Twin Novae
By Cypher

Part Two - Shunkaku

At first I was confused. My brother kissed me? I couldn't believe it. But it felt so...so fucking right. But it's wrong! What the hell am I thinking, wanting to be with my brother! Fuck! It's really confusing.

Huh? A blue dragon? It's behind him! It's behind my brother! But that's insane. Dragons don't exist. But it looks so fucking real. Like I could touch it.

He's pulling away. Stop him! You idiot...you can't keep kissing your brother! That's wrong...isn't it? I mean, I love him...but-ACK! The dragon's eyes are flashing. What's going on?

I tense up, suddenly feeling a power. It feels like my brother. How do I know what a power feels like? That's stupid. Scenes are flashing now, the dragon is showing scenes. Scenes from my dream...no...no, it's not my dreams. My dreams are real. They're...they're my past life? I had a past life? This is...so weird. I was...Suboshi. Seiryu Celestial Warrior Suboshi. One of the seven guardians of the Priestess of Seiryu. The Priestess...Yui.

Yui...did I love her? I died for her...but she never loved me back. Why did I waste my time on her? Why did I die for a person that didn't love me? Because it was my duty...but my brother, did I abandon him for her because of foolish love? No...no, I abandoned him because he abandoned me.

My brother, Seiryu Celestial Warrior Amiboshi. I loved him, and he abandoned me. After everything, he just...left me. How could he? That wasn't right! But...I can't hate him. I can't hate him. Why can't I hate him? He's still my brother...and we love each other. We need each other. But he had no right! He should have told me! Damn it, he should have told me!

"Shunkaku?"

He's calling my name. I remember it. I remember everything. I look at my hands, the first time I've moved in minutes. We've been reborn, reborn into the world of the Priestesses. Why? As a punishment? Or is this...a second chance?

"Suboshi?"

I blink. He's really trying to get my attention. He's worried. It must be a second chance. Another chance for us to be together, to live out our happiness without fear of our duties.

It's still wrong to love a relative, though. Shit. Screw the world. It's none of their business. I love him, and that's that.

Blinking slowly, I look at him. "Amiboshi?"

He smiles at me, though it's strained, I can tell. "Suboshi? Or should I stick with Shun."

"Shun." Even if we've been reborn, that's my name. That's who I am. Suboshi is just a title. A fucking cool title. I'll have to change my alias when I enter tournaments again. Suboshi is a whole lot cooler.
"Shun, do you remember? Our lives, our duties? Do you remember...us?"

He's hopeful, he wants to be with me again. Well, he's gonna stew for a bit. I want some answers. He royally screwed me and I wanna know why. I cross my arms and nod. "Yeah, I remember everything."

He raises his right eyebrow. He looks cute like that. Damn it! I'm not doing anything until I get answers! If only my hormones would listen to me for once.

"Who showed you?"

I tilt my head, confused. Who showed me? Not 'how do you feel' or 'I'm sorry,' but who showed me? What kinda crappy question is that. "Seiryu, obviously."

"Ah." He nods.

What's that mean? 'Ah.' That sounded fishy. "What do you mean 'ah'? Didn't he show you? And how long have you been awake?"

He sighs. It's the sigh he uses when he knows he's gonna be explaining a lot to me. I hate that sigh. It makes me feel like I'm a burden to him.

"Suzaku. He showed me about the same time you started having dreams."

"Suzaku?! You're a Seiryu Warrior! Why did Suzaku awaken you!" Suzaku. The symbol of the enemy. How dare he infiltrate my brother's mind like that.

He places a hand on my knee. I'm not gonna like what he says next.

"A lot happened in our past life. One was...well, I discovered who the Suzaku Warriors were, what they were really like. I...wished to be born a Suzaku. My heart was open to him because I understood what he was, what he represented."

"You went over to the other side?" I search my newfound memories for a moment. "But you were never with them except for that battle with Tomo." And that wench the Priestess of Suzaku. Does he know what I tried to do to her?

"I never went over to the other side in that sense." He tilted his head back. "Remember when you felt me vanish, the time around the Suzaku Summoning Ceremony?"

