiding again, because you know I can whup your ass in hide-and-seek. C'mon, Chlo, if you don't come out, you'll live to regret it. I'll tickle you silly. Not coming out huh? You were always so stubborn. Remember that time you kept calling your secretary Helen when her name was Helena? I corrected you, and you insisted it was Helen, that you knew your own secretary's name, and called her Helen whenever I was in your presence. But as soon as I left, you apologized incessantly to Helena. I'm going back to bed now, Chlo. Please come back soon.
I knew you weren't coming back. I knew your spot would always be cold and empty. But sometimes I want to pretend it'll be warm again anyway.
But sometimes, the times when I'm feeling resilient, I would get up slowly, slip my feet into those huge fluffy slippers you bought me for Christmas one year, the ones you said made me look like a bear, and I'll walk around looking for you. I walked swiftly in the hard, bitter shadows. Remember when I told you I was scared of the dark? You grinned at me, but then every time after that, you would hold my hand tightly and come with me when I got up at night to walk, when I felt restless. When I got to the kitchen, I'd slow down and turn on the lights quickly, so you couldn't jump on me from behind like you did that time. When the lights blinked on, I waited to see your beaming face drinking bad instant coffee. I couldn't sleep, you'd say. And coffee helps?, I shot back. And then you'd laugh. Your laugh is like thunder, so sudden and loud and unafraid and alive. And then you'd say with a mischievous grin and a horrible English accent, Care to join me Mr. Luthor? I'd smile and say as I walked toward the kitchen table in my own bad English accent, I'd love to Mrs. Luthor.
But you're not there when I turn on the lights. Where are you Chloe? Please come back to bed. I hope you're not hiding again, because you know I can whup your ass in hide-and-seek. C'mon, Chlo, if you don't come out, you'll live to regret it. I'll tickle you silly. Not coming out huh? You were always so stubborn. Remember that time you kept calling your secretary Helen when her name was Helena? I corrected you, and you insisted it was Helen, that you knew your own secretary's name, and called her Helen whenever I was in your presence. But as soon as I left, you apologized incessantly to Helena. I'm going back to bed now, Chlo. Please come back soon.
I knew you weren't coming back. I knew your spot would always be cold and empty. But sometimes I want to pretend it'll be warm again anyway.