Disclaimer: This fic is derived from a song by the Goo Goo Dolls, and
therefore I own no part of it save for what I've written from my own mind.
I don't own InuYasha either!
Part Two
*****And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be.*****
I'm sure that neither of us thought that any of this could ever happen. You dying, me being put to sleep for fifty years, Kagome finding me. Oh gods-Kagome. Kagome. Just the thought of her makes me feel guilty for some reason.
I don't know what to really think about that girl. I'm not even sure who she is. Your reincarnation? Or just some girl from another point in time? I mean, I've seen where she's from; but no matter how many times I go there, I still can't believe that it's Japan- five centuries away from where I am.
Goddamn it! No wonder I feel eaten alive by guilt! I'm thinking of you one minute-then of her the next. It seems like I'm punishing myself for what I feel for both of you. It's like my mind and my heart know it's not right.
Why the hell did it have to be me? Why the hell did it have to be you? What did we do to deserve what that bastard Naraku did to us?
Ever since you were brought back, I've wondered about what you're thinking. Was it all him, or did the fates have anything to do with what happened to us? Ok, so I'm a half-demon, and you're a human priestess. Were the gods really that pissed off at us to allow something so goddamn horrible to happen just to keep us apart-just to make us hate each other?
I'm sure that neither of us ever thought about the consequences of what we were planning to do that day. I was ready to give up everything about me that was demon-my strength, my dog-like traits, even all my demonic emotional attributes. I was ready to become like you, and I would have done it if we had gotten out chance. But then all that shit happened. And even worse-we were fooled into thinking it was each other who had done it all.
But still, do you ever wonder what it would have been like if things had happened like we'd planned. If I had become a man, and you had become a normal woman?
*****I'm not the one who broke you. I'm not the one you should fear. What do you got to move you, darling?*****
I didn't betray you. I didn't. It was him. All of it. Everything that happened that day, everything that tore us apart-he did it all.
And yet you still seem to adamant on dragging me down to hell with you. Why? Why are you starving to see me die? Revenge for what you think I did? Hatred, perhaps? Hatred that somehow, after all those years, I was allowed to begin my life again-and you weren't? Kagome's presence with me? Is that why you hate me? Because she, your supposed reincarnation, was the one who gave me life again?
Hell. Is that really where you went? Is that where you've been these past fifty years? In hell? Some how, I just cannot believe that. You weren't destined to go to hell. You had a pure heart, a benevolent heart, a heart wanting for the good of others. You were never selfish or proud. You never killed or harmed for your own pleasure. You never did anything remotely close to evil.
Were you really in hell?
Every day, I find myself hoping that you weren't. I just can't make myself believe that you were.
*****I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really ever there at all.*****
I can still remember that day so clearly. The day when I woke up. I could smell you-your hair, your skin, your sweat. I could smell fear and audacity mixed together. I was sure it was you. And I felt spite and relief clash together inside of me. I felt malevolence and sympathy. Malice and passion. There are so many words to describe the emotions that I started drowning in.
But you seemed so different when I saw you. You seemed so animated, so alive, so full of vigor. Then you touched me and I was able to see you and smell you fully-and only then did I realize that it wasn't you who was pressed against me on that tree. It was Kagome.
And my heart sunk into my stomach and flew into the sky at the same damn time.
It felt like my entire body was under attack, from the inside out. Everything blurred for a moment, and I didn't know what the hell to do. I just stared at her, like she knew all the answers. Now, when I think long and hard about it, I often wonder what I had really wanted. Did I want her to be you, still alive and well; or did I want her to be her-- someone new, someone to help me forget about you?
After a moment, I let myself become callous and unemotional. In truth, I had no idea what else to do. Then the centipede woman attacked, and the girl seemed to be so helpless. That only strengthened the reality that it wasn't you. And once again, I felt elated and disappointed at the same time.
Here was a girl, totally powerless, depending on someone to save her. And I did. And in a way, she saved me as well. She pulled your arrow from my chest and released me. You could have taken care of yourself; you wouldn't have needed me like she did. You were nearly invincible when I had known you. I would have been useless to you.
But why did I suddenly feel so vigorous the moment I was released? Because I had been trapped there for fifty years, or because there was someone dependant on me? Someone I had felt an abrupt urge to help. Someone so like you-and yet so different. Someone who needed me.
We were both lost to each other that day fifty years ago; it was long before you died, and long before I fell asleep. The moment our trust for each other was shattered and absorbed into the air around us. We lost each other in that moment. And now it's too late to search for each other. It seems I'll never find you, and it seems you'll never find me.
And just as I felt elation and fury in that moment I saw Kagome, I feel the same knowing that the two of us may never truly be at peace with each other. And the guilt begins its feasting again-hollowing me from the inside out.
A/N: Part two! Man, I had to force myself to write this for some reason. I just had no muse; I had to create my own. But I'm very pleasantly surprised at how well it turned out. Hopefully you like it too!! This is the end of the first verse of the song, so the next installment will be the chorus!