I nod. How could I forget it? It's been haunting my dreams for months. I can't lose him again. Not ever.

"They didn't kill me or execute me. Shun, I threw myself into the river."

My eyes widen. That means...when I killed that family...those children...oh Gods, does he know what I did to avenge him?

"If I failed in my task, Nakago may have taken out his anger on you. If I had been captured, the same could have happened. I couldn't let you get hurt, not by my follies. The Suzaku were...are good people. They're what we always wanted: love, friendship, family, peace. I knew I could never destroy them. If Miaka had taken another step...called out my name once more, I don't think I could've continued. I'm not that heartless."

"So...so that's why you wanted to be a Suzaku Warrior?"

He nods. "I opened my heart to Suzaku. Seiryu is a God of War. War destroyed our family, our life. I was tired of it. Suzaku offered what I have always striven to achieve for us. If I could have called you, brought you to the Suzaku's side, I would have. But Nakago had spies everywhere. I couldn't tell them to truth, no matter how much I wanted to."

His arguments are making sense. Fuck! Now I'm starting to think the Suzaku are okay! And after what I did...

"I know what you did after my apparent death, and I've been told what you tried to do to Miaka after the battle with Tomo." He reached out and clasped my arm. I had gone numb at the statement. How could he know? "The Suzaku were reborn as well. Tamahome told me about it."

Tamahome. I hated him. I tried to kill him because he tried to hurt my Priestess. Now he's turning my brother against me! Guess I'll have to teach him a lesson he won't forget.

"I forgive you."

Huh? Did I hear right? "You...forgive me?"

He smiles, this time a little less insecure. "I had been your pillar of support. Suddenly, without warning, I disappear on you. You were hurt, angry." He reaches out and runs a hand through my hair. His hand's so warm, so inviting. "You did the only thing that you knew how to do without my approval or guidance: you lashed out. Nakago probably fueled the fire a bit, but I wasn't too surprised to find you did that." He frowned. "After four children and an elderly man, though. When I first heard that, I was horrified. My brother, my little brother, murdered five innocent people in cold blood."

I pull away from his hand and look to the side, my eyes aimed at the floor. He was right. Damn it, he was always right. I hate how he's right. I uncross my arms and let them hang at my sides. Damn it.

"Tamahome never forgave you. But I can. You're my brother, the person I love more than anyone in any universe." He pulls me over and hugs me, resting my head against his chest. "It took me a while to get used to that disturbing fact, but that was in the past, in another life. So I forgive you. Tamahome does too, now that I've explained things." He pulled away a bit and looked down at me. "Do you understand?"

I nod, not meeting his gaze. He makes me feel so...small sometimes. The worst part is, though, while I hate how he does that, I hate myself even more because everything he says is true.

"As for trying to rape Miaka...she forgives you. She's frightened of you, but she forgives you. You thought it would satisfy Yui. It was some sort of justice in your mind." He hugged me again. "If she can forgive you, then so can I."

She forgives me? Wait, he's talked about Tamahome and Miaka a lot. Does that mean..."You've met Tamahome and Miaka in this world?"

I can feel him nod. I'm resting against his chest and I still can't meet his eyes. "Yes. They're actually the reason I awoke. Tamahome's known as Taka, though. It was only the Seiryu Warriors that were reborn with their names identical to their last life." He rubs my back, he's trying to soothe me, calm me down. "They're really nice, and I met Yui too. She is special. I can see why you latched onto her when I vanished. She's very caring."

He's dead on again. It's creepy, in a way. Of course, as twins, he could always read my mind pretty well. But this...this was dead on accurate. And Yui...how can I ever face her again?

"They are willing to start fresh with you. They'll be wary, but they trust me. They'll come to trust you, but only if you give them a chance. That means forgetting your memories of them, your feelings of hatred. Can you do that?"

He wants me to meet the Suzaku Warriors? He sounds like he's become their friends. Can I forget my feelings? Tamahome...Miaka...Yui...I don't know if I can. Yui is still important in my mind. If she's friends with Miaka...I guess I could try and get along. Tamahome...Taka. I don't think I'd be able to. I hated him so much, for everything. Can I control myself around him?

