Hey everyone,
I have written the next chapter of this story, but I'm not sure if I will
finish it completely because it seems that no one is interested enough,
except for the four people that did review. If I don't get at least a
noticible response to this chapter then I will consider sending this
story to anyone who thinks they can revise it to make it better if they
contact me. This is in anyway, not an attempt to get sympathy reviews
or anything likethat, but the only reason I began posting stories here was
to get my stories out there to get some feedback to see if I had any writing
ability whatsoever. I mean, the whole point is to not just read
stories, but to hopefully let the author know if he/she is actually
good or bad. I at least try to let the author know if they are doing any
work and if I have any suggestions to make it better. Hopefully, at
least one person out there understands what it's like to put your
all into a story and have little to no repsonse at all. I'm not trying to
make anyone feel gulity, but what's the point of posting a story on
this particular website and get only a small number of people to
review. I am grateful to those who did review, but I personally
don't think it's fair for one author to get almost 100 reviews and for
another to get 4 or 5. Cause when that happens, you begin to
wonder, is it because I'm not a good writer, or is my story too
boring and things like that. But, these are just my opinions, so no
one has to listen to them, but maybe someone will. Thanks and
Have a nice day!
Thanks to those you did review:
Queen of Shadows, KaT aka Mistress Shinigami, sweetangel and
The Mad Orange. Thanks you guys, the reviews meant a lot to
me.
Here's chapter 2
Disclaimer: Same as before. Leave thisa poor girl aloen you big,
mean lawyers
Chapter 2
~In the vast chamber where we just left off~
The figure looked over the men in the coffins dressed in clothing from long
ago, deep in slumber on a soft pillow. The figure walked slowly toward the
coffins, whispering words to himself when a beam of light shot out of his
hand and showered the coffins. As the light disappeared, the men awoke,
pushing the tops of the coffins off.
"It seems I needed to call upon you again" said the figure.
"Who are you?" asked William.
"It's me, Zech, you fools" said Zech.
"What's going on?" asked William.
"Since you have been asleep for a long time, I'll fill you in. After the tragic
disaster we tried so long ago with my foiled takeover and with the deaths
of the people responsible for my demise, I put you to sleep. Well, it's the
year 2003. Your girls have been reborn and are close and may haev already
discovered their past life. To stop them from finding out their past life,
you must go destroy the tapestry that has the faces of those men. That is
the only way to destroy them," said Zech, " Also, where did you put the
body of that wizard? You know, the one that gave you your powers?"
"Somewhere in the sands of Vega" said Thomas.
"What?" asked Zech.
Nekessla steps in: "Wrong fanfic. Sorry everyone" Nekessla steps out.
"We put him in a desert called ching-a-ring-a-ring-ching--ching-chaw"
said Adam.
"Where?" asked Zech.
"Somewhere in Africa" replied Peter.
"If someone doesn't give me a straight answer, I will say..........................NEE!!"
screamed Zech. The men cowered at that word.
"If we bring you a shrubbary, will you not say that word?" asked Jason.
"I don't want a shrubbary, I want you to tell me where that orange and
dragon loving wizard George is and his stick-loving dragon, Bob, is"
yelled Zech. Adam walked to over to a map on the wall.
"He's here" said Adam, pointing to Egypt.
"Finally" said Zech.
"But the city is probably covered by the desert" said Peter.
"Tartar" yelled Zech.
"Actually, it's Tantor, sir" said a short, chubby man with a bald head
with black eyes that appeared before Zech.
"Anyway, I want you to comb the desert out in Egypt. Do you hear me?
Comb the desert!!!" said Zech.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Relena and Sam were walking past the castle doors when they heard
a knock. Relena pulled one door open and there were 5 young men
standing there.
"Can I help you?" asked Relena.
"Hopefully, our car broke down about a mile away. Could we come in
and use your phone and possibly stay here until it's fixed?" asked the one man.
"Well, you can use the phone, but it will be up to Noin if you can stay."
said Relena as she let the five men in.
"Hi. I'm Samantha. And you are?" said Sam.
"I'm William Abbott" said a man with blonde hair and blue dressed in blue
jeans and a red t-shirt.
"I'm Adam Neill" said a man with brown hair and green eyes dressed in
green jeans and a blue tanktop.
"I'm Jason Powell" said a man brown hair and hazel eyes dressed in black
jeans and a white t-shirt.
"I am Thonas Smith" said a man with black hair and blue eyes dressed in
brown jeans and an orange t-shirt.
"I am Peter McFadden" said a man with red hair and brown eyes dressed in
white jeans and a black t-shirt.
"Nice to meet ya" said Sam and Relena together. Relena and Sam began to
walk down the hallway.
"Follow us" said Relena. Adam ran to catch up with Relena and William
walked up to Sam's side. The other 3 chatted amongst themselves. They
turned a corner and saw Noin coming down the hall towards them.
"Hey Noin" said Sam.
"What's up?" asked Noin.
"These guys want to use the phone to call the repair garage down the
road and hopefully stay here till it's fixed" said Relena.
"Sure. Anythign I can do to help" said Noin.
"Cool" said Relena.
"C'mon guys, I'll show you to your rooms" said Noin.
"Bye" said Relena as Adma kissed her hand.
"Later" said Sam. Billy aka William leaned down and kissed her cheek.
The guys followed Noin down the hall.
AN: Well, another chapter done. Hopefully someone will actually
read what I wrote above. Thanks! Ja Ne!
