It begins.
Heero The Second,
a truly horrendous parody
[Act I, Scene I]
(Enter Duo reading a letter from Heero)
Duo
'The endless waltz has ceased to play; come Shinigami,
And share this new peace with thy dearest friend.'
Ah words that make me surfeit with delight;
What greater bliss can hap to Death
Than live and be the favorite of The Perfect Soldier?
Sweet prince I come; these, thy amorous lines
Might have enforced me to have swum through space.
And like Leander1 gasped upon the sand,
So thou wouldst smile and take me in thy arms.
The sight of Earth to my colonial eyes
Is as Elysium2 to a new-come soul;
Not that I love the planet or the men
But that it harbours him I hold so dear,
The Perfect Soldier, upon whose bosom let me die
And with the world still be at enmity.
What need artic people love starlight,
To whom the sun shines both by day and night?
Farewell base stooping to the lordly peers;
My knee shall bow to none but to my Heero.
As for the multitude that are but sparks,
Raked up in embers of their poverty,
Tanti3; I'll take the first shuttle
That I see departing.
[Duo: Do I really have to talk like this? It's too complicated.
dodger-chan: But I like it. Fine, I won't quote Marlowe again unless it's a really good line.
Duo: And skip some of the more symbolic bits. Nobody cares.
dodger-chan: I care… fine. Skipping some symbolism, two lines of foreshadowing and a long speech with lots of sexual innuendo, Gaveston arrives in London. Er…Duo arrives on Earth.]
Duo:
Damn it. He's not alone. I'll wait out of site.
(Enter Heero, Zechs, Noin, Quatre, Dorothy, etc.)
Heero:
Why can't I have this? (Aside4) in spite of them
I'll have my way and those
Who cross me I will kill.
Dorothy:
If you love us, hate Shinigami.
Duo:
(Aside) Weird-eyebrow bitch. Why didn't she die?
Dorothy:
We all swore
That he should never come back here;
And know I'd rather fight against you
Then break that oath.
Duo:
(Aside) Well, she's the serious one.
Heero:
I'll make you eat those words;
You think you can fight The Perfect Soldier?
The sword shall plane the furrows of thy brows5
I will have Duo, and you shall know
What danger 'tis to stand against me.
Duo:
(Aside) Aw, Heero.
Zechs:
Why do you anger those,
That naturally would respect and love you,
Except for that base Death?
I would sell all I owned to pay soldiers
To ensure his banishment or his death if he comes.
Noin:
Preventers, I have not spoken our of respect to you,
But now I must say at least this:
We who had fought so long to end wars
Must not threaten another over so trivial a matter.
Would you take up arms against he who saved you,
More than once, from yourselves?
Revenge it, Heero, and let these their heads
Preach upon poles for trespass of their tongues.
Quatre:
Our heads?
Heero:
Yes, your heads…
Quatre:
Calm yourself, Dorothy.
Dorothy:
I won't! I must speak;
Heero, I wish you no harm
But I wish as well to kill him who makes you threaten us.
Zechs:
Enough, Dorothy. You'll say something you'll regret.
Goodbye, Heero. But one word of warning:
If you don't change your mind, you'll find
The glozing head of thy base minion thrown
At you as though a gift6.
(Exit Preventers, except Noin)
Heero:
I can't take their threats.
Do I out-rank them and still take their orders?
I will fight them if I must
And either die, or live with Duo.
Duo:
Even Shinigami can only wait in the shadows for so long.
Heero:
Duo! Welcome! Kiss not my hand;
Embrace me Shinigami as I do thee;
Don't kneel; don't you know me?
Thy friend, thyself, another Death;
I have missed you more than mere words can tell.
Duo:
And since we parted company, no soul in hell
Hath felt more torment than Death himself.
Heero:
I know it. Noin, welcome home my friend.
(To Duo) Now let those fools conspire.
I have my wish, in that I joy thy site,
And sooner the void of space swallows the Earth's entire atmosphere
Than it convey a shuttle bearing you from me.
I now make you my deputy, serving directly under me
And me alone.
Duo:
Such far exceeds my worth.
Noin:
Less would do well for one of greater worth then he.
Heero:
Shut up, Noin. I take nothing back.
(To Duo) Thy worth, sweet friend, is far above my gifts,
Therefore to equal it receive my heart;
In my name command whatever thy mind affects or fancy likes.
Duo:
It shall suffice me to enjoy your love,
Which whiles I have I think myself as great
As Caesar riding in the roman street,
With captive kings at his triumphant car.
[Eliminated: a brief conversation that illustrates Gaveston's lack of respect for religion and his control over Edward II. It doesn't quite apply to Duo, and it's not necessary for the play]
(End Scene 1)
1Hero and Leander were one of those tragic couples in Greek Mythology
2Think "Heaven"
3Tanti = so much for that
4Only the audience can hear an aside, not the other characters.
5Brows and Dorothy? I had to quote it
6A not so subtle threat
Do let me know what you think on this. If you like it, I'll do the whole play. Otherwise I'll stop when I get bored.