"There are other Seiryu reincarnations you should know about, Shun. Nakago and Soi."

I tense. Soi I like, she was like a big sister to me. But Nakago...he frightens me. Is he the same way in this life? "Are...are you friends with them too?"

"Sort of. You know them as well as I do."

I frown. I know them? We don't have any real common friends. There's mom and dad, but-

My eyes widen. Mom and dad? It couldn't be. But...it struck something in my mind.

"Mom is Soi and Dad is Nakago. Both are reborn, and they've known since we were children."

Nakago? Caring but stern dad was Nakago? It was a disturbing thought.

"You've always gotten along better with mom, now we know why. You and Soi were really connected in the last life. Real friends."

I nod. "That I think I can live with. But Dad's Nakago? Fuck...fate really likes to mess with us."

"I guess."

He didn't correct my swearing. I guess he thinks I'm stressed enough without having to think about filtering my language. He's right, again. "What about...us?"

"Do you still want us to be together? It means one of us has to move-"

"I'll move." He's got a real career going here. I can't screw it up by making him come to the United States. Besides, I'm not as popular as I used to be. I just haven't told him. "I don't mind, really. I've been thinking of it for a while."

I look up and he seems surprised. Makes sense. From what I've been telling him, things have been going great for me.

"But you wanted to enter the Weapon Master Tournament again."

I shake my head and rest it against the crook of his neck. "I'll just lose again. I'd rather stay here, with you. It's time for me to come home. There's plenty of tournaments here."

"What about your job? Graduate school?"

Thinking of me, my needs. He really cares, more than anyone else, more than Him-

Oh shit. I never told Koto about Him. Will he still want me after he knows? Will he think less of me?

"Shun? You've gone tense. What's wrong?"

"Nothing...it's nothing." I push away from him. I can't be with him. Not till he knows. As I look his face, his caring eyes...damn it! I can't believe I was so stupid! And now I'm feeling guilty. "I-I just need some air. I'm going for a walk."

He's confused and starting to climb out of bed. "Shun-"

"Leave me alone." I go into the living room and pull on the clothes I was wearing earlier.

He's followed me out here, shrugging on his robe. "Shunkaku, what's wrong? Do you want me to come with you?"

I sit at the doorstep and tie the laces on my boots. Now all I can think about is Him. It's been months, but He still comes to my mind. And now...my brother, my beautiful brother who I want to hold, to kiss, to sleep with so much, I can't do it because He invades my thoughts. And I've never told Koto, never ever. Now he'll think less of me, he'll hate me.

I feel him sit down next to me, pulling the folds of his robe over his legs. Such slender legs, yet they're strong if you run your hands over them. Like that of a runner. He must jog. "Shun, what's bothering you? Something that Seiryu showed you?"

I shake my head. "It's...it's just something I need to think over, that's all. I'll be back shortly...I just need air."

He sighs. He's hurt that I'm not letting him help. I want to ask you to help, but I can't, not when....not when I want to be with you. Instead of saying anything else, though, he holds out a key before me. "Take this. So you can let yourself in, alright? And be careful. It can be dangerous at night."

I take the key and look at it. He's just letting me go? He's not prying. It hits me, then. I'm an adult, he knows I am. And despite everything, he's letting me grow up, as I've asked him to so many times before. Putting the key in my pocket, I lean over and hug him, just for a moment. "I love you, brother. I'll be careful, I promise."

He looks up at me as I stand. I can't tell what he's thinking. Have we been apart so long that I can no longer read him? Or maybe it's because there's so much emotion in that look that I can't interpret them all. I smile for him. It's a weak one, and probably looks fake, but I do it anyway. I step outside and close the door.

~*()*~

Shit, it's cold out. I pull my coat tighter around me. I had forgotten how cold it got at night. In LA it's never cold. Maybe I should buy a new coat. Then I realize it's so early in the morning that no one would be open. America spoiled me again, all those twenty-four hour places. I met Him there.