I have written the next chapter of this story, but I'm not sure if I will
finish it completely because it seems that no one is interested enough,
except for the four people that did review. If I don't get at least a
noticible response to this chapter then I will consider sending this
story to anyone who thinks they can revise it to make it better if they
contact me. This is in anyway, not an attempt to get sympathy reviews
or anything likethat, but the only reason I began posting stories here was
to get my stories out there to get some feedback to see if I had any writing
ability whatsoever. I mean, the whole point is to not just read
stories, but to hopefully let the author know if he/she is actually
good or bad. I at least try to let the author know if they are doing any
work and if I have any suggestions to make it better. Hopefully, at
least one person out there understands what it's like to put your
all into a story and have little to no repsonse at all. I'm not trying to
make anyone feel gulity, but what's the point of posting a story on
this particular website and get only a small number of people to
review. I am grateful to those who did review, but I personally
don't think it's fair for one author to get almost 100 reviews and for
another to get 4 or 5. Cause when that happens, you begin to
wonder, is it because I'm not a good writer, or is my story too
boring and things like that. But, these are just my opinions, so no
one has to listen to them, but maybe someone will. Thanks and
Have a nice day!
Thanks to those you did review:
Queen of Shadows, KaT aka Mistress Shinigami, sweetangel and
The Mad Orange. Thanks you guys, the reviews meant a lot to
me.
Here's chapter 2
Disclaimer: Same as before. Leave thisa poor girl aloen you big,
mean lawyers
Chapter 2
~In the vast chamber where we just left off~
The figure looked over the men in the coffins dressed in clothing from long
ago, deep in slumber on a soft pillow. The figure walked slowly toward the
coffins, whispering words to himself when a beam of light shot out of his
hand and showered the coffins. As the light disappeared, the men awoke,
pushing the tops of the coffins off.
"It seems I needed to call upon you again" said the figure.
"Who are you?" asked William.
"It's me, Zech, you fools" said Zech.
"What's going on?" asked William.
"Since you have been asleep for a long time, I'll fill you in. After the tragic
disaster we tried so long ago with my foiled takeover and with the deaths
of the people responsible for my demise, I put you to sleep. Well, it's the
year 2003. Your girls have been reborn and are close and may haev already
discovered their past life. To stop them from finding out their past life,
you must go destroy the tapestry that has the faces of those men. That is
the only way to destroy them," said Zech, " Also, where did you put the
body of that wizard? You know, the one that gave you your powers?"
"Somewhere in the sands of Vega" said Thomas.
"What?" asked Zech.
Nekessla steps in: "Wrong fanfic. Sorry everyone" Nekessla steps out.
"We put him in a desert called ching-a-ring-a-ring-ching--ching-chaw"
said Adam.
"Where?" asked Zech.
"Somewhere in Africa" replied Peter.
"If someone doesn't give me a straight answer, I will say..........................NEE!!"
screamed Zech. The men cowered at that word.
"If we bring you a shrubbary, will you not say that word?" asked Jason.
"I don't want a shrubbary, I want you to tell me where that orange and
dragon loving wizard George is and his stick-loving dragon, Bob, is"
yelled Zech. Adam walked to over to a map on the wall.
"He's here" said Adam, pointing to Egypt.
"Finally" said Zech.
"But the city is probably covered by the desert" said Peter.
"Tartar" yelled Zech.
"Actually, it's Tantor, sir" said a short, chubby man with a bald head
with black eyes that appeared before Zech.
"Anyway, I want you to comb the desert out in Egypt. Do you hear me?
Comb the desert!!!" said Zech.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Relena and Sam were walking past the castle doors when they heard
a knock. Relena pulled one door open and there were 5 young men
standing there.
"Can I help you?" asked Relena.
"Hopefully, our car broke down about a mile away. Could we come in
and use your phone and possibly stay here until it's fixed?" asked the one man.
"Well, you can use the phone, but it will be up to Noin if you can stay."
said Relena as she let the five men in.
"Hi. I'm Samantha. And you are?" said Sam.
"I'm William Abbott" said a man with blonde hair and blue dressed in blue
jeans and a red t-shirt.
"I'm Adam Neill" said a man with brown hair and green eyes dressed in
green jeans and a blue tanktop.
"I'm Jason Powell" said a man brown hair and hazel eyes dressed in black
jeans and a white t-shirt.
"I am Thonas Smith" said a man with black hair and blue eyes dressed in
brown jeans and an orange t-shirt.
"I am Peter McFadden" said a man with red hair and brown eyes dressed in
white jeans and a black t-shirt.
"Nice to meet ya" said Sam and Relena together. Relena and Sam began to
walk down the hallway.
"Follow us" said Relena. Adam ran to catch up with Relena and William
walked up to Sam's side. The other 3 chatted amongst themselves. They
turned a corner and saw Noin coming down the hall towards them.
"Hey Noin" said Sam.
"What's up?" asked Noin.
"These guys want to use the phone to call the repair garage down the
road and hopefully stay here till it's fixed" said Relena.
"Sure. Anythign I can do to help" said Noin.
"Cool" said Relena.
"C'mon guys, I'll show you to your rooms" said Noin.
"Bye" said Relena as Adma kissed her hand.
"Later" said Sam. Billy aka William leaned down and kissed her cheek.
The guys followed Noin down the hall.
AN: Well, another chapter done. Hopefully someone will actually
read what I wrote above. Thanks! Ja Ne!