A/N: If you haven't noticed the change in part 17 you should go and check it out before you read this part. For other notes and disclaimers, see part 1.

Part 18

CJ and Toby hurried into Miranda's bedroom. Jenny was sitting on the bed holding Miranda's tiny hand in hers. CJ quickly walked over to the bed but Toby stayed at the door.

"She's sleeping now," Jenny whispered. "I called my babysister's housedoctor and she said it was probably just the flu."

"She wasn't sure?" CJ asked anxiously.

Jenny shook her head. "If it gets worse you should take her to the hospital immediately, otherwise wait until tomorrow."

CJ smiled slightly. "Thank you. You can go home now."

Jenny gave CJ a reassuring smile and then she left. Carefully, CJ sat down on the bed. She brushed away a stray of hair from her face.

"What have I done to you?" she whispered.

"CJ, this is not your fault."

She turned and noticed that Toby was still standing in the door. She looked away and blinked away the tears that were threatening to come.

"Toby, you don't understand." She sobbed silently. "I shouldn't have the job I have. It's not good for her."

She stopped talking and put her hands over her face and silently cried.

It ached to see her cry so Toby slowly walked over to her. He lowered himself to his knees and gently took away her hands from her face and put his on her cheeks.

"CJ, look at me. Everything's is going to be okay. It's just the flu and if not we'll take her to the hospital tonight. Everything's going to be fine. These things happen. Kids get sick."

He smiled softly.

"Why are you so good to me?" She said quietly. "I treat you like shit, always have, but you're always good to me. Why?"

He looked away, then "Because I love you."

CJ moved her hand to his cheek and gently brushed it. "How, how can you love me?"

"CJ, you're my best friend and I care so much about you. I won't let go of you no matter what we say or do to each other. I tried to once but realized I could never live without you."

She slowly nodded and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said to you in your office. I know I hurt you so much, again, and I'm so sorry."

Toby looked away as if it still hurt to think about it.

"Toby, I've realized I can't handle her. Not alone, I can't take care of her on my own."

Toby stayed quiet, knowing that she wasn't done yet.

She began sobbing again. "And I was a shamed of myself for knowing that you treated her better than I, and I hated you for that. I just wish I could be as good parent as you are to her."

"CJ, she adores you!"

She slowly shook her head, but not at what he just had said. "And I am sorry for what I did to you twenty years ago. And I do, as you do too, wish that Miranda was our kid and that we could have gotten another chance. And I wish I could turn back time and prevent myself for doing all those terrible things."

Toby put his arms around her and held her tightly while she was crying. "CJ, that's enough. It's okay. We're okay. And most important, Miranda is." He kissed her on the forehead.

She looked up at him. "I'm so sorry I robbed you the chance of becoming a father. I know that you would have made a great one. I knew even back then. It wasn't you, it was me. I was afraid, afraid of become what I have become now, to Miranda. But now I know that I would have made it back then even though, because I would have had you by my side." She paused for a short moment and closed her eyes. "I want you to be a part of Miranda's life. Not because I want to make up to you, just because she loves and adores you and I know you feel the same way about her."

"I do," he said quietly.

She smiled slightly. "So, you'll help me take care of her?"

He nodded and kissed her on the forehead again. "Yes."



TBC.