Him. I slow down and stare at the sidewalk. That's right, I met Him at a Kinko's, doing some late night copying for a report. He was so beautiful, so amazing. It was love at first sight...though in retrospect, technically it was lust at first sight. I mean, He was like Kotoku in so many ways. Thin but muscular. He had long hair, about shoulder length, and it was black. Raven black. I can still remember the first time I put my hands through it.

He was a fancy dresser, though all his clothes were black. He wore some make-up, too. It added to His appeal. And He was...so nice. At least, He was at first. It turned out He was a graduate student, first year, at UCLA. Even lived near my dormitory. It seemed too good to be true. There I was, just realizing that I liked men, and here was this raven haired god offering to take me out. It was a dream.

The dream didn't last, though. Shoving my hands in my jeans, I stop walking and lean against a lamp pole. I was so stupid, so naive. It started out simple enough, a kiss, a grope, nothing too extreme. We went to the movies, to a concert, it was all great. But then, on our fourth date...He took me back to his place. I know I shouldn't drink in excess, but He kept drinking, and we were getting along great, and before we knew it, it was nearly midnight.

The rest of the night's a blur, but I knew two things when I woke up: I was nude and in His bed, and I was no longer a virgin. I couldn't believe we had...just done it. He seemed fine with it, lighting up a cigarette and offering me one. While I know Koto tolerates my drinking, I also know he wouldn't tolerate it if I started smoking. He didn't care either way. We skipped classes that day, mostly because I was too tired, and He kept bringing me to bed. He must've fucked me a dozen times that day, though I was still pretty drunk, so I'm not sure.

We went out a couple times after that, each time landing in bed. Then He spoke to me less and less, and eventually He just dumped me. I asked Him why, why didn't He like me? He simple smirked and said He was done with me, and in all honesty, I wasn't that good in bed. He said a few other things, hurtful things that I've tried hard to forget. But Him, I can't forget Him.

Sighing, I blink slowly, watching a moth fly near the lamplight. How would Koto respond if he knew? Would he still want me? Would he disapprove and throw me out. He always told me to abstain until marriage or until I found my true love. But...he doesn't understand. In America, everybody does it, same sex, different sex, you name it. He doesn't know the pressure...the desire that's so strong there.

"Kotoku? What're you doing out so late?"

Kotoku? One of his friends must be mistaking me for him. I look down and freeze. The person, no, woman before me is wearing a long tan dress and matching jacket, with a white blouse underneath. She has amethyst eyes, and her hair...her hair's purple. She's gorgeous. What's she doing out at night? Isn't she afraid of being attacked?

"Koto? Earth to Kotoku." She waves her hand in front of my face.

I blink. She has a slight American accent, but there's something else familiar about her. Something very familiar...like I've met her before.

"Yo! Amiboshi! Snap outta it!" She slaps me on the shoulder.

I let out a yelp and fall over at the force behind the slap. I wince as I land on my shoulder. She's got a mean hit. Wait, she said Amiboshi...that means...she's from our past life! But most of his friends are the Suzaku Warriors. Oh no...I'm in deep shit.

"Oi, sorry about that." She grabs my other arm lightly and pulls me to my feet. "But you okay? I mean, you look kinda..weirded out. Something weird happen? Oh, I know. Miaka surprised you with some of her cooking. No wonder you look sick."

I pull my arm away. Do I tell her the truth? Or...do I lie. She thinks I'm Kotoku. It wouldn't be too hard to fool her, I don't think. Then again, if Kotoku found out I did that he'd be pretty upset. I'll just lie about not knowing my past life. I just found out, so it shouldn't be too hard...I hope. "Um, I'm sorry." I offer a weak smile. I must look so fake. "You've mistaken me for my brother, Kotoku. My name is Shunkaku. I'm his twin." She looks...shocked. How do I tell her I'm not who I was?

"Shunkaku...Kotoku's...twin?" Her face is twisting into a nasty look, like she's angry. "You..."

