Chapter 5
Raiden had magically gotten the television remote control (well, Snake was taking a nap) and was flipping through the channels. He got to the Food channel and "Fat Man Eats Italy" was on.
Raiden: Hey, my favorite cooking show!
Otacon: Aren't you guy's enemies or something?
Raiden: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Now what I want to know is why that big C4 thing didn't fall out of his ass when I fought him.
Otacon: Well, as much as I'd like to hear about Fat Man keestering huge C4's I'm going to go look up some Hen- er, Anime.stuff.
Raiden: Wait, I know! It's because his bowels relaxed when he died!
Fortune got up and proceeded to smack Raiden upside his head.
Fortune: Shut up! He's making a sheep soufflé!
(Fat Man)TV: Okay, first you have to wash your hands before you cook. (To his hands) Oh my sweets, we have crafted masterpieces together, haven't we?
(Hand)TV (in a high pitched voice): Yes we have sir!
Olga: Fat Man's been taking his ventriloquism classes on the side again, huh?
Raiden: Yup, they did this thing on E! and it said that he's still addicted to ventriloquism and making bombs, but he claims that they're wrong. Maybe he's up to something?
(Fat Man)TV: Ok, then you shove the huge hunk of C4 in the turkey like stuffing, right? Then you make sure that the detonators are in just right and you're ready to do one bang up job with your turkey! *Laugh-track laughter follows* Well, this is Fat Man saying, "Laugh, and Grow fat!"
Raiden: Shut up Fat Man! Stillman had your number!
Fortune: He's not dead, you know.
Raiden: Yeah he is, I saw the corpse with my own eyes.
Fortune: That's just what the Patriots want you to think. Who do you think invented the Zipper?
Raiden: Whitcomb Judson, everybody and their grandmothers know that!
Fortune: No, it was the Patriots!
Raiden: That's not true. Now Santa Clause, he's not real, just like the Easter Bunny.
Snake (waking up from a dead sleep in his room): Not real!?! Santa's real! (Snake busts out of his room wearing a stained Hamtaro shirt) Geez, you sure are stupid Raiden. That's what you get for having the president for your dad. And the Easter Bunny? There's no doubt that he's real, I saw him at the mall when Otacon took me with Olga.
Raiden: That reminds me, did I ever get you back for posting all those naked pictures of me at the mall?
Snake (laughing): You should have seen the look on your face when you realized that everybody knew what you looked like naked. You shouldn't have been walking around Arsenal Gear all naked like that.
Raiden: Hey, it's not my fault they took my clothes!
Olga (giggling): Well, that actually was my idea.
Snake: I wouldn't know, I never paid any attention to those parts. All I remember is that you couldn't go into hanging mode. Damn that Colonel. His words still haunt me.
Snake starts to go into convulsions and starts spouting off Campbell lines.
Snake: I need scissors! 61! SNAKE, INFILTRATE THE FORTRESS GALUADE!!! WWAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!
Raiden: Heh, sucker.
Snake was behind Raiden in a blink of an eye and had Olga's knife pressed firmly to his neck.
Snake: Make one move, and I'll cut ya bitch!
Olga: Hey, that was in my pocket just a second ago.
Otacon appears in from his room and lands a well placed M9 round to Snake's leg.
Snake (lazily): Hey, that wasn't very.nice. (Snake collapses and happens to knick Raiden on the cheek before going out. Raiden is seen in the bathroom pouring about half a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the cut.
Raiden: I need a band-aid!
Raiden had magically gotten the television remote control (well, Snake was taking a nap) and was flipping through the channels. He got to the Food channel and "Fat Man Eats Italy" was on.
Raiden: Hey, my favorite cooking show!
Otacon: Aren't you guy's enemies or something?
Raiden: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Now what I want to know is why that big C4 thing didn't fall out of his ass when I fought him.
Otacon: Well, as much as I'd like to hear about Fat Man keestering huge C4's I'm going to go look up some Hen- er, Anime.stuff.
Raiden: Wait, I know! It's because his bowels relaxed when he died!
Fortune got up and proceeded to smack Raiden upside his head.
Fortune: Shut up! He's making a sheep soufflé!
(Fat Man)TV: Okay, first you have to wash your hands before you cook. (To his hands) Oh my sweets, we have crafted masterpieces together, haven't we?
(Hand)TV (in a high pitched voice): Yes we have sir!
Olga: Fat Man's been taking his ventriloquism classes on the side again, huh?
Raiden: Yup, they did this thing on E! and it said that he's still addicted to ventriloquism and making bombs, but he claims that they're wrong. Maybe he's up to something?
(Fat Man)TV: Ok, then you shove the huge hunk of C4 in the turkey like stuffing, right? Then you make sure that the detonators are in just right and you're ready to do one bang up job with your turkey! *Laugh-track laughter follows* Well, this is Fat Man saying, "Laugh, and Grow fat!"
Raiden: Shut up Fat Man! Stillman had your number!
Fortune: He's not dead, you know.
Raiden: Yeah he is, I saw the corpse with my own eyes.
Fortune: That's just what the Patriots want you to think. Who do you think invented the Zipper?
Raiden: Whitcomb Judson, everybody and their grandmothers know that!
Fortune: No, it was the Patriots!
Raiden: That's not true. Now Santa Clause, he's not real, just like the Easter Bunny.
Snake (waking up from a dead sleep in his room): Not real!?! Santa's real! (Snake busts out of his room wearing a stained Hamtaro shirt) Geez, you sure are stupid Raiden. That's what you get for having the president for your dad. And the Easter Bunny? There's no doubt that he's real, I saw him at the mall when Otacon took me with Olga.
Raiden: That reminds me, did I ever get you back for posting all those naked pictures of me at the mall?
Snake (laughing): You should have seen the look on your face when you realized that everybody knew what you looked like naked. You shouldn't have been walking around Arsenal Gear all naked like that.
Raiden: Hey, it's not my fault they took my clothes!
Olga (giggling): Well, that actually was my idea.
Snake: I wouldn't know, I never paid any attention to those parts. All I remember is that you couldn't go into hanging mode. Damn that Colonel. His words still haunt me.
Snake starts to go into convulsions and starts spouting off Campbell lines.
Snake: I need scissors! 61! SNAKE, INFILTRATE THE FORTRESS GALUADE!!! WWAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!
Raiden: Heh, sucker.
Snake was behind Raiden in a blink of an eye and had Olga's knife pressed firmly to his neck.
Snake: Make one move, and I'll cut ya bitch!
Olga: Hey, that was in my pocket just a second ago.
Otacon appears in from his room and lands a well placed M9 round to Snake's leg.
Snake (lazily): Hey, that wasn't very.nice. (Snake collapses and happens to knick Raiden on the cheek before going out. Raiden is seen in the bathroom pouring about half a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the cut.
Raiden: I need a band-aid!