DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Care Bears or Harry Potter or Princess Diaries. Or anything they watch on TV or the cereals they eat or anything like that. Just thought I'd say that.
NOTE: Bold means thoughts, Italics mean flashbacks.
When Buffy came home that night it was close to two in the morning. Dawn and her two houseguests were snoozing on the couch and the TV was on the blue screen. She guessed they'd probably fallen asleep while watching a movie. She walked over and took the movie out and put it in its case. She didn't blame them for falling asleep- it was Harry Potter. She hated that movie. She'd only bought it because Dawn begged her to. She went to a closet, pulled out a huge afghan her Aunt Miriam had made her when he was born, and draped it over the three sleeping figures. She then trudged up the stairs and got ready for bed. When she slid under the covers of her bed, she couldn't sleep. She kept thinking back to the things Spike had said earlier.
"I thought it was what you wanted, so I left and got one."
"A soul, you mean." She said after it dawned on her. He didn't answer that.
"You don't even know what I had to do. Now I'm not even sure it was worth it." He said, a smile on his lips but sadness in his eyes. He probably figured out by now it would take more to get her back, if anything.
"Where did you go?"
"Africa. There was a demon there who…helped me. There were trials…After that was over, I dragged myself home. I drank a lot so I wouldn't have to think about you. Cause after I got it…I guess after I got it, I realized what you had done with me."
She sat speechless. What would you say to something like that?
"I know it was a hard time for you," he continued, "Part of me understands that. But the other part doesn't. Why would you do that?" This time he acted as if he wanted an answer.
"I'm not sure myself."
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After a night of little sleep, she dragged herself out of bed at nine. Dawn, of course, was already gone. She made her way downstairs and saw that Spike was still passed out on the couch while Amelia was just sitting up, looking out the window.
"Hey." She called out groggily. The little girl jumped, then smiled. "Want something to eat?"
"No." she replied. "But can I watch Clifford?"
Buffy smiled. She was so cute! "Sure." She walked over to the TV. "What channel?"
"I think it's 21."
"Alright." She flicked it on. A big red dog appeared on the screen. Amelia squealed. "Guess this is it, huh?" She began to go upstairs then paused. "Hey, when he," she pointed to Spike, "Wakes up, tell him to knock on my door. We need to talk. K?"
"Ok." Buffy nodded at the answer and went up the stairs. She took a shower, dried her hair, and went into her room to change. After she had managed to get her tight jeans on she sat on the edge of her bed. She really didn't want to talk again, but they had to figure out what to do with the current bad guy situation. She was brought out of her thoughts by a sharp knock on her door.
"Buffy, you in there?" He called from the other side.
"Uh, yeah, come on in." She plastered her face in a fake smile as he entered. She patted the spot next to her on the bed.
"So, uh, what do we have to talk about?"
"Well, I was thinking that January might be a good start."
His face lightened visibly. "Right. Right, that would be a nice start."
"So, you think there's any bars or hangouts we could check out? Get some good info?"
"Well, maybe, I-," He stood up and started to pace. All the sudden his foot started smoking and he rushed to a corner. He didn't make a sound, didn't really panic. Buffy was kind of amazed at his lack of pain. She walked over and shut the curtains.
"Sorry." She said shyly avoiding his eyes.
"It's all right. Anyway, I think there might be a friend of a friend who could help us out. He's a good tracker."
"Alright then. What should we do today?"
"Well, I'm not sure we can do anything but sit tight till the sun goes down. You don't have to work today, do you?"
She shook her head. "Not today. I'm on call tomorrow."
"You know, Luv, you really should think about another line of work." She looked up suddenly at his comment. "I mean," he said defensively, "You can't exactly go around flipping burgers for the rest of your life, can you? You can do better." He said the last a little quieter than the rest.
This made Buffy feel horrible. She had used him and hurt him in so many ways, yet he went through even more pain to get his soul. And after she had rejected him when he came back, he was still in love with her.
Spike noticed something odd- a tear seemed to come to his Slayer's eye. Was it something he said? "I-I didn't mean to-,"
He was trying to apologize now! This made her feel even worse. She couldn't help it- the tears just began to fall. She was such a horrible person…how could he even forgive her?
Spike was completely horrified. What was going on? She was crying! What in the world had he done this time? "Buffy, don't…I didn't mean whatever it was I…" He could tell he wasn't really helping a lot so he did the first thing that popped into his head- went over to her, wrapped his arms around her, kissed the top of her head, and whispered that everything was gonna be fine.
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After a few moments she seemed to calm down and looked up at him, tear trails running down her cheeks.
"I-I have to do…that thing." She said hurriedly, being careful not to make eye contact. "I think I'd better…uh, go." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek then pulled herself out of his arms, not willingly, though she would never admit this to anyone. She wiped her face a little and then grabbed her keys. She was out the door before he could even say 'Wait'.
Spike sat there, trying to process what had happened. She had kissed him on the cheek. She hadn't shied away from his arms, his protection. Was their cycle beginning again? Would it all end in another…loss of control? Or maybe this time it was…real?
Author's Note: Man that was a bad ending. It moves way too fast…anyways, tell me what you think! Please, I need feedback! In the next chapter I'll try to incorporate January and Ryan. I'm gonna make it a B/S story if that's fine with everybody.