I take a step back. Play the ignorant. She can't blame me for my past actions if she thinks I don't know...can she? "Um...have we met? You have an American accent. I'm from LA myself." I stick out my hand. She's still glaring at me, but she's...furrowing her brow for some reason. I lower my arm. "I...guess not. Look, did I do something to offend you? You look kinda...upset at me." She closes her eyes and takes some calming breaths. Good. She's calming down. The Suzaku aren't my enemy. I just need to keep telling myself that and I'll do fine here.

She smiles, all traces of her anger gone. Kinda creepy. "I'm sorry. You just look so much like Kotoku. And you let me think you were him, so naturally I'm a little upset." She extends her hand. "Nice to meet you Shunkaku. I'm Joe."

I shake it. She's got a really strong grip. And Joe. What a weird name for a girl. "Nice to meet you too. Um...who's Amiboshi?" Just keep playing ignorant.

"Oh, that? Oh ho ho ho." She waves her hand at me. "Just a nickname for your brother. That's all. Heh heh."

That's a pathetic excuse. Why is my brother friends with her? She looks like she's got a job already, way older than him.

Her face turns a bit serious. "But why are you out here when you should be with your brother?"

I wince. I can't tell her it's because I want to sleep with my brother but I can't because I keep thinking of some guy I screwed in the states. "I just have some...relationship problems I'm trying to think out, and walking always helps me think in LA. Kotoku's asleep, and I don't want to bother him with my little problems. He's already doing so much for me." Nice lie. Wonder if she bought it.

Actually, her face seems to brighten a bit, though there's a look of worry. "Well, I've had some experience in that department. And any brother of Kotoku is a friend of mine. Wanna come to my place and talk about it?"

Her place? No way. I'll talk with her...but go to a Suzaku's home? Not without my brother. She could be planning to fucking kill me, or worse. "Uh, that's okay. I'm sure I'll figure it out."

"Nonsense." She grabs my wrist and starts dragging me along with her. "You can't stay out in the frigid air. You'll freeze and catch a cold."

I pull my arm away, though it feels like I'm gonna have a bruise. "No thank you. I just...would feel uncomfortable going into a stranger's house."

She nods. "Of course, your brother taught you better than that." She looks around, then grabs my arm and pulls me to a bus stop bench. I guess I'm not getting out of talking with her. She plops me down, then sits next to me. "So, what's the trouble?"

I rub the back of my neck. Great, now what do I do? I can't tell her the truth..well, maybe the partial truth. "You see...there's this...person I like, and I wanna be with them. They think I've told them everything...but I've actually kept something secret from them. And now it's haunting me and preventing me from going forward with the relationship."

"A past love?"

She's good. "Well, I mean, in America, you know what it's like. Everyone's doing it. It was just a short fling...but they don't know about it, and I can't just...go forward with them without telling them...but I'm afraid to...what if they think less of me?"

She crosses her arms. "Is it a group of girls or just one? All this 'they' stuff is making me confused."

I guess I can be a little more honest. It's actually feeling good to talk to her. "It's a guy, okay. Both of them."

She's suddenly rigid. I knew it. It's why my popularity had decreased. No matter how open they are in the States, they're still nervous about hanging out with a gay guy. "Well, the one you want to have a relationship with...you have to tell him." She nods. "No matter how difficult, tell him the truth. He has a right to know. Besides, if it was a short time fling, what's it matter? If he loves you, he'll forgive you."

"But he's always advocated for no sex until you find love."

"Sometimes it's difficult to discern between love and lust. Did you love the fling?"

"At the time, yeah. But...it was just lust. I never told him, though. He doesn't even know that...well, that I'm that way."

"Is he that way?"

She's so nice. How can she be so nice to a person she just met? Just because she knows I'm Kotoku's brother? Is this what he was talking about, the kindness of the Suzaku Warriors? "I think he wants me, so yeah, I guess. How can I tell him, though?"

"Just explain what you remember and know. You were young and didn't know the difference between love and lust."

"But he might hate me."

She rests a hand on my shoulder. It's a light touch this time. "If he truly loves you, he can forgive you of anything."