Thank you for your reviews! They really help me more than I can say! ^_^
Part Two
*****And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be.*****
I'm sure that neither of us thought that any of this could ever happen. You dying, me being put to sleep for fifty years, Kagome finding me. Oh gods-Kagome. Kagome. Just the thought of her makes me feel guilty for some reason.
I don't know what to really think about that girl. I'm not even sure who she is. Your reincarnation? Or just some girl from another point in time? I mean, I've seen where she's from; but no matter how many times I go there, I still can't believe that it's Japan- five centuries away from where I am.
Goddamn it! No wonder I feel eaten alive by guilt! I'm thinking of you one minute-then of her the next. It seems like I'm punishing myself for what I feel for both of you. It's like my mind and my heart know it's not right.
Why the hell did it have to be me? Why the hell did it have to be you? What did we do to deserve what that bastard Naraku did to us?
Ever since you were brought back, I've wondered about what you're thinking. Was it all him, or did the fates have anything to do with what happened to us? Ok, so I'm a half-demon, and you're a human priestess. Were the gods really that pissed off at us to allow something so goddamn horrible to happen just to keep us apart-just to make us hate each other?
I'm sure that neither of us ever thought about the consequences of what we were planning to do that day. I was ready to give up everything about me that was demon-my strength, my dog-like traits, even all my demonic emotional attributes. I was ready to become like you, and I would have done it if we had gotten out chance. But then all that shit happened. And even worse-we were fooled into thinking it was each other who had done it all.
But still, do you ever wonder what it would have been like if things had happened like we'd planned. If I had become a man, and you had become a normal woman?
*****I'm not the one who broke you. I'm not the one you should fear. What do you got to move you, darling?*****
I didn't betray you. I didn't. It was him. All of it. Everything that happened that day, everything that tore us apart-he did it all.
And yet you still seem to adamant on dragging me down to hell with you. Why? Why are you starving to see me die? Revenge for what you think I did? Hatred, perhaps? Hatred that somehow, after all those years, I was allowed to begin my life again-and you weren't? Kagome's presence with me? Is that why you hate me? Because she, your supposed reincarnation, was the one who gave me life again?
Hell. Is that really where you went? Is that where you've been these past fifty years? In hell? Some how, I just cannot believe that. You weren't destined to go to hell. You had a pure heart, a benevolent heart, a heart wanting for the good of others. You were never selfish or proud. You never killed or harmed for your own pleasure. You never did anything remotely close to evil.
Were you really in hell?
Every day, I find myself hoping that you weren't. I just can't make myself believe that you were.
*****I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really ever there at all.*****
I can still remember that day so clearly. The day when I woke up. I could smell you-your hair, your skin, your sweat. I could smell fear and audacity mixed together. I was sure it was you. And I felt spite and relief clash together inside of me. I felt malevolence and sympathy. Malice and passion. There are so many words to describe the emotions that I started drowning in.
But you seemed so different when I saw you. You seemed so animated, so alive, so full of vigor. Then you touched me and I was able to see you and smell you fully-and only then did I realize that it wasn't you who was pressed against me on that tree. It was Kagome.
And my heart sunk into my stomach and flew into the sky at the same damn time.
It felt like my entire body was under attack, from the inside out. Everything blurred for a moment, and I didn't know what the hell to do. I just stared at her, like she knew all the answers. Now, when I think long and hard about it, I often wonder what I had really wanted. Did I want her to be you, still alive and well; or did I want her to be her-- someone new, someone to help me forget about you?
After a moment, I let myself become callous and unemotional. In truth, I had no idea what else to do. Then the centipede woman attacked, and the girl seemed to be so helpless. That only strengthened the reality that it wasn't you. And once again, I felt elated and disappointed at the same time.
Here was a girl, totally powerless, depending on someone to save her. And I did. And in a way, she saved me as well. She pulled your arrow from my chest and released me. You could have taken care of yourself; you wouldn't have needed me like she did. You were nearly invincible when I had known you. I would have been useless to you.
But why did I suddenly feel so vigorous the moment I was released? Because I had been trapped there for fifty years, or because there was someone dependant on me? Someone I had felt an abrupt urge to help. Someone so like you-and yet so different. Someone who needed me.
We were both lost to each other that day fifty years ago; it was long before you died, and long before I fell asleep. The moment our trust for each other was shattered and absorbed into the air around us. We lost each other in that moment. And now it's too late to search for each other. It seems I'll never find you, and it seems you'll never find me.
And just as I felt elation and fury in that moment I saw Kagome, I feel the same knowing that the two of us may never truly be at peace with each other. And the guilt begins its feasting again-hollowing me from the inside out.
A/N: Part two! Man, I had to force myself to write this for some reason. I just had no muse; I had to create my own. But I'm very pleasantly surprised at how well it turned out. Hopefully you like it too!! This is the end of the first verse of the song, so the next installment will be the chorus!
Thank you for your reviews! They really help me more than I can say! ^_^