She doesn't realize he's already forgiven me for so much. The murder, the attempted rape, and a ton of little stuff in this life. How can I ask him to forgive me of one more thing? Especially when it affects us both? Then again, he is my brother. He did say he could forgive me for anything. I should trust in what he said, and what has said. "You're right. Thanks." It really did help to talk to her. No wonder Kotoku became friends with the Suzaku, they're so much like him. At least, she is.

"You're welcome. Now, you head home to Kotoku, and I'll see you around, alright?" She winks at me and stands.

I nod and stand as well. I realize how cold I am again and shiver a moment. "Thanks again. I'll ask Kotoku to formally introduce us sometime."

"I'd like that." She smiles and heads off. If only she knew that I already remembered Suboshi and his hatred towards the Suzaku. After meeting that one, though, I think I could learn to like them, just as he wants me to. Nodding, I turn and head home.

~*()*~

It's past three in the morning when I get back. The lights are on, but Kotoku's room light is off. I guess he got tired of waiting up for me. Figures. Locking the door, I kick off my shoes and go over to the couch, collapsing on it. The Suzaku Warrior was right, but...Kotoku means so much to me. What if he can't forgive me? If he doesn't want me after he realizes I'm spoiled goods?

I shake my head. No, my brother's not like that. He would be uncomfortable, but he would forgive me. I just have to tell him.

But he's asleep. I can't disturb him again, he might get upset over that. He's already lost sleep over me. Sighing, I lean back against the couch and close my eyes. I'll tell him tomorrow morning. That'll give him the day to calm down.

"Shunkaku?"

"GAH!" I jump into the air and fall onto the floor. "Fuck! Don't sneak up on me like that!" I face my brother, standing behind the couch in his bathrobe.

He shrugs. "Sorry. I heard you come in and wanted to see if you were alright."

"Not now I'm not. Jesus." I pull myself up and fall back onto the couch. He walks around and sits next to me, looking me over. He's trying to get a feel for what I'm thinking. "Stop that."

"I'm just worried." He reaches over and places a hand on my shoulder. "You're my little brother. I can't help but figure out what you're thinking."

"Well try." I let out a short breath and close my eyes. He's awake now. I guess I should tell him. "Kotoku..."

"Hmm?" He sits beside me, looking me over.

I open my eyes and stare into his. "I...I have something I need to tell you. Something important."

He nodded, his smile gone. I hate when he looks so serious.

"I...I love you too, but, well." Just say it, idiot.

"Well what?"

"I'vesleptwithanotherman." There, I said it.

He blinks, confused. Did I say it too fast? No, his face is changing to disappointment. Damn it.

"Are you and he still together?"

I shake my head. Stop staring at me, brother. I look away slightly. I hate when his eyes just lock onto me and bore into my soul.

He's not saying anything. What's he thinking? Is he upset? Angry? I wish I could read him as well as he reads me, but damn it, I can't! I never could. Maybe I should try and break the silence. "Kotoku?" I risk a glance at him, at his face.

He has his eyes closed. He's concentrating, debating what to do. Like when we were little, he'd have that face when he was going to scold me for doing something wrong. I blink. When we were little. I'm a man now. Fuck his lectures, I don't need them. I can take care of myself.

"Okay."

"I don't want a lecture, bro. I'm a man now, a grown up man and I-" I pause, confused for a moment. "Okay?"

He nods, his golden bangs bouncing over his eyes a moment. "Okay. You're right, you're a man and there's no need for me to say anything. You had a relationship that involved sex. I'm not too happy about it, but you're an adult."

He's just letting it go? Just like that? What's wrong with this picture? "That's it? You're not angry or anything?"

"I'm upset, but I'll get over it." He sighs and brushes his hair back. "Let's talk about it tomorrow. I need to get some sleep."

He wants to talk about it? As in know what happened? "Okay...um, goodnight?"

"Goodnight, Shun." He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.

I lie back on the couch and put my hands behind my head. Okay, so I can't figure out my brother, but he obviously still wants me. I guess being in love means understanding the other person. I yawn. I should get sleep too. I close my eyes, and this time, I fall asleep dreaming of my brother, not of Him. I have a feeling that everything